Monday, July 31, 2006

bai nian ke sou

i'm still coughing man.. ytd after my 1hr nap from 11pm to 12am, woke up felt damn groggy. stumbled out needed something sweet and was thirsty. took a cold fragrant pear from the fridge. quenced my thirst but eh. i coughed so much after that. can't take cold things now. T_T and the weather is so cold nowadays. sigh.

gt said it's better for me to see doc. cos i said i think i was (am?) wheezing. he said he once had this cough called the hundred day cough then for 2 weeks he was coughing never see doc. then one night woke up cannot breathe and thought he was gonna mati. @_@ scary.

but it doesn't matter if that happens to me right?
heh. =)

haha ok la that's just me being silly. am not depressed now so there was so need for that comment. but i really can't be bothered to see doctor. waste money.. but EH i remember last night i dreamt i went to see doctor in this place.. i think it was a school but it also looked like an airport and some cheapo place. ahhh confusing hor. but the toilets (always dream abt toilets) damn gross la. ahaha.

i dreamt i went to see the doctor and the queue was bloody long. i dreamt about roy also... oh what was it about.. OH. i remember. haha. let me start from the top.

seems i was in school.. a school-like place, at least. roy was also there. then he came to find me. then i think we hung out or something. did we eat? dunno la, usual school stuff. just hang n slack in sch kinda thing. haha like what we always used to do eh? then i decided to see the doc in sch. didn't go to the one near the canteen. went to another but the queue was so bloody long.

ya anyway i saw the doc. LITERALLY SAW then take medicine. ya he just look at me one glance then i went to collect my medicine. one bottle of puce yellow syrup. (you know which one i'm talking about) and one packet of tiny tablets. but eh i don't think they're the correct prescription if i were to see a real doc. LOL! faintz.

i also dreamt i went into a toilet then the queue very long. so i muttered i just want to wash my hands then they siam for me but diao me. eh lolz.

ok enough about dreaming. might watch the 2.45pm show of Thank You For Smoking in town, if not i'll catch the 310pm Lakehouse at causeway pt. just depends on the company or non-company i have.

blAh.
ok now it's really time to do my jap hw.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 10:59:00 AM

jumble sale of dreams

dreamt i was standing on a bridge and the fellow from Lighthouse Family was singing a song. now that i think of it, it sounded like that emma bunton song mixed with lighthouse family. gosh.

can't remember the lyrics, think they were onscreen. karaoke? =_=

wa damn shag now. but must force myself to wake up before noon.
now is 1045am. not bad but i can do better.

wa. shag.

planning to watch movie today. but very lazy to watch alone. very sad if i watch alone. watch alone before. feels damn sad.

z_z

ok now i do my jap hw. i think i also dreamt of my jap hw that it was very hard. hahaha. today no voice to talk in jap class. HAIZ I WAN MY VOICE BACK.

nasty hobbitses... they stole it from us!
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 10:47:00 AM

Sunday, July 30, 2006

HG Hoo~~~~!

LOL! just watched the latest Haado Gei video translated by bakafish. the Hiromi Go one. damn bo liao but fresh stuff finally after all his cooking and being a good samaritan videos. ahahaha.

=X

sing with me~
Ha-a-do-Ge-i~~~
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 10:11:00 PM

of bookends and bookmarks

i finally finished reading neil gaiman's American Gods. damn good read. amazing plot amazing detail amazing book. and you can see how much he researched for it.
it took me quite awhile to start reading it when my mom bought it for me. took a few years to get me to start on it? and took me about 2 weeks on and off to actually intermittantly sit down and read it. of course, it started out when i was accompanying gt in his studying. i brought the book along to read. actually i should thank him for making me pick up the book and start reading it.
anyway now i feel like picking up the rest of his books. hope there is a book sale somewhere. library booksale or something. cheapest. don't really feel comfortable reading new books because they end up dogearred anyway by me.

err got sidetracked by msn.
suddenly everyone so excited abt my display pic =_=
-blog entry stops here-
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 9:08:00 PM

life is but a cube

was reading sharon's blog then something she said abt understanding urself more thru extensive conversation with others hit me. it's really very true. this is a theory in sociology. hmm what is it called. like the image of yourself is gained thru interaction with others. interactionist theory? anyway that's partly how it's explained la. but i find her statement extremely true though. although i can't speak much nowadays due to my loss of voice, but through listening to others and observation of body language etc. my quiet analysis and interaction gives me a better understanding of many things. one of which is myself. it's like i am able to take a backseat and also observe myself while i myself am engaged. it is funny, isn't it? but i can't find any other way to describe the phenomena.

through listening to sk during one late night (one-sided due to my non-voice) conversation session in genting, i learnt many things about the perspective of guys and about him as well. i also learnt things about myself after thinking about what he said and now i guess i understand the world better and the workings and well, i feel a bit more mature due to this newfound deeper understanding of things.

it's like a rubrick cube.
so many colored faces, all jumbled together.
takes extreme skill and analysis to solve the cube.
however, no matter how good you are, it still takes time to solve the cube.
only through extensive practice and analysis would you be able to solve it.
but life, although similar to a cube, no one has the solutions.
there are no tutorials available online to solve it.
you can only solve one face on the cube of life.
one face at a time.
after you solve one face, you want to solve another, you screw up that face and start anew. on another color.
and you can't take life's rubrick cube apart.

ho hum.

i guess i have a deeper understanding of the workings of life.
a deeper understanding of my friends as i explore the workings of life.
but i still cannot understand you.
but it's ok.
because i don't understand myself also.
just like the wall to a mirror...
'it is pink and speckled, i think it is a part of my heart'
in the words of sylvia plath.
'the eye of a little god, four cornered'
my view is but limited. there's so much more to be sought.

at least i more or less understand the workings of a guy's mind better now.
and who says girls are complicated.
humans are all complicated.

hah and my mom went for my sis' parent-teacher meeting on fri evening.
extra sia, my mom went to say hi to mdm foo when she saw her. shdn't have. bad idea man. why she go say hi i also dun understand. then she come back and tell me she thinks she is a hypocrite. LOL i knew it long ago and you mentioned it before why you mention it again? in the first place dun say HI lar. dotz. just because u said u might as well say hi cos she'd recognize you anyway but if she didn't then u go chup for waD?
sis was quite pissed cos mdm foo kinda looked her up and down like, 'is she like her sis' kinda thing. and that's not a good thing beCauSe i was somewhat notorious lor. mdm foo still remembers me. eh pls la. but it's partly my fault cos i did many memorable things in jc. LOL 'memorable'. HAHAHAHA -_-
hmm ya. she said she'd keep an eye on my sis. sianz. but my sis is a damn good student. a direct opposite of me. haha. then apparently mdm foo dragged my mom and sis off to see a female student of hers. also not doing well in her work, but my mom said she thinks not as rebellious as me. =_= sheesh.
oh ya the hypocrite thing is like. last time mdm foo keep praising one RI boy in our class say he v clever sure can one. then look down on me. in the end he retain and i got lucky in my A lvl then she praise me. i'm not saying bad about him but not saying good about myself either la. anyway mom thinks she's hypocritical cos of that la.
ya so she dragged mom n sis to see the girl then was telling them my lifestory no doubt SHEESH. but my mom just told the girl to do whatever she sees fit. hahahaha. can't remember exact phrasing but it's like totally opposite from what mdm foo kept harping about. anyway i bet the girl was damn dulan during that episode. you know people hate being compared. me included. i like to do my own things my own time my own pace. you push me i say you fark off and die pls.
think my mom's answer to the girl was damn good. nv encourage, nv discourage. just a neutral answer to tell her that it's all about herself whether she wants or not. hahaha. nIcE one mom!

hmm ya.
shall post smth i wrote in the bus from genting to singapore.
was lazy to type it out and my handwriting is just awful. imagine i am on a bus. even worse. paH. i think i also cannot read it. nvm i shall try.

---

and you'd think that frivolous trips for leisure were meaningless. but somehow it seems even though i had fun too, i also understand more things. sounds weird. i know. but long bus rides give me time to puzzle the day over.
what was going to be, and what has been after i resume my life back in singapore. back in the grind for me. stone and mortar.
seems i understand more things about the world, myself, and even my friends better i guess. you could even owe it to me having lost my voice for like nearly the entire duration of the trip. listening, seeing and observing even more than i usually do. not that my head is clear lah, been at peace since dunno when, but i guess some stuff will always return regularly to haunt my waking hours.
money of course is one thing, and now working too, for i cannot have money without work.
but i have lost my voice. which is rare in itself.
perhaps only the 2nd or 3rd time in my whole life that i have?
i guess it's time to launch into a narrative of events. but i am too lazy, and the ride is comforting. reaching sg in a few hours' time i hope. hate writing on buses. for one, it makes my already bad handwriting worse. and i prefer typing still.

610pm 28th july 2006

---

well, i am darn bored now.
tomorrow got jap class again. hope it's good.
before that i shall attempt to watch Thank You for Smoking in the early afternoon or maybe catch the morning show if i can wake up. i really wanna catch that show. heard it's a very smart social satire.
and i love satire because life is but a satire.
bloody hell sickening but you can laugh through your pain and tears.
HAHA.
maybe that's only me.
OH. i shd do my jap hw. wonder if my fren still online can ask her wad hw they had for wed.
apparently didn't miss much cos lesson kept getting interrupted with incessant qns that can be solved with a dictionary. eiwajiten o tsukatte kudasai. sensei ni takusan kikanaide kudasai ne.
please just spend a few bucks and get a dictionary or just go to the online jim breen dictionary that i LOVE and check out the words urself larrr or just ask sensei after the lesson since u on such good terms with her liddat.

arrr i know i should be more respectful of the elderly but sometimes they really do things that i bth. haha u know on the bus they had some movies then some aunties dunno how to turn to the place when they watched halfway. one keep complaining she must watch from the front over n over again. i really feel like going behind to help to stop her whining but so extra hahahaha but seriously i think their software sux. damn lag and got many bugs. maybe shd give them feedback lolz.

ok cough is v horrible.
i shall drink water n stop blogging.
those type throat v itchy kinda den sometimes when u cough u cannot stop coughing so i very scared to cough oso. haiz. this morning was wheezing a bit. @_@ terrible.
been going on since dad started clearing the place. intensified after burning of incense due to 7th month. tomorrow they gonna burn again haiz. @_@ arrr sianz.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 3:16:00 PM

koffing thing

arrr i feel like the pokemon Koffing. later then evolve into Wheezing also. T_T
now raining.. raining makes it worse i feel =X the cold weather.
tomorrow gonna have more burning of incense. hai.
i really think it's asthma cough =X

