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You're strange and we like fur
Strange, walking down the avenue
You're strange just the way you are
Strange, always doing something new
© 2003 DEVILROBOTS
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emo-ing...
just go away.
all of you.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:21:00 AM
alas, it is shortlived. just like so many times before, it only takes a fleeting moment to kick me down to earth where i squirm uncomfortably and try to seek the rare shelter and solace from my warped and suffocating habitat.
yea, i was happy.
thanks to alf donating me ppcs, i managed to get maple calendars. but of course helped him get too. chatted awhile at the station also, it's nice seeing a face outside of school.
and there was this little girl, although somewhat annoying, and i do dislike kids, but it was quite funny. she kept poking me with her barney and her mom kept saying, 'jie jie orh orh, bu yao chao ta' and it's pretty obvious i'm smsing haha. then she kept turning to look at me, to see if my eyes were open or not. inquisitive naughty girl. but quite funny.
the e-life place quite confusing to go. but it's the place i always avoid. haha, my first time going there. surprising it's quite big. didn't know. got 6 posters yay! 3 for alf, 2 for me, 1 for ecchi. then i walked back to mrt, took train to dbg, went to pcbunk and got 30k a cash cos the 4th job one v nice and the 10k designs i only like the YnP so no point right? hee.
didn't manage to meet wen cos she came too late. i went upstairs plaza sing to tabao ayam panggang rice and went back tpy meet mom and went home.
simple things like a maplestory calendar poster, a nice Acash card, delicious food make my day. of course, i left out other things like a cup of teh, and the people who make my life brighter. haha.
oh and, i'm getting stronger! today i actually felt it was easier to carry the tripod, camera and set them up with relative ease. omfg. gonna become a hulk soon. to boot, i wore green today. haha. my evil bunnies tee~! lol.
alright. shoot tml. needa wakie 5am. catch up with u guys another time ba, hopefully before new year peeks its head =p
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 5:00:00 PM
crowd not that massive today actually. cos in paragon like boh lang one. but i think they were either concussed from mad midnight parties or out on the streets cos when i ventured out, there were barricades. actually never even moved from paragon cos i'm scared of crowds. heh. think they were gonna have some procession / float / parade thingamajig. baH. who gives a damn. heh. just keep the people away!
look at the barricades and the people gathered and the police officers. i don't even wanna know how it looks like from the street. this was taken while on the road. actually i think the "Merry Christmas" being in focus while people are blurred gives the pic a rather (unintentional) ironic although subtle effect. hurhur.
Sp@g3dd*3s food standard really dropped to hell. i mean, wtf? the pasta was too salty and the set my mom and sis shared was wtf. measley. and the fruity panna cotta? LOL mango pudding. my sis kept exclaiming how cheated she felt. me, i was beyond caring cos was very sian cos supposed to have fyp meeting after lunch but somehow cancelled. which i think is good la. cos we all deserve a little break right? *trying to make things sound better*
aiyah. then somehow everyone kept having little accidents. quite hilarious. mom dipped her sleeve into her cup of cappucino. actually i didn't know also. but the way she told us (i felt my sleeve wet wet, then smelt coffee) and my aunt dropping sauce on her blouse.. but the most hilarious thing happened when my sis was saying something then POW! she knocked over the cup of ice water on the table over to my aunt's side. LOL wtf. shd have seen my aunt's face. priceless. so hilarious. and the conversation was quite funny. well, not that it was intentionally funny, but everything came out weird so it ended up being funny. i was bored la, so was making things sound funny with my sis while my mom and her sis (my aunt) chatted.
bleah.
sleepy day~ was taking some pix with sis in dad's taxi while on the way to fetch aunt. do we look like sisters? actually many people dunno we're sisters LOL. funniest incident was last CNY where my dad's side aunt's friend thought we were friends. lmao?
