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You're strange and we like fur
Strange, walking down the avenue
You're strange just the way you are
Strange, always doing something new
© 2003 DEVILROBOTS
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character profile
hello!
please press start to begin!
...
welcome to dithie's world of wacked up shit!
today in this universe, we will introduce you to the characters you can choose to participate in this fun-filled adventure through non-descript terrains!
new maps everytime!
never boring!
but always a chore to play!
please press circle to advance!
...
oh hello there!
i'm htid, here to assist you in choosing your character for this journey.
come follow me!
please press circle to read a character's information and X to exit to the character choosing menu. please press triangle to choose the character and square to see 3D mode.
...
AE01 - the body hugger.
this character is good in close combat.
walks closely to party members in huge shopping malls.
has another partner in crime but doesn't seem to have qualms about walking close to people, even girls. perhaps the sensor of danger has been destroyed in a previous accident. good height advantage to act as a lookout during battles, has some magic abilities.
str - 8
agi - 6
int - 5
wit - 8
awareness - 7
hp - 195
mp - 30
...
AE02 - the seemingly tiko chest looker
this character is good at sniping and ranged attacks.
likes to analyse enemies (and party members) for their weak points by looking at their chests.
does weird things everytime everywhere and has low qualms about doing so.
friendly and cheerful outward appearance but seems to be damn tiko and horny underneath. beware, party members.
you might not find a knife in your back from this character, but you might find him up a tree humping it or worse (gasp!) humping you.
beware.
good at sniping enemies though. not as tall as the body hugger but can also make quite a good lookout.
X-ray vision suspected.
str - 6
agi - 8
int - 3
wit - 7
awareness - 1
hp - 160
mp - 30
AE03 - the shadow walker
likes to hide in the shadows, not really attacking but planting traps and bombs. kinda like a cross between stealth assassin and that self destructing irritant in dota. confuses enemies. good to have in your party as a lookout and to mislead and damage your enemies before battle. when the shadow walker calls, he loses his invisibility. only calls when provoked and these are in times of danger. will call out to one chosen party member who will answer the call and be safe but the shadow walker will sacrifice 30 seconds of his invisibility for it and become bumbling and clumsy, making him a good target to gank for the enemy.
str - 3
agi - 9
int - 7
wit - 9
awareness - 5 (avg of 9 and 1)
hp - 127
mp - 78
AE04 - the w'ind chas3r
wind mage. can control elements of the wind. rides fast on the wind. however in a party, is always a large distance away, dunno doing what also. can summon clouds to control them. either to make fog, to ride on them, or to carry a fallen party member. quite useful to have in a party but tends to drift away on a cloud doing his own thing. ask to join party at own risk. will try to join through sweet words and actions, dubious.
str - 1
agi - 6
int - 9
wit - 8
awareness - 7
hp - 110
mp - 198
please make your choice now.
...
don't make a choice yet?
...
saving and closing game.
good bye.
...
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:33:00 PM
dare ga usotsuki ni natta?
muzukashikute fukusatsu tte.
haiz.
what to make of it.
mixed feelings.
and so much work to rush.
fucking lost.
fuck everything laH...
=(
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 3:19:00 AM
went to vivo today for maple outing.
actually was stoning online but around 230pm+ beng msned me saying he got nth to do and asked if i wanna go earlier.
haha.
i reached around 410pm.
not much difference from the meeting time at 430.
was disgusted by the flood at harbor front mrt. wtf.
disgusting.
mrt staff ushering the crowd. zzz. jialat.
ppl crawled and crawled. took eons to reach vivo entrance.
moment i reached there was like damn lost.
so beng came to fetch me then we explored.
big sia but it's like full of hot air.
nth nth nth!
big for what fuck.
all the ppl there jus go there n boliao see see.
like nth to shop one.
zzz.
i rather go imm shop.
i rather go bugis street shop.
i rather go tpy central shop.
i rather go og shop.
i rather go simlim shop.
i rather go bishan shop.
i rather go far east shop.
lolol.
maybe i'll go again when less ppl.
zzz.
and no more paint smell. lmao.
but i might go there play pool at e-zone.
oh ya their arcade sux.
lol.
so damn small but got a pool place hmm.
watched the departed.
bloody show 520 started 8pm ended.
what's that?
2hrs40min?
bloody long show like deathnote, watch until can sleep.
lol i kept finding myself analysing the director's skill.
but i found myself thinking that
eyer hollywood big budget some stuff dunnid but they just use cos got the money and heck la, it's hollywood.. go wild! fuck your brains out!
example.
going up stairs they use a gip/crane. simple going up the stairs.
must admit looked quite nice but not much function.
a lot of gip/crane shots.
some shots also just for one shot need so many things.
i saw a not bad tracking shot.
going into the bar, stopping at the bar table and jack nicholson comes in backview then goes somewhere else.. then goes back and hand passing money and back or smth. forgot.
damn sian lol.
was analysing their transition scenes also.
example;
matt damon as a kid and then him grown up.
linked by shotsize and hairstyle and similar face and expression.
lmao.
keep going back from matt damon to leo.
actually in this movie i liked leo's character.
matt damon sux!
i hate him.
he died in the end i also no kick.
stupid ending.
the only nice ironic thing was the rat crawling on the balcony bannister.
lmao.
lame.
pace of the movie damn slow.
not gripping.
wan to slp.
i go to a cinema.
i wanna be entertained.
i don't wanna be analysing the shots in a movie.
cos once i do that, means that i am BORED.
HAH.
after that gab, ivan joined us.
oh ya moviegoers were; von, me, fred, beng, ber, nana, dav.
cldn't decide where to eat, ended up at the hawker centre.
nice chilli with the hokkien mee.
wanted to go starbucks chill but it was CLOSED.
bah.
so went home and here i am..
u noe i dunno why, it's so weird, but behavior in the movie theatre is smth i take notice of.
whether u move around in ur seat a lot, whether u shake leg, etc etc.
i dunno why but to me it's a gd judge of the person.
hahaha.
if i like watching movie with you,
well maybe i find you a good person.
hmm i dunno.
was quite turned off today.
dun think he's cute anymore.
another person is cuter
but unfortunately attached.
nvm!
i still got my kaze.
hope he not bluffing me.
the new blog song is a kaze song.
lol. =S
actually even if dun have,
i think i noe who likes me.
i suspect only.
who knows?
my intuition is correct esp if not clouded by personal feelings.
ie, if i dun like that guy.
i dun like him, i like him as a gd friend,
but i can sense stuff.
so perhaps it's true.
hah.
we'll see.
not that i dun like him but i just have no feelings for him.
let me analyse more.
is that called leading him on?
playing with feelings?
to me it's investigation.
it's satisfaction of my own curiosity.
=S
hope no one gets burnt.
blahhhh.
k time to audition.
benben waiting for mi =3
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 11:33:00 PM
lol got a nasty shock today.
wondered why i look like the incredible hulk.
XD
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 3:00:00 AM
wa damn slpy now.
long day today.
was late for proj meeting as usual.. what's new.
stupid room closed from 12-2. how cld i forget z_Z
i keep eating a lot today.
ate mashed potatoes and baked fish and drank mango-orange juice which was too sour for my liking. sugarcane sold out for the first time in my ntu life. whoa. did have sugarcane eventually elsewhere but i think school's one nicer and cheaper. -_-
shoot shoot
we shoot the video.
long time no use that cam, forgot how to config it lmao.
wasted a lot of stupid time z_Z
nvm we managed to finish cos we are pro =D
damn funny i cannot stop laughing.
sk and his masked rider roles.
lolololz.
damn hilarious la the mask thing.
tmd LoL.
we should do a stupid spoof of the becoming royston movie.
wahhahaa.
still cracks me up everytime. =X
v bored n tired after that.
somehow our lift home ended up with us following hm to margaret drive and the shop not open =S
ended up taking pics at the tiny skatepark. hahahaha.
went to the guitar shop...
then drove round and round looking for tiong bahru mkt. lmao, unfindable. =S
shit la.
went to zion road hawker centre instead.
ate the famous no. 18 char kuay teow.
haha it was ok la.
i like the hum!
ok next time must eat with hiam.
jaywalked to great world city.
gawd i am lousy at jaywalking i v scared everytime.
lolol.
ended up spending 'a week' in sk's time, rummaging and rummaging through the pile.
my sis says if i cannot fit, she wants to wear those tee shirts.
she says her size.
lol.
but i think i can wear oso leh.
she omg la.
cos we're abt the same size?
of cos she's slim
and i'm not
=S
sadded.
ate $1.80 ice cream dbl scoop cone.
whee!
lol..
sk's jokes are v lame n actually damn funny
but dunno why i nv laugh like huimin.
hahahaha.
actually i must confess i <3 hm and sk.
hohoho.
too bad grace had tuition else can relak with us.
wahahhaa.
nvm.
too bad so sad.
DAMN PIG AH
I MUST STOP EATING
k.
v slpy eh.
nightz.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:31:00 AM
demo ii yo.
kaze no hou ga kanashii to omou XD
watashi wa... doyoubi ni hoka no hito ni aeru.
ureshii na!
tanoshimi!
=D
i'm siao liao.
hito to asobisugiru.
haish
ano saa,
i was thinking abt smth in the mrt on the way home:
"don't try to convert me cos religion is a construct, and the only religion i believe in is the one i construct. not that i don't respect you but that i respect myself more."
stemmed from a prior event.
i'm quite stoic in my beliefs le.
hard to change me.
ren shan nan gai, ben xin nan yi.
hmm.
last min lecturer also postponed the deadline
and i finished it liao lor
sianz wasted my slping time
but nvm
a load off my shoulders.
k sian of blogging
mata.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 6:37:00 PM
430am heng i had a 2hr nap in my bed and a 1/2hr nap on the mrt on the way home.
did i pon jap for nth?
i dunno oso.
i like to think i didn't pon for nth.
k tml must wake up 9am.
i am 30min ahead of this essay completion schedule yay
i wonder what my lecturer will think when she sees it was submitted at 420am wahahhaha. guess she aint new to seeing that bahs lolz.
audition down down down
feel gian but good i can't play so i can do work.
tml i reli hope schedule will fit.
gahs. gonna look like SHIT.
kkkkk bb nightz.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 4:33:00 AM
sitting here in the semi dark listening to the rain pelt against the window, the street, and swish in the street under the tyres of various vehicles on the road.
i'm listening to the neighbors upstairs pound belacan, to the sound of my fingers typing on the keyboard.
damn tired now man, don't feel like going for japanese lesson.
raining and tired and lazy.
and i have a 3k word essay to do.
to be finished by tonight.. shd i pon lesson and do it now?
v tired.
think i won't go for japanese lesson.
3 hrs of my life can be spent doing work, sleeping, resting.
don't feel like moving at all.
and i'm seriously very tired right now.
lethargy man.
peiting mentioned why i always look so shag.
she saw me today haha.
then she saw sk she also asked him why he look so shag.
i have a perpetual shagged look sia.
today even worse.
in the mrt was sleeping even more deeply. wtf.
there was a guy beside me reading manga and listening to music, leaning forward.
my cheek kept resting on his shoulder lolz.
dunno if he felt disgusted or not, but he nv move or brush me away.
in fact i think he sat very still.
i should have just slept on him.
LoL.
today went sch help out with some stuff.
ahahaa i sux at wrapping boxes arr nvm.
i tried?
ahahaha.
rain damn bloody fucking heavy now.
the visibility damn low,
it's like this cloud of tiredness in my head.
hahaha.
i've decided not to go for japanese lesson today.
i'm gonna rest now then later do my essay n finish by tonight so tomorrow i can go out without having to worry about the time and i can enjoy myself without guilt.
my 'thoughts' written in notepad have exceed 1k words.
i think i can finish the 3k word essay by tonight =P
i just need to search some theories and definitions online and then the rest is like a lit essay, quote a bit then have pure crapz.
wahahhahaa.
i hate referencing.
feeling quite cold now,
all i've got in my tummy is laksa flavored nissin cup noodles.
lol.
mama coming home soon, hope she got smth nice for me.
having someone else in the house with me wld probably warm the place up by 50% or more.
she will switch on the lights and bustle about the house and talk to me.
guess it would be much warmer than me sitting in the dark staring at the only bright thing which is my computer screen and typing this stupid entry.
kaze reached jb today at 230pm-ish.
the time i reached tpy mrt and was walking to my bus stop.
ok tomorrow i will get to meet a new friend.
tml also got proj meeting 1030am and i forgot what it was for damn.
haiz.
my memory is exceedingly bad, i cannot remember various things.
and those various things are impt.
this morning v funny, i pom liao den my dad n mom still sleeping.
was late but nvm la, they helping me get to sch, paying for my fees, sending me to sch. doesn't matter if i'm late cos of them.
cos it's nv their fault.
lol.
stupid e-learning week hopes gave me a bad memory too.
because i keep thinking it is e-learning week, my memory decided to shut down, and i dismiss everything cos it is 'e-learning week' but it is not this week bah humbug.
2nd is 301 presentation i think.
fri doing the video.
sorry vin, guess i'll watch the movie with you some other time.
can't seem to squeeze anything in these days.
kaze, i hope i can meet you tomorrow.
i will try to pon lesson to meet you cos it's not every day that someone who lives over 5 hours away comes within 30min away right? but then again, ntu is like 1hr+ away from everything.
guess i can say i study in a foreign place, away from everything, and me coming from sch to meet anyone is well, valuable and shd be treasured =P
eh jus got sms from nya.
he said his knee might not heal properly forever.
gawd why everyone got so many problems?
simple answer. because we are all fragile humans.
watashi tachi wa kami no ningyou youna ningen da kara, itsumo komatteirun.
k la.
things i must rmb tml/tonight:
wish kaze happy advanced bdae
go for proj meeting 1030am
print out smth for 301 shoot on fri
do 3k word essay
sleep early
mom jus got home.
feels warmer =D
not reli thinking of stuff now.
but i think maybe i shd call myself quite lucky n shd b thankful?
hahaha.
well, wasn't it wad i was wanting?
and i am 4kg lighter,
it sure feels different.
i think can see the difference also.
but i think my muscle mass is minusing.
i damn weak leh.
no strength one.
i sux.
shd start training weights man.
haiz.
i want to be able to lift 10kg easily and not having to take breaks while carrying it.
i carry laptop also feel tired siah
useless.
k time to take a break n relax
=D
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 4:45:00 PM
jibun no te da.
hito ga hitori dake ano te wa ageru.
demo, 'te' no imi wa?
haiz, sou mo wakannai.
anata ka anata ka?
dare ni ageru?
=S
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 3:06:00 AM
jus got off the phone.
2am le.
why huh.
itsumo kakeru.
donna nioi da?
chotto hen na.
nvm i'll just heck it la.
demo,
blaring blaring.
gah.
LOL ppl at the downstairs coffeeshop singing birthday song.
LOL.
nice =)
----
wa v slpy jus now
fell aslp in chair n drooled LoL
dot.
den some occasional smses woke mi up
soshite, denwa o kaketeita.
sore kara, ano kaze to iu hito wa mokuyoubi ni shingapo-ru e kuru. aeru kana?
mochiron aeru.
hontou ni tanoshimi na.
---
i think i'm siao le.
report haben do finish
haben even start, to be honest.
nvm i'll crap some shit out, but fuck la 3k words.
jiu ming.
ano..
watashi ni aeru rashii.
gah.
ok kangaetakunai.
oyasumi.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:13:00 AM
(cos i am fucking sleepy)
- 1130am pcbunk, nya, yw, me, ben, hs, hx, sh.
- flood so went parklane
- play till headache
- makan at yoshi ps
- punk again
- played awhile
- ki came
- stoned in bk ps with her di and her mei
- later some stuff happened, went off with ben, yw went off to find nya
- reached home, v slpy, cannot discuss proj cos sis' proj due tml x_x
- shag.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 11:25:00 PM
excessiveness.
was thinking abt stupid stuff.
just for the sake of what?
why even start?
issit because i give openings?
issit because it seems simple to you?
what's your problem?
what is everyone's problem?
like people who treat them like shit.
i treat u like shit,
write you off,
heck care everything.
demo, u like the feeling of being hurt?
of this distance?
demo i only know u thru audition,
talk on phone oso i nv talk much,
dun even answer ur phonecalls
lololol.
isn't it a big enough hint to say 'go away'?
but guess u won't until i say it out right.
demo i can't.
issit because i like playing games even after i've lost interest in them?
i see so many games on my comp i haben delete yet dun wish to play le.
lol. wtf.
or issit because i like to play the game of 'tolerance' and 'patience' with u.
issit because i feed on your suffering?
in the first place i don't even think u suffer
u only think u suffer.
u dun even know me.
i dun even wan to meet u.
i say hurtful things.
lol.
big enuf hint, no?
just now called asked if i wan go out at night.
lol?
with u?
excuse me?
i dun even dare to meet you,
wld i go out with u?
sure, i love meeting ppl.
demo, i feel u are scary
so i wun meet u.
lolz.
my dad v afraid i meet DOM (dirty old men) online
n get tangled in weird stuff
demo i think i am 21 and can think for myself
cos i've been mingling with ppl from online since 17yrs old+
actually if u count phone chat service thing or letters from teletext or smth,
i've been mingling with ppl from 'online' since 13 or 14 le.
ya last time met some hanson fans thru teletext.
write letters, talk on phone, meet up
demo they're all gals, daijyoubu.
and now oso nv keep in contact loL
lousy.
hmm.
let's take a look at the significance of words and particular body parts.
no dirty thoughts pls.
i'm talking abt hands.
hands are significant to me.
brush against hands, holding of them, etc.
dun they symbolize stuff?
even if u talk abt hands like u say u wanna offer me ur hand,
it leads me to think in a funny direction.
demo i dun think u have that intention right.
but i can nv be sure of anything anymore.
doushite kyou mo denwa o kaketai?
i know yuube no wa watashi kowaku natta den i anata ni denwa ni kaketai.
demo to me, it was convenience.
but am i anyhow dragging ppl to think weirdly?
demo this is me.
and i learnt this from nya.
he oso liddat ma...
and i find when i oso liddat i oso feel happier
cos i can interact with anyone with fewer walls ma.
demo the difference btwn us is that,
he is oblivious.
and i am sensitive.
demo, i can sorta feel smth brewing.
ara i'd better not think abt it
cos i feel even if there is smth,
he wun say anything.
hazukashii kamo.
soshite,
ano kaza to iu hito.
konshuu aeru.
demo.
mada usotsuki da to omou.
ki says she dun mind being my 'spyware' lolz.
haiz.
reli dun unds ppl.
ano san nin no koto wa,
chotto watashi ni mayou naru.
wakaoz
maybe i shd stop being friendly to ppl.
demo,
i like being friendly.
ok brain stop thinking n shut down onegai.
kono o tanomu.
netai da.
demo nemukunai.
ato 9am o okinakerebanaranai.
doushiyo.
doushitaraiin?
z_Z
ok ima nete mitai.
oyasumi.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 5:31:00 AM
lololol.
got home 15min ago.
went with ki to her lecturer's block to post her tma by hand XD
now i can stalk her lecturer le =X
i know the post box also =3
quite fun to walk around at 10+ 11+pm.
den nothing open XD
heng that coffeeshop open
and my teh the condensed milk more than 1cm thick.