@_@
still voiceless.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:46:00 PM

super STM

my memory sux. i jus remembered something to add to the prev entry.
wrong place wrong time, right place right time?
haha. at the nasi lemak shop someone behind us dropped a glass n it broke. heng the shattered pieces nv cause any harm else i will @_@
hmm and when i reached tpy mrt i was like stoning n half aslp le but then suddenly someone called my name.
"DITHHHHHHHHH!"
and it was jessie. haha so long nv see her. she looked like she just came back from shopping. some shopping bags hanging off her arm and she was on the phone with someone. bleah.
so i was like 'huh?' *look up n very blur* "hello"
then she was like rushing off, so she said bye and i did too.
hi-bye moment. but so qiao.
while waiting for bus saw many ppl came back from NDP preview show. bleah i wan go oso!!!!!! haiz. T_T
ya so well.
7th aug week is a week of celebrations.. perhaps monday get to celebrate gt's passing of his software exemption test. then wed is like ndp and his bdae oso. so can celebrate that. then fri is.. hehe. it's a surprise so i won't say in my blog. =)
so that's abt it.
yawnz. did i leave anything else out?
@_@
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:34:00 AM

my life for 2 bucks

today went to JE with gt. raining @_@ got kinda wet. maybe it was a bad idea to go out. had lunch at kobayashi lolz. isn't that 'xiao3 ling2' in jap? modanyaki with scrambled tamago and bonito flakes and unagi @_@ not bad haha.
haiz damn sian my voice half here half there. feels so sux i sound so crap. but gt says i sound louder n he can actually hear mi =_= sigh.
hmm yar the toilet at JE damn gross. i think abt it now i feel quite sick =_= but arrr z_Z
anyway rain stopped. so walked to IMM. daiso is always good. i love daiso. *_*
i bought a packet of darjeeling tea sweets.. haben tried it but gt did n he says it's gd. ok i shall try tml. now so late le i wan brush teeth n koonz after this entry man. shaggg.
and i bought a pack of green tea caramel corn =X wonder how it'll taste like lolz i'm a big fan of all things green tea damn.
he was looking for kopi/caramel sweets. haha found kopi+caramel sweet lor. damn pro. ya n he bought a rubrick cube. @_@
slacked at the 5th floor.. arr the tiny window cannot open =X dang.
den ki came! hehe. so we hung around n chatted den went to take shuttle bus back to JE central n went popular.. den check moobie timing also zugou ga warui lolz. if watched i think by now i oso not home =X JE so tmd far lor!!!!! 930pm moobie. say if 2hrs finish 1130. crawl back to TPY already 1230. =_= wa reli take so long. imagine if the moobie 2.5hrs. wa peng. i dunnid to go home le =X
yar.. went to eat chong pang nasi lemak. haha the rice very lemak. it's nice. drank ice milo also. i think maybe that's why i'm coughing more or perhaps the medicine i took for cough wore off. haiz.
bloody cough i reli think it's asthma cough.
oh ya and today i ate like 4 eggs. i wan to peng le.
*holds chest* cholestrol!!!!!
lolz!
ya i'm very slpy now la.
pardon the narrative.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:12:00 AM

seems i always manage to inject chaos and turmoil in some lives.
hai..
@_@
darn slpy n coughing quite badly now.
arrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
T_T
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:10:00 AM

things always go wrong.
but ahhh.
things go wrong because things aren't meant to be.
=)
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:02:00 AM

Saturday, July 29, 2006

cheeks

ahhh i noe why i'm so pink le.
i'm sunburntttt.
@_@
looks nice tho.

*^_^*
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 4:23:00 AM

of resorts and natural aircon

damn gross la.
i should be bathing now but i came online the moment i arrived home~
and i never change my pants for 3 days oh no.
see la, i wanna save on luggage weight in the end torture sk and huimin for 3 days =O
sit here sit thr sit everywhr in genting so gross leh. but of course i wear different thing to slp =X
genting's quite nice man. i mean, the resort is so 'one eye see all' la, amusement park and casino and stuff also nothing much. go there 3 days 2 nights sian diao le. but i love the scenery especially the place that overlooks a deep ravine, lush and green. so nice. you literally have your head in the clouds. the clouds come floating up and when you're in the middle of a cloud you see nothing in front of you but a neverending white fog. so pretty. but you turn around, away from the ravine and it's just slightly foggy only. haha. it's magical. beautiful place, near the swiss cottage lookalike hotel theme park. obiang name obiang lobby decor but lovely architecture and hotel corridor interior. ('looks like the inside of a ship cabin' - huimin)
bloody bus ride though. a frickin 7hrs including rest stops, meal stops and customs time. gross @_@ sit in a bus so long will @_@ one leh. sit until headache sit until dizzy sit until feel sick sit until wanna peng. so scared of bus rides now le. =_= heng my journey to NTU is only 1.5hrs on average =_= gross. that's like a short time compared to the ride to genting owtf. lol then when going up the mountain or going down it's like.. ears keep popping and kinda dizzying cos going round round round and the pressure changes. ahaha my water bottle at the top of genting compared to at the bottom of the hill, nearing singapore. i opened the bottle and the pressure difference was literally captured in a bottle =_= LoL! whoosh~ the air in my bottle went. air was sucked in i think.
disapppointed i couldn't shop. bloody hell resort prices so ex lor. buay tahan. keep eating fast food. =_= even drink teh also hard. =_= sianz. cup noodles oso sho ex. T_T
made frens with a water dispenser called Derek. everytime we go fill water we will say "hi derek~" or "morning derek" and before we left we said "bye derek~" and huimin took a picture of dear derek the water (air) dispenser. lolz! i keep telling ppl on msn i met a Derek who is working at the hotel =X den they =OOOO den i say it's a water dispenser ahahaha! oh no i'm being lame.
btw their rubbish bin has a funkier name. it's called TMD. so nice hor. my favorite abbreviation. TMD! throw rubbish in must shout the name one. =X
although the weather there is really quite cold, it's shiok and i didn't find it hard to adjust. guess it's different from air con. air con is like drying but their cold is more comforting. love the weather. walk like mad fuckers also won't perspire one =X but there were times i was shivering like fuck la. ahahaha still i act hero dun wan to borrow sk's jacket =X nvm my fats will keep me warm.
i guess the thing we did most there was EAT. singaporeans' favorite hobby la. eat, chi, makan, sek, taberu, etc. zomg la i think most of my $ went to food. LoL. bloody hell. but tried different food than what you can find in singapore (most of the time?)
quite happy i managed to eat the famous Baskin Robbins 31 Flavors (sp?) ice cream. ate the flavor called Buried Treasure. wa it's nice. but bloody hell i felt cheated T_T RM10.40 for a single scoop sia wad is that. 5 sing dollars. eeeeeeeee. but ahhh dun hab in sing. so zehi tabetai! and tabeta i did =)
there's this fast food chain called MarryBrown (MB) also. hmm not bad actually. got some standard. but i guess nothing much special? fast food is fast food after awhile. at least they got some standard unlike Kenny Rogers wa so different from the one here lor =_= the one here so much nicer. the one there i can actually FINISH my food leh. says a lot hor. lolz peng.
ate pizza hut also. tried the cheese bites crust pizza. paid like RM16 each for a large hawaiian chicken cheese bites crust with a pitcher of 7up. that's about $8 sing or less? lolz.
then there was this arab woman (iran? dunno whr, she wears the full black veil) shouting in pizza hut and complaining they take so long to serve her. 'how many hours must i wait before you serve me?!' or something. lmao. is it all the oppression there, lady? or you just bloody bad attitude and impatient? sheesh la. noticed got many of them around. they seem to like genting. got many koreans and other singaporeans and malaysians and china ppl around also. gosh. think not so many singaporeans leh.
hmm ate some new item at KFC called cheezy meltz or something. it's a tortillia (again, i am lazy to check spelling. dun mind me.) then inside got tomato, chicken, mayo, cheese, etc. niceeee. i like. about S$3.50 for 1. ate BK breakfast on the last day. wow i missed their breakfast so much. those round tiny cute hash browns hehe. then got bagel, ham, egg and a free coffee upgrade. i chose vanilla cuppucino. yumz.
hmm the Coffee Bean there not v nice, but the Starbucks is. nice banana choc chip muffin. S$3 but worth it.