haiya. terribly boring day. service all terrible. food all not nice and too expensive. felt very sleepy. even when we went to bakerzin to sit down for tea/coffee also very sleepy. ordered something called cafe affagato. it's this concoction with a scoop of ice cream (chose sumatra white choc but i *think* they didn't give us that flavor D:) and a shot of hot coffee poured onto it. i think it was hot la, but by the time it hit the ice cream, felt like room temperature leh.
not bad, but made my sis, mom and aunt go wide-eyed. apparently it was damn strong coffee. but eh, i felt nothing. actually i liked it. but freak expensive for that tiny concoction. $6.80. SIAO!!!!!!!! felt cheated again. cos the pic look so nice. but shiok eh, the shot of coffee. nice and super thick and super strong. hohoho. but bad for throat. feeling heaty. blah. -.-
guess what la, it's confirmed my handphone alarm is sot. it will activate, yes, but the sound is damn soft (or non-existent) and vibrates little while only. zzzz. no wonder i cannot wake up. i thought it was something to do with me, instead it's my alarm malfunction. boo. and all along i thought i was having serious waking up problems. sigh. nearly wanted to get my head checked lol. say, if they have sleeping pills to help you sleep, do they have wakie pills to make you wake up at a pre-programmed time? I NEED!!!!!
so sleepy. nothing to do. ok la, got fyp but...... haiz. i wanna do something relaxing. and gaming is boring. cos my good friends aint online. and audition, my fingers are going nuts and rebelling against me. can't press can't chance. maple so boring too. ps2 lazy to play, and dusty in that room too. aiyah. and too early to sleep although i feel like sleeping, but i will feel like the next day will come too fast and i don't want that!!!!! wanna stone wanna stone.
find i have nothing to blog too. blah.
just sad today at alexandra market, the claypot laksa was CLOSED! omfg. so instead i had za yu mian xian jia niu nai. fried fish mee sua with milk. boo. but the avacado drink was open. haha. sad case. 27th is dad's bdae (and also pb's dad's bdae, tong nian tong yue tong ri sheng! hehehe truly PF! pb i hope ur having a good time in batam and that weird stare-y lady aint following you) so prob going old airport road eat random stuff. feel like trying their crab or the more expensive stuff. but i know go there i sure wanna eat the lau fu zi char kuay teow! CONFIRM. and the durian cakes and cream puffs there! hohoho. it's cheap and good. i love cheap and good food!!!!!
alright, back to stone. enjoy the rest of ur xmas guys. heh.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 10:12:00 PM
merry xmas all!
some pictures because i'm too lazy to post =P
town was flooded today. with people. started getting jammed around 6pm. good thing i left when the crowd came :D went shopping with mom and sis after recce. couldn't resist, so shared with her a double scoop cup of haato ice cream. green tea red bean + milk tea flavour =D two chops on my card! whee. and then saw this omfg cute gashapon thing selling. was scraping together 3x$1 coins to turn the machine with. rawr. sis had one coin, i had 1 coin. went to buy haato ice cream, $4.50 for dbl cup, gave the person $5.50 she kept not wanting to accept -_- eeeeeee. until the ice cream scooper auntie told her we wanted a $1 coin rawr. then she was like so konfused. bleah. but in the end, got 3x$1 and got my cute gashapon. my sis is like so appalled at its face. guess what it is?
BANANA!!! hohoho. banana handphone keychain. rocks.
sorry my phone cam focal length is like so cui. cannot focus on the face =x
but my sis is so DISGUSTED with the face. HAHAHAHA. is it so disgusting? sheesh. she said she regretted donating $1 to me. LOL!
from the web:
and some more:
description:
SKU 19180
Item Elite Banana Air Bubble Keychain [JPN]
Banpresto
-NCSX- Add one more human attribution victim to the list - Elite Banana which is a sentient piece of fruit with anthropomorphic facial features who enjoys the good life. Elite Banana products sell well in Japan but are unknown in pretty much the rest of the world. NCS stocked the Elite Banana Motion Plush last week and today, we import the Elite Banana Air Bubble Keychain which features a banana encased inside a plastic air bubble. Four styles are in stock today which all look alike but each one has subtle nuances that distinguish one from the other as follows (from the upper left and moving in Z formation:
(A) Elite Banana with Beverage
(B) Elite Banana with Clenched Teeth
(C) Elite Banana with Sunglasses
(D) Elite Banana with Rosy Cheeks
mine is suit elite banana.