LOL shiok
amai mono ga daisuki da
futtoteiru XD
aNo.
now smell like the chi cha stall XD
i better go change clothes =3
den go do work
den slp by 3am
tml go Punk with nya, yw, benben, hs, KI and hopefully got more ppl.
lalala.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 11:53:00 PM
ytd a weirdo called my hp at 2am,
said his name was david goh.
i said i dunno any david goh, what number he called?
he said he called my number.
i asked him,
so, WHO AM I?
he said if he say who i am, i surely say again how i dun remember him etc.
den he said he'd call me again in the morning.
LoL
but he nv did call me again.
i was quite freaked out,
and just nice vin msned me.
so i was talking to him on the phone until 4am.
he said it's just a prank call la most prob.
lol.
he also told me better not meet ano kaze to iu hito.
but i said,
my curiosity always gets the better of me,
i will go meet de.
i said at most he can follow.
but we'll go public places n singapore always so crowded so cfm quite safe.
he said, ok if i wan him to go with me he can.
hmm.
vin doesn't read my blog cos he says it's too wordy.
demo, arigatou vin-kun!
=)
tml is hari raya.
selamat hari raya all my muslim friends!
and to chengs, the new convert,
first selamat hari raya to you too!
^^
going out again to meet ki v soon.
she coming to pass up her tma to her lecturer kamo
and her lecturer stays in tpy
long walk from chikatetsu.
hmm
shd be ok bahs.
so much work to do
tml oso gg out
shinjyatta.
nani mo kanzen datta.
=(
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 11:48:00 PM
- 1518hrs
2. How much time earlier you need to get ready each day?
- 45min minimum
3. Do you still remember ur first love ?
- no idea
4. Do you wax ur hair everyday?
- dun use wax
5. Do you like guys to sweet talk?
- lol, if too many of them do it, become immune already.
6. Do you get emotional easily?
- maybe
7. Can you put on mascara with your mouth closed?
- dun use it
8. Friendster / Msn?
- msn pwns friendster
9. Do you prefer curling up on the couch watching tv or going out?
- gg out
10. Think of your previous boyfriends ,would you want them back?
- maybe the first one
11. Do you want a diamond ring ?
- had one
12. What present would you prefer on Valentines day?
- anything from the heart
13. Do you enjoy shopping?
- ya. everyone loves new things
14. Do you like eating?
- ya sort of
15. If you were given a chance to turn backtime, will you?
- maybe selected spots, but i prefer to fast forward
16. Do you ever gamble on soccermatch?
- nope
17. Who sleep beside you every night?
- sis in another bed but near mine
18. Whats ur hairstyle now?
- long
19. Do you ever drown?
- o_O
20. Whats ur favourite fruit?
- eh dunno
21. Do you want to get into a new relationship now?
- maybe
22. Sun tanning / Swimming?
- wanna try both, but nv do both. anyway in this country, every day also suntan
23. Do you wan to dye ur hair?
- yes when i have the $
24. Are you the girl next door?
- plain jane
25. Do you anyhow throw tantrums?
- rarely
26. Hello Kitty / Piglet?
- lol =X
27. Do you talk alot?
- see mood, see ppl, see place, see time.
28. Wheres the last place you went?
- orchard road
29. How did you go home?
- bmw = bus mrt walk
30. Hot / Cold weather?
- i love genting's weather
31. Car / Bike?
- both but car less dangerous
32. Singing / Dancing?
- dancing
33. Do you read when you're bored?
- if i have a gd book i wld
34. How long you need to get to bed?
- 5-10min
35. Do you mind listening to music when bed-time?
- it's nice but when i listen i cannot sleep
36. Do you like to take photo?
- ok ba
37. Do you prefer keeping things to urself?
- yes and no. depends to who.
38. Do you ever ditch a guy?
- possibly yes
39. Have enough sleep these days?
- slept too much
40. Do you like comments from others?
- some hurt
41. How many ex boyfriend you have?
- 2 ba
42. Do you like to stay with ur boyfriend, if you have one?
- nope
43. Would you want to hold ur boyfriend's housekey?
- nope
44. You like quarrelling or fighting?
- nope
45. Have you ever cried at town?
- dun think so
46. What ur school mate name you?
- dith/meredith/dithie/?
47. Among ur accessories which you like most?
- earrings =X *new craze* loved my thumb ring but i lost it =( haiz. my watch i wear every single day.. my 21st key also i like.
48. Do you want to paint ur nails?
- painted one side red
49. Do you like to cry infront of others?
- of cos not. dun even like to cry in front of myself.
50. End time?
- 1528hrs
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 3:35:00 PM
i shd have stayed out.
dunnid to go online,
hear more lies.
all the lies.
yards and yards of them.
like coagulated drivel.
collecting at my feet
like so much spurned and
spoilt tape.
piling up like black and shiny angel's hair.
coiling,
it is coiling.
around my ankles,
around my toes,
around my feet.
bloody hell everywhere i walk
i see nothing but lies.
and now i'm wading in it.
trying to find an exit.
they're waist high,
it would be gross to drown in it.
my hand clutches a doorknob
when the sea of lies
clutters at my neck.
i can feel them
trying to push into my throat,
my nose,
my ears.
drown me out,
replace my thoughts with their lies.
i will not succumb
silly voices
silly lies.
the door slams behind me
damn exhausting
bloody hell
damn irritated and in a bad mood now.
trying to remove the last of the lies
from my shirt
from my face
from my eyes
like so much black wool
like so much pubic hair
the annoyance.
get off get off
damn you
i walk the hills and still
see them trailing behind me
a cluster of black
tracing my footsteps.
fucking irritated.
so don't ask me why i am in a bad mood,
nor pretend to care.
because all u are doing,
is adding more and more to the
trail
that is sniffing out my scent.
i hate liars.
hmm.
malaised indeed.
i shd have known.
ALL OF YOU
DAMN LIARS.
stop playing games with me.
i'll mow your balls off.
but not before i club them
i kick them
and i get a goat to chew on them.
don't pretend to care
because i know,
i jolly well know
all of you don't.
yurusanai.
knife hides beneath smile
yet i cannot control it
it is my phantom limb
yay
don't blame me if u get killed.
=)
*btw, no mention of the fairer sex here at all.
relax, girls. i love all of you. XD
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:43:00 AM
it's so gawddamn easy to find my blog i just realised.
because i found it entering the same keywords i used to find a blog of someone else's.
LOL.
i wldn't be surprised if she/he/it is reading this.
nvm.
i hate liars so stay away
and stay out of my life.
=)
i love blogs, they give quite a good background check.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:41:00 AM
[we spy an empty seat in the outdoor smoking area amk s11]
hawker: (in chinese) do you smoke?
us: nope
[later, after the hawker leaves]
me: (repeats the qn) do you smoke?
nya: yup.
me: =o
nya: i'm smoking now~ (inhales the air) haze is all around~
me + yw: -_-" LoL.
me: den not 'chou yen' it's 'xi yen' le.
all: XD
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:33:00 PM
i had a dream a few days ago.
i guess it preyed on my fears.
i dreamt i got my pay.
it was a cheque for $1200.
'WHAT?!' i exclaimed within my heart.
1.2k for 6 months?!
means $200 per month zomg z_z
but will it be true?
i wanna see my real paycheck.
i'm expecting at least 2.4k to 3k u noe.
any less i will scream.
=(
ytd went for the stupid interview.
imo i did average but i feel i won't get the job.
and i hope i won't get the job.
i'm not interested in the company liao.
they've managed to chase my enthusiasm all away
and turn it into ningling fears.
so i cannot work there anymore.
the fear will eat at me.
interns are there for the learning experience. make it a good learning experience so that more stuff is learnt and absorbed. i felt quite terrorized. i reiterate, interns are there to learn, not be expected to know everything right from the start. that is why interns get shit salary. but yet interns are made to slave. zzz. what is this. and expected not to make mistakes, to be a competent worker who has everything pre-programmed in from the first day of work. wins.
i'd rather work at M-corpse. zzz.
i was 20min early for the interview.
gawd being early makes u more nervous.
and i still have the fucking problem with eye contact.
ok nvm.
later walked from sunshine plaza all the fucking way to orchard road.
ya my poor feet.
met the girls for talk cok and dinner and to pass chengs her pressie.
lol
later i went off to cine to meet ojisan they all.
k la, deathnote tried to portray the story.
maybe i'm biased.
but the mind games were not as chillingly clever as in the manga.
presented very matter-of-factly, loses impact.
they changed the story.
the casting sux imo.
EXCEPT
FOR
WATARI
he is so gawddamn cute.
hahahahahaha
gotta give credit for L.
the actor not bad and styling is there.
he got to eat so many sweets.
wonder if he put on weight.
hahaha.
waraoz damn suay.
shd have watched 840 show.
930 show dragged till midnight plus.
gawd. trainless.
ended up nv go home, thon outside all night.
went starbux first, i got green tea frap.
hey i love it.
i'll prob drink it again.
i love green tea.
=)
didn't noe cw such a philo person.
kewl.
talk chim stuff all night.
i enjoyed it.
hahaha.
feet killed me. but i managed to make it home.
slept at 730am but disturbed by phonecalls from 1030am onwards omg.
why everyone call me at the same time.
z_z
mu call me is ok.
in fact anyone call me is ok.
but J u made me quite fucking irritated with ur call.
altho u are trying to be cordial with asking me if i have anymore input.
believe me, if i had input, i wld have contacted you.
dunnid to call me and talk in ur knnccb faux accent right.
damn tired already still disturb me.
z_z
k la nvm shan't scold u le.
not ur fault.
u were trying to show u value my opinion,
but u noe the way u talk n ask things.
really rub me the wrong way like 50% of the time.
was 15min late meeting K.
nvm la he oso blur blur at cityhall.
den he dunno how to walk to smu from db ghaut.
omg?
but funny in that manner.
hahaha.
met his grpmate.
haha they exude a very relaxed feeling.
maybe it's the smu culture?
all v relaxed, easygoing?
or is it jus them?
actually i dunno.
it was comfortable la anyway.
hope my input was valuable.
went off after it was over,
met nya at yishun.
ya i guess i'm not sour or hurt or negative abt him anymore.
but i still think he's cute.
and i like him still, but as a fren now.
i got my disgaea2.
happy happy.
but no time to play.
ff12 out next month whee.
stoned around until yw finished cutting his hair den went to meet him at amk.
quite glad cld spend some time alone with nya.
long time nv talk to him, esp real life one to one.
maybe that's what also contributed to me viewing him negatively again.
cos usually nowadays will meet him, yw, and maybe other ppl.
as long as got nya n yw tog, i sometimes catch no ball when they're talking and also end up talking more to yw than nya. dunno why.
yw's hair looks good, cos jus styled by the stylist.
i asked nya to take photo for remembrance hahaha.
maybe so that yw can rem how his hair was styled lolz.
nya oso took a pic of mi.
errr, his photog skills imo not v gd.
cos too wide the shot...
wahahahaha.
the blardee cafe not open sia.
cannot drink kopi from chengsan cc cafe.
sadded.
now the mrt track oso blocking.
walao
walk until siao.
bloody weather damn sticky today.
ended up eating at the s11 near the macs.
yay nice food.
den i found out that yw n hs are tog le.
sweet.
happy for them.
cos their first rship.
so sweet hor.
but got some probs oso la.
is like she agree le but not reli reli tog that kind of thing.
peifu yw, he managed to jio her.. but he reli tried v hard, guess he managed to move her =) cool. but they are compatible i feel. haha. =)
well, he told mi smth abt ano kaze to iu hito.
he said his attitude damn bad.
and i must be wary of him.
i dunno leh, to me, i dun reli see anything wrong.
but yes i shall be careful.
i oso have attitude problem de ma.
attitude problem is quite ok as long as not serious.
but the issue that bothers me is,
is he truthful or just full of sweet and honeyed words?
damn irritating leh guys. i nv noe real or wad.
like steph.
he keep saying this this that that.
from 2003 up till now i still cannot figure it out.
n i dun believe him.
haish.
just now was in aud.
trying chancing and 8k in d4 mode.
hahaha.
i won yw a few times.
shiok.
cos when i chainx1 at the freestyle 8k + another chain after that, my score reli jumps like fuck, jumps like more than 50k. proness man chance + chain + 8k. hahahaha. addicted. it's like if u master it, so easily u can pwn ppl ler. z_z
rather than conc on perf perf perf chaining up till beyond x5 just in order to win the chancers. sigh.
but the sense of achievement is greater.
pure chainer winning chancer (perhaps chainer also but u chain better so u win).
damn shiok can.
=)
but i see my perf highest number i quite happy le.
will smile quite smugly to myself.
hahahaha.
but ya i got 600+k on a song, while yw only got 500+k on it. hahahahaha. den got another song, i gor 500k+ and he got 300+k. feels fucking shiok!
of cos that score is done with chancing and 8k.
hohoho.
but i dance chance n 8k i will more drained faster.
den wan to revert back to normal 4k without chance, i nid to readjust brain.
z_Z
and i chained a x12 perf chain.
i think with chancing and 8k turned on
=P
heng it was near the beginning of the song.
cos if i was at the lv8 lv9 move there, sure murder ppl until like siao. hahahah shiok.
anyway i saved the game.
but i missed at the 8 and 9 moves cos reli too fast le.
but fucking happy x12.
yw also got x12 before, well. hohum.
arrr v slpy.
cannot tahan.
ano kaze to iu hito kyou msn ni inai yo..
demo, yuube msn e kita to itta.
arrr.
oyasumi.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 4:31:00 AM
- interview
- met sec sch peeps
- met sgma peeps
- deathnote sux ballz
- just nice missed mrt
- sian half
- went starbucks at the cathay
- nice green tea frap
- talk abt chim stuff whole night
- went around finally went to macs bras basah
- took second mrt back
- damn shag
- gtg out later
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 7:20:00 AM
atashi wa baka da?
kyou repo-to o shiteita, ima mo tomodachi wa repo-to o shiteiru.
demo saa, guilty no kimochi ga aru.
motto de motto de kokoro kara deteiru na.
sigh. guess some things you really can't help.
feel like i nv do anything like i'm lazy shit ass.
maybe that's why i don't wish to sleep yet although not doing anything le.
gahs.
but got interview tml.
sure look like a dead piece of shit. lol.
maybe i'll say i was up at night.
maybe they need people like me.
hahahaha.
sigh.
wishful thinking eh.
out of 6.
u think they want me meh?
i got a serious problem with eye contact recently.
i told sk at the benches about it too.
can't seem to focus on ppl's eyes.
i will become sleepy and then eyes go defocused.
SO NAN KAN LAH.
sigh.
sleep...
reminds me of a guy who doesn't sleep (much).
i very scared of my handphone bill leh.
and i'm afraid sms too much will feel like sms normally to ppl in sg.
eyer.
and i really am sms waster u noe.
but i sort of make sure every sms i send is like max number of characters?
LoL.
but he dun.
actually i still dun unds.
feels like a game to me.
but i really cannot envision him being like that in real life.
it's so weird laH.
hahahaha. z_z
damn weird.
makes me doubt many things.
makes me question.
makes me ponder and reponder.
anyway i don't want to think already.
bed time nightz.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 5:46:00 AM
$_$
doushiyo.
okane ga tondeiru saa.
mainichi mainichi.
kyou sms mo okutta.
taihen yo.
sms no okutta koto ga suki na no ni, gaikoku kara wa takaiii saa.
taihen da!
tanoshikunai!
watashi mo sms o dashita kara saa, okane ga tondeiru koto ga mieru!
minikui mirukoto!
taihen da.
demo kaze to iu hito wa raishuu no kinyoubi ni shingapo-ru e kuru.
tanoshimi na.
DEMO. chotto hen mo, hajimete ano kaze to iu hito to aukoto.
dattara, aitai na.
demo, aetara, doushiyo kana?
doushitara ii?
ii koto? waruikoto?
mada wakannai.
kawaii rashii de eigo ga hanaseru rashii mo.
demo, demo.
kowai kamo?
mousugu chotto hen!
okane okane.
san do sms de hanashiteita.
okane ga tondaaaaaa.
doushite?
nani mo shiteiru toki, watashi ni sms o dashite kureta.
kyou no wa, beddo de yasundeita toki sms o dashite kureta.
ANO. kaze to iu hito! anata wa okane no ki youna hito desu ka?
okane ga anata no kao de PASTE o shita?
demoooo.
raishuu no kinyoubi ni tanoshimi da.
=3
IMA.
repo-to o hayaku owaranakerebanaranai.
ashita dasanakerebanaranai mo.
TAIHEN DA.
mada nani mo shinaiiii.
shinjyattaaaaa.
=(
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 11:39:00 PM
despo guys...
hebi to iu hito wa itsumo ge-mu de kanojo o sagashiteiru.
baka da.
anyhow hurt ppl.
demo, ano otoko no seigatsu da. jiyuu ga aru. none of my business. ano hebi no koto wa ano hebi no koto da. mienai.
demo, atashi no tomodachi ga itaku suru?
warui.
moshi motto itaku natta, atashi jibun no te o koroshite aru.
hebi wa ano michi ni ki o tsukete kudasai.
soshite,
imagoro BAIKU no senpai wa watashi ni amai kotoba o itte kureru.
chotto hen na.
are u despo too?
doushite 'usa e kite, kekkonshite morau' to itta?
okashi na.
anata hontou mada atashi ga suki ka jodan da?
mochiron, anata wa shingapo-ru e kaetta toki, jb e kaimono ni iku yakusoku o oboeru.
tomodachi da jyoutai dake.
kaze to iu hito wa, kongetsu ka raigetsu ni shingapo-ru e kuru... demo saa. wakannai mo. jodan ka asondeiru ka?
demo mare-shia kara sms o okureta koto wa, shinji desu ka?
mou wakannai saa.
isogashi sugiru na.
ara.
ha ga mada migakanai yo.
ima sugu kirei ni suru.
ja oyasumi.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:54:00 AM
if 1 sms costs 15c, then i've spent S$1.95+
if 1 sms costs 30c, then i've spent $3.90+
i guess if he smsed me out of the country maybe what he says is true. actually i dunno what to think at all, so i just don't think, just take things are they are coming towards me. because my mindset now is that guys are flirts, you cannot trust them else your heart wil suffer.
as i grow older, i grow weaker.
i think it's emotional rheumatism.
it's really true.
horror films, i could laugh at them. now, i am just bloody afraid of everything.
the swing at the playground. now i feel somewhat dizzy and vertigo-ish while swinging. last time it was pure bliss.
interactions with people. i hold back too much. i used to be a carefree kid, no qualms, no walls.
can't stand it.
he'll be coming to singapore soon.
damn curious, damn curious.
toying with the idea in my head now but,
imagine, it will be 2 firsts for me.