eh. i go bathe first. stomachache oso =_= continue later. =X

~~~to be continued~~~ (LOL)

kaes i am back. singaporeanified. even my bowels are empty of msia liao =X LoL! dun be grossed out =X
think i went toilet a total of hmm. erm less than 10 times la @_@ or 10? in 3 days wor. LoL! gross again. no one needs to know =X but then again i'm a robot and gosh so funny lor the analogy they made about me being a battery and the plus and minus sign on my bed =_= LOL! so random.
now mom counting my money. my singapore money purse has like a TON of coins. NO WONDER my bag so HEAVY lar! hahaha. =_=
anyway i just don't like public toilets still @_@ see so wet den the bowl inside got thing and erm got footprints on the seat oso @_@ nvm i just wipe clean n go =O but now i kinda appreciate singapore toilets more. not saying i'll go more often but just appreciate it more. but! my home toilet still rocks. =D
i missed you~~ *hugs home toilet bowl*
actually i think the service and quality of things could be much better there la. huimin said they could actually smile more. hmm some smiled to me =) felt more at home when they did. cos the aunties in singapore like to smile at me ma. hehehe. so i'm sibei used to it. anD the service could be much better. sometimes i feel the people like dun really bother loh. this is a tourist attraction.. should provide better service. hmm maybe i've been brainwashed too much by sg govt la. haha but good service will bring more tourists back ma. yes? no?
a lot of the rides don't have music. so sad case. sit on the horse on the carousel and there's no music to accompany it. damn sad case. huimin said they like saving on power like that. then i said ya they don't smile also to save power. =X okok i'm lame.
hmm we went to the two main attractions.. theme park and casino. let's just say i dun like the casino. ok i guess monte carlo is nicer. but both so stinky of smoke i just can't take it esp with my bloody throat like that. at least monte carlo looks more high class and ambience nicer and even got live singing. ho hum. huimin said everyone looks so sad in the casino. you know they'd lost money when you see their faces. and it's like minimum bet is RM10. imagine lar. and sk said the blackjack altho min. bet is RM10 he saw ppl like betting at least RM50 onwards. zomg la.
i personally thought that the casino looks like those drama serial on tv.. in those gambling den kind ahaha. it's definitely NOT las vegas. but not as bad as those gambling dens also la. just picture those typical chinese drama serial about gambling and you know roughly what it looks like la ahaha. but the lounge with live singing in monte carlo was nice.
huimin and i played RM10 worth of jackpot. quite disappointed it's computerized. i personally dun trust computers. they can be easily rigged one. but if you know the workings of the system i guess you could beat it too. still, i'm a very old skool person although i love my technology. haha funny aint it. love old skool stuff man. like old skool arcade (remember the old marina square parco funland arcade?) and old skool music and old skool activities. sigh. so nice. sometimes you just need to do things manually to have that feel.
anyway i didn't win anything from jackpot la. hahaha. the most i won was RM2.50 which got added to my credits and then lost again. oh well. hahaha. now that i think about it, it's quite boliao. see all the aunties sit in front of the jackpot machine keep pressing the 25lines button. press press press with no expression wa sian ji bua so funny lar. casino actually quite boliao. dunno how my uncle can go ever so often to gamble =_=
well. basically on wed we spent half the day travelling. reached there already 2pm+ then we check in to hotel, find the room, slack there awhile then explored the adjoining door. ahahaha so cool man. ate at kenny rogers (blah) portion quite tiny but at least the chicken is ok and the coleslaw not bad although the mac and cheese quite watery and not as rich and like huimin said, 'why they never use the shell macaroni?' and the waitress didn't really understand me when i said 'mac and cheese' @_@ usually the one in singapore always say it liddat and then i always say full name sia. LOL! i am so opposite =_= the muffin was ok but i am not a fan of corn muffin. don't care how nice, i just... bleah.
haha but they had like 3 corn muffin flavors leh. choc, original, raisin. that was quite interesting.
eh i think we did some walking around. oh ya there's no A&W there at all. i am like so SAD. nvm i got over it already. LOL! checked out the prices and activities to be done there then i think did some shopping. got sian after a bit cos the prices quite kns. it's a resort ma, wan to shop go KL shop lor =_= sianz.
had coffee bean but eee the cake is @_@ either too crumbly or boh kick one ~_~ the caramel cheese cake and the expresso tiramisu (dunno correct name or not but i know got coffee inside de). @_@
think went arcade after that. haiz my HotD4 machine spoilt T_T arcade was quite ex. bleahz. played some shooting games.. that's abt it.
ya then back to hotel and then casino i think. then dinner was erm. kfc. haha the cheezy meltz thing. and i had some wedges too @_@ guess that pretty much wrapped up the first day. huimin and i were dirty pigs that night. never pom before koonz ahaha. but also never perspire ma it's ok, right? =X
sk kept saying we very filthy ahaha but he dunnid share bed with us wad. he got his own 3-ppl-can-roll dunno-wad-size bed in his own room =X
i remember this comedy we watched on the hotel tv. Two Men. one line sticks in my head.

"The walls are thin, and I am impressionable."

LOL!!!! fucking funny show. bloody hell.
slept quite well. don't feel the room is scary. guess that's good. means the area should be quite good one. =D if you know wad i mean.
the bed very comfy and very warm wor. didn't even feel like moving =X but morning woke up around 830am and had to pom @_@ but the water is shiok. whee~
for morning breakfast we adjourned to the erm.. Hainan Kitchen (?) seems coffeeshop style but expensive lar z_Z had kaya toast bread (still think yakun nicer) and some 'fluffy' omelette (WHERE'S THE FLUFFY?) ~_~ okok ba. haha =_= at least got some teh. one whole pitcher of condensed milk sia @_@ so tempted to drink the whole thing. but of course it's bad for my throat and too sweet and @_@ fattening. hehe.
hohum. went to buy tix for the 1 day all parks pass at RM46. haha in the favorite words of huimin, 'damn cock'. waaaa she tapai and i really mean TAPAI say that =X huimin if ur reading this, u shd get a badge or a car decal with "DAMN COCK LAH" written on it. LOL! shiokz.
hehe the amusement park quite fun. first we sat on the antique car that went round the park. @_@ relaxing ride lor. and i keep confusing 'lao ye che' with 'lao ren che' =X seems the same to me leh. haha.
then went to the water place. sat on those 2 ppl boats then can pedal around one. put on stinky life jackets and then pedalled around lor. haha bo liao ride but ok quite fun. good for leg muscles tho. next was the bumper boat. ya some rides got weight limit one. i always scared of the weight limit =X cos i very heavy ahahaha. sianz. =_=
heng the weight limit for bumper boat quite high =X anyway they never really check. saw one boy his friends all playing then he alone. quite sad for him. when it was his turn he had no friends with him so he told the people he wanted to stop before the time was up. @_@
actually friends make all the difference oso. sk, me n huimin waited until we could all go tog. haha YAY i can steer my boat! =P shiok man it's so fun @_@ but nv bump enuf. boh kick one ahaha. sit in a floating donut/life buoy and boing into ppl ahaha XD
but we make a lot of noise (or was it just me and huimin? LoL) so it was fun. haha!
ok after that, we took the teacup! biangz. teacup i oso can scream loudloud =X oops. LOL. 3 of us squeeeeeze into one small teacup (like overcrowded with sugar cubes @_@) den our legs all quite squeezy lolz. when the ride started it was discovered we could spin ourselves using the thing. OMGWTFBBQ. sk spinned very hard sia!!!! WHOOSH ROUND AND ROUND AND ROUND WHIRL~~~ @_@ imagine if i spin too much i think i willl puke =X but it was fun! spin v fast v scary oso so i screamed. LOL WHICH IDIOT SCREAMS WHILE RIDING TEACUP LAH. me lor. hahaha doh.
cld still walk straight lalala. then huimin decided to take the spinner. EEEEEEEEEE i dun dare. so me n sk watched her. he managed to capture her in action on her cam man!!!! round n round n round on the chair on a harness. zomg. but looks cool but NO!!!!!!
er wad else ar... i got psychoed to take the cyclone i think. @_@ eeeeee. we went to pee first just in case =X actually i not v scared before the ride. which helped XD then sat on it i was like @_@ *in submission* LoL 3 bloody DIPS zomg!!!!! i hate dips. they make my heart lurch and i feel like there is nothingness below my feet and @_@
sk sat in front =X me and huimin sat behind. there's a difference btwn front n back ok. well, at least to me. cos front u see the scary thing first. eeeee gross. back's much better @_@ me and huimin behind sk giving him stereo sound effect with our screaming. lol dolby 5.1 surround sound =X
but yeah apart from the dipping down (which i survived =_=) it was fun. ahahaha. heng it's short. if it keeps repeating i think i will e_e"
thrill rides make my face flushed. think it's the excitement and/or the color and blood leaving my face and then rushing back afterwards when i'm back to normal @_@ haha? stupid theory.
huimin went to take the super tobagan (again, as you can see, i cannot be bothered to check if that's spelt with 2 'g's or wad not. NVM.) the weight limit sux T_T
ok la i think i -just- only make the cut. fuck. why am i so heavy @_@; T_T
but dun dare la. haha.
after that we took the carousel, to huimin's delight lolz. but! no music. it was the musicless carousel. but quite fun oso la. 'cheap thrill' like wad she likes to say =X
the spiderman-like thingy need to pay extra so never see her take. as usual i'm too chicken to ride it =X
later we took the Grand Prix Fun Kart thing. it's just like a go-kart on a flat short race track larhz. haha but SINCE i am so susceptible to cheap thrills, aNd i cannot drive, it was v enjoyable on my part =X
whee~ driving @_@ so fun.
after that we took some Dinosaur Land boat thingy. diaoz. quite bo liao. then the trail back down oso quite steep. i a bit @_@ but ok la i wearing shoes. imagine those idiots who wear 6 inch heels to go on it =_= dotz. they must be damn power one.
the diorama (sp. aGaIn ==") in the cave damn lame. n i keep expecting things to jump out at me =X i scare myself only sia. DOT.
think we took the dragon ride after that. or was it bumper cars? hmm.
e_e keep seeing the ride going in and out and round and round but after i sat than i understood the full extent of the ride x_x
it's bad enuf for me =X but no dips so it's fine. just somewhat scary at some times. LoL. but in the beginning i no fear at all since i had taken the Cyclone not long ago. lolz.
actually the dragon ride quite shiok. huimin was kinda @_@ tho. then she say why ppl give her weird look cos she @_@. LoL.
it's quite a fun ride. but at one point it goes a bit wild... so.. >_< eeeek i was screaming LOL. as usual. =_=
altho sk sat behind me n huimin this time, he still can hear me scream =_= wow i'm the lamest =X scream for nth while the little gal who sat right in front kept putting up both hands like so brave and shiok liddat. LoL so cool, ne!
hmm bumper cars was like going back down memory lane yet it wasn't quite the same T_T
really miss the old bumper cars. the new one got more rubber padding at the side, an extra safety kiap-per to keep you tightly in your seat and of course it's padded too.
too soft too soft!!!!
but oso fun la. haha. but i like to compare. and i like old skool stuff. so i miss the old bumper cars where when you bump you really kena those purple bruises on the knees those kind. wa so shiok. (damn, am i a masochist? LoL.)
the old kinda where u smell the burning of the metal against metal as the connector gives off sparks and a bit of smoke. there's no safety bar to lock you into your seat, and when you get hit, the impact hits you so much harder you literally fly around your seat or feel so bumped. hahaa!
i'm nuts i think. either that or i'm violent. or nuts, violent, and a masochist to boot. lolz.
@_@ falling asleep le. guess it's a good sign =D bed i can be with u soon~~~~ matteiru ne, watashi ni! X_X
think we had something to eat after all of that.. yeaah~ it was pizza hut. over pizza hut we realised that the coupons with the 1 day pass can be used with other things oso. free 1 game of bowling~ before 5pm~ it was only 3pm anyway. bloody early.
bowling quite fun. ahaha i lost!~ sk won. eeee. gross. LoL he shiok la last min spare strike zomg =_=
i cmi le =X
huimin v gd leh. haha. keep taking down many pins. not like me. anyhow whack then always crooked one wahaha or go longkang. @_@
hmmm. went for 4D motion picture screening. haha lame story but ok la quite fun. i think sit more back more fun. sit in front the screen v blur like cannot see properly liddat one @_@
as usual i v scared when i found out the seats can move and got seatbelt all that =X but it's nothing one. the only gross part was the 'snakes' crawling at the feet part =_= yucks but it's nothing one. just feels disturbing. LoL.
after dat i think we went to watch moobie. managed to convince me to catch Lady in the Water with them. oops then gt quite sad cos he no kaki to watch with him. oops. LoL.
actually the movie is nice. not v scary. watchable for ppl at my low tolerance lvl. hahaha. huimin screamed during the moobie lolz! and that part she screamed i not even scared =X
sk kept watching our rxns la kaoz. n i think he keep um-chio-ing at us who are hiding our faces etc =_= esp ME. LoL. cos i sitting in the middle and @_@" the whole time.
but eh the cinema is killer. first play a bloody cheapo slideshow. then while the credits were rolling during the moobie, think they alt tabbed then opened a word document which put the reminder for patrons to remember their valuables onscreen. buT goSH! BIG JOKE LA. doT. sk said something like, 'pls la, can you afford a proper projector?' haha =_= gosh.
er i forgot wad we did le. but i know we had MarryBrown for dinner. i ate fish fillet burger. keep coughing. den we sat on the cablecar-ish ride in the complex that goes round on the ceiling. nice ride. and then sat in the boliao gondola for awhile. sibei slow sia that ride. got ppl performing at the bar in the middle too. ahhh quite nice lah.
orh then we went Starbucks for kopi. they drank but i didn't. waa sk keep doing his 'salestalk' and trying to make me buy smth @_@
i kinda no voice, cannot refute back XD oso too tired to refute lolz. irritating but entertaining? haha. too bad sk, i dun lie on my blog one =X
went back to hotel room to slack. pommed this time. watched Two Men on tv i think. arrr decided to look for KTV lounge. found it, finally but omfg so ex. went back to room, sk performed for us instead~ hahaha become idol liaoz =X for that night only of cos. LoL. anyway i dunno the songs oso but it was fun. quite sad my voice kns if not i can sing oso T_T
arrr huimin turned in early. so i went sk's room to watch tv and chat. altho he did most of the chatting cos i really.. cannot speak. haiZ. feel quite sux without my voice.
but yeah, interesting indeed. then went to koonz around 4am..

er oh no i fell aslp again at the keyboard =_=

orh ya. fri. woke up, breakfast was BK, stoned. checked out. went somewhere else with luggage to stone. ate starbucks banana choc chip muffin. ahhh finally bus came. @_@ raining on fri afternoon. heng nv rain on thu so we could go amusement park =D whee~
had the Deluxe VIP bus sia. w00ts. but seats kinda uncomfortable. altho every chair has like a lcd monitor in front so can play games or watch moobie during the journey. @_@
the games damn boring. played batman returns awhile, puzzle bubble... somehow the 3 of us ended up watching a movie. I Not Stupid Too (2). bleah! it looked like the best also larh.
hmm not bad.. but eh =_=
haiz really falling aslp now. dun blame me if everything suddenly very disjointed. eh yawn...
i'll post up the entries which aren't narratives another day.
nightz. reli buay tahan le. x_x

so was i missed or not ._."
to miss or not to miss,
that, is the question.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:14:00 AM

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

of voyages and cents

supposed to wake up early ytd..
woke up 11+am instead.. nvm. thought i would never be able to finish everything today but i did!
did work, made knnpcblplj phonecalls, got irritated by one of them cos he was trying to make small talk with me. OH PLEASE.
ate breakfast, sent some emails, made more phonecalls KNN! then taking a breather when suddenly sis called me said she can make the 3pm POTC movie. OH NO 220pm le. i literally flew into the shower and pom in under 20min (OMG PLS BUY 4D! CFM TIO LOLZ) then changed n nv bother abt my hair n speedwalked to entertainment centre. bought 2 tix den sis also gang gang hao arrived wtfz! lOL.
ok caught the movie save for the first 5min. but nvm ahaha. sat thru the credits.. omg the last 2 ppl in the cinema so PAISEH all left liao LOR. oops. sis felt the need to apologize to the cinema staff =X
but yeah there was a scene right at the end. but sis said the scene so BO LIAO lolz!!!!! nvm la ahaha.
then met mom awhile den i went to cityhall mrt to meet grace. reached like 605pm GOSH LAH. den near me at the pillar there was this exchange of money and world cup paraphernalia. ahaha so interesting i was like TOTALLY eavesdropping n watching. SO GUANG MING ZHENG DA but NVM. LoL! nice trophy she sold him for $100. nice lehz. ahaha.
ok then after that grace arrived. still very early so peiting haben reach. we walked to suntec. then peiting called, so we walked to marina square. ahaha is not she late but we too early! LoL ate at foodcourt. wAh the guy at the curry chicken noodle / lemon chicken rice stall go and DI SIAO me!!!!! NOOO!! ahaha tease ur customers n make them savor the food more n go back? but the food not bad lah guess it woRKEd? LOL!!!

me: 'eh, ling meng ji.. san kuai de.' *shows 3 fingers*
cookA: 'ahh, ni yao yi pan san kuai de? hai shi san pan yi kuai de?'
me: har?
cookA: *looks serious*
cookB: *laughing*
me: ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!!
cookB: 'ta xi huan zhuo nong ren'
cookB: 'yi pan san kuai de hor, zhe bian lai'
me: *goes over*
cookA: *as cookB takes my money* 'san pan yi kuai de okay~'
me: *@_@ liao*
cookB: *passes me change and laughs* 'thank you hor'
me: *keeps @_@-ing*

PENG! LoL.

later after that, the three of us gals went to find a suitable place to *ahemahem censored cos it's a surprise* ahaha the end product ROCKS and with some difficulty. but AHhhhh what is that phrase man. somethingsomething is the mother of innovation? necessity is the mother of innovation? or somethingsomething breeds creativity? geez my memory sux. ahaha but the end product ROCKS MAN. of cos of cos la =X i know we're GOOD LOL!

later went Changing Appetites for 50% off on all cheesecakes. ordered 2 cheesecakes, blueberry and strawberry oreo. yum. total bill was like $5.20 with all the +++ liao. whee one person $1.70+ nia. LOL! CHEAPEST CAFE BILL! next time let's go back C.A. on tue... I WAN HALF PRICED CHEESECAKES!!!! and it's nice too. quite a lot of variety =D

went home after that..

still think he's weird. when i not on msn that time he will sms me and ask where i am. hohum.
oh ya today kelv (maple de) called me. thought who sia. couldn't answer it cos carrying food LoL. ya. think he wants to meet me before my hols end to catch up and also he wants to destress n talk about things ba. hmm. i'll meet him in a no-smoking area that's for sure >_>

haha 2.5hrs to sleep. better than none~~~~~

i'm gonez ppl. back on fri 10pm++
smoky as hell man. coughing liao siao. =(

BYEZ dun miss MOI~!
=)
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:19:00 AM

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

never die before ah!!!!
u thank ur lucky stars i doing for job else ROAR
-_-
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:16:00 PM

tml i'll be out of singapore.
catching 630am coach out of sg on wed.
arrrrr.
quite worried.
haven't packed, haven't finished my work, dunno what to pack, arrr haven't changed money...
at least i tied up the main loose strings la.
still got other things to clear before i go.

what's on my mind?
what's on my mind?

arrrrr notimenotimenotime at all is what's on my mind.
@_@
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:43:00 PM

randomness -- as usual
1:11am Tue July 25 2007
(because blogger is down again)

i think i am gonna change the parting of my fringe from sweeping to right to the left side.
altho i know that's a supposedly male parting but how can i help that my hair naturally wants to divert to that side?!?
see how it goes. hair can actually put off cutting it. now that the 60s retro look is in i can pull it off esp after my fringe is curled up a bit due to having been clipped up by clips these couple of days.
retro mama! LoL WTF
hair thick enough also.
now all i need is one of those polka dotted hairbands and plastic hoop earrings LOLz LAME AR. SO NOT ME =_=
so girly zomg but nowadays just like re-entering identity crisis, i like to change my image off and on. lala.
sometimes it's DARK MOODY me.
sometimes it's colorful happy me.
of course dark moody tends to be more guyish image also. ahaha.
today went out with gt. he wanted to go study. so went woodlands mac for breakfast. =_=
why my macD egg so dry one argh sadz.
anyway i was late lar. @_@ cannot wake up.
slept at 4am, woke up intermittantly (cannot spell at this time of the night argh) from 745am to 9am where i finally stumbled out of bed from random dreams @_@
ok lar but he finished one topic.
i still have 100 pages of my book to read.
nice book @_@ the more i read the more lost i get in neil gaiman's head and geez i have weird fantasy thoughts. cool. =)
he gave up studying halfway n we chatted about random stuff for like 1hr+? den walked around causeway pt.
damn sian ar nth to do.
and i'm still wondering whether i shd get him a bdae present. i have something in mind.. but ar.. dunno leh. i mean it's damn practical and he confirm has a use for what i have in mind but >_> partly cos i'm broke la. haiz.
bothered by money matters.
bothered by work.
trying to keep pushing it away but tomorrow when i wake up i absolutely have to work. i hate making phonecalls.
wed morning gonna be out of the country le. all the way to fri 10pm.
maybe i'll leave a void in some lives, i dunno. maybe there'd be no difference. arr who cares man i just gonna have fun there i dun care anymore.
today keep looking at girls when i was alone. keep thinking, is she the type for him? then i keep trying to matchmake and picture them in my head.
what am i doing man.
but let's just say without the feelings of confusion, everything's so much easier and lighter. i can continue on without stopping to wince, i guess.
so slpy. today nearly feel aslp in jap class. anyhow do my katakana test ahaha. but cool the last bit we learnt a new form. shiok. i am so happy. so exciting lor i was like *_* hehehe.
arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
feeling like dunno wad now. dunno how to describe oso. damn tired also. time for bed. nightz all~
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:39:00 PM

Monday, July 24, 2006

musings in phone, as usual. written while afk.

of being stiff and relaxed

this is about vibes hanging with different groups of people.
or different collectives that might comprise the same people but in name, different.
maybe cos i've known some groups for some time now or developed a closeness with them so i feel relaxed and comfortable?
but then again, i also feel comfortable with some people i've only known a short while or am meeting them for the first time. so weird.
and do i feel comfortable with people from my past?
so much time has elapsed. the hurt and awkwardness is gone i guess. so it's totally ok for me. feels good even.
and you? would it feel awkward that i'm meeting you tml? seems too soon but doesn't and doesn't even bode weird feelings. feels matter-of-fact and everyday, mundane even.
feels i have some place in your heart regardless of the kind it might be. do i feel used? dunno. but today you thanked me for the times i've stood by you, encouraged you.
maybe i've just never learnt to lean on you as you've learnt to lean on me?
whatever it might be, and for what it's worth, i'm gonna start leaning on you too.
image doesn't matter anymore already. you said it yourself. but i'm always like this. people open up to me but i never to them.
the people that matter.
will i see all of you in my life forever?
people drift. we know that. we can only treasure what we possess of that moment and never regret the treasures we misplace in our quest to find more.
don't regret any mistakes because mistakes happen for a reason.
better to have made a mistake than not to know it was a mistake and suffer without ever knowing. or knowing much later, as it snowballs or is repeated in a continous vicious cycle that will only ruin your life.
i'm so glad my existence is not for nothing. that it means something, at least. that i'm taken notice of, that i'm remembered, and yes, i still am feeling heartstrings tugging gently at these warm feelings and smiles of shiawaseness.
don't let me fade, for if i do, i will cease to live.
need to be remembered to be alive.
need to be sought to exist.
and in return i will tend to your existence.

***

so weird. seeking me while i'm afk on msn as if chatting to me or having my online company were of importance. my phone beeps with an sms received.
a need or just a routine?
well, whatever.
shall indulge in the fact that i am sought out.
watch as i materialize into existence even more from my past vague ghostly form!
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:36:00 AM

Sunday, July 23, 2006

sleep until damn song ytd at 7am.
just woke up at 330pm.
in fact my senses all knocked out till 3pm.
hahahaha. gradually realised i was on my bed instead of floating on the dreamscape at 3pm and climbed out.
eh not feeling so xing fu now.
kinda bugged by money problems.
arr fucks.
=(
hate this feeling of guilt
~_~
and feeling BROKE.

anyway i shall blog about the dreams i remember.

dreamt was in a car.
mom was driving i was sitting beside her.
eh fuck
she nagging non stop now like broken record
how to blog when i feel kinda fucked up
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY FEELING OF SHIAWASE-NESS

anyway yes.
she was driving. dunno why halfway got out to get something then sitting in the car again, cruising down the road.
i realised she had gotten into the back seat and no one was driving -_-
looked at her then she shrugged and nvm, it's a straight road.
dotz.
somehow the car can steer itself and accelerate, but cannot brake.
so i kept holding the brake with my hand to brake -_-
wa dangerous.
then drive for like 10min like that,
2 gals approached the car when we finally stopped
yelled at us why so dangerous etc.
den i rolled down the window i think
and dunno what i did..
did i threaten to eat them?
then they fled.

also dreamt i was in this adidas store
buying some jacket
was with a guy forgot who he was. but related to me lar or close friend i cannot rem.
scarli my dad.
then dunno why we got the shop assistant a jacket but looked weird.
grey and peach..
wear liao look like limp suit of armor.
then wanted to change etc den i forgot.

saw cynthia sitting on the bed
she was back from usa.
arranging her endless luggage.
tip to tail tip to tail all on the stairway.
gave her a hug, a squeeze ahaha
she looked very ang mo leh.
reminded me of carrie.
anyway she spoke in chinese accented ang mo
weird.

arr i dunno what else i dreamt.

but one of the songs from ytd's poptart keeps ringing in my ears.
sigh i really love some songs from there
but dunno title dunno singer.

i only know "every day i love you less and less".
=_=
even so, singer i forgot who.
LOL!

shit la.

anyone can send me the songs they regularly play at poptart?
thx hahaha.

*looks at warm beef curry and french loaf on lap*
okie eating time.

buhbyez.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 3:56:00 PM

xing fu-ness

happiness is not always visible.
it floats there in wisps
even while you grasp at the depression
to shroud yourself with.
it only takes the simplest things
to make you feel happy
the only choice is
do you want to feel happy?
feeling damn xing fu now.
(does xing fu translate to bliss?)
totemo shiawase na...
realised how xing fu i am at 4 in the morning.
now with the warmth of my tea
feel even more xing fu.
feel so glad to have the friends i have
feel so glad that strangers even care
feel so glad that at least
there are hands out there
just waiting for me
maybe i'll forget the feeling if i go to bed now
maybe when i wake up later
i'll revert to my cynical self
don't wanna be bitter and cynical