1) watashi yori wakai
2) tooku koibito
shdn't think abt it too much but it is quite fun to kangaeteiru.
cos sometimes it seriously feels as though i am just feeling something in the dark, i believe it will suit me but what happens when the light switch goes on?
feel like i am just wandering in the dark a lot.
oh ya the nails on one hand are red, the others are stubby and dirty. hohoho. my mom said looks gross, like i killed someone. but i like that description. it's cool. today J also asked why i only painted one side. i offered him my mom's description and then told him that the fingers on the other hand were reserved for nose digging business so cannot paint. muahaha. gross yeah =X
met his friend today.
seriously ah, i dunno why we cannot do it ourselves.
and hear him talking abt the proj simply irritates me.
his favorite word is 'i' and not 'we'.
'i came up with the idea'.
'i want it such that...'
'i' this, 'i' that.
felt somewhat like slapping him but cannot because:
1) cannot do it in front of his fren, i got image to preserve also
2) cannot do it in public. my image again.
3) his face bloody oily i will not touch it.
sighz.
and i still feel v v guilty that sk is writing the 301 report alone. like omg la? that shdn't be the case. i'm like xiu shou pang guan here. dunno do what. eye-power =(
on another note, met mama today to go shoe shopping.
walked around bugis, went to og.
got a pair of black girls' shoes.
got a pair of bronze girls' slippers.
damn tempted to buy neckermann's birks but okane ga naiii.
got 2 tees from gio-jnr =)
so happy.
finally can wear gio-jnr tee means i'm a kid!
feel happy.
mom redeemed her og card points.
lmao.
if the redeemables are already so shitty, just go for the ones which are most practical and heck the design la. lol. keep saying the cups with 'love' on them for couple, shd give friends who are getting married, what rubbish! put tea inside it can liao... i LOVE tea. hahaha.
fri interview.
quite nervous. nvm la. i'll just go and see how.
better remember to print out portie and burn another cd of showreel just in case they lost my stuff because opa is incompetent and inefficient. boo.
mega hasn't contacted me yet.
quite worried abt phone vibration dying on me again.
if so, then super sad case leh, esp when i'm expecting important phone calls.
like official business important (pi interview, my pay).
ate the pushcart 50c ice cream from the same uncle. hehe. made mom eat it also. but it's good! worth the extra calories. =) lovely ice cream. my current favorite.
classic sia.
ate lunchie-bordering-on-dinner at the hawker centre near fuloushou. the noodle stall not bad. mom ate and ta-baoed for dad and sis. i ate at the fried noodles stall. not so nice. the tea also nice. indian-made tea. hehe. she went to line up for the lek tao suan. and the table we were sitting at was in front of the carrot cake stall. super long queue sia hahaha. all queueing at my backside there lol oops.
went for jap lesson and kept digesting during the 2 hrs.
wa i hope no one heard because i certainly could feel all the digestion being done! eeks.
diana chionging her sakubun throughout lesson. haha. i was half-stoned. after class spoke to jonathan-san (not the ntu one) quite a bit. haha. friendly guy. and the funniest thing is, i came home and during the time i was afk on msn, got a chat convo with viv and him. apparently he's from sgcafe too. wow the coincidences in this tiny island. LoL. simi coincidence sia. this island too small but overpopulated. i guess with this high value of population density, it's not surprising everyone knows each other la.
singapore's population density = haze psi.
hmm quite sleepy now but kyou mo nani mo dekinakatta. guilty leh. sian.
quite excited.
next week e-learning week.
yet quite guilty.
nv do anything worth mentioning for projs.
hoka nin ni itsumo tanonda.
warui.
fri is interview + meet anne they all + meet some friends later.
hope meeting friends and not a friend, else it will be a date liao and altho he is my long-time friend, he is quiet and chinese-speaking so... bleh. weird huh. hahaha.
sat gotta meet kenneth from smu to 'chit-chat' abt filmmaking. blah hope i dun waste his time. altho he said every opinion counts but i am really super incoherent and getting even more incoherent as i grow older. sian.
but all in all,
this week has been quite a good week.
i still have stuff to look forward to.
i have stuff i've accomplished and am happy with the results.
tomorrow's a long day.
haven't decided whether to pon or not.
maybe i won't.
so better sleep by 2am.
no more smses from msia, he doesn't seem to be on msn either. maybe i'll go game do a quick check, but if really cannot find then i'll prepare for bed le.
now you know what i mean by grasping shadows in the dark right. z_z
kaes.
cooling wind coming.
tempting to turn in.
oyasumi minna.
=)
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:56:00 AM
222am and i've done nothing much today.
nothing much in terms of work, seeing that all my deadlines are poking me in the eyes and waving frantically and saying HELLOOOO THERE DITH.
meh.
deadlines, i see you.
but i choose to ignore you.
i always ignore until the last minute.
then i have to suffer.
why?
no one likes to do work.
work sux.
thus everyone procrastinates.
fulfilling the self, desires, entertainment first.
kept playing audition today.
when will i ever stop?
when you're inside, and i'm inside, we can never seem to stop playing audition.
i'm still wondering.
are you lying?
is this all a damn farce?
a facade because apparently your love life cmi?
i dun believe.
why is it so?
physically you look ok.
intellectually you are engaging.
you seem quite confident, friendly, outgoing, sociable.
there are things in this world i will never understand.
and if this is really true, i'll ask the age-old question:
why me?
why not someone else like the chiobu in ur display pic.
hello?
i feel ni ke yi jio de dao lor.
bleh.
i'm easily swayed.
stop playing with my feelings if you are.
because i think i like you too,
but we stay so far away.
although by right it's just a bus ride, but it's a damn long bus ride.
not 2 hrs. not 3.
i reckon 7hrs. if you don't factor in pitstops and stuff.
gawd.
maybe i was just trying to fill the hole that was made.
maybe i'll know better when i meet you.
you said you'd be coming end of this month?
as good a time as any other.
i'm ready to recce, to analyse, to test the waters.
die la i haven't do japanese compo and tomorrow must go out edit/discuss proj.
z_z
middle of the day...
waraoz.
you know actually i can just throw to him and say,
ok you do it, i'm busy.
but i can't.
i know if i do so, no hard feelings at all.
but.
as much as i'd like to shirk off,
i feel i need to prove something by having my input known.
what am i trying to prove?
i dunno sia.
WHAT AM I TRYING TO PROVE TO ANYONE AT ALL?
that i am competent?
that i am a hardworker?
that i am good in what i do?
that my prescence is known?
that i am better than whoever.
what's my problem.
z_z
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:27:00 AM
so fucking tired today, BUT i am very happy, so not tired le =D
was late for editing slot, but nvm la, not the latest so nvm.
morning had one of those weirdy calls from china, heng i nv sms back else phone will tio spammed. i thought it was foongy who called.. wa when my mom said it was china spammer machine, i felt cheated LOL.
but u noe wad?
he did sms me at 11am+
=)
all the way from selangor >.<
lol
was surprised and quite happy ^^
felt guilty cos cldn't hang around to edit after 330pm.
i went off to look for ki to pass her her present =X
but she was at vivo.. wa so far.
on the mrt there i was slping and beside me a guy was also slping.
his shoulders pressed against mine; shoulder to shoulder --"
actually quite comfy to slp liddat cos warm.. n mrt was cold n i nv bring jacket.
but lol.
the mrt was advertising vivo. so coincidental hor. =X
i was afraid when i got off at outram, that slping guy would fall down cos he was leaning on me. ya, when i turned to my right i saw his slping face. eeee creepy.
but he n his fren got off at outram too. ho hum.
i got a bit lost cos i went up the escalator instead of down to nel. lololol.
waited for ki at nel but she went to ew line. eek.
finally found her. XD
i gave her a bdae hug and asked her to close her eyes so i cld put the cap on her head =X
ki i hope u like the cap and wear it =X
later on went separate ways and i went to cut hair at tpy, the salon mu goes to but i hated cos that woman anyhow cut my hair like she heck care me de.
this time i had a very good experience.
quite damn happy with my haircut.
and really damn happy with the price.
yay =D
i put pic for u guys to see =X
my zi lian kuang, acbc, bhb, self-shot, zi-pai pic.
now eating lunch + dinner, beef stew, bread, and a peach.
happy happy~
=)
oh ya next week is e-learning week = no formal lessons but still got projs.
but yayness!
double happy happy
n_n
okay now time to do my japanese compo =3
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 7:24:00 PM
well i can't blog.
blogger is down, as well as my brain.
what can i blog about?
the endless grind of school?
there are only so many ways i can say 'projects' and 'school' you know. hahaha.
but stupid things aside, i've been busy.
life is quite interesting, not too boring.
productive even.
today haha.
picked up the needle and thread for the first time in eons.
meh.
well, it looks fine.
XD
301.. getting there, not quite.
322 gah stressed tml editing i sure see many errors.
x_x
but isn't school the best time to fuck up?
hah.
323 essay due next week
301 report due fri 6pm
325 due i dunno when but wed editing
sat gonna be 'interviewed' or smth
meh. i wanna paint my nails crimson and cut my stupid hair.
ok. shall aim to cut hair tml and paint nails... tml?
maybe i should wash earlobes tomorrow too.
oh i didn't mention i took out my piercing studs.
well, i did
and i traumatized myself to no end.
but anyway i managed to rinse out my suffocated lobes
and shove another earring back into the hole
ya damn crude i know
but i'm telling it like it is
damn pain la
but i don't wanna pierce all over again
so i shoved it and it hurt
gah
tired.
jap compo due wed also
die die die
to do list:
323 essay 26th due
301 report due 20th 6pm
325 wed editing
sat gonna be 'interviewed' or smth
paint nails crimson
cut stupid hair.
do jap compo 18th
btw, happy 23rd bdae ki!
muacks muacks!
=)
-233am-
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 7:22:00 PM
rawr. gross.
i just want to puke blood and die. o_o
in fact i have like no energy to blog now at all.
can't even recall the past days' events o_o
where shall i begin?
monday?
rushing down to nus after sch to interview mr tbt for 301.
me heading home after and going out again barely 1.5hrs later for japanese lesson?
the 9k word transcription?
the continuous 2hrs slp/night schedule?
tuesday?
always having 322.
but a lighting lesson.
it was ok.
cannot remember what was after.
oh ya the becoming royston talk but i didn't go.
i really forgot what i did liao le leh o_O
wed.
chiong 322 essay, go for japanese lesson.
which reminds me i have japanese essay to do.
shingapo-ru no omoide no bashou.
z_Z
dunno whr.
thu.
well i ponned 3.5 lessons.
settle location shoot, settle this settle that, cannot wake up, half dead, half-fucked, run off halfway go play game with yw and ki and nya.
ran off during 323 lect to meet yw. actually i already planned to meet ki but since she woke up around that time and yw also finishing lessons, we all met tog. actually i met yw in sch first den went je to makan and meet ki. then went db ghaut to bo liao bo liao a bit, play at that lan shop we always go to. then halfway hebi came. we left after yw levelled. went home. i had to go home and sleep. because on fri...
fri.
325 shoot.
well this one can sui bian.
cos meeting J.. quite bad la anyhow also can with him.
late lor.
filming didn't go smoothly la but sigh we'll see how. z_Z
his mom v cute. his sis also friendly de.
i like his family but i dun like him o_O
=X
what i really hate is his bad temper. his cockiness. his bad attitude.
but actually he can be quite easygoing, caring, a little too sentimental, and vulnerable. =X
but ya i really couldn't stand him on the way to meet our dates - him, his gf's sis bdae party + family gathering, me and my maple fren first time meeting.
wa fri the 13th disaster.
the road flood with cars for 1hr+ and nv move at all. lol the stupid cab fare so expensive for non-travel. o_o
budden eyer saw the explodable side of J again. can't stand it. chose to ignore it by sitting quietly and looking out of the window.
i had a weird thought on the way home.
i was thinking abt what J said when i asked him if he ever exploded at his current gf before or exploded at something else in front of her. he said he haben. together nearly 2 yrs yet he haben. bound to, bound to. he said he thought so too. cos hor i feel if bf/gf nv explode at each other before or in front of each other before, cannot see the bad temper and rightly gauge the person fully. =X haha.
you need conflict and conflict resolution familiarization to ensure that communication is 100% gonna be fine-tuned what what you want.
last time he always explode at me and i also explode at him until i buay tahan le.
he also always explode in front of me de i bth even more. wanna pretend i dunno him =X hahaha he read this entry sure feel a bit kns de. =X nvm. used to it le hor?
ara..
he bathe then just walk out in towel de yux altho the living room got 3 females, me, his mom and his sis. dot dot. maybe to him it is ok cos he noes these 3 females quite well de, however his mom and his sis dunno that he noe mi quite well de so =X but eyer -_- look like a wet white dog =X i thot was a gal with no boobs =x
LoL
haiz.
back to the jam.
made mi 1.5hrs late sia.
for the dinner appointment with the person i was just playing with that really ended up being a real meet-up and have dinner appointment. o_o"
siao liao i become too impulsive when stressed.
talk too much stupid junks through msn and sms and real life also.
-_-
i shd stop flirting with random ppl on msn and sms.
z_Z but it's just so easy to do =X
sighz.
but he waited.
but i met him and totally...
LOL
F A I L
la.
why?
cannot communicate
not fun de being with him
don't feel secure
don't feel at ease
felt irritated
haha =X
sianz
i expected so cos thru msn and sms chat also cmi de
=X
met st at yck to talk about storyboard.
in the end sat i kns kns kns de
oh wait, it still is sat.
i sux.
=(
it was like, i was the director, yes.
but maybe i portray a sense of no confidence.
ppl all squabbling over the shot and talking abt lighting etc all that
maybe i shdn't be director.
z_z
they squabble until someone had to say 'pls let her direct'.
oh thank you. you know who you are. even tho i will not mention names here. cos like v bad.
but haiz. i sux so much until the shot dragged late, i hope i didn't give the kids dehydration and heatstroke, i hope my crew don't hate me. oh gawd oh gawd oh gawd oh gawd i just am crap o_o
feel so much happier taking orders lol =X
why do i sux so much?
is it because i lack leadership?
i lack confidence?
i lack organization?
so many ppl have been telling me
IT'S UR CALL, UR THE DIRECTOR
yet
WHY THEY SQUABBLE SO MUCH ABT THE SHOT
rawr.
and why
WHY DO I LET THEM DO IT
cannot de liddat
z_Z
bad director.
bad bad bad.
nvm next time i wun direct again =X
hope not much problem with the editing.
gawd i dun wanna be around to edit o_O
but i have to
-_-
oh man.
if got many prob i will just go hang myself somewhere
T_T
it's like i'm also trying to do a balancing act btwn
1) the welfare of my crew, my actors
2) being perfect and time constraints
3) and because i am dith, i sux
haish.
bang wall le.
envision so many problems in post prod.
RAWR
nothing at all for PI yet.
nth nth at all.
wa no one likes mi
am i that lousy?
z_z
after shoot finished, i went home, took mu's cds and walked to her void deck to pass to her and chat.
she say she put on weight but i think she lost weight
=X
ara..
then i went to eat a lot a lot
=(
feed my sadness?
feed my demoralized feeling?
and just feed my hunger?
still so thirsty now...
at least quite happy now.
altho nose keeps dripping cos i am somewhat allergic to the haze
(haze flu)
but chatting on msn...
mmm
=)
esp to ppl u've missed XD
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 10:45:00 PM
what is the true bane of my existence?
a person?
other people?
tons of work?
lack of sleep?
not being able to play games?
not being able to do what i want?
me being fat?
me being ugly?
me being ugly and fat?
me being lazy?
me not measuring up to my own expectations?
me failing me?
isn't the answer obvious.
judging from the number of 'me me me's, the true bane of my existence is, indeed, myself.
yes.
i am a bane to my own existence.
work can be cleared and completed, thrown out of the way.
games can be played, or not.
why would other people concern me?
being restricted is one thing, but it is also for my own good.
but the self, it is the most unchanging thing.
it is the constant you have to live with.
day after day.
if you cannot live with yourself,
you cannot live at all.
you need to feel self-worth to be happy.
from the self-worth, only can you see things in a brighter, warmer light.
you and you are not stopping me.
there is no game addiction.
i can sleep more than enough if i just procrastinate less.
there's no such thing as 'everyone is better than i am'
because somewhere at the back of my head, i know.
i have my own talents, as well as my own weaknesses.
there isn't much of a 'better' ruler in this segregated society.
the differences got ironed out pretty much when we went into uni.
the curve is already so flat.
in my fallacies, you have your strengths.
and in your fallacies, i find mine.
everyone is just the same.
equal.
so i have no reason to deny my self-worth.
of course, the feeling still remains.
i can internally debate my self-worth.
but i'll remind myself again now.
things are all equal.
there is no better or worse.
it's just a matter of suitability.
and it's detestable.
how friendships can start to disintegrate.
well maybe it is my fault.
maybe it was my fault the whole time.
but in a friendship where like, jealousy, emotional need, and busy schedules are abound, i suppose it is a friendship bound for destruction.
a friendship lasting one year plus so far.
such a short friendship, yet the progression was fast.
but i radiated jealousy, vengefulness.
and now you have also become too sensitive when last time you were just a numb fuck.
communication has died, more or less.
what happened to the phonecalls, the msn chats, the smses, the meetups?
i envisioned it would happen sooner or later.
i know this sort of friendship couldn't last on my part.
everything rubs off the wrong way.
it's like putting salt on my wound.
but there is no wound to put salt in anymore.
it has healed.
the east deja wind came along;
puffing his cheeks in a
manner so entertaining; the
routine charmingly casual of
dances and chances
missed.
i saw a storm cloud in the
sky, but the
east deja wind he
flicked it out of my sight.
and the sky was once again,
clear.
as for schoolwork,
here is my usual to-do list:
1) 323 essay
2) 322 essay
3) japanese essay
4) 322 shoot prepn
5) 325 shoot prepn
6) 301
i think i should start on my 323 essay now.
lighten the workload.
tonight after jap lesson, i can do 322 shoot prepn (sat).
maybe thurs i'll pon some lessons again.
z_Z
so boring and so early.
and i'm so tired and sleepy.
but maybe this exhaustion is good
because i actually lost 4+kg.
and i don't even know how i lost it.
mysteriously vanished.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:08:00 PM
i chiong finish storyboard at 4am
but it's my fault reli for the constant procrastinating.
anyway i got it done in the end.
YES I AM A SLACKER
but hmm
dunno la
feel i am doing nth
-_-
anyway ya audition.
couple dance.
gah.
you.
ara.
i'm blur sia.
but hor there's a distance maintained.
same as the distance you are at.
=P
look mama!
i still can play here!
the fireplace grill keeps them in place.
what mama?
yes the flames.
can i feed them more coal please?
just a little bit more?
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 4:21:00 AM
hmm.
false claims?
honest claims?
by using the word 'claim' am i implying it can be falsified and that there is untruth?
why is there always underhand implied meanings in words.
where do these connotations surface from?
anyway kept playing aud today.
die.
too addictive.
saw the japanese kid there again
=)
happy!
hahaha
anw this morning woke up at 1140am cos of sms flood.
suddenly everyone smsed mi
gahs
but it was ok
=)
played aud with that weirdy guy.
-_-
tanoshikunakatta.
z_Z
later on played with another friend.
tanoshikatta =)
so many perf
we pwned the npc
so happy
earned so much den
=D
kept chatting on msn today.
chotto wakannai saa.
kanojo ga inai to itta
demo i dun trust him
altho he likes to call me dear
RAWR i have 3 guys calling me dear le.
getting out of hand.
pukez.
okay.
301 settled
so happy
=)
i love afa.
love hm.
muackz
haven't settled my part of 322
FUCKING LAZY DITH
PLS DO NOW
okok
i go do now
later need to think of interview qns for 301.
PIA PIA PIA MODE
heng my msn chatter kaki + audition friend went out
so i can conc on my work
z_z
i promise i won't play too much mama
but it's fun
and addictive
but i think i'm gonna get burnt.
i can feel the flames inching
they're licking at my socks.
better roll in the carpet mama
better roll it in fast.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 7:23:00 PM
am i really more interesting and likeable when i'm stressed?
LOL
2 ppl started calling me dear on msn, 1 audition fren calls me da(r).
one maple fren started msning me often. but i think is nth cos he got gf. i suspect one of the dear-callers also got gf. -_-?
dun come play when u got gf leh. zzz.
is not fair. lol!
let me clarify later --"
fainted.
then someone in audition, i think r3alm86 he asked if dat guy is my bf, i said no. then he said cheh haha. -_-" and he said heng.
LOL
dun mind this post..
i'm lack of sleep and stressed.
humor me.
hahahaahha
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:23:00 PM
stop.
flirting.
on.
msn.
>.<
chao buaya!
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 4:04:00 AM
throb throb left side of head.
what is the left side of brain ar?
301 bloody headache, literally.
but i already had it after discussing 325 with J
but thank goodness 325 quite ez to settle.
actually wanted to discuss my tiny dilemma of who to work with for fyp.
a matter of vision or friends or what?
what do i want?
can't discuss now cos would need to think too much.
brain cannot tahan.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:20:00 AM
like seeing the end liao.
20th is when?
13 days away man.
i am so shit fuck dead.
301 dead cos no company
322 dying cos i no confidence
323 need to find film and topic to do.
i'll get round to it asap.
325 later meeting J discuss.
need to leave house by 515.
mmm.
ok i unds wat time i must bathe le.
means before that, need to think of wad to do for 323.
gotta b home before 11pm.
wah.
ok wish me luck,
wish my proj grps luck
sighz
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:57:00 PM
fuck shit sia.
maybe it was my fault after all.
don't anyhow go make connections.
some ppl are just plain WEIRD.
alamak.
me and my curiosity and boredom.
haha =X
let me get rid of that junk.
i think i v bad i say ppl junk.
but getting on my nerves le.
BUT I LOVE TO TORTURE GUYS
z_Z
but not fun.
when u flirt, both parties need a hao2 gan3.
but i dun have hao2 gan3.
i got fan2 gan3.
zzz.
today whole day in sch my brain on projs.
sux fux
halfway into vertigo, yw said he gg play aud with hs.
ok la, i am quite easy to persuade because games really prod me haha.
so i met yw and hs at db ghaut. this time they were at pcb aka pcbunk. facking ex.
nvm la there's always a first time for evthing.
hahaha.
i did mad combo again.
but not shiok as when i do at home, i dunno.
=X
after that 10pm, nowhere to eat.
walkwalkwalk
finally found a stall at dunno where selling chicken rice.
it's not the one at parklane. it's further down. haha.
ya their food is not bad.
but i hungry like wad le.
kena indigestion.
nya joined us also.
i gave him attitude but later i stopped because my indigestion too pain.
then they quite concerned abt me la.
esp yw and nya.
cos i look like i wan to die and i was pale.
haha.
yw got some medicine for indigestion de. why he got with him sia.
LoL?
keep asking me to take.
but i like to suffer.
but i think those two guys today quite sweet.
=)
came home, went audition awhile, indigestion slowly dissipated.
but played 2 songs only that person called me le.
=_=
eyer.
why am i overly nice to ppl
i wan to puke le.
i say wad i wan guys to jio me
here is one
yet i am so disgusted.
why?
too fast.
and i dun even like him why would i want someone whom i dun like jio me?
hahah.
i am weird de.
usually i will like a guy then i will try to get closer to him, drop hints etc.
see if he take the bait.
mmm.
tedious but aye, got kick and fulfilment.
=)
this one like from rubbish bin de.
anyhow stick to me.
pukez.
okok anyway i drew storyboard till 3am+
sian, went audition,
play until 5am+
gosh i am still awake.
1.5hrs to slp
facking dead.
save me tml.
=_=
-530am-
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:00:00 AM
maybe it was my fault after all.
don't anyhow go make connections.
some ppl are just plain WEIRD.
alamak.
me and my curiosity and boredom.
haha =X
let me get rid of that junk.
i think i v bad i say ppl junk.
but getting on my nerves le.
BUT I LOVE TO TORTURE GUYS
z_Z
but not fun.
when u flirt, both parties need a hao2 gan3.
but i dun have hao2 gan3.
i got fan2 gan3.
zzz.
today whole day in sch my brain on projs.
sux fux
halfway into vertigo, yw said he gg play aud with hs.
ok la, i am quite easy to persuade because games really prod me haha.
so i met yw and hs at db ghaut. this time they were at pcb aka pcbunk. facking ex.
nvm la there's always a first time for evthing.
hahaha.
i did mad combo again.
but not shiok as when i do at home, i dunno.
=X
after that 10pm, nowhere to eat.
walkwalkwalk
finally found a stall at dunno where selling chicken rice.
it's not the one at parklane. it's further down. haha.
ya their food is not bad.
but i hungry like wad le.
kena indigestion.
nya joined us also.
i gave him attitude but later i stopped because my indigestion too pain.
then they quite concerned abt me la.
esp yw and nya.
cos i look like i wan to die and i was pale.
haha.
yw got some medicine for indigestion de. why he got with him sia.
LoL?
keep asking me to take.
but i like to suffer.
but i think those two guys today quite sweet.
=)
came home, went audition awhile, indigestion slowly dissipated.
but played 2 songs only that person called me le.
=_=
eyer.
why am i overly nice to ppl
i wan to puke le.
i say wad i wan guys to jio me
here is one
yet i am so disgusted.
why?
too fast.
and i dun even like him why would i want someone whom i dun like jio me?
hahah.
i am weird de.
usually i will like a guy then i will try to get closer to him, drop hints etc.
see if he take the bait.
mmm.
tedious but aye, got kick and fulfilment.
=)
this one like from rubbish bin de.
anyhow stick to me.
pukez.
okok anyway i drew storyboard till 3am+
sian, went audition,
play until 5am+
gosh i am still awake.
1.5hrs to slp
facking dead.
save me tml.
=_=
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 5:40:00 AM
why i just give ppl my number?
i don't feel it is just giving.
if they bother to know me, and i judge they are ok ppl,
if they want to maintain contact,
i just give people a chance at reaching out and finding the connection instead of grasping empty air.
i know the feeling of reaching out and falling into space because u'd expect to grab onto something but you can't find anything out there, and you fall down.
i try to make connections, but they don't connect back with me.
why i give my number?
i don't like others to fall into space like i do.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:36:00 AM
...
what can i say?
i got what i wanted but not who i wanted.
in audition it really is easy to find sdu guys.
at least i got my vitamins.
haiz but this is the most hectic time of my sch semester.
omg la
stress
and seeing some signs that make me scared like his bdae.
omg la.
nvm la
vitamins and supplements are good
need a confidence booster
need someone who can por me
oh btw this is long overdue,
but i'd like to thank a certain olivia.
thank you gal for helping him do unto him what i've been wanting to see happen to him.
although you dunno me,
but i am glad of what you did.
he deserves it.
throw him one corner. skillful he mentioned.
yeah man.
bring him his downfall.
=)
i wanna meet you some day.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:48:00 AM
i will not be defeated by silly insecurities, tiny chidings, and the fallacy of being human. i am human, i make mistakes. you are human, you also make mistakes. you are just a more experienced human. i will allow your words to drive me to the right path, like a hammer drives a nail head on into the wood. i will not allow them to kill my spirit, flatten my soul. although they always do so, and make me feel damn worthless. these words, although small, have such a humongous impact on me. i wonder why. does it have anything to do with my psychological makeup? i'm not the one at the frontline, i don't like to lead, i like to follow behind quietly. i'll give up my place for you, because i feel you deserve to move forward more than i do. why? because you are more efficient, you are more intelligent, you are more focused, you are more capable. i doubt my ability, i doubt my intelligence, i doubt my ideas, i doubt my vision, i doubt myself. fraught with insecurities, my self-worth is easily trampled upon. why do i always let myself believe others should come first, others should lead, others deserve more than i do? this is always why i choose to walk behind, to remain quiet, to sit aside, to voluntarily move out of the conversation if only to let others have their spot in it. thus my anti-socialness grew. and grew. and grew. i sit aside even if i cannot hear what is being said, or others cannot hear me. i shut up when people talk, i don't like to interrupt, but i think it is ok when people interrupt me as if i don't matter at all. because my opinion, when it comes out, is all jumbled and garbled and isn't worth much in my own eyes. my very own opinion, means nothing at all to me. sad but true. why do i even have an opinion in that case? i don't. in many cases i just switch off the channel called opinion. my sitting aside from others becomes sitting away from others. i sit alone, lost in my thoughts. doesn't matter to me. as time goes by, you get used to it, you use it as a yardstick to measure your worth, to measure your ability. i have become very withdrawn of late, my confidence is negative. i think the volmeter that measures confidence is plugged on backwards. it is killing me; this sinking feeling whenever i do something wrong. and especially if i am chided for it, i will just keep quiet, not defending myself, not doing anything, not saying a word, not acknowledging anything, because it is like a slap to my face. i must stop behaving so childishly, how am i to survive in the real world? getting chided is unavoidable. how did i let myself become so weak and vulnerable? and then everything starts collapsing in on me, my self-worth destroyed once more, even before it could be built, my doubt increases tenfold, my weaknesses all come out stronger, my heart sinks. bloody hell now i am so pissed with myself. how did i let myself become so weak and vulnerable? i used to mock people who chided me, now i am being mocked by my reaction to being chided. the feeling of being accused grows and grows and swells until i am fit to burst. the accused one develops a horrible sinking feeling. the accused one is suddenly thrown into a world that is similar to the one we all live in, yet there is a transparent fog that shuts off every function. i wish that didn't happen anymore. i am now officially afraid of myself. maybe it is because i am chided when i actually try to do something because i want to. but my low confidence makes me only attempt tiny things. i could be so much more, but i have to surpass this barrier. fucking irritating shit. and the most disgusting thing is, when chided while doing these tiny things, my self-worth and confidence drops lower and lower and lower. suddenly i am six feet underground; twelve feet, maybe more. buried and double buried. the hole is never too deep. image, i can deal with. i am used to my lousy self-image. ability, i cannot deal. because without a decent image and without ability, what am i then? a worthless human? an empty shell? i don't like to fail at everything, it just kills me more and more inside. extremely dejected today, i just didn't show it, fought with it, put on a brave front, pushed it aside until i was alone. oooh, bus rides are bad. felt like shit on the bus, felt like shit on the mrt. thank goodness a short nap on the mrt helped. met vin at suntec, nothing helps more than seeing another person totally unrelated to the trials at school. nothing helps more. seriously. nothing helps more than just meeting up, chatting, smiling, walking, eating, watching a movie together with a friend. i forgot everything. it was just me, vin, conversation and my walking feet. but when i took the mrt home, everything hit me once more like a damn ten tonne truck laden with bricks and cement and pre-fab walls and concrete. hit me ten times over. struggling with myself when i got home, what else can i do other than turn to games and music? they make me happy, help me forget, help me calm down, help to stabilize my mood. talking about it only serves to torture myself more. i felt worse and worse with every sentence i said about how i felt. what can i do to become unnerved? strong? capable? in my mind's eye, i delegate all the crappy stuff to myself and give everyone else A stars. what can i do to stop thinking so negatively? fucking ruining myself. but then again, is it because i purposely think like that? maybe through all the conditioning i have let myself experience all these years. definitely not an orchestrated reaction, it comes on reflex, i cannot stop it. wave after wave after wave follows. i cannot stop it. today it nearly became a tsunami, i had to scramble for high ground. thank goodness it didn't. losing control. are we even in control in the first place? how do i recondition my responses and subconsciousness? how do i rouse my hidden talents and awaken my abilities? i used to be above average everytime, but now i feel i am falling lower and lower, my expectations of myself become lower and lower, i look up to everyone around me and see everyone halo-ed in greatness... except myself. what happened to being above average? i have to reawaken the belief in myself and my inner strength. i am not weak. since when have i become so pathetic? i don't wish to face myself anymore until this is overcome. i don't like the feeling of being so unsure, so dependent, so unconfident, so follower, so sheep-like, so withdrawn, so passive, so dull, so vulnerable. i have to change these, else they will become liabilities and kill my future. if i am looking for my bright future, the new mantra i shall chant is not, "i can't do it, but you and you and you can." nor, "i shall follow because i cannot do anything else." nor "it's alright really, because i don't matter." because i do matter. what happened to my selfishness? my self-centeredness? my edge, my meanness, my strength, my energy? i need to harness the darkness within me to work for me, not work against me. where is my passion? my belief? my desire to be in control? my confidence? i seem to have lost myself in the tunnel of doubt. let me light the beacon at the end of the tunnel as its guiding light. confidence, may you find your way back to my soul asap. i need the raging fires, i need the heat, the smoke, the sparks. i need the glow, the light, the guiding torch so i can see the path i pave. i need a reason.. i need my raison d'etre. 220am and i'm pretty much blogged out. i hope my thoughts have more or less settled down so that i can at least get down to doing work. thinking hampers work. i should be thinking creatively, but instead i am thinking of negative thoughts, of psychoanalysis of the self, of meaningless things that take no form but exist to torture me. i should develop a jason complex, where everything he does, he feels he is damn good in it, but i will not become self-absorbed and haolian like him. although it might be only a facade to disguise his anguish, hurt, wavering confidence and stuff like that, but the first step to succeeding, is to believe you are good, and to walk towards the goal with that belief. mind over matter and half the race is won, the rest is sheer grit and perspiration. neck to neck. i still have time to catch up. would like to insert an audition analogy. i might not be able to chance, nor 8 key, and i miss when i lose focus, but i believe i can cover my weaknesses with the number of perfects and the combo chains i do. although the brilliant ones might not be often, and i may not be consistently good, but i have my amazing moments, as well as my weak ones. let my weak moments be over. time to focus and show how amazing i can be and how brightly i can shine. time to excel. =) speaking of audition, i am level 13 already. i think the next license song is different. i can still pass without chancing, but it is like by the breadth of a hair (my hair is thick, so not say cutting it too close, but...) and i passed it the first time this time. had my chance at a 2nd fm, but i blew it. yet i still made it. i will treat things in future like that. yes, i will make stupid mistakes that make me feel worthless, but life is a bloody long mmorpg. time for level grinding and mass mob killing. i'm gonna chiong level from now on. not gonna be a leaver, not gonna be a quitter. oh and by the way, today i watched john tucker must die and it is quite entertaining. i'll admit i've been wanting to catch it because i feel the same way, but for me it's someone else so and so must die. yet, in retrospective, after this bloody long continuous post, that seems so trivial.
this is my party, and i will enjoy it,
no matter what you say.
this is my party, and my party alone,
it is not your party.
why would it be your party when it is not even your life?
i am how i live my life.
i'm gonna live my life good.
i'm 1337.
screw everything else and make way for greatness.
quite sleepy now,
maybe i should wake up early tomorrow and begin drafting, etc.
there's still time to chain perfects and blow away the rest with my x10 chain.
i don't believe i cannot catch the beat of this song.
anyway,
thanks to the people who withstood me today.
thanks hm, thanks ki, thanks pt, thanks st, thanks mel, even thanks nya and the mystery guy on audition.
thank you all for putting up with my nonsense, lack of self-confidence, and silliness.
thank you vin for meeting me and putting the smile back on my face.
muchly appreciated.
yeah, i will try my bestest best.
fight-o!
(and i wonder who read all of the rubbish i just typed. LoL, eyes must be bleeding by now? ._.")
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:46:00 AM
=(
why so many ppl fighting with me?
=(
okok i can do it de!
no fear!
not yet try, never say die!
=D
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 9:15:00 PM
damn disgusted lolz
ok gonna mia and totally heck evthing le
time to focus on stuff that truly matters: schwork
while i eat everyone's dust, cya all in the future.
i won't change no matter what you say, it only makes me dislike you more.
i knew this day would come.
only a matter of time.
disgusted with myself and disappointed in almost everything around me.
-nerd mode on-
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 4:20:00 AM
dun unds.
zenzen wakaranai..
ugh.
=(
time to slp anyway.
gd day, shiatty end.
oyasumi.
and happy childrens' day to all.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:50:00 AM
hello!
please press start to begin!
...
welcome to dithie's world of wacked up shit!
today in this universe, we will introduce you to the characters you can choose to participate in this fun-filled adventure through non-descript terrains!
new maps everytime!
never boring!
but always a chore to play!
please press circle to advance!
...
oh hello there!
i'm htid, here to assist you in choosing your character for this journey.
come follow me!
please press circle to read a character's information and X to exit to the character choosing menu. please press triangle to choose the character and square to see 3D mode.
...
AE01 - the body hugger.
this character is good in close combat.
walks closely to party members in huge shopping malls.
has another partner in crime but doesn't seem to have qualms about walking close to people, even girls. perhaps the sensor of danger has been destroyed in a previous accident. good height advantage to act as a lookout during battles, has some magic abilities.
str - 8
agi - 6
int - 5
wit - 8
awareness - 7
hp - 195
mp - 30
...