i wanna be xing fu
maybe i can be bitter, cynical AND xing fu?
hahaha.
today i smirked to myself while i was dancing
yet i was happy
a happy smirk?
or a smirk just for the sake of smirking.
kinda feel happy being babysat
altho by a stranger-turned-friend nonetheless
yet kinda feel nicely evil
to assign people a responsibility
but made me realise being xing fu
manifests itself in so many ways
imagine i can even feel xing fu while clubbing you know.
and still feeling xing fu even though i got a headache now
can feel xing fu in taxi because people actually care for my welfare.
feel xing fu people dun mind hugging sweaty me after too much dancing haha.
feel xing fu got ppl pei me.
feel xing fu to see some people.
ah~

so xing fu because of my friends.
=D
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 6:45:00 AM

i can sit here and feel happy and calm without doing anything.
@_@
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 5:36:00 AM

2nd poptart @ Home

brings back memories.
but doesn't sting.
nothing stings anymore.
enjoyed myself.
save for the acrid smoke as usual.
music was too loud.
ears are ringing.
i can't hear fuck.
club very hot and stuffy. ugh.
today i became a sticker for a day in a sense.
didn't want to leave the loud music.
danced until seh.
didn't drink much.
only bad thing was now i am sort of in debt.
hmm nvm.
saw roy and mark as usual. haha.
met huimin and her hall friends.
don't really have much in common and can't be heard anyway so never really talk.
not that i no mood but just unable to talk in a club lolz.
was feeling kinda sick in the beginning.
maybe the smoke and maybe cos i nv eat.
dance liao didn't feel so sick.
saw stanley, rachel, trina, thomas etc.
realised trina and mark smoke.
fuck quite disappointed in mark.
anyway huimin n gang had to zao early.
i wanted to nua longer.
decided to stick with mark and his friends.
his friend eddy quite nice, babysat me ahaha.
then everyone went outside.
went buy drink and chill.
fuck so deaf.
argh the ringing.
saw roy and char and gang.
roy as usual so cute, hugged sweaty me.
took cab home with mark and his friend whose name i didn't catch cos i'm deaf.
i think i'm siao liao love the night so much dun wanna go home.
but well i'm home liao.
gotta go pom.
feel quite happy today like bai tuo all the shit within me and left it all behind.
and now it's just me, myself, and the incessant ringing in my ears.

=)
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 4:11:00 AM

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Epilogue - TV Story

the empty memory of the lime green tv set haunted the boy even as the last wisps of conscious memory faded from his mind, and the dust hung thick on the tv set, clotting lime green into grey.

he could not shake it off.
something was bothering him but he didn't know. something was eating and eating at him. with invisible jaws and an unknown face. a rank odor that stained his thoughts. haunted.

he never knew until he dusted his shelf.

he never knew until the cobwebs fell from a squarish object,

until the lime green peeked through and glinted at him with the sun from the window.

then he remembered every single thing.
every single memory.
every single detail.
haunted he was no more.

he took the tv set easily.
time had passed,
he had grown taller.
it fit even more snugly into his grown hands.

but then he remembered it was spoilt.

he wore a shirt, too small for him now, but the shirt with the familiar pocket that the tv set always rode in. just like old times. the buttons strained but held.
he had a new 40 inch lcd television in his house but suddenly it didn't matter.

he walked slowly down the familiar path to the old curio shop where he re-bought the lime green tv set.

he walked. slowly.

and the evening sun crept away from him.

he walked. slowly.

and never noticed the lime green was spreading.

spreading from his pocket, around his waist, creeping up his neck, pouring down his legs..

he walked. and he reached the curio shop.

the door was open, but the old man had gone out to buy dinner. maybe he forgot to lock the shop. maybe it had been locked. who knows.

the last bit of green swallowed his head just as he passed by the shelf of the store window. there was a small space there, it had been the space where the lime green tv set had sat, waiting for him.

it was empty.

and then suddenly it was not.

a new lime green tv set sat in the spot, just as the old man came back to unlock the now locked door, and a girl skipped happily away round the corner of the block.

she wore a shirt a bit too big for her, and a lime green sash trailed around the hip of her jeans.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 4:46:00 PM

making an example

maplestory.
damn boring game.
but when stuff piles on you that bores you more than maple,
you find maple appealing.
example made,
does it apply to everything?

you have something all the while
all the time with it
but you don't bother with it.
when you are denied access to it
do you only then dream of it?

sometimes you take people for granted too.
don't bother about them
although they're always there for you
so routine you see.
they disappear from your life for awhile
no one there
suddenly,
a void develops.

i'd love to be that void.
your emptiness
empowers me.

(=
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 4:30:00 PM

actually i'm alright liao.
hahahahah.
much ado over nothing.

i search within myself
and come up with nothing but
friendly feelings
and a careless joy

just to breathe.

the only things that get on my nerves are usual routine stuff.
heh.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:14:00 PM

more work from usual ppl to do~
another $500 for one more month.
ahhh sian~

but still $ is $.
i will work for $.
at least they apologized for O$P$. cos they say ppl also O$P$.

today is saturday.

i'm not gonna work on wkends.
ROAR.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:56:00 PM

hey diddle diddle
the cat and the fiddle
the cow jumped over the moon
the little dog laughed to see such fun
and the dish ran away with the spoon
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:21:00 AM

poptart i'm coming for ya.

=)

(btw this was a double post. bloody blogger and screwy word verification.)
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:00:00 AM

don't mind if you don't find me my usual self.
but a husk grinning hollow at her own spectres.
those that she only can see.
and a laugh, oh what a cynical laugh,
emits forth from her lips.
as she dances,
as she dances,
in the haze of smoke and alcohol,
remembering only her name
and how to dance

dance forever in the pulse of music and darkness.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:00:00 AM

Friday, July 21, 2006

muhahaha.

perhaps it is my delight at being able to have witty conversations with you that made me happy in a sense.
and
you thought me one thing
and i'm gonna learn it from you
but mine of course is modified
and not subconscious.
but i can always try to adapt an art
and perfect it... right?

i shall try harder to be like you
the unconscious flirt.

time to diet *_*
you know if i have everything for my role down pat,
i think
i'll keep hearing the sound of breaking glass nonstop around me.

=)
cool.

*bitch mode on*
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 9:14:00 PM

i will still continue as per normal
but my feelings have changed

and silently,
i utter a word
in my sullen and silent anger

flirt.

but you don't know it yourself.
-_-
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 8:13:00 PM

i slept until i got a headache now.
feel damn stoned o_o

unlike my resolution, i think i really DID waste away my hols.
and i still think being 21 sucks.
after 21, life is just a headlong rush.
i'm just dashing forward to who-knows-where.

if i dash past your life but forget to say hi,
that's because i can't even see where i'm going.
too fast, too fast.

somehow feel i'm approaching a new year and that i should make a list of resolutions.
hahaha.

i guess i should learn how to prioritize.
always had that problem.

should learn how to judge and make proper decisions.
again, i always had that problem.

erm be rational? less impulsive?
another problem i need to fix.

be even more bo chup than i already am.
doesn't hurt to wear blinkers.

need to be sensible.
wake up, young lady, wake up and smell the manure.

develop new hobbies or revive old ones.
example, reading is good. writing songs is good. writing is good. helps develop creativity.

be firmer.
not firm enough, always kena bullied.

don't let curiosity get the better of me.
they say it killed the cat. that happened literally.

=)

poptart tomorrow, sunday nurse hangover and/or go out, jap class on mon+wed, tue watching potc with sis, going genting next week, maybe watch a few movies alone somewhere, read more books, cut my hair, dye my hair (kinda lazy. and black is in again. for me.), and whatever. just ask people to go out with me left right and centre.

then it's back to school.
another excuse for me to disappear from lives.
saying i'm too busy.

=D
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 7:45:00 PM

it only serves to confirm that:
1) look no further than the mirror
2) smth abt me is not right
3) i shd stop being so stupid and blind
4) i need to get out more, know more ppl
5) i'm in dire need of sleep and alcohol

suddenly i understand more things.
and am ever convinced of the degree to which how lousy i am.
which i accept.
i shall accept that fact and bring it to the grave with me.

*takes novel and departs*
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:58:00 PM

resolved le.
let me destress all night tomorrow drowning myself in music.
then crawl in my hole and hide for a few days.
then i will be ok le.

=)
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:26:00 PM

monoral soothes me.
music soothes the caffeinated soul.

@_@
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 10:29:00 AM

zomg!!!!
i really cannot sleep!!!!
fitful sleep filled with dreams of you.
@_@ oh noes.
and i'm too caffeinated.

X_X
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 9:45:00 AM

coffee is not the only thing that keeps one awake.
=__=
but i'm thankful for the company and the listening ear.
*_*
more opportunities wahahhaa!
thx ki for listening to me crap from when we had kopi all the way to erh.. now is 620am le. to dawn ba.

@_@
feel happier.
^_^
i can finally let all the nonsense out.
and it's like damn a LOT of nonsense.
ugh.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 6:23:00 AM

lala

nonetheless, i'm still as confused as ever.
but i won't let confusion cloud my mind.
there's a big mystery i really wish to unravel, but like all things, it is a pandora's box.
only pandora can open the box, but she doesn't seem to want to.
i've decided i want to go out and go out and go out until the end of hols.
it's really the final remaining times i have left to enjoy.

dun wanna spend it depressed n moping at home.

rather spend it feeling alive and, well, continually striving for the one thing i keep thinking is impossible.
but we never know unless we try.
i'm gonna hold on until the last shred of it is too frayed and has slipped from my bleeding fingers.
maybe then will i be more reconciled with myself and won't regret.

anyway i met gt today to make him study at woodlands mac, went home, went out again to meet ki for kopi at city hall pacific coffee. den walkwalk with her XD
den also encounted a lot of roach-related stuff.
like in the morning in msn gt was telling me random roach facts which are simply GROSS and make me hate them even more, and afternoon at arcade saw ppl at the Time Crisis 4 machine killing swarms of roach-like creatures called terror bites, and night went home took lift with neighbor.. a roach scuttled in the lift but he stepped on it so nonchalently. gosh.

hmm.

oh well.
see what tomorrow bodes.
currently no plans.
i'm free to wine and dine.
anyone?
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:52:00 AM

Thursday, July 20, 2006

din get my GE..
lol but it's ok.
now hopefully can pia to 3 day wk.. if cannot den 3 days and 1hr on fri lor.
ahahaha.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 8:26:00 PM

=_= feeling increasingly sianz.
i need to go out every day.
hurhur.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 8:05:00 PM

of fleas and senses

faint.
my senses nearly died today, head nearly caved it. but now ok le. after a game of dota. why oh why are violent (laggy) games so healing? haha i nv understand it. but i feel better.
and now i will go back to saying i shall forget anything i ever thought about.
shall ignore what i typed into my phone cos i think i wasn't in my right mind.
but the truth is i know i will never succeed.
because when i look into the mirror i know.
i have no beauty, i have no body.
neither am i cute.
but when i'm feeling optimistic,
i think that perhaps my character is good,
and my voice is pleasant,
and perhaps my smile is nice.
but then again i bet those aren't enough.
for i think i found the best in the world but i cannot hold on to it.
like the cube of salt you try to grasp to no avail while you swim in the ocean.
it's gone.
in a flash.
i'm sober.
i'm calm.
i guess i'll just be content with the fact that i know you,
and that our friendship has progressed so far.
but it's only friendship.
for i dare not upset the balance.
and definitely,
i am nothing in your eyes.
i quote the lines written in my phone,
'somehow i am always too unimportant to consider. always there, but like a basin of stagnant water.'
you know, i hope time will prove me wrong.
but you know it never does.
time erodes all things.
like the ever-crashing waves of the ocean
carving a cliff steeper and steeper.
i give up trying to sound nonchalant on my blog.
it's the only place i can talk about things with most ease.
don't like to trouble or disturb my friends with my trivial troubles.
neither do i like to discuss such stuff even i myself deem as lame.
yes i am weak and lame
but this is my blog and i can jolly well be weak and lame here.
feeling too shitty to bother anyway, anymore.
like i said, i am determined to enjoy the rest of my holidays.
i'll do whatever i want
to my whim and fancy
and i choose the company i want.
but the company is that of one.
and i know i am just going to come out of it scratched by the brambles.
but i think i'll try
rather than not try at all.
and like all things, a few years down the road,
i'll laugh at yet another of the stupid things i've done.
but this stupid thing has lasted nearly a year
it's a bloody saga.
well maybe it's another case of me being blind again.
but i've given it a lot of thought, too much thought actually
one year is already damn long in my case.
usually it's just a few months. even a few days.
and it would be nice to harbor some teeny speck of hope.
maybe it's the blindness again
but sometimes i really feel i can grasp the hope
it's just that neither is saying anything to the other.
and it really frustrates me
i wish i could dig around in peoples' minds.
but i can't.
i hate this merry go round.
i'm going nuts.
not as if i haven't gone nuts before.
maybe i should just slap myself and ask
WHAT AM I DOING?
look straight and you won't fall down
straight ahead are the end of the hols and the start of term.
straight ahead is well.. poptart over the weekend.
maybe i should get plastered.
then i don't need to think so much.
but like i said,
it's either 1) nothing on your part 2) you don't dare say anything 3) i'm just reading too much into things.
i'm too fucking confused.
always confused.
tapai confused.
and then i get depressed again because i'm confused and i feel belittled.
belittled by the sense that i am so insignificant people such as you brush me aside like little fleas.
not even mosquitoes.
at least mosquitoes get hands to smack them dead.
i'm just a flea.
insignificant.
tiny.
not even worth the trouble to smack.
not even able to make a hair tingle on the skin.
not even able to make footsteps.
i'm just a flea.
the only consolation i should have is that i can jump very far.

jumping....
to where?
jumping to conclusions?

geez.
i sound weak, pathetic, whiney, yet cynical all at the same time.
what is this.

lololol.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:37:00 AM

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

arrr fuck why i go back to square one.
low mood low mood.
fuck!!!!! cannot think properly.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 10:39:00 PM

of frozen horror set in oil and batter

gosh another entry on notepad cos i think my net died again. msn hung and d/ced. live msngr sux btw. v buggy for me.

anyway today i met grace! =D
she's finally back in sg man. aahhaa. our dinner was unprecedented man. whole roasted chicken from the hot deli in carrefour and bacardi breezer. barbaric but good. i think i'm better at meat though. heh. or maybe it's just her appetite >_< anyway quite shiok. clarke quay is so beautiful at night, although there are so many ppl. it's just the atmosphere perhaps... or the alcohol? ahahaha. but i purge it out of my face liao leh. XD the fountain's fun to play with. pretty lights fun water! i wanna go there again run around barefoot and get FREAKING SOAKED before it becomes an unmaintained SLIMY, SCUMMY, DIRTY, FILTHY fountain. which of course it's bound to be in a few months la. can envision all the sludge and cig butts and dunno what crap not to mention all the toe jam. sAaAAaad.
got my belated gifts from her. ahaha! i like!!!! i shd attempt to lose some flab so the tees fit better. else i dunno how le. lolz tight eh esp around my chest <_< LoL!!! and erm another bag! but i like it ahaha my first white bag.. hopeit doesn't become grey when i use it.. or brown.. O_O the design reminds me of AuditionSEA those hiphop guys with the sunglasses and the afro. ahahaha.
den i also got myself a metal bracelet thingy. whee~ i think can hang some charms on it also la. gotta go find some metal stars n hang =X die le now got star fetish. >_< no thx to mu and her roxas fetish. LOL!!!!
hmm ok i must blog abt the tilapia i saw at carrefour. it's the title of this entry man. think i'm infatuated with it. at the hot deli they sell this whole fish. it's upright and staring at you through the glass man. like a real fish only this one is perpetually trapped in batter and oil. ahahaha. looks like it swam into the hot batter and it's face is a mask of horror/death.. a big O staring at you kinda like those scary angler fish deep in the ocean. ahahaha i am tempted to buy it and try it! and J says it's $3.90. hurhur ok soonnnn. dunno how to eat tho. LOL! i'm so taken with it man. such a sad yet sadistic yet entertaining food item. hurhur.

hmm i said i'd give up and i have, and i think it has worked cos all i have left is a normal feeling. well i'll just continue as per normal. if things change then good lor. if things change too late den too bad lor. if nothing happens then nvm lor. if something happens but not my business then i'll go away lor. simple as that. i don't intend to waste away my hols with stupid thoughts that occupy my time, consume my energy and harbor my intention to go out and enjoy myself. you won't take me alive. i'm in control you can jolly well go hide in a corner and never come back. i'll just brush you aside.

yeah. and i found out alcohol makes my face flushed which means more blood to my face, which means when i peel the scab on my nose it bleeds a little too excessively. hurhur.

i'm smiling away all my troubles for if i drown in my gloom the rivers will flood and the puddles will never dry up.

(=
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:41:00 AM

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

lived a lie.
saw through the lie.
back on my feet.
can feel the ground again.

NO MORE DELUSIONS!
i'm quite contented now
the only thing i need is my PAY!!!!!!!!
O$P$
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:44:00 PM

TV story part 4

the tv finally figured it out.
it short circuited itself so the boy had to place it upon his shelf as a memory because it couldn't work anymore.

and that is how the story ends.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:40:00 PM

of dreams and realization

weirdddd dreams last night!
apparently when superman flies his feel look like baby's feet! like booties! eh i don't recall what his feet look like really. shit! anyone got a pic of his feet pls tell me. i dun remember what's on his feet.. are they bare? are they covered in blue spandax? O_O wa. does he even have feet?
so anyway i dreamt he was flying.. fighting.. suddenly the next moment he was dead, crashed through a museum building, lying on the ground, blood near his head. the museum staff had cordoned off the area with barricades but he was still clearly visible. they turned him into a new exhibit! so the people came to see him. superman's broken body lying on the cracked museum floor. although his corpse didn't decompose, giant cockroaches came and soon were swarming around him.. gross @_@ somehow in my dream i went to first person perspective for awhile. was seeing what superman would see. all the cockroaches, the people bending over, the side of the barricades. ahahaha. gross cockroaches!!!! as big as your hand GROSS.

ok and i was in an mrt. standing facing the shut doors at the back. mrt was crawling at a snail's pace. i needed to go.. where did i need to go? anyway it was crawling through orchard and somerset but kept stopping intermittently. trapped in unmoving darkness, the tunnel that is, wondering why the train wouldn't get a move on. anyway two gals behind me. dunno leh they kept prodding me in the small of my back. like pushing me a bit. very irritating. i tahan for sometime then suddenly i dunno why.. in a flash of anger turned around and shouted "EH STOP IT LAH. DAMN IRRITATING YOU KNOW". ahahaha. gosh i was even shocked at my own reaction. then me and the two gals.. they had milk coffee colored skin dunno what race. lolz. but quite hiao wear makeup one and quite pretty although but not skinny. then we argued. argue halfway then started talking about why the train keep stopping. the train was now crawling above ground and literally like on the floor. suddenly it stopped on a patch of grass near some buildings.. looks like the back of holland v sia. o_o now that i come to think of it.

and then i was in hmv. hmv had a dj table. looked like those portable kind. even the box was nearby. eh weird i dreamt of nat. anyway she was spinning some records sounded funky man. kinda like mix of indie and indian. ahahaha. but suddenly halfway the thing stopped. oh no. then she asked the other person at the counter. btw the console brand is SAJ or RAJ i forgot stands for what =X some dream brand ahaha. ya anyway the person at the counter said the memory stick no more space le that's why cannot play anymore. @_@ 10gig memory stick was it.. or 10mb. ahahaha. wow weird. anyway she was like quite pissed off la.

and then i dreamt i was in a bus with cyn and grace. those ricketty old bus with the bumpy ride and the cushion seats with the woodish frame and that maroon material for the cushions.. and the bell goes BEEP instead of DING DONG. ahaha. old skool. saw many other ppl i know get off.. but they were faceless. all getting off. finally left me grace n cyn. we got off around queenstown near where grace stays. then we were walking. ahaha i remember hugging them 5 sec each cos i missed them n they had just returned from overseas and i lack the company of some GIRLS. ahhhhhhh.

ok then i really woke up and saw i had an sms from grace. lololz and i am meeting her later!

whee.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 11:29:00 AM

zi4 bao4 zi4 qi4.
zi4 hui3.

whee!

disregard all my previous posts pls.
just a bunch of crap dat i've stuffed into the bin le.
^_^
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:48:00 AM

Monday, July 17, 2006

._.

i've decided!
i'm gonna bury myself in the ground and never ever come out!
bye bye~~

it's better this way... how could i even assume. silly silly
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 11:26:00 PM

see? i was so right.
i am over-paranoid.
nth to worry about.
=)
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 11:04:00 PM

the walk home

it's fun without me
it's not fun with me
i can forsee my future
spending it forever with some cmi person. probably extremely pimply and oily and stumpy and has a smile that could crack glass. with bad breath and bad habits and a bad sense of style. with bad teeth and bad nails and bad hair not to mention a lousy job.
he's balding and the top of his head is oily and he smells funny. like never bathe in a week. he walks funny and i think he has some long term sickness. oh and did i mention he's probably 20 yrs my senior?
wow i can totally forsee that.
and i can also see when i stand beside people i feel either like a gigantic lump of lard walking around or some homeless auntie who needs personal grooming...
no one wants to stand beside me.. everyone looks at me funny...
walking home lets you contemplate your existence. i had so much to contemplate...
i even contemplated existence itself.
saw so many smokers today. i lost count. wonder why they do that. is it that good? i don't need it... or do i? should i? but i have no money to and i'm allergic to smoke anyway. but ahhh yes, i have alcohol... 5 glasses and i'm woozy. wonder what happens if i down 10. HAHAHAHA. i'm gone la i think. but i won't. i'm not so foolish.
so many people destroying themselves.
what a social phenomena.
social evil?

quite sleepy during jap class today. owe it to not sleeping well.
can't sleep well.
can't think straight.
can't talk properly.
muddled.
flooded.
garbled.
quite happy with one thing though.
ytd didn't really eat much.
just some breakfast and then cup noodles.
today i ate some breakfast and drank some instant teh tarik and for dinner i had 3 small pieces of bread/pastry from four leaves mini world collection.
anyway i have no appetite.
i can't sleep properly.
i think my hair will start falling out.
(which is a good thing)
gosh.
and i still am as paranoid as ever.
on the road to self destruction, i am.

say your goodbyes...
the saga is ending...
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 9:59:00 PM

well for once something kelv said made sense and put things into perspective.
i'm gonna give everything this weird smile from now on.
hAh.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:11:00 PM

TV story part 3

when we last saw the tv, it was finally being bought after a long time sitting at the re-con man's shop window. a familiar voice the buyer had. and indeed, it was the tv's previous owner.

the lime green tv set was put snugly in the pocket with the ever familiar lint lining the edges and the smell of soap. the owner put his hand over his pocket the whole time to make sure the tv was safe and sound and that he wouldn't lose it again.

the lime green tv set spent many such days like that once in the care of its old turned new owner. the tv set was happy. but something nagged at its little tv brain. although much time was spent with its owner, the owner never said anything. didn't paste stickers with his name on it, didn't personalize the tv, and didn't even customize settings. needless to say, the tv's owner didn't even say the tv belonged to him.

the tv had no sense of ownership... it just went back to being a tool. a tool in a happier environment, nonetheless. and the tv constantly worried, with all the spanking new tv shops in the area, that its owner would go into one of them and set eyes on one of those snazzy sleek slim stylish widescreen televisions and forget all about the lime green tv set. maybe even worse. maybe its owner would buy a new television set home and just sell the mini one away or junk it.

now, the tv didn't want that, but it had no way to voice its opinion. it had no way to ask its owner. especially since its owner had applied for a job in one of those tv shops and would start work soon. it would soon be over wouldn't it? the tv set questioned the cloth of the pocket. i would be left alone again won't i? the tv set questioned the stitches. you never really regarded me before didn't you? the tv set questioned the palm of the hand it sat upon as it showed its owner the programs. yes it will soon be over. the tv set was resigned to its fate.

maybe i should just go get lost or just wait for another owner to come along who really treasures me, if there ever will be another... the tv set sat on the boy's desk in darkness, pondering for a long time before sleep could finally take over...
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 11:25:00 AM

Sunday, July 16, 2006

it translates into nothingness

saw a trend.
seems rampant.
no, it's not a good trend.
wonder why people drift so easily.
drift to, drift fro, drift apart, drift together.
so fast so fast.
too fast for the human eye to register.
too fast for the human mind to connect the dots.
connect those broken dots.

i'm on one of those rafts too
and i'm drifting drifting down this river without a bank.
well, it had one