AE02 - the seemingly tiko chest looker
this character is good at sniping and ranged attacks.
likes to analyse enemies (and party members) for their weak points by looking at their chests.
does weird things everytime everywhere and has low qualms about doing so.
friendly and cheerful outward appearance but seems to be damn tiko and horny underneath. beware, party members.
you might not find a knife in your back from this character, but you might find him up a tree humping it or worse (gasp!) humping you.
beware.
good at sniping enemies though. not as tall as the body hugger but can also make quite a good lookout.
X-ray vision suspected.
str - 6
agi - 8
int - 3
wit - 7
awareness - 1
hp - 160
mp - 30
AE03 - the shadow walker
likes to hide in the shadows, not really attacking but planting traps and bombs. kinda like a cross between stealth assassin and that self destructing irritant in dota. confuses enemies. good to have in your party as a lookout and to mislead and damage your enemies before battle. when the shadow walker calls, he loses his invisibility. only calls when provoked and these are in times of danger. will call out to one chosen party member who will answer the call and be safe but the shadow walker will sacrifice 30 seconds of his invisibility for it and become bumbling and clumsy, making him a good target to gank for the enemy.
str - 3
agi - 9
int - 7
wit - 9
awareness - 5 (avg of 9 and 1)
hp - 127
mp - 78
AE04 - the w'ind chas3r
wind mage. can control elements of the wind. rides fast on the wind. however in a party, is always a large distance away, dunno doing what also. can summon clouds to control them. either to make fog, to ride on them, or to carry a fallen party member. quite useful to have in a party but tends to drift away on a cloud doing his own thing. ask to join party at own risk. will try to join through sweet words and actions, dubious.
str - 1
agi - 6
int - 9
wit - 8
awareness - 7
hp - 110
mp - 198
please make your choice now.
...
don't make a choice yet?
...
saving and closing game.
good bye.
...
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:33:00 PM
alamak.
dare ga usotsuki ni natta?
muzukashikute fukusatsu tte.
haiz.
what to make of it.
mixed feelings.
and so much work to rush.
fucking lost.
fuck everything laH...
=(
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 3:19:00 AM
vivo-fied
went to vivo today for maple outing.
actually was stoning online but around 230pm+ beng msned me saying he got nth to do and asked if i wanna go earlier.
haha.
i reached around 410pm.
not much difference from the meeting time at 430.
was disgusted by the flood at harbor front mrt. wtf.
disgusting.
mrt staff ushering the crowd. zzz. jialat.
ppl crawled and crawled. took eons to reach vivo entrance.
moment i reached there was like damn lost.
so beng came to fetch me then we explored.
big sia but it's like full of hot air.
nth nth nth!
big for what fuck.
all the ppl there jus go there n boliao see see.
like nth to shop one.
zzz.
i rather go imm shop.
i rather go bugis street shop.
i rather go tpy central shop.
i rather go og shop.
i rather go simlim shop.
i rather go bishan shop.
i rather go far east shop.
lolol.
maybe i'll go again when less ppl.
zzz.
and no more paint smell. lmao.
but i might go there play pool at e-zone.
oh ya their arcade sux.
lol.
so damn small but got a pool place hmm.
watched the departed.
bloody show 520 started 8pm ended.
what's that?
2hrs40min?
bloody long show like deathnote, watch until can sleep.
lol i kept finding myself analysing the director's skill.
but i found myself thinking that
eyer hollywood big budget some stuff dunnid but they just use cos got the money and heck la, it's hollywood.. go wild! fuck your brains out!
example.
going up stairs they use a gip/crane. simple going up the stairs.
must admit looked quite nice but not much function.
a lot of gip/crane shots.
some shots also just for one shot need so many things.
i saw a not bad tracking shot.
going into the bar, stopping at the bar table and jack nicholson comes in backview then goes somewhere else.. then goes back and hand passing money and back or smth. forgot.
damn sian lol.
was analysing their transition scenes also.
example;
matt damon as a kid and then him grown up.
linked by shotsize and hairstyle and similar face and expression.
lmao.
keep going back from matt damon to leo.
actually in this movie i liked leo's character.
matt damon sux!
i hate him.
he died in the end i also no kick.
stupid ending.
the only nice ironic thing was the rat crawling on the balcony bannister.
lmao.
lame.
pace of the movie damn slow.
not gripping.
wan to slp.
i go to a cinema.
i wanna be entertained.
i don't wanna be analysing the shots in a movie.
cos once i do that, means that i am BORED.
HAH.
after that gab, ivan joined us.
oh ya moviegoers were; von, me, fred, beng, ber, nana, dav.
cldn't decide where to eat, ended up at the hawker centre.
nice chilli with the hokkien mee.
wanted to go starbucks chill but it was CLOSED.
bah.
so went home and here i am..
u noe i dunno why, it's so weird, but behavior in the movie theatre is smth i take notice of.
whether u move around in ur seat a lot, whether u shake leg, etc etc.
i dunno why but to me it's a gd judge of the person.
hahaha.
if i like watching movie with you,
well maybe i find you a good person.
hmm i dunno.
was quite turned off today.
dun think he's cute anymore.
another person is cuter
but unfortunately attached.
nvm!
i still got my kaze.
hope he not bluffing me.
the new blog song is a kaze song.
lol. =S
actually even if dun have,
i think i noe who likes me.
i suspect only.
who knows?
my intuition is correct esp if not clouded by personal feelings.
ie, if i dun like that guy.
i dun like him, i like him as a gd friend,
but i can sense stuff.
so perhaps it's true.
hah.
we'll see.
not that i dun like him but i just have no feelings for him.
let me analyse more.
is that called leading him on?
playing with feelings?
to me it's investigation.
it's satisfaction of my own curiosity.
=S
hope no one gets burnt.
blahhhh.
k time to audition.
benben waiting for mi =3
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 11:33:00 PM
kena "changi" bug in aud
lol got a nasty shock today.
wondered why i look like the incredible hulk.
XD
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 3:00:00 AM
of impromptu-ness and spontaneity
wa damn slpy now.
long day today.
was late for proj meeting as usual.. what's new.
stupid room closed from 12-2. how cld i forget z_Z
i keep eating a lot today.
ate mashed potatoes and baked fish and drank mango-orange juice which was too sour for my liking. sugarcane sold out for the first time in my ntu life. whoa. did have sugarcane eventually elsewhere but i think school's one nicer and cheaper. -_-
shoot shoot
we shoot the video.
long time no use that cam, forgot how to config it lmao.
wasted a lot of stupid time z_Z
nvm we managed to finish cos we are pro =D
damn funny i cannot stop laughing.
sk and his masked rider roles.
lolololz.
damn hilarious la the mask thing.
tmd LoL.
we should do a stupid spoof of the becoming royston movie.
wahhahaa.
still cracks me up everytime. =X
v bored n tired after that.
somehow our lift home ended up with us following hm to margaret drive and the shop not open =S
ended up taking pics at the tiny skatepark. hahahaha.
went to the guitar shop...
then drove round and round looking for tiong bahru mkt. lmao, unfindable. =S
shit la.
went to zion road hawker centre instead.
ate the famous no. 18 char kuay teow.
haha it was ok la.
i like the hum!
ok next time must eat with hiam.
jaywalked to great world city.
gawd i am lousy at jaywalking i v scared everytime.
lolol.
ended up spending 'a week' in sk's time, rummaging and rummaging through the pile.
my sis says if i cannot fit, she wants to wear those tee shirts.
she says her size.
lol.
but i think i can wear oso leh.
she omg la.
cos we're abt the same size?
of cos she's slim
and i'm not
=S
sadded.
ate $1.80 ice cream dbl scoop cone.
whee!
lol..
sk's jokes are v lame n actually damn funny
but dunno why i nv laugh like huimin.
hahahaha.
actually i must confess i <3 hm and sk.
hohoho.
too bad grace had tuition else can relak with us.
wahahhaa.
nvm.
too bad so sad.
DAMN PIG AH
I MUST STOP EATING
k.
v slpy eh.
nightz.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:31:00 AM
kyou kaze to iu hito ni aenakatta.
demo ii yo.
kaze no hou ga kanashii to omou XD
watashi wa... doyoubi ni hoka no hito ni aeru.
ureshii na!
tanoshimi!
=D
i'm siao liao.
hito to asobisugiru.
haish
ano saa,
i was thinking abt smth in the mrt on the way home:
"don't try to convert me cos religion is a construct, and the only religion i believe in is the one i construct. not that i don't respect you but that i respect myself more."
stemmed from a prior event.
i'm quite stoic in my beliefs le.
hard to change me.
ren shan nan gai, ben xin nan yi.
hmm.
last min lecturer also postponed the deadline
and i finished it liao lor
sianz wasted my slping time
but nvm
a load off my shoulders.
k sian of blogging
mata.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 6:37:00 PM
i jus finished the bloody essay and submitted it i heck care liao going nuts le omg.
430am heng i had a 2hr nap in my bed and a 1/2hr nap on the mrt on the way home.
did i pon jap for nth?
i dunno oso.
i like to think i didn't pon for nth.
k tml must wake up 9am.
i am 30min ahead of this essay completion schedule yay
i wonder what my lecturer will think when she sees it was submitted at 420am wahahhaha. guess she aint new to seeing that bahs lolz.
audition down down down
feel gian but good i can't play so i can do work.
tml i reli hope schedule will fit.
gahs. gonna look like SHIT.
kkkkk bb nightz.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 4:33:00 AM
ame ga futteiru oto o kikinagara, kangaeteiru
sitting here in the semi dark listening to the rain pelt against the window, the street, and swish in the street under the tyres of various vehicles on the road.
i'm listening to the neighbors upstairs pound belacan, to the sound of my fingers typing on the keyboard.
damn tired now man, don't feel like going for japanese lesson.
raining and tired and lazy.
and i have a 3k word essay to do.
to be finished by tonight.. shd i pon lesson and do it now?
v tired.
think i won't go for japanese lesson.
3 hrs of my life can be spent doing work, sleeping, resting.
don't feel like moving at all.
and i'm seriously very tired right now.
lethargy man.
peiting mentioned why i always look so shag.
she saw me today haha.
then she saw sk she also asked him why he look so shag.
i have a perpetual shagged look sia.
today even worse.
in the mrt was sleeping even more deeply. wtf.
there was a guy beside me reading manga and listening to music, leaning forward.
my cheek kept resting on his shoulder lolz.
dunno if he felt disgusted or not, but he nv move or brush me away.
in fact i think he sat very still.
i should have just slept on him.
LoL.
today went sch help out with some stuff.
ahahaa i sux at wrapping boxes arr nvm.
i tried?
ahahaha.
rain damn bloody fucking heavy now.
the visibility damn low,
it's like this cloud of tiredness in my head.
hahaha.
i've decided not to go for japanese lesson today.
i'm gonna rest now then later do my essay n finish by tonight so tomorrow i can go out without having to worry about the time and i can enjoy myself without guilt.
my 'thoughts' written in notepad have exceed 1k words.
i think i can finish the 3k word essay by tonight =P
i just need to search some theories and definitions online and then the rest is like a lit essay, quote a bit then have pure crapz.
wahahhahaa.
i hate referencing.
feeling quite cold now,
all i've got in my tummy is laksa flavored nissin cup noodles.
lol.
mama coming home soon, hope she got smth nice for me.
having someone else in the house with me wld probably warm the place up by 50% or more.
she will switch on the lights and bustle about the house and talk to me.
guess it would be much warmer than me sitting in the dark staring at the only bright thing which is my computer screen and typing this stupid entry.
kaze reached jb today at 230pm-ish.
the time i reached tpy mrt and was walking to my bus stop.
ok tomorrow i will get to meet a new friend.
tml also got proj meeting 1030am and i forgot what it was for damn.
haiz.
my memory is exceedingly bad, i cannot remember various things.
and those various things are impt.
this morning v funny, i pom liao den my dad n mom still sleeping.
was late but nvm la, they helping me get to sch, paying for my fees, sending me to sch. doesn't matter if i'm late cos of them.
cos it's nv their fault.
lol.
stupid e-learning week hopes gave me a bad memory too.
because i keep thinking it is e-learning week, my memory decided to shut down, and i dismiss everything cos it is 'e-learning week' but it is not this week bah humbug.
2nd is 301 presentation i think.
fri doing the video.
sorry vin, guess i'll watch the movie with you some other time.
can't seem to squeeze anything in these days.
kaze, i hope i can meet you tomorrow.
i will try to pon lesson to meet you cos it's not every day that someone who lives over 5 hours away comes within 30min away right? but then again, ntu is like 1hr+ away from everything.
guess i can say i study in a foreign place, away from everything, and me coming from sch to meet anyone is well, valuable and shd be treasured =P
eh jus got sms from nya.
he said his knee might not heal properly forever.
gawd why everyone got so many problems?
simple answer. because we are all fragile humans.
watashi tachi wa kami no ningyou youna ningen da kara, itsumo komatteirun.
k la.
things i must rmb tml/tonight:
wish kaze happy advanced bdae
go for proj meeting 1030am
print out smth for 301 shoot on fri
do 3k word essay
sleep early
mom jus got home.
feels warmer =D
not reli thinking of stuff now.
but i think maybe i shd call myself quite lucky n shd b thankful?
hahaha.
well, wasn't it wad i was wanting?
and i am 4kg lighter,
it sure feels different.
i think can see the difference also.
but i think my muscle mass is minusing.
i damn weak leh.
no strength one.
i sux.
shd start training weights man.
haiz.
i want to be able to lift 10kg easily and not having to take breaks while carrying it.
i carry laptop also feel tired siah
useless.
k time to take a break n relax
=D
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 4:45:00 PM
kono te wa watashi no da.
jibun no te da.
hito ga hitori dake ano te wa ageru.
demo, 'te' no imi wa?
haiz, sou mo wakannai.
anata ka anata ka?
dare ni ageru?
=S
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 3:06:00 AM
radar
jus got off the phone.
2am le.
why huh.
itsumo kakeru.
donna nioi da?
chotto hen na.
nvm i'll just heck it la.
demo,
blaring blaring.
gah.
LOL ppl at the downstairs coffeeshop singing birthday song.
LOL.
nice =)
----
wa v slpy jus now
fell aslp in chair n drooled LoL
dot.
den some occasional smses woke mi up
soshite, denwa o kaketeita.
sore kara, ano kaze to iu hito wa mokuyoubi ni shingapo-ru e kuru. aeru kana?
mochiron aeru.
hontou ni tanoshimi na.
---
i think i'm siao le.
report haben do finish
haben even start, to be honest.
nvm i'll crap some shit out, but fuck la 3k words.
jiu ming.
ano..
watashi ni aeru rashii.
gah.
ok kangaetakunai.
oyasumi.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:13:00 AM
yet another placeholder
(cos i am fucking sleepy)
- 1130am pcbunk, nya, yw, me, ben, hs, hx, sh.
- flood so went parklane
- play till headache
- makan at yoshi ps
- punk again
- played awhile
- ki came
- stoned in bk ps with her di and her mei
- later some stuff happened, went off with ben, yw went off to find nya
- reached home, v slpy, cannot discuss proj cos sis' proj due tml x_x
- shag.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 11:25:00 PM
526am brain activity
excessiveness.
was thinking abt stupid stuff.
just for the sake of what?
why even start?
issit because i give openings?
issit because it seems simple to you?
what's your problem?
what is everyone's problem?
like people who treat them like shit.
i treat u like shit,
write you off,
heck care everything.
demo, u like the feeling of being hurt?
of this distance?
demo i only know u thru audition,
talk on phone oso i nv talk much,
dun even answer ur phonecalls
lololol.
isn't it a big enough hint to say 'go away'?
but guess u won't until i say it out right.
demo i can't.
issit because i like playing games even after i've lost interest in them?
i see so many games on my comp i haben delete yet dun wish to play le.
lol. wtf.
or issit because i like to play the game of 'tolerance' and 'patience' with u.
issit because i feed on your suffering?
in the first place i don't even think u suffer
u only think u suffer.
u dun even know me.
i dun even wan to meet u.
i say hurtful things.
lol.
big enuf hint, no?
just now called asked if i wan go out at night.
lol?
with u?
excuse me?
i dun even dare to meet you,
wld i go out with u?
sure, i love meeting ppl.
demo, i feel u are scary
so i wun meet u.
lolz.
my dad v afraid i meet DOM (dirty old men) online
n get tangled in weird stuff
demo i think i am 21 and can think for myself
cos i've been mingling with ppl from online since 17yrs old+
actually if u count phone chat service thing or letters from teletext or smth,
i've been mingling with ppl from 'online' since 13 or 14 le.
ya last time met some hanson fans thru teletext.
write letters, talk on phone, meet up
demo they're all gals, daijyoubu.
and now oso nv keep in contact loL
lousy.
hmm.
let's take a look at the significance of words and particular body parts.
no dirty thoughts pls.
i'm talking abt hands.
hands are significant to me.
brush against hands, holding of them, etc.
dun they symbolize stuff?
even if u talk abt hands like u say u wanna offer me ur hand,
it leads me to think in a funny direction.
demo i dun think u have that intention right.
but i can nv be sure of anything anymore.
doushite kyou mo denwa o kaketai?
i know yuube no wa watashi kowaku natta den i anata ni denwa ni kaketai.
demo to me, it was convenience.
but am i anyhow dragging ppl to think weirdly?
demo this is me.
and i learnt this from nya.
he oso liddat ma...
and i find when i oso liddat i oso feel happier
cos i can interact with anyone with fewer walls ma.
demo the difference btwn us is that,
he is oblivious.
and i am sensitive.
demo, i can sorta feel smth brewing.
ara i'd better not think abt it
cos i feel even if there is smth,
he wun say anything.
hazukashii kamo.
soshite,
ano kaza to iu hito.
konshuu aeru.
demo.
mada usotsuki da to omou.
ki says she dun mind being my 'spyware' lolz.
haiz.
reli dun unds ppl.
ano san nin no koto wa,
chotto watashi ni mayou naru.
wakaoz
maybe i shd stop being friendly to ppl.
demo,
i like being friendly.
ok brain stop thinking n shut down onegai.
kono o tanomu.
netai da.
demo nemukunai.
ato 9am o okinakerebanaranai.
doushiyo.
doushitaraiin?
z_Z
ok ima nete mitai.
oyasumi.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 5:31:00 AM
ki to isshoni no ADVENTURE
lololol.
got home 15min ago.
went with ki to her lecturer's block to post her tma by hand XD
now i can stalk her lecturer le =X
i know the post box also =3
quite fun to walk around at 10+ 11+pm.
den nothing open XD
heng that coffeeshop open
and my teh the condensed milk more than 1cm thick.
LOL shiok
amai mono ga daisuki da
futtoteiru XD
aNo.
now smell like the chi cha stall XD
i better go change clothes =3
den go do work
den slp by 3am
tml go Punk with nya, yw, benben, hs, KI and hopefully got more ppl.
lalala.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 11:53:00 PM
ara.
ytd a weirdo called my hp at 2am,
said his name was david goh.
i said i dunno any david goh, what number he called?
he said he called my number.
i asked him,
so, WHO AM I?
he said if he say who i am, i surely say again how i dun remember him etc.
den he said he'd call me again in the morning.
LoL
but he nv did call me again.
i was quite freaked out,
and just nice vin msned me.
so i was talking to him on the phone until 4am.
he said it's just a prank call la most prob.
lol.
he also told me better not meet ano kaze to iu hito.
but i said,
my curiosity always gets the better of me,
i will go meet de.
i said at most he can follow.
but we'll go public places n singapore always so crowded so cfm quite safe.
he said, ok if i wan him to go with me he can.
hmm.
vin doesn't read my blog cos he says it's too wordy.
demo, arigatou vin-kun!
=)
tml is hari raya.
selamat hari raya all my muslim friends!
and to chengs, the new convert,
first selamat hari raya to you too!
^^
going out again to meet ki v soon.
she coming to pass up her tma to her lecturer kamo
and her lecturer stays in tpy
long walk from chikatetsu.
hmm
shd be ok bahs.
so much work to do
tml oso gg out
shinjyatta.
nani mo kanzen datta.
=(
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 11:48:00 PM
1. Start time?
- 1518hrs
2. How much time earlier you need to get ready each day?
- 45min minimum
3. Do you still remember ur first love ?
- no idea
4. Do you wax ur hair everyday?
- dun use wax
5. Do you like guys to sweet talk?
- lol, if too many of them do it, become immune already.
6. Do you get emotional easily?
- maybe
7. Can you put on mascara with your mouth closed?
- dun use it
8. Friendster / Msn?
- msn pwns friendster
9. Do you prefer curling up on the couch watching tv or going out?
- gg out
10. Think of your previous boyfriends ,would you want them back?
- maybe the first one
11. Do you want a diamond ring ?
- had one
12. What present would you prefer on Valentines day?
- anything from the heart
13. Do you enjoy shopping?
- ya. everyone loves new things
14. Do you like eating?
- ya sort of
15. If you were given a chance to turn backtime, will you?
- maybe selected spots, but i prefer to fast forward
16. Do you ever gamble on soccermatch?
- nope
17. Who sleep beside you every night?
- sis in another bed but near mine
18. Whats ur hairstyle now?
- long
19. Do you ever drown?
- o_O
20. Whats ur favourite fruit?
- eh dunno
21. Do you want to get into a new relationship now?
- maybe
22. Sun tanning / Swimming?
- wanna try both, but nv do both. anyway in this country, every day also suntan
23. Do you wan to dye ur hair?
- yes when i have the $
24. Are you the girl next door?
- plain jane
25. Do you anyhow throw tantrums?
- rarely
26. Hello Kitty / Piglet?
- lol =X
27. Do you talk alot?
- see mood, see ppl, see place, see time.
28. Wheres the last place you went?
- orchard road
29. How did you go home?
- bmw = bus mrt walk
30. Hot / Cold weather?
- i love genting's weather
31. Car / Bike?
- both but car less dangerous
32. Singing / Dancing?
- dancing
33. Do you read when you're bored?
- if i have a gd book i wld
34. How long you need to get to bed?
- 5-10min
35. Do you mind listening to music when bed-time?
- it's nice but when i listen i cannot sleep
36. Do you like to take photo?
- ok ba
37. Do you prefer keeping things to urself?
- yes and no. depends to who.
38. Do you ever ditch a guy?
- possibly yes
39. Have enough sleep these days?
- slept too much
40. Do you like comments from others?
- some hurt
41. How many ex boyfriend you have?
- 2 ba
42. Do you like to stay with ur boyfriend, if you have one?
- nope
43. Would you want to hold ur boyfriend's housekey?
- nope
44. You like quarrelling or fighting?
- nope
45. Have you ever cried at town?
- dun think so
46. What ur school mate name you?
- dith/meredith/dithie/?
47. Among ur accessories which you like most?
- earrings =X *new craze* loved my thumb ring but i lost it =( haiz. my watch i wear every single day.. my 21st key also i like.
48. Do you want to paint ur nails?
- painted one side red
49. Do you like to cry infront of others?
- of cos not. dun even like to cry in front of myself.
50. End time?
- 1528hrs
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 3:35:00 PM
drivelic post
i shd have stayed out.
dunnid to go online,
hear more lies.
all the lies.
yards and yards of them.
like coagulated drivel.
collecting at my feet
like so much spurned and
spoilt tape.
piling up like black and shiny angel's hair.
coiling,
it is coiling.
around my ankles,
around my toes,
around my feet.
bloody hell everywhere i walk
i see nothing but lies.
and now i'm wading in it.
trying to find an exit.
they're waist high,
it would be gross to drown in it.
my hand clutches a doorknob
when the sea of lies
clutters at my neck.
i can feel them
trying to push into my throat,
my nose,
my ears.
drown me out,
replace my thoughts with their lies.
i will not succumb
silly voices
silly lies.
the door slams behind me
damn exhausting
bloody hell
damn irritated and in a bad mood now.
trying to remove the last of the lies
from my shirt
from my face
from my eyes
like so much black wool
like so much pubic hair
the annoyance.
get off get off
damn you
i walk the hills and still
see them trailing behind me
a cluster of black
tracing my footsteps.
fucking irritated.
so don't ask me why i am in a bad mood,
nor pretend to care.
because all u are doing,
is adding more and more to the
trail
that is sniffing out my scent.
i hate liars.
hmm.
malaised indeed.
i shd have known.
ALL OF YOU
DAMN LIARS.
stop playing games with me.
i'll mow your balls off.
but not before i club them
i kick them
and i get a goat to chew on them.
don't pretend to care
because i know,
i jolly well know
all of you don't.
yurusanai.
knife hides beneath smile
yet i cannot control it
it is my phantom limb
yay
don't blame me if u get killed.
=)
*btw, no mention of the fairer sex here at all.
relax, girls. i love all of you. XD
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:43:00 AM
lol i have no fucking idea how to make this blog of mine private.
it's so gawddamn easy to find my blog i just realised.
because i found it entering the same keywords i used to find a blog of someone else's.
LOL.
i wldn't be surprised if she/he/it is reading this.
nvm.
i hate liars so stay away
and stay out of my life.
=)
i love blogs, they give quite a good background check.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:41:00 AM
stupid lame joke
[we spy an empty seat in the outdoor smoking area amk s11]
hawker: (in chinese) do you smoke?
us: nope
[later, after the hawker leaves]
me: (repeats the qn) do you smoke?
nya: yup.
me: =o
nya: i'm smoking now~ (inhales the air) haze is all around~
me + yw: -_-" LoL.
me: den not 'chou yen' it's 'xi yen' le.
all: XD
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:33:00 PM
random
i had a dream a few days ago.
i guess it preyed on my fears.
i dreamt i got my pay.
it was a cheque for $1200.
'WHAT?!' i exclaimed within my heart.
1.2k for 6 months?!
means $200 per month zomg z_z
but will it be true?
i wanna see my real paycheck.
i'm expecting at least 2.4k to 3k u noe.
any less i will scream.
=(
ytd went for the stupid interview.
imo i did average but i feel i won't get the job.
and i hope i won't get the job.
i'm not interested in the company liao.
they've managed to chase my enthusiasm all away
and turn it into ningling fears.
so i cannot work there anymore.
the fear will eat at me.
interns are there for the learning experience. make it a good learning experience so that more stuff is learnt and absorbed. i felt quite terrorized. i reiterate, interns are there to learn, not be expected to know everything right from the start. that is why interns get shit salary. but yet interns are made to slave. zzz. what is this. and expected not to make mistakes, to be a competent worker who has everything pre-programmed in from the first day of work. wins.
i'd rather work at M-corpse. zzz.
i was 20min early for the interview.
gawd being early makes u more nervous.
and i still have the fucking problem with eye contact.
ok nvm.
later walked from sunshine plaza all the fucking way to orchard road.
ya my poor feet.
met the girls for talk cok and dinner and to pass chengs her pressie.
lol
later i went off to cine to meet ojisan they all.
k la, deathnote tried to portray the story.
maybe i'm biased.
but the mind games were not as chillingly clever as in the manga.
presented very matter-of-factly, loses impact.
they changed the story.
the casting sux imo.
EXCEPT
FOR
WATARI
he is so gawddamn cute.
hahahahahaha
gotta give credit for L.
the actor not bad and styling is there.
he got to eat so many sweets.
wonder if he put on weight.
hahaha.
waraoz damn suay.
shd have watched 840 show.
930 show dragged till midnight plus.
gawd. trainless.
ended up nv go home, thon outside all night.
went starbux first, i got green tea frap.
hey i love it.
i'll prob drink it again.
i love green tea.
=)
didn't noe cw such a philo person.
kewl.
talk chim stuff all night.
i enjoyed it.
hahaha.
feet killed me. but i managed to make it home.
slept at 730am but disturbed by phonecalls from 1030am onwards omg.
why everyone call me at the same time.
z_z
mu call me is ok.
in fact anyone call me is ok.
but J u made me quite fucking irritated with ur call.
altho u are trying to be cordial with asking me if i have anymore input.
believe me, if i had input, i wld have contacted you.
dunnid to call me and talk in ur knnccb faux accent right.
damn tired already still disturb me.
z_z
k la nvm shan't scold u le.
not ur fault.
u were trying to show u value my opinion,
but u noe the way u talk n ask things.
really rub me the wrong way like 50% of the time.
was 15min late meeting K.
nvm la he oso blur blur at cityhall.
den he dunno how to walk to smu from db ghaut.
omg?
but funny in that manner.
hahaha.
met his grpmate.
haha they exude a very relaxed feeling.
maybe it's the smu culture?
all v relaxed, easygoing?
or is it jus them?
actually i dunno.
it was comfortable la anyway.
hope my input was valuable.
went off after it was over,
met nya at yishun.
ya i guess i'm not sour or hurt or negative abt him anymore.
but i still think he's cute.
and i like him still, but as a fren now.
i got my disgaea2.
happy happy.
but no time to play.
ff12 out next month whee.
stoned around until yw finished cutting his hair den went to meet him at amk.
quite glad cld spend some time alone with nya.
long time nv talk to him, esp real life one to one.
maybe that's what also contributed to me viewing him negatively again.
cos usually nowadays will meet him, yw, and maybe other ppl.
as long as got nya n yw tog, i sometimes catch no ball when they're talking and also end up talking more to yw than nya. dunno why.
yw's hair looks good, cos jus styled by the stylist.
i asked nya to take photo for remembrance hahaha.
maybe so that yw can rem how his hair was styled lolz.
nya oso took a pic of mi.
errr, his photog skills imo not v gd.
cos too wide the shot...
wahahahaha.
the blardee cafe not open sia.
cannot drink kopi from chengsan cc cafe.
sadded.
now the mrt track oso blocking.
walao
walk until siao.
bloody weather damn sticky today.
ended up eating at the s11 near the macs.
yay nice food.
den i found out that yw n hs are tog le.
sweet.
happy for them.
cos their first rship.
so sweet hor.
but got some probs oso la.
is like she agree le but not reli reli tog that kind of thing.
peifu yw, he managed to jio her.. but he reli tried v hard, guess he managed to move her =) cool. but they are compatible i feel. haha. =)
well, he told mi smth abt ano kaze to iu hito.
he said his attitude damn bad.
and i must be wary of him.
i dunno leh, to me, i dun reli see anything wrong.
but yes i shall be careful.
i oso have attitude problem de ma.
attitude problem is quite ok as long as not serious.
but the issue that bothers me is,
is he truthful or just full of sweet and honeyed words?
damn irritating leh guys. i nv noe real or wad.
like steph.
he keep saying this this that that.
from 2003 up till now i still cannot figure it out.
n i dun believe him.
haish.
just now was in aud.
trying chancing and 8k in d4 mode.
hahaha.
i won yw a few times.
shiok.
cos when i chainx1 at the freestyle 8k + another chain after that, my score reli jumps like fuck, jumps like more than 50k. proness man chance + chain + 8k. hahahaha. addicted. it's like if u master it, so easily u can pwn ppl ler. z_z
rather than conc on perf perf perf chaining up till beyond x5 just in order to win the chancers. sigh.
but the sense of achievement is greater.
pure chainer winning chancer (perhaps chainer also but u chain better so u win).
damn shiok can.
=)
but i see my perf highest number i quite happy le.
will smile quite smugly to myself.
hahahaha.
but ya i got 600+k on a song, while yw only got 500+k on it. hahahahaha. den got another song, i gor 500k+ and he got 300+k. feels fucking shiok!
of cos that score is done with chancing and 8k.
hohoho.
but i dance chance n 8k i will more drained faster.
den wan to revert back to normal 4k without chance, i nid to readjust brain.
z_Z
and i chained a x12 perf chain.
i think with chancing and 8k turned on
=P
heng it was near the beginning of the song.
cos if i was at the lv8 lv9 move there, sure murder ppl until like siao. hahahah shiok.
anyway i saved the game.
but i missed at the 8 and 9 moves cos reli too fast le.
but fucking happy x12.
yw also got x12 before, well. hohum.
arrr v slpy.
cannot tahan.
ano kaze to iu hito kyou msn ni inai yo..
demo, yuube msn e kita to itta.
arrr.
oyasumi.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 4:31:00 AM
placeholder
- interview
- met sec sch peeps
- met sgma peeps
- deathnote sux ballz
- just nice missed mrt
- sian half
- went starbucks at the cathay
- nice green tea frap
- talk abt chim stuff whole night
- went around finally went to macs bras basah
- took second mrt back
- damn shag
- gtg out later
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 7:20:00 AM
RAWR
atashi wa baka da?
kyou repo-to o shiteita, ima mo tomodachi wa repo-to o shiteiru.
demo saa, guilty no kimochi ga aru.
motto de motto de kokoro kara deteiru na.
sigh. guess some things you really can't help.
feel like i nv do anything like i'm lazy shit ass.
maybe that's why i don't wish to sleep yet although not doing anything le.
gahs.
but got interview tml.
sure look like a dead piece of shit. lol.
maybe i'll say i was up at night.
maybe they need people like me.
hahahaha.
sigh.
wishful thinking eh.
out of 6.
u think they want me meh?
i got a serious problem with eye contact recently.
i told sk at the benches about it too.
can't seem to focus on ppl's eyes.
i will become sleepy and then eyes go defocused.
SO NAN KAN LAH.
sigh.
sleep...
reminds me of a guy who doesn't sleep (much).
i very scared of my handphone bill leh.
and i'm afraid sms too much will feel like sms normally to ppl in sg.
eyer.
and i really am sms waster u noe.
but i sort of make sure every sms i send is like max number of characters?
LoL.
but he dun.
actually i still dun unds.
feels like a game to me.
but i really cannot envision him being like that in real life.
it's so weird laH.
hahahaha. z_z
damn weird.
makes me doubt many things.
makes me question.
makes me ponder and reponder.
anyway i don't want to think already.
bed time nightz.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 5:46:00 AM
okane no koto
$_$
doushiyo.
okane ga tondeiru saa.
mainichi mainichi.
kyou sms mo okutta.
taihen yo.
sms no okutta koto ga suki na no ni, gaikoku kara wa takaiii saa.
taihen da!
tanoshikunai!
watashi mo sms o dashita kara saa, okane ga tondeiru koto ga mieru!
minikui mirukoto!
taihen da.
demo kaze to iu hito wa raishuu no kinyoubi ni shingapo-ru e kuru.
tanoshimi na.
DEMO. chotto hen mo, hajimete ano kaze to iu hito to aukoto.
dattara, aitai na.
demo, aetara, doushiyo kana?
doushitara ii?
ii koto? waruikoto?
mada wakannai.
kawaii rashii de eigo ga hanaseru rashii mo.
demo, demo.
kowai kamo?
mousugu chotto hen!
okane okane.
san do sms de hanashiteita.
okane ga tondaaaaaa.
doushite?
nani mo shiteiru toki, watashi ni sms o dashite kureta.
kyou no wa, beddo de yasundeita toki sms o dashite kureta.
ANO. kaze to iu hito! anata wa okane no ki youna hito desu ka?
okane ga anata no kao de PASTE o shita?
demoooo.
raishuu no kinyoubi ni tanoshimi da.
=3
IMA.
repo-to o hayaku owaranakerebanaranai.
ashita dasanakerebanaranai mo.
TAIHEN DA.
mada nani mo shinaiiii.
shinjyattaaaaa.
=(
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 11:39:00 PM
mada owaranai
despo guys...
hebi to iu hito wa itsumo ge-mu de kanojo o sagashiteiru.
baka da.
anyhow hurt ppl.
demo, ano otoko no seigatsu da. jiyuu ga aru. none of my business. ano hebi no koto wa ano hebi no koto da. mienai.
demo, atashi no tomodachi ga itaku suru?
warui.
moshi motto itaku natta, atashi jibun no te o koroshite aru.
hebi wa ano michi ni ki o tsukete kudasai.
soshite,
imagoro BAIKU no senpai wa watashi ni amai kotoba o itte kureru.
chotto hen na.
are u despo too?
doushite 'usa e kite, kekkonshite morau' to itta?
okashi na.
anata hontou mada atashi ga suki ka jodan da?
mochiron, anata wa shingapo-ru e kaetta toki, jb e kaimono ni iku yakusoku o oboeru.
tomodachi da jyoutai dake.
kaze to iu hito wa, kongetsu ka raigetsu ni shingapo-ru e kuru... demo saa. wakannai mo. jodan ka asondeiru ka?
demo mare-shia kara sms o okureta koto wa, shinji desu ka?
mou wakannai saa.
isogashi sugiru na.
ara.
ha ga mada migakanai yo.
ima sugu kirei ni suru.
ja oyasumi.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:54:00 AM
i think i'm a money waster.
if 1 sms costs 15c, then i've spent S$1.95+
if 1 sms costs 30c, then i've spent $3.90+
i guess if he smsed me out of the country maybe what he says is true. actually i dunno what to think at all, so i just don't think, just take things are they are coming towards me. because my mindset now is that guys are flirts, you cannot trust them else your heart wil suffer.
as i grow older, i grow weaker.
i think it's emotional rheumatism.
it's really true.
horror films, i could laugh at them. now, i am just bloody afraid of everything.
the swing at the playground. now i feel somewhat dizzy and vertigo-ish while swinging. last time it was pure bliss.
interactions with people. i hold back too much. i used to be a carefree kid, no qualms, no walls.
can't stand it.
he'll be coming to singapore soon.
damn curious, damn curious.
toying with the idea in my head now but,
imagine, it will be 2 firsts for me.