i was set upon the raft there
and now i will drift until i capsize
or i decide to jump off
get away from this mundanity
day in day out
drifting on a raft
nothing to see but sky and water
not even having fish to keep me company
no roof above my head
no rudders no oars

the wind might blow me into some rapids
or over a waterfall
maybe blow me upside down
even if i could steer
i wouldn't know where to go
the horizon smiles broadly at me
i think it's toothless
like the empty gaps between the wood planks

maybe i'll spot another person on a raft
maybe we could find something to tie the rafts together
maybe it wouldn't hold
and i'd never see the other person again
we could always hold each other's rafts
but it's too tiring
24/7 holding onto splintered, wet, slippery wood
blistered
how long can you hold on?
even if we found some weeds
how strong could they be

some people are lucky
they find strong twine
won't last a lifetime
but it will last nearly that

i'm drifting on my little raft
bound by a mixture of twine and weeds to a mix of fellow rafters
we drift in silence,
sometimes in song,
sometimes in the busied rush to bind other people
that we forget to tend to the old weeds
and they break off
snapping ties
but it helps if there is a network of weeds and twine
so even if one breaks off
everyone is still connected and easily repaired.

my raft bears my name
i sit upon my raft
face up
the sky is starry tonight
look out at the fellow rafters who surround me
maybe one day they'll all drift away

a knot is only so strong.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 10:40:00 PM

there are only so many 'once in a lifetime's.
and 'happily ever after's are so darn rare.
why does it feel so right yet so different?
why does it feel so relaxing yet uptight?
sheesh.
i feel like a radio station broadcasting songs to a ficticious audience.
is the dj the only listener?

damn. that is sad.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:42:00 AM

Saturday, July 15, 2006

of greed, lust, pride and envy

the more i see, the more i want to see.
sucks being human.
hahaha.

shopping was good but tiring.
a whole new experience.

sometimes i wonder what's this?
then i get too tired to wonder.
nothing, nothing to see here.
move on, get a move on.

i am a human.
i am greedy.
i want more things even though i have enough.
i am a human.
i lust for many things.
especially that which i cannot have.
i am a human.
i am proud.
my pride gets in the way many times.
my pride keeps me from getting what i want.
which is a paradox of sorts.
because of my greed and lust,
but pride,
the things i cannot have,
i envy those who do.
i am a human.
i am easily jealous.

operating on those 4 flaws.
greed, lust, pride and envy.
did i mention i am lazy and selfish and mean too?
of course many other things.

but somehow,
i wish i could have my cake and eat it.
we sow the seeds and reap the grain of our doing.
what do i wish to reap with the seeds i sow?
even if the seasons turn bad
and the harvest looks poor
will i still reap the fruit of my hard work and labor?

the farmer does not know.
the weather, the weather he says
and checks the sky for signs
i am not a weatherman.
i cannot forecast the future.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 10:09:00 PM

Friday, July 14, 2006

i should stop dreaming and living in my dream.
because dreams will never be reality and i should stop having false expectations and living a lie.
illusory existences never worked out.
we'd all wake up dead.

haiz.
think i gonna be in a bad mood again.
and the fact that my cough and cold and throat pain / tonsils pain is getting worse is not helping one bit. can't sleep properly also. dreams are also too weird and kinda stressful. i think last night's dream involved cakes and violence and destruction. cannot remember much. just weird.

demo mirarenai toki, chotto sabishii. hanasenai toki mo.
moushi kaeranai, genki ni naru?
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 3:27:00 PM

byouki da.
byouki da.
BYOUKI da.

nodo ga itakute netsu ga atteiru.
chichi no 'zatsuekifu' no tokumei wa totemo kitanakute baka da.
argh.

daikirai.
okimeke, mukatsuku.
ROAR.

dekaketai. hontou ni isshukan dekaketai.
ryou ni sumitai mo.
uchi o wasureta hou ga ii kamoshirenai.

ima ni mo shinu to omou.
tasukerareteiru hito ga nain da.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:37:00 PM

yoru de kangaeteiru...
._.
mata kangaeteiru...
ano mayotta kimochi na koto...
XD
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:18:00 AM

Thursday, July 13, 2006

out of the loop

heh i'm kinda lost currently. just going with the flow. doing whatever catches my whim and fancy. i'm too free and too boliao and too thick skinned. today woke up bloody early (read: 8am. UNGODLY) and met gt at tpy, then had a semblance of breakfast in the form of a cold sandwich from 7-11 cos all the shops CLOSED. sigh. then met kelv at dhoby mrt and went to smu. bloody scary at first saw so MANY people. thought it was the queue but heng it wasn't. total time spent at smu was like 5hrs? or close to that. oh man hahaha. met gt's fren kx there also. haha interesting fellow.
i think smu got too many things to do liao. lol i typoed OD just now. but it's true! OverDose sia. can die one. actually i'll stick to my nice and quiet life at ntu thank you very much. hahaha! but i was mistaken for a freshie thousands of times. >_>
felt a bit extra ya.. but thank goodness had kx for company...
kinda lost my train of thought. friend online on msn suddenly chat to me. hahaha. ok la i had quite a good day. =) just kinda tired.. and jealous.. cos the laptops now very cheap and twice as power as mine. arghhhhhhhhhhhh. 1.8k for acer travelmate 1gig ram 128mb gfx card 3 yr warranty free 512mb thumbdrive and carry case. zomgzomggg. nvm lappie i still love you!!!! you've given me nothing but quality for 2yrs! *muah!*
feels nice nuaing with friends... very peaceful and calming. hahahaha.
yeah i'm tired. and feel like a bit overheated.. my fever. still here sia. lol.

kyou no kimochi wa totemo ii kana.. watashi dake komatteiru koto wa zenbu de hanashiteiru na.. omoshiroi.... kantan ni oshieta. sugoi @_@
ureshii na..... demo chotto mayou da. itsumo itsumo mayotteiru.

ahhh tsukareta~
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 6:50:00 PM

sick but somewhat happy

...maybe i'm delirious. ahaha. been running a temperature these couple of days. tonsil also hurting but now not so bad after taking some medicine. funny, although i'm sick i'm quite my jovial self. not down in the dumps. heh.
quite happy with my 2 clips. yeah. and happy with the porridge i had ytd. yum. and happy with my katakana test. ahaha perfect =) happy with the games i've played on the comp too! lolz. did i mention that dota helps to bring fever down? lololol.
today i was stoning online and decided to clear my hdd so i burned out anime and then installed AuditionSEA. hmm not a bad game just that i'm kinda laggy. i think not enough ram >_>
anyway i'm getting better at it! hehehe. now not the last one all the time =3
actually wanted to go bugis early cos got a sale then got one gold n white tee i like.. but in the end i slacked at home. heng i nv go early. cos gt asked me help him print out his cpf form thingy and said he would go tpy to collect from me o_O wa.. quite rush. he chionged to tpy n i printed it and went down. met him and just as we went back down the escalator, our trains came. hehe so qiao. and i wasn't late for class heng. just in time. =) pity it was like a hi-bye moment. hahaha. feel quite bad like that but oh well. still wondering why he couldn't have asked his yishun friends to print for him >_> then he dunnid to rush all the way to tpy ma. maybe cos i was on msn dat time and it was convenient? eh i dunno la. dun wish to try to explain. i am exploitable and too nice but for some people i really don't mind.
at least we learnt something new in jap class today. whee happy. diana went another way to take bus. so i went to bugis junction alone.. bought back some stuff for the family namely mom and sis. tried smiling at the girl who was also queueing up at the takopachi stall cos she was from my jap class. she like no recognition one. =(
maybe my smile looks like a frown o_O
seems kelv also wants me to help him print forms for tml =X hahaha. i'm like smu printing service man. lolz. think tomorrow i'm gonna be an extra. wa a bit sad... i hope i won't be extra. 3 smu ppl 1 ntu gal. i go smu with them for what? hurhur being extra to tag along..... anyway don't think gt's friend will think i extra because afterall i also going with kelv ma. ok so my motives are unclear. or rather, they will be misinterpreted. wahaha. =X
am somewhat craving for wanton soup / wanton mee. think i'll have that tomorrow with a hot cup of tea.
and why does it seem like he's warmer towards me nowadays? my intuition is always on overdrive. i think i'm hallucinating =X but it would be good if the signs are positive. although one year's my limit, i can always make a concession in his case.
=)
hopefully fri can meet mu to makan. long time no see mu... i think after all that 3d modelling she sure look at the world as if it's in a wireframe. ahahaha no doubt abt it!!!!!
yay time to act 'freshie' tomorrow. and then after lunch maybe can go arcade and/or watch Thank You for Smoking. hawhawhaw i hope it's good.

anyone wanna watch Royston Tan's 4:30 with me?
i'll be watching it hook or by crook anyway.
MY IDOL!!!!!!!!!!!

damn my fever hasn't broken yet.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:59:00 AM

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

the fare adjustment was a positive move for both the taxi industry and for customers.

He said that with the adjustment, hirers could expect to increase their monthly income by an average of 10 percent.

yeah right.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:06:00 PM

watashi no getsuyoubi

omoshiroi ne.
kyou no hanashi.
doushite msn de dakishimeta? chotto bikkurichatta yo. sore kara, kaetta toki, sonna mo shita. okashii ne.
dattara, tomodachi wa jikan ga nai toki, watashi wa koko ni matteiru. ima no koto dake... shourai wa... chotto wakannai na.
watashi ni no kimochi o urugaeta kamoshirenai? sono no... muri da. demo, urugaetara, ureshii na.

kyou nihongo no jyugyou mo aru. getsuyoubi da kara sou. maa maa da. naratta koto ga attan da. jyugyou ga owatte kara, bugisu janshon e itte, sukoshi kaimono ni shita. uwaa.. waribiki ga takusan aru ne.. ashita hayaku kaimono ni ikitain da!!! demo, saa... okane ga nai. mainichi E-me-ru o yondeimasu ga, kyouryoushiharaikogitte no nyu-su ga nai. nai nai nai. kanashii na!!! kawaisou da T_T

demo! ni hon kurippu o katta. hoshi no dezain ga atte, katachi mo omoshiroi no da. kondo kurippu o tsukattemitai. =X

saikin byouki da kara, kyou chotto hayai neru no hou ga ii to omou. hayaku jyoubu ni naru~ mokuyoubi ni gt to kelv to sannin de smu e iku. kinyoubi ni mu ni au, kaimono o suru. kamera mo kaitai da.

ja oyasuminasai. nemukunakutemo, byouki no toki nenakerebanaranai.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:10:00 AM

this just in:

roy sent me this gif on msn and it's so damn funny i HAVE to post it here.

...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:04:00 AM

Monday, July 10, 2006

dammit.

france was doing quite well apart from henry's first minute injury. but then italy had to lop one in and equalize it. nvm it was a nice goal man. zidane tried to get a header in but unfortunately blocked. also nvm. but AIYOH it went into extra time and ZIDANE had to smack another header into WTF? an Italian player. excuse me are you nuts? that's a certain red card. even if referee don't see at first with all the cameras confirm will see. you might be pro but you should know better lor what attitude is that. especially now since henry got subbed and you're retiring soon. knn red card disgrace. heng still got sangol.. i think he not bad. haiz penalty shoot out damn dao mei. italy managed to get all 5 in. poor france missed one and lost the WC trophy to italy.

never mind!

there's always the next world cup!
but i'll still be rooting for ghana.
=)

GHANA!!!!!!!!

------------------------

today good and bad day.
ho hum.
ya it's totally a mix.
sleep will make it a winner or a loser.
depends how well i sleep.
doubt i will sleep properly because respiratory passage don't feel good.
but the weather rocks la.

see what mood i wake up in tomorrow.
anyway now WC over i hope pkk will talk to me.
sheesh.

give him the benefit of the doubt, don't think he's so petty ba.
>_<
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 5:19:00 AM

Sunday, July 09, 2006

bloody hell nice



pity the bigger version got a screwed up watermark. but ahhh getty so darn efficient.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 5:34:00 AM

yet another night becomes morning in front of the telly

inspiring.

beautiful goals from Schweinsteiger, awesome header from Gomes, fearsome saves by Kahn... although there was this really sad own goal by Petit. heart went out to Portugal.

and the fireworks. hah.

wonderful.

live coverage is awesome. you have all the cameras trying to capture unrepeatable awe-inspiring moments. one whole frontline of men behind their 68356246134x zoom lenses zooming in on grit, emotion, determination, passion and power.

amazing.

although i felt the referee was kinda biased at the beginning. bleah.
haha and i hear my neighbors cheering also. feels shiok.

tomorrow!
it's the final man.

although the bets are on Italy, i'm hoping France will win it.
gogo frenchmen!!!
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 5:14:00 AM

hohum.

different perspectives, different brain composition.

=D

opposite path here i come!
(yet again yet again)
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:22:00 AM

Saturday, July 08, 2006

woot i'm as fickle as a featherbrainfluffafloop~
now i like this baby:


muahahha cheaper by $30 also.
>_>

and and.
there's cosfest tomorrow~

aye ._.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 10:25:00 PM

chance/i've got my eye on you

i'm leaving everything up to chance
like the wind in my hair;
dunno which direction it comes from

i'll pick a lucky number and wait
hopefully they'll divinate;
something i can just pick up and go

it's the wait and see approach
not the 'i know what i'm doing;
and hell be if i don't get what i want

'cos i know
that's most likely the case

hence i'm leaving everything up to chance

the decision i make
is left entirely to fate

so be good to me you ingrate
make my chance worthy and great~

~~~~~~

randomness.

by the way this is how i plan my timetable.
put like 5 choices for GE. first three choices in same timeslot, second in a better timeslot but not what i wanna do.

i'll see what i get la.
maybe i'll take only 1 ge this sem.
see what lot life lands me.
=)

btw check out this baby:


$599 with free 512SD and digital kit bag.
sighhhhhh.

OK O$P$!!!!
NOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOW

still contemplating tomorrow going or not. like roy said, "cannot blindly go. if u dunno wtf's going on. cannot just go and protest something you don't fully understand."

maybe i'll just rot at home tomorrow too.
no biggie man.

hmm exactly a month more till school starts. fux. what do i have to show for my hols? a measley B+ (yeah that was GH13) and slacking and my AWOL pay. hurhur.

wonder if he would wanna go out with me and rot tomorrow. always dunno go where do what. maybe i'll say go study lor. as in he study and i read a book. or something.

need to breathe fresh air.
dad in cleaning frenzy. dust not good for lungs. feeling semi suffocated here already.

the good thing is, mood's clearing up.
but fuck man tomorrow's sunday.

BLOODY CROWDED AH!!!!

ok bring big umbrella and wear shoes to whack people out of the way and prevent my feet from getting stepped on. maybe go somewhere ulu-ated.

i think i'm paranoid and in the first place it doesn't even concern me.

ok if i get that cam, mumu go with me shoot shoot unsuspecting animals? MUAHAHAHHAHA.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 8:41:00 PM

being the typical law-abiding and govt-fearing singaporean i am, kinda worried tomorrow's antics might land me into deep shit. but well, if it makes a difference, it's gonna be worth it.

protest lo!
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 4:46:00 PM

doing it like the pros...

damn.

no pay = no $
no $ = no canon ixus 60
no cam = no piccies

well, but no cam = save $

fuck man...
PAY ME ALREADY DAMMIT!
O$P$ else i hang tur tao on your office door.

=(
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 4:10:00 PM

=)

seems i always run in the opposite direction. should just walk straight instead of opposite where my intuition tells me. seems the people i meet also head in the direction opposite that of mine.

guess that's just me.

running away from everything i see.
running away from everything that could be good.
running away from all the light.
running away because i am afraid of what i might like.

and then i'd get too addicted to the light.
and like a moth, i'd die in flames. inflammed. flamed.
burnt my wings and spiralled.

should be a hummingbird.
'cos i always head in the opposite direction.
opposite isn't always bad. but my opposite almost always seems to be the wrong way.

it's a good thing i've found landmarks on the way to keep me (roughly) on track. at least if i run backwards and trip and fall into a pit/lake/puddle/over the slope, i can see the landmark from a distance and get back to where i left off. dust my ripped jeans and bear with the pain from my cuts and bruises.

but there's also a chance that one day i might fall backwards into my own grave.
maybe i'm overly pessimistic or morbid but i can feel the shadow. it's being dug for me.

hai. better not have too many morbid thoughts at night. really not good for the imagination and chemical levels in the brain. brain going bust soon. chemical imbalance. if there ever existed a scale of 1 to 10 where 1 is euphoria/mania and 10 is suicidal thoughts/depression, i guess i would be a 7.5 or 8 right now.

was talking to a fren on msn ytd. he said he only sees the good things about people. although he thinks everyone is fan4 jian4. well i don't totally understand the meaning of that word la, but there's always a dark side to a person. yeah we're only human. anyway he said even if he sees the bad things he forgets them.

true?

if that's true maybe then i always see the bad things about people first. but then after i notice the good things, i notice the bad things about myself even more and then feel envious or depressed. hah. sheesh. the more i know a person, the more i notice that person's flaws or good points. the more i feel second, third, fourth, best. always coming in last.

if we run a rat race, i'll come in somewhere near the end. or at the end. i'm used to this anyway, because in school i was always last to finish for a run. or near the end. until i really couldn't be bothered. totally pulled out all effort or want of trying.

this is where i am right now.
21 years old.

seems painfully ironic though.
ever since i turned 21, i've been doing countless stupid things until i feel i've not grown up, but grown down. maturity does not come with age. it comes with actions, behavior, thoughts, feelings, words...

sadly, even at 21, i lack the maturity some people manifest at 16.

yi cuo zai cuo.

one day i will drown in all of my mistakes. drown and drown and drown. anyway i think if there ever existed an endless punishment for us after we die, that would be mine.

isn't it coincidental that i can't swim still? and i don't even bother to try.

easier to die i guess.
and of course another painful method to die.

shouldn't listen to audioslave when i'm feeling like this. but hey, it's good company. and it's "Like a Stone" some more. hah.

now i'm wondering, anyone as bo liao as me and reads blogs from start to finish? because i've started doing that recently again. not to say they were short 1 entry blogs too.

do any of you do that too? wonder if anyone has actually read my entire load of archives. please own up, i would like to talk to you / meet you. find it damn amusing/interesting to meet someone like me in such a manner. speaking of archives, really getting very long, making my blog sibei long. the layout i mean. because my entries are long winded and whiney enough as it is already.

wonder also how many people i've offended deliberately or unknowingly on my blog. i think i just offended some people la. i think i offended you, sk. been in a stupid state of mind these few days, and i'm not even half coherent. ramblings. nonsense.

i wish i had enough steam to write until the dawn and i'd sleep when the sun comes out. like a freaking hermit/vampire. but i'm running out of gas... anyway some random thought always enters my mind the moment i hit POST, and i bloody have to get my ass back to blogger n churn out more incoherence. but hmm. this is notepad. blogger takes too long to load for my liking. need to let the thoughts come out asap. else it's like constipation. becomes piles... instant gratification. notepad is. hah.

wondering how roy's party is hitting off. feel so bad i couldn't get there today. i mean i could la, i'm free as bloody fucking hell. so free i'm just thinking in overdrive. needless stupid things that don't even half concern me i also think about and make them a concern too. fuck. ya anyway i could have just gone alone. haiz. why didn't i?

if i had a normal brain i'd think. well, he'd understand. but under such circumstances and under the influence of low seratonyn levels in my brain, i'm thinking the opposite. hahahahahaha.

still thinking about the countless stupid things i've done. shall i list them here?

the first thing was piss pkk off. fuck. and i wasn't even drunk or anything. now i try to message him on msn also no response. but fuck man i really deserve it.

the second thing was to blog something stupid and lame that possibly pissed sk off. saw his nick on msn dunno if he was referring to me as a so-called friend. well, in low chemical level times like these, anything goes. i'd gladly blame myself. misery loves company.

the third thing was to call mu's house at fucking after midnight. shit man. why am i so stupid. i see her nick on msn i also don't dare go talk to her now. ok i'm acting stupid. hope this entry doesn't piss her off also. haiz. wtf was i thinking? seriously. chemical imbalance makes me do stupid things. or hey, is it just me?

S T U P I D I T H

whee!

the fourth thing i think i vaguely did but doesn't particularly bother me (what fucking attitude is this?) was make my sis feel bad. cos i chuckled when she told me something i shouldn't chuckle at. it's me and my fucking cynical laughter. bitter laughter. kinda like 'i've been there too, i'm laughing bitterly'. hah fuck can't be bothered to explain myself. anyway she also used to me being cold and heartless also la.

anymore things i did to piss people off?
please tell me, i'll gladly slap myself for you if it makes you feel better. slap until my face drops off. doesn't matter, ugly enough already muahaha.

heng today i thought i pissed gt off.
(see la, it's me and the 'walking on eggshells' feeling with everyone and anything. hell, i can even believe i pissed my fridge off or the bed i sleep on off) but turns out he wasn't pissed with me la, just that he entered the library cannot sms. think he and mu are my only solace on msn/real life now. always see them on msn or sms them... familiar 'faces' haha.

but there's something that i still and won't ever understand about him. aiyah. i gave up thinking long ago why am i back here?

fuck.

still kinda depressed la. very vulnerable mentally now. feeling very listless. whirlpool of thoughts and a jumble of assumptions that i keep experiencing over and over in loop in repeat in A-B mode in whatever. hai broken tape recorder.

brain got off switch or not?

haiz platonic-ity?

platonic when it shouldn't be and non-platonic when it should.

thank goodness we weren't fed perma- truth serums when we were born. i think i'd make everyone afraid of me or disgusted or something.

but still it sucks hiding things. and sometimes i wish i knew things. wish they would please come out of hiding! why are there so many questions? think my brain twisted into a bloody question mark. if i were japanese, the only word i'd be able to say when i'm old and senile and/or retarded would be 'ka.'

wish there was some way i could know without screwing other things up. but there really isn't any way to know. and why am i always unsure or having the wrong thoughts? aiyah i've gone through this a million times and this is still a continuation part 125136247247 from like a year ago.

you're not doing this on purpose but sometimes i wish it were more clearcut. maybe i should pursue my psychology minor.

k la i think i've spewed too much of my guts out on this stupid entry. another stupid entry no creativity whatsoever, captioned with a mocking smile that belies cynicism and forced happiness.

hope everyone had a pain in the ass reading this and don't forget to get pissed off with me. i bet i spoilt your night. so i won't say sweet dreams.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:56:00 AM