1) watashi yori wakai
2) tooku koibito
shdn't think abt it too much but it is quite fun to kangaeteiru.
cos sometimes it seriously feels as though i am just feeling something in the dark, i believe it will suit me but what happens when the light switch goes on?
feel like i am just wandering in the dark a lot.
oh ya the nails on one hand are red, the others are stubby and dirty. hohoho. my mom said looks gross, like i killed someone. but i like that description. it's cool. today J also asked why i only painted one side. i offered him my mom's description and then told him that the fingers on the other hand were reserved for nose digging business so cannot paint. muahaha. gross yeah =X
met his friend today.
seriously ah, i dunno why we cannot do it ourselves.
and hear him talking abt the proj simply irritates me.
his favorite word is 'i' and not 'we'.
'i came up with the idea'.
'i want it such that...'
'i' this, 'i' that.
felt somewhat like slapping him but cannot because:
1) cannot do it in front of his fren, i got image to preserve also
2) cannot do it in public. my image again.
3) his face bloody oily i will not touch it.
sighz.
and i still feel v v guilty that sk is writing the 301 report alone. like omg la? that shdn't be the case. i'm like xiu shou pang guan here. dunno do what. eye-power =(
on another note, met mama today to go shoe shopping.
walked around bugis, went to og.
got a pair of black girls' shoes.
got a pair of bronze girls' slippers.
damn tempted to buy neckermann's birks but okane ga naiii.
got 2 tees from gio-jnr =)
so happy.
finally can wear gio-jnr tee means i'm a kid!
feel happy.
mom redeemed her og card points.
lmao.
if the redeemables are already so shitty, just go for the ones which are most practical and heck the design la. lol. keep saying the cups with 'love' on them for couple, shd give friends who are getting married, what rubbish! put tea inside it can liao... i LOVE tea. hahaha.
fri interview.
quite nervous. nvm la. i'll just go and see how.
better remember to print out portie and burn another cd of showreel just in case they lost my stuff because opa is incompetent and inefficient. boo.
mega hasn't contacted me yet.
quite worried abt phone vibration dying on me again.
if so, then super sad case leh, esp when i'm expecting important phone calls.
like official business important (pi interview, my pay).
ate the pushcart 50c ice cream from the same uncle. hehe. made mom eat it also. but it's good! worth the extra calories. =) lovely ice cream. my current favorite.
classic sia.
ate lunchie-bordering-on-dinner at the hawker centre near fuloushou. the noodle stall not bad. mom ate and ta-baoed for dad and sis. i ate at the fried noodles stall. not so nice. the tea also nice. indian-made tea. hehe. she went to line up for the lek tao suan. and the table we were sitting at was in front of the carrot cake stall. super long queue sia hahaha. all queueing at my backside there lol oops.
went for jap lesson and kept digesting during the 2 hrs.
wa i hope no one heard because i certainly could feel all the digestion being done! eeks.
diana chionging her sakubun throughout lesson. haha. i was half-stoned. after class spoke to jonathan-san (not the ntu one) quite a bit. haha. friendly guy. and the funniest thing is, i came home and during the time i was afk on msn, got a chat convo with viv and him. apparently he's from sgcafe too. wow the coincidences in this tiny island. LoL. simi coincidence sia. this island too small but overpopulated. i guess with this high value of population density, it's not surprising everyone knows each other la.
singapore's population density = haze psi.
hmm quite sleepy now but kyou mo nani mo dekinakatta. guilty leh. sian.
quite excited.
next week e-learning week.
yet quite guilty.
nv do anything worth mentioning for projs.
hoka nin ni itsumo tanonda.
warui.
fri is interview + meet anne they all + meet some friends later.
hope meeting friends and not a friend, else it will be a date liao and altho he is my long-time friend, he is quiet and chinese-speaking so... bleh. weird huh. hahaha.
sat gotta meet kenneth from smu to 'chit-chat' abt filmmaking. blah hope i dun waste his time. altho he said every opinion counts but i am really super incoherent and getting even more incoherent as i grow older. sian.
but all in all,
this week has been quite a good week.
i still have stuff to look forward to.
i have stuff i've accomplished and am happy with the results.
tomorrow's a long day.
haven't decided whether to pon or not.
maybe i won't.
so better sleep by 2am.
no more smses from msia, he doesn't seem to be on msn either. maybe i'll go game do a quick check, but if really cannot find then i'll prepare for bed le.
now you know what i mean by grasping shadows in the dark right. z_z
kaes.
cooling wind coming.
tempting to turn in.
oyasumi minna.
=)
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:56:00 AM
gah
222am and i've done nothing much today.
nothing much in terms of work, seeing that all my deadlines are poking me in the eyes and waving frantically and saying HELLOOOO THERE DITH.
meh.
deadlines, i see you.
but i choose to ignore you.
i always ignore until the last minute.
then i have to suffer.
why?
no one likes to do work.
work sux.
thus everyone procrastinates.
fulfilling the self, desires, entertainment first.
kept playing audition today.
when will i ever stop?
when you're inside, and i'm inside, we can never seem to stop playing audition.
i'm still wondering.
are you lying?
is this all a damn farce?
a facade because apparently your love life cmi?
i dun believe.
why is it so?
physically you look ok.
intellectually you are engaging.
you seem quite confident, friendly, outgoing, sociable.
there are things in this world i will never understand.
and if this is really true, i'll ask the age-old question:
why me?
why not someone else like the chiobu in ur display pic.
hello?
i feel ni ke yi jio de dao lor.
bleh.
i'm easily swayed.
stop playing with my feelings if you are.
because i think i like you too,
but we stay so far away.
although by right it's just a bus ride, but it's a damn long bus ride.
not 2 hrs. not 3.
i reckon 7hrs. if you don't factor in pitstops and stuff.
gawd.
maybe i was just trying to fill the hole that was made.
maybe i'll know better when i meet you.
you said you'd be coming end of this month?
as good a time as any other.
i'm ready to recce, to analyse, to test the waters.
die la i haven't do japanese compo and tomorrow must go out edit/discuss proj.
z_z
middle of the day...
waraoz.
you know actually i can just throw to him and say,
ok you do it, i'm busy.
but i can't.
i know if i do so, no hard feelings at all.
but.
as much as i'd like to shirk off,
i feel i need to prove something by having my input known.
what am i trying to prove?
i dunno sia.
WHAT AM I TRYING TO PROVE TO ANYONE AT ALL?
that i am competent?
that i am a hardworker?
that i am good in what i do?
that my prescence is known?
that i am better than whoever.
what's my problem.
z_z
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:27:00 AM
wheee~
so fucking tired today, BUT i am very happy, so not tired le =D
was late for editing slot, but nvm la, not the latest so nvm.
morning had one of those weirdy calls from china, heng i nv sms back else phone will tio spammed. i thought it was foongy who called.. wa when my mom said it was china spammer machine, i felt cheated LOL.
but u noe wad?
he did sms me at 11am+
=)
all the way from selangor >.<
lol
was surprised and quite happy ^^
felt guilty cos cldn't hang around to edit after 330pm.
i went off to look for ki to pass her her present =X
but she was at vivo.. wa so far.
on the mrt there i was slping and beside me a guy was also slping.
his shoulders pressed against mine; shoulder to shoulder --"
actually quite comfy to slp liddat cos warm.. n mrt was cold n i nv bring jacket.
but lol.
the mrt was advertising vivo. so coincidental hor. =X
i was afraid when i got off at outram, that slping guy would fall down cos he was leaning on me. ya, when i turned to my right i saw his slping face. eeee creepy.
but he n his fren got off at outram too. ho hum.
i got a bit lost cos i went up the escalator instead of down to nel. lololol.
waited for ki at nel but she went to ew line. eek.
finally found her. XD
i gave her a bdae hug and asked her to close her eyes so i cld put the cap on her head =X
ki i hope u like the cap and wear it =X
later on went separate ways and i went to cut hair at tpy, the salon mu goes to but i hated cos that woman anyhow cut my hair like she heck care me de.
this time i had a very good experience.
quite damn happy with my haircut.
and really damn happy with the price.
yay =D
i put pic for u guys to see =X
my zi lian kuang, acbc, bhb, self-shot, zi-pai pic.
now eating lunch + dinner, beef stew, bread, and a peach.
happy happy~
=)
oh ya next week is e-learning week = no formal lessons but still got projs.
but yayness!
double happy happy
n_n
okay now time to do my japanese compo =3
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 7:24:00 PM
breather
well i can't blog.
blogger is down, as well as my brain.
what can i blog about?
the endless grind of school?
there are only so many ways i can say 'projects' and 'school' you know. hahaha.
but stupid things aside, i've been busy.
life is quite interesting, not too boring.
productive even.
today haha.
picked up the needle and thread for the first time in eons.
meh.
well, it looks fine.
XD
301.. getting there, not quite.
322 gah stressed tml editing i sure see many errors.
x_x
but isn't school the best time to fuck up?
hah.
323 essay due next week
301 report due fri 6pm
325 due i dunno when but wed editing
sat gonna be 'interviewed' or smth
meh. i wanna paint my nails crimson and cut my stupid hair.
ok. shall aim to cut hair tml and paint nails... tml?
maybe i should wash earlobes tomorrow too.
oh i didn't mention i took out my piercing studs.
well, i did
and i traumatized myself to no end.
but anyway i managed to rinse out my suffocated lobes
and shove another earring back into the hole
ya damn crude i know
but i'm telling it like it is
damn pain la
but i don't wanna pierce all over again
so i shoved it and it hurt
gah
tired.
jap compo due wed also
die die die
to do list:
323 essay 26th due
301 report due 20th 6pm
325 wed editing
sat gonna be 'interviewed' or smth
paint nails crimson
cut stupid hair.
do jap compo 18th
btw, happy 23rd bdae ki!
muacks muacks!
=)
-233am-
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 7:22:00 PM
semi-hiatus?
rawr. gross.
i just want to puke blood and die. o_o
in fact i have like no energy to blog now at all.
can't even recall the past days' events o_o
where shall i begin?
monday?
rushing down to nus after sch to interview mr tbt for 301.
me heading home after and going out again barely 1.5hrs later for japanese lesson?
the 9k word transcription?
the continuous 2hrs slp/night schedule?
tuesday?
always having 322.
but a lighting lesson.
it was ok.
cannot remember what was after.
oh ya the becoming royston talk but i didn't go.
i really forgot what i did liao le leh o_O
wed.
chiong 322 essay, go for japanese lesson.
which reminds me i have japanese essay to do.
shingapo-ru no omoide no bashou.
z_Z
dunno whr.
thu.
well i ponned 3.5 lessons.
settle location shoot, settle this settle that, cannot wake up, half dead, half-fucked, run off halfway go play game with yw and ki and nya.
ran off during 323 lect to meet yw. actually i already planned to meet ki but since she woke up around that time and yw also finishing lessons, we all met tog. actually i met yw in sch first den went je to makan and meet ki. then went db ghaut to bo liao bo liao a bit, play at that lan shop we always go to. then halfway hebi came. we left after yw levelled. went home. i had to go home and sleep. because on fri...
fri.
325 shoot.
well this one can sui bian.
cos meeting J.. quite bad la anyhow also can with him.
late lor.
filming didn't go smoothly la but sigh we'll see how. z_Z
his mom v cute. his sis also friendly de.
i like his family but i dun like him o_O
=X
what i really hate is his bad temper. his cockiness. his bad attitude.
but actually he can be quite easygoing, caring, a little too sentimental, and vulnerable. =X
but ya i really couldn't stand him on the way to meet our dates - him, his gf's sis bdae party + family gathering, me and my maple fren first time meeting.
wa fri the 13th disaster.
the road flood with cars for 1hr+ and nv move at all. lol the stupid cab fare so expensive for non-travel. o_o
budden eyer saw the explodable side of J again. can't stand it. chose to ignore it by sitting quietly and looking out of the window.
i had a weird thought on the way home.
i was thinking abt what J said when i asked him if he ever exploded at his current gf before or exploded at something else in front of her. he said he haben. together nearly 2 yrs yet he haben. bound to, bound to. he said he thought so too. cos hor i feel if bf/gf nv explode at each other before or in front of each other before, cannot see the bad temper and rightly gauge the person fully. =X haha.
you need conflict and conflict resolution familiarization to ensure that communication is 100% gonna be fine-tuned what what you want.
last time he always explode at me and i also explode at him until i buay tahan le.
he also always explode in front of me de i bth even more. wanna pretend i dunno him =X hahaha he read this entry sure feel a bit kns de. =X nvm. used to it le hor?
ara..
he bathe then just walk out in towel de yux altho the living room got 3 females, me, his mom and his sis. dot dot. maybe to him it is ok cos he noes these 3 females quite well de, however his mom and his sis dunno that he noe mi quite well de so =X but eyer -_- look like a wet white dog =X i thot was a gal with no boobs =x
LoL
haiz.
back to the jam.
made mi 1.5hrs late sia.
for the dinner appointment with the person i was just playing with that really ended up being a real meet-up and have dinner appointment. o_o"
siao liao i become too impulsive when stressed.
talk too much stupid junks through msn and sms and real life also.
-_-
i shd stop flirting with random ppl on msn and sms.
z_Z but it's just so easy to do =X
sighz.
but he waited.
but i met him and totally...
LOL
F A I L
la.
why?
cannot communicate
not fun de being with him
don't feel secure
don't feel at ease
felt irritated
haha =X
sianz
i expected so cos thru msn and sms chat also cmi de
=X
met st at yck to talk about storyboard.
in the end sat i kns kns kns de
oh wait, it still is sat.
i sux.
=(
it was like, i was the director, yes.
but maybe i portray a sense of no confidence.
ppl all squabbling over the shot and talking abt lighting etc all that
maybe i shdn't be director.
z_z
they squabble until someone had to say 'pls let her direct'.
oh thank you. you know who you are. even tho i will not mention names here. cos like v bad.
but haiz. i sux so much until the shot dragged late, i hope i didn't give the kids dehydration and heatstroke, i hope my crew don't hate me. oh gawd oh gawd oh gawd oh gawd i just am crap o_o
feel so much happier taking orders lol =X
why do i sux so much?
is it because i lack leadership?
i lack confidence?
i lack organization?
so many ppl have been telling me
IT'S UR CALL, UR THE DIRECTOR
yet
WHY THEY SQUABBLE SO MUCH ABT THE SHOT
rawr.
and why
WHY DO I LET THEM DO IT
cannot de liddat
z_Z
bad director.
bad bad bad.
nvm next time i wun direct again =X
hope not much problem with the editing.
gawd i dun wanna be around to edit o_O
but i have to
-_-
oh man.
if got many prob i will just go hang myself somewhere
T_T
it's like i'm also trying to do a balancing act btwn
1) the welfare of my crew, my actors
2) being perfect and time constraints
3) and because i am dith, i sux
haish.
bang wall le.
envision so many problems in post prod.
RAWR
nothing at all for PI yet.
nth nth at all.
wa no one likes mi
am i that lousy?
z_z
after shoot finished, i went home, took mu's cds and walked to her void deck to pass to her and chat.
she say she put on weight but i think she lost weight
=X
ara..
then i went to eat a lot a lot
=(
feed my sadness?
feed my demoralized feeling?
and just feed my hunger?
still so thirsty now...
at least quite happy now.
altho nose keeps dripping cos i am somewhat allergic to the haze
(haze flu)
but chatting on msn...
mmm
=)
esp to ppl u've missed XD
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 10:45:00 PM
well, well
what is the true bane of my existence?
a person?
other people?
tons of work?
lack of sleep?
not being able to play games?
not being able to do what i want?
me being fat?
me being ugly?
me being ugly and fat?
me being lazy?
me not measuring up to my own expectations?
me failing me?
isn't the answer obvious.
judging from the number of 'me me me's, the true bane of my existence is, indeed, myself.
yes.
i am a bane to my own existence.
work can be cleared and completed, thrown out of the way.
games can be played, or not.
why would other people concern me?
being restricted is one thing, but it is also for my own good.
but the self, it is the most unchanging thing.
it is the constant you have to live with.
day after day.
if you cannot live with yourself,
you cannot live at all.
you need to feel self-worth to be happy.
from the self-worth, only can you see things in a brighter, warmer light.
you and you are not stopping me.
there is no game addiction.
i can sleep more than enough if i just procrastinate less.
there's no such thing as 'everyone is better than i am'
because somewhere at the back of my head, i know.
i have my own talents, as well as my own weaknesses.
there isn't much of a 'better' ruler in this segregated society.
the differences got ironed out pretty much when we went into uni.
the curve is already so flat.
in my fallacies, you have your strengths.
and in your fallacies, i find mine.
everyone is just the same.
equal.
so i have no reason to deny my self-worth.
of course, the feeling still remains.
i can internally debate my self-worth.
but i'll remind myself again now.
things are all equal.
there is no better or worse.
it's just a matter of suitability.
and it's detestable.
how friendships can start to disintegrate.
well maybe it is my fault.
maybe it was my fault the whole time.
but in a friendship where like, jealousy, emotional need, and busy schedules are abound, i suppose it is a friendship bound for destruction.
a friendship lasting one year plus so far.
such a short friendship, yet the progression was fast.
but i radiated jealousy, vengefulness.
and now you have also become too sensitive when last time you were just a numb fuck.
communication has died, more or less.
what happened to the phonecalls, the msn chats, the smses, the meetups?
i envisioned it would happen sooner or later.
i know this sort of friendship couldn't last on my part.
everything rubs off the wrong way.
it's like putting salt on my wound.
but there is no wound to put salt in anymore.
it has healed.
the east deja wind came along;
puffing his cheeks in a
manner so entertaining; the
routine charmingly casual of
dances and chances
missed.
i saw a storm cloud in the
sky, but the
east deja wind he
flicked it out of my sight.
and the sky was once again,
clear.
as for schoolwork,
here is my usual to-do list:
1) 323 essay
2) 322 essay
3) japanese essay
4) 322 shoot prepn
5) 325 shoot prepn
6) 301
i think i should start on my 323 essay now.
lighten the workload.
tonight after jap lesson, i can do 322 shoot prepn (sat).
maybe thurs i'll pon some lessons again.
z_Z
so boring and so early.
and i'm so tired and sleepy.
but maybe this exhaustion is good
because i actually lost 4+kg.
and i don't even know how i lost it.
mysteriously vanished.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:08:00 PM
finallyy
i chiong finish storyboard at 4am
but it's my fault reli for the constant procrastinating.
anyway i got it done in the end.
YES I AM A SLACKER
but hmm
dunno la
feel i am doing nth
-_-
anyway ya audition.
couple dance.
gah.
you.
ara.
i'm blur sia.
but hor there's a distance maintained.
same as the distance you are at.
=P
look mama!
i still can play here!
the fireplace grill keeps them in place.
what mama?
yes the flames.
can i feed them more coal please?
just a little bit more?
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 4:21:00 AM
claiming to be what i aint
hmm.
false claims?
honest claims?
by using the word 'claim' am i implying it can be falsified and that there is untruth?
why is there always underhand implied meanings in words.
where do these connotations surface from?
anyway kept playing aud today.
die.
too addictive.
saw the japanese kid there again
=)
happy!
hahaha
anw this morning woke up at 1140am cos of sms flood.
suddenly everyone smsed mi
gahs
but it was ok
=)
played aud with that weirdy guy.
-_-
tanoshikunakatta.
z_Z
later on played with another friend.
tanoshikatta =)
so many perf
we pwned the npc
so happy
earned so much den
=D
kept chatting on msn today.
chotto wakannai saa.
kanojo ga inai to itta
demo i dun trust him
altho he likes to call me dear
RAWR i have 3 guys calling me dear le.
getting out of hand.
pukez.
okay.
301 settled
so happy
=)
i love afa.
love hm.
muackz
haven't settled my part of 322
FUCKING LAZY DITH
PLS DO NOW
okok
i go do now
later need to think of interview qns for 301.
PIA PIA PIA MODE
heng my msn chatter kaki + audition friend went out
so i can conc on my work
z_z
i promise i won't play too much mama
but it's fun
and addictive
but i think i'm gonna get burnt.
i can feel the flames inching
they're licking at my socks.
better roll in the carpet mama
better roll it in fast.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 7:23:00 PM
-_-
am i really more interesting and likeable when i'm stressed?
LOL
2 ppl started calling me dear on msn, 1 audition fren calls me da(r).
one maple fren started msning me often. but i think is nth cos he got gf. i suspect one of the dear-callers also got gf. -_-?
dun come play when u got gf leh. zzz.
is not fair. lol!
let me clarify later --"
fainted.
then someone in audition, i think r3alm86 he asked if dat guy is my bf, i said no. then he said cheh haha. -_-" and he said heng.
LOL
dun mind this post..
i'm lack of sleep and stressed.
humor me.
hahahaahha
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:23:00 PM
must.
stop.
flirting.
on.
msn.
>.<
chao buaya!
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 4:04:00 AM
bloody fuckup headache.
throb throb left side of head.
what is the left side of brain ar?
301 bloody headache, literally.
but i already had it after discussing 325 with J
but thank goodness 325 quite ez to settle.
actually wanted to discuss my tiny dilemma of who to work with for fyp.
a matter of vision or friends or what?
what do i want?
can't discuss now cos would need to think too much.
brain cannot tahan.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:20:00 AM
aiyah sian shit fucks stressed
like seeing the end liao.
20th is when?
13 days away man.
i am so shit fuck dead.
301 dead cos no company
322 dying cos i no confidence
323 need to find film and topic to do.
i'll get round to it asap.
325 later meeting J discuss.
need to leave house by 515.
mmm.
ok i unds wat time i must bathe le.
means before that, need to think of wad to do for 323.
gotta b home before 11pm.
wah.
ok wish me luck,
wish my proj grps luck
sighz
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:57:00 PM
October 6th 2006
fuck shit sia.
maybe it was my fault after all.
don't anyhow go make connections.
some ppl are just plain WEIRD.
alamak.
me and my curiosity and boredom.
haha =X
let me get rid of that junk.
i think i v bad i say ppl junk.
but getting on my nerves le.
BUT I LOVE TO TORTURE GUYS
z_Z
but not fun.
when u flirt, both parties need a hao2 gan3.
but i dun have hao2 gan3.
i got fan2 gan3.
zzz.
today whole day in sch my brain on projs.
sux fux
halfway into vertigo, yw said he gg play aud with hs.
ok la, i am quite easy to persuade because games really prod me haha.
so i met yw and hs at db ghaut. this time they were at pcb aka pcbunk. facking ex.
nvm la there's always a first time for evthing.
hahaha.
i did mad combo again.
but not shiok as when i do at home, i dunno.
=X
after that 10pm, nowhere to eat.
walkwalkwalk
finally found a stall at dunno where selling chicken rice.
it's not the one at parklane. it's further down. haha.
ya their food is not bad.
but i hungry like wad le.
kena indigestion.
nya joined us also.
i gave him attitude but later i stopped because my indigestion too pain.
then they quite concerned abt me la.
esp yw and nya.
cos i look like i wan to die and i was pale.
haha.
yw got some medicine for indigestion de. why he got with him sia.
LoL?
keep asking me to take.
but i like to suffer.
but i think those two guys today quite sweet.
=)
came home, went audition awhile, indigestion slowly dissipated.
but played 2 songs only that person called me le.
=_=
eyer.
why am i overly nice to ppl
i wan to puke le.
i say wad i wan guys to jio me
here is one
yet i am so disgusted.
why?
too fast.
and i dun even like him why would i want someone whom i dun like jio me?
hahah.
i am weird de.
usually i will like a guy then i will try to get closer to him, drop hints etc.
see if he take the bait.
mmm.
tedious but aye, got kick and fulfilment.
=)
this one like from rubbish bin de.
anyhow stick to me.
pukez.
okok anyway i drew storyboard till 3am+
sian, went audition,
play until 5am+
gosh i am still awake.
1.5hrs to slp
facking dead.
save me tml.
=_=
-530am-
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:00:00 AM
fuck shit sia.
maybe it was my fault after all.
don't anyhow go make connections.
some ppl are just plain WEIRD.
alamak.
me and my curiosity and boredom.
haha =X
let me get rid of that junk.
i think i v bad i say ppl junk.
but getting on my nerves le.
BUT I LOVE TO TORTURE GUYS
z_Z
but not fun.
when u flirt, both parties need a hao2 gan3.
but i dun have hao2 gan3.
i got fan2 gan3.
zzz.
today whole day in sch my brain on projs.
sux fux
halfway into vertigo, yw said he gg play aud with hs.
ok la, i am quite easy to persuade because games really prod me haha.
so i met yw and hs at db ghaut. this time they were at pcb aka pcbunk. facking ex.
nvm la there's always a first time for evthing.
hahaha.
i did mad combo again.
but not shiok as when i do at home, i dunno.
=X
after that 10pm, nowhere to eat.
walkwalkwalk
finally found a stall at dunno where selling chicken rice.
it's not the one at parklane. it's further down. haha.
ya their food is not bad.
but i hungry like wad le.
kena indigestion.
nya joined us also.
i gave him attitude but later i stopped because my indigestion too pain.
then they quite concerned abt me la.
esp yw and nya.
cos i look like i wan to die and i was pale.
haha.
yw got some medicine for indigestion de. why he got with him sia.
LoL?
keep asking me to take.
but i like to suffer.
but i think those two guys today quite sweet.
=)
came home, went audition awhile, indigestion slowly dissipated.
but played 2 songs only that person called me le.
=_=
eyer.
why am i overly nice to ppl
i wan to puke le.
i say wad i wan guys to jio me
here is one
yet i am so disgusted.
why?
too fast.
and i dun even like him why would i want someone whom i dun like jio me?
hahah.
i am weird de.
usually i will like a guy then i will try to get closer to him, drop hints etc.
see if he take the bait.
mmm.
tedious but aye, got kick and fulfilment.
=)
this one like from rubbish bin de.
anyhow stick to me.
pukez.
okok anyway i drew storyboard till 3am+
sian, went audition,
play until 5am+
gosh i am still awake.
1.5hrs to slp
facking dead.
save me tml.
=_=
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 5:40:00 AM
a very gd question
why i just give ppl my number?
i don't feel it is just giving.
if they bother to know me, and i judge they are ok ppl,
if they want to maintain contact,
i just give people a chance at reaching out and finding the connection instead of grasping empty air.
i know the feeling of reaching out and falling into space because u'd expect to grab onto something but you can't find anything out there, and you fall down.
i try to make connections, but they don't connect back with me.
why i give my number?
i don't like others to fall into space like i do.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:36:00 AM
ara?
...
what can i say?
i got what i wanted but not who i wanted.
in audition it really is easy to find sdu guys.
at least i got my vitamins.
haiz but this is the most hectic time of my sch semester.
omg la
stress
and seeing some signs that make me scared like his bdae.
omg la.
nvm la
vitamins and supplements are good
need a confidence booster
need someone who can por me
oh btw this is long overdue,
but i'd like to thank a certain olivia.
thank you gal for helping him do unto him what i've been wanting to see happen to him.
although you dunno me,
but i am glad of what you did.
he deserves it.
throw him one corner. skillful he mentioned.
yeah man.
bring him his downfall.
=)
i wanna meet you some day.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:48:00 AM
zenzen makenai
i will not be defeated by silly insecurities, tiny chidings, and the fallacy of being human. i am human, i make mistakes. you are human, you also make mistakes. you are just a more experienced human. i will allow your words to drive me to the right path, like a hammer drives a nail head on into the wood. i will not allow them to kill my spirit, flatten my soul. although they always do so, and make me feel damn worthless. these words, although small, have such a humongous impact on me. i wonder why. does it have anything to do with my psychological makeup? i'm not the one at the frontline, i don't like to lead, i like to follow behind quietly. i'll give up my place for you, because i feel you deserve to move forward more than i do. why? because you are more efficient, you are more intelligent, you are more focused, you are more capable. i doubt my ability, i doubt my intelligence, i doubt my ideas, i doubt my vision, i doubt myself. fraught with insecurities, my self-worth is easily trampled upon. why do i always let myself believe others should come first, others should lead, others deserve more than i do? this is always why i choose to walk behind, to remain quiet, to sit aside, to voluntarily move out of the conversation if only to let others have their spot in it. thus my anti-socialness grew. and grew. and grew. i sit aside even if i cannot hear what is being said, or others cannot hear me. i shut up when people talk, i don't like to interrupt, but i think it is ok when people interrupt me as if i don't matter at all. because my opinion, when it comes out, is all jumbled and garbled and isn't worth much in my own eyes. my very own opinion, means nothing at all to me. sad but true. why do i even have an opinion in that case? i don't. in many cases i just switch off the channel called opinion. my sitting aside from others becomes sitting away from others. i sit alone, lost in my thoughts. doesn't matter to me. as time goes by, you get used to it, you use it as a yardstick to measure your worth, to measure your ability. i have become very withdrawn of late, my confidence is negative. i think the volmeter that measures confidence is plugged on backwards. it is killing me; this sinking feeling whenever i do something wrong. and especially if i am chided for it, i will just keep quiet, not defending myself, not doing anything, not saying a word, not acknowledging anything, because it is like a slap to my face. i must stop behaving so childishly, how am i to survive in the real world? getting chided is unavoidable. how did i let myself become so weak and vulnerable? and then everything starts collapsing in on me, my self-worth destroyed once more, even before it could be built, my doubt increases tenfold, my weaknesses all come out stronger, my heart sinks. bloody hell now i am so pissed with myself. how did i let myself become so weak and vulnerable? i used to mock people who chided me, now i am being mocked by my reaction to being chided. the feeling of being accused grows and grows and swells until i am fit to burst. the accused one develops a horrible sinking feeling. the accused one is suddenly thrown into a world that is similar to the one we all live in, yet there is a transparent fog that shuts off every function. i wish that didn't happen anymore. i am now officially afraid of myself. maybe it is because i am chided when i actually try to do something because i want to. but my low confidence makes me only attempt tiny things. i could be so much more, but i have to surpass this barrier. fucking irritating shit. and the most disgusting thing is, when chided while doing these tiny things, my self-worth and confidence drops lower and lower and lower. suddenly i am six feet underground; twelve feet, maybe more. buried and double buried. the hole is never too deep. image, i can deal with. i am used to my lousy self-image. ability, i cannot deal. because without a decent image and without ability, what am i then? a worthless human? an empty shell? i don't like to fail at everything, it just kills me more and more inside. extremely dejected today, i just didn't show it, fought with it, put on a brave front, pushed it aside until i was alone. oooh, bus rides are bad. felt like shit on the bus, felt like shit on the mrt. thank goodness a short nap on the mrt helped. met vin at suntec, nothing helps more than seeing another person totally unrelated to the trials at school. nothing helps more. seriously. nothing helps more than just meeting up, chatting, smiling, walking, eating, watching a movie together with a friend. i forgot everything. it was just me, vin, conversation and my walking feet. but when i took the mrt home, everything hit me once more like a damn ten tonne truck laden with bricks and cement and pre-fab walls and concrete. hit me ten times over. struggling with myself when i got home, what else can i do other than turn to games and music? they make me happy, help me forget, help me calm down, help to stabilize my mood. talking about it only serves to torture myself more. i felt worse and worse with every sentence i said about how i felt. what can i do to become unnerved? strong? capable? in my mind's eye, i delegate all the crappy stuff to myself and give everyone else A stars. what can i do to stop thinking so negatively? fucking ruining myself. but then again, is it because i purposely think like that? maybe through all the conditioning i have let myself experience all these years. definitely not an orchestrated reaction, it comes on reflex, i cannot stop it. wave after wave after wave follows. i cannot stop it. today it nearly became a tsunami, i had to scramble for high ground. thank goodness it didn't. losing control. are we even in control in the first place? how do i recondition my responses and subconsciousness? how do i rouse my hidden talents and awaken my abilities? i used to be above average everytime, but now i feel i am falling lower and lower, my expectations of myself become lower and lower, i look up to everyone around me and see everyone halo-ed in greatness... except myself. what happened to being above average? i have to reawaken the belief in myself and my inner strength. i am not weak. since when have i become so pathetic? i don't wish to face myself anymore until this is overcome. i don't like the feeling of being so unsure, so dependent, so unconfident, so follower, so sheep-like, so withdrawn, so passive, so dull, so vulnerable. i have to change these, else they will become liabilities and kill my future. if i am looking for my bright future, the new mantra i shall chant is not, "i can't do it, but you and you and you can." nor, "i shall follow because i cannot do anything else." nor "it's alright really, because i don't matter." because i do matter. what happened to my selfishness? my self-centeredness? my edge, my meanness, my strength, my energy? i need to harness the darkness within me to work for me, not work against me. where is my passion? my belief? my desire to be in control? my confidence? i seem to have lost myself in the tunnel of doubt. let me light the beacon at the end of the tunnel as its guiding light. confidence, may you find your way back to my soul asap. i need the raging fires, i need the heat, the smoke, the sparks. i need the glow, the light, the guiding torch so i can see the path i pave. i need a reason.. i need my raison d'etre. 220am and i'm pretty much blogged out. i hope my thoughts have more or less settled down so that i can at least get down to doing work. thinking hampers work. i should be thinking creatively, but instead i am thinking of negative thoughts, of psychoanalysis of the self, of meaningless things that take no form but exist to torture me. i should develop a jason complex, where everything he does, he feels he is damn good in it, but i will not become self-absorbed and haolian like him. although it might be only a facade to disguise his anguish, hurt, wavering confidence and stuff like that, but the first step to succeeding, is to believe you are good, and to walk towards the goal with that belief. mind over matter and half the race is won, the rest is sheer grit and perspiration. neck to neck. i still have time to catch up. would like to insert an audition analogy. i might not be able to chance, nor 8 key, and i miss when i lose focus, but i believe i can cover my weaknesses with the number of perfects and the combo chains i do. although the brilliant ones might not be often, and i may not be consistently good, but i have my amazing moments, as well as my weak ones. let my weak moments be over. time to focus and show how amazing i can be and how brightly i can shine. time to excel. =) speaking of audition, i am level 13 already. i think the next license song is different. i can still pass without chancing, but it is like by the breadth of a hair (my hair is thick, so not say cutting it too close, but...) and i passed it the first time this time. had my chance at a 2nd fm, but i blew it. yet i still made it. i will treat things in future like that. yes, i will make stupid mistakes that make me feel worthless, but life is a bloody long mmorpg. time for level grinding and mass mob killing. i'm gonna chiong level from now on. not gonna be a leaver, not gonna be a quitter. oh and by the way, today i watched john tucker must die and it is quite entertaining. i'll admit i've been wanting to catch it because i feel the same way, but for me it's someone else so and so must die. yet, in retrospective, after this bloody long continuous post, that seems so trivial.
this is my party, and i will enjoy it,
no matter what you say.
this is my party, and my party alone,
it is not your party.
why would it be your party when it is not even your life?
i am how i live my life.
i'm gonna live my life good.
i'm 1337.
screw everything else and make way for greatness.
quite sleepy now,
maybe i should wake up early tomorrow and begin drafting, etc.
there's still time to chain perfects and blow away the rest with my x10 chain.
i don't believe i cannot catch the beat of this song.
anyway,
thanks to the people who withstood me today.
thanks hm, thanks ki, thanks pt, thanks st, thanks mel, even thanks nya and the mystery guy on audition.
thank you all for putting up with my nonsense, lack of self-confidence, and silliness.
thank you vin for meeting me and putting the smile back on my face.
muchly appreciated.
yeah, i will try my bestest best.
fight-o!
(and i wonder who read all of the rubbish i just typed. LoL, eyes must be bleeding by now? ._.")
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:46:00 AM
pray pray to the post production internship god.
=(
why so many ppl fighting with me?
=(
okok i can do it de!
no fear!
not yet try, never say die!
=D
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 9:15:00 PM
pia
damn disgusted lolz
ok gonna mia and totally heck evthing le
time to focus on stuff that truly matters: schwork
while i eat everyone's dust, cya all in the future.
i won't change no matter what you say, it only makes me dislike you more.
i knew this day would come.
only a matter of time.
disgusted with myself and disappointed in almost everything around me.
-nerd mode on-
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 4:20:00 AM
like wtf?
dun unds.
zenzen wakaranai..
ugh.
=(
time to slp anyway.
gd day, shiatty end.
oyasumi.
and happy childrens' day to all.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:50:00 AM
This is my blogchalk:
(.. ) ( .. ) ( ..)
`/.tagGiE~.\'
To Do List - JAN
.devote&resolve
.stevie
.jog
.plan for poison
To Do List - FEB
.3rd MUSE
.13th - 16th: HCNY
.jog
.work x3
.plan for poison
To Do List - OTHERS
.make pyong the fox for my sis (bought materials)
.clean my ps2 lens
.read more thought-provoking books
.start writing again (poetry/songs/prose)
.study philo/random theories/psychology
.study business theories
.tidy the place
.actually BUY a swimsuit
.learn how to swim
.bake
.design wall mural for room
.learn how to knit/crochet properly
.print my grad photos
HOSHII MONO
.ryokou
.phD/masters behavioural psychology
.BANANA.BANAO
.shiawase
.yasetai