hohoho. it gives that sweaty face and at the side is holding a red keitaidenwa (handphone). hohoho. and it gives my sis the creeps. and my sis has gooey rubber phobia. no idea what scientific name it might have =p she is scared of kush balls and those rubber jelly spiderman flip flip toys that u throw on surfaces and watch them flip down XP
and then wonder of wonders i actually ended up buying something. bought a skirt from FOX. as usual. sale! $43 cut down to $23. plus this skirt i saw previously but didn't have my size last time. now have =D
oh and i have 5% left to level 55 in maple. rawr. i wanna use my thorns. was trying to level earlier but had to do stuff like decorate xmas tree and check some game item auction for hellgate for a friend =_= well, it's xmas, i do ocassionally do favors =p
maple xmas quests are quite fun but my tree simply refuses to grow! rawrr.
thank goodness for melon ice cream XP
result of xmas tree deco plus addition of the tiny lights i bought at ikea?
with all the lights off. freaky alien bloody midget xmas tree XD
with as much house lighting as possible:
sorry the table got loads of junk. my house is like that. damn messy. hohoho.
plans for the coming new year / chinese new year / next few months?
1. fyp planning + shoots + start editing fyp
2. 28th dec exam results out + register for japa adv2
3. 7th jan sch starts plus GE allocation results out
4. CNY! hong bao hong bao hong bao $_$
5. highlight hair green. muahaha i dun care what ppl say!
rawrrrr.
new year resolutions? nada.
because i break them every year.
i shall only strive to be happy.
selfish but always works.
:D
merry xmas all~ and a happy new year~
pls avoid town, crowded streets with sweaty ppl sharing perspiration sux!
stay safe~
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:52:00 AM
for the damn scripts and shotlists to print, i shall update you guys briefly about the past week.
basically it has been fyp meeting after fyp meeting after i got back from KL hahaha.
and in between, things have happened~
14th dec - met np guys (basically fyp stuff) + kim's birthday + party + kahlua overdose
15th dec - went out with mu (supposedly makan outing that got cancelled) and got dvcpro tapes, bumped into mintz at mos burger hehe.
16th dec - fyp stuff? recce for props? cannot rmb lol think stoned at home.
17th dec - mintz's bdae =D plus cast rehearsal at yck area
18th dec - fyp stuff, think went look at jib arm with xiu n np guys then went sch studio see lights, then went causeway point met alf cos his bdae =P for dinner at sakae + watched warlords whc we ran off towards the end to catch last mrt lololol
19th dec - went location recce, i was fucking late, 1hr+ cos got lost wtf i nearly walked onto incoming cars cos of disastrous mood and inner blaming lol, luckily mood cleared up, didn't get too much of an earful, did storyboarding at np, ran off to find pb at 9pm, noodle stall closed :( but got pb =) think he is back in batam tml. awww.
20th dec - fyp meeting to further discuss storyboards + 2nd round after dinner till 12mn LOL
21st dec - fyp meeting again~ collected equipment, bought the PJs for 'patients', now printing the shotlists LOL tml gotta wakie at 6am -.- tml cameragirl one eye big one eye small o_@
still printing altho i blogged finish and stopped halfway to eat cake and biscuits and drink hot milk and type email somemore LOL
hdx900 pray bless my DoP soul~
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:00:00 AM
first day of shoot commences tomorrow.
*scared*
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:52:00 AM
she purchased a one-way ticket to KL and poofed on tuesday morning 745am.
actually she was there 1hr before the time and had to sit around and wait before she could check in. she expected them to give her some pamphlets and a white card etc for immigration but they only wrote the bus license plate on the ticket and sent me on my way. ara. dith didn't think much of it, and went to board the bus. number quite nice: 2121. hehe.
quite exciting cos first time dith is going overseas alone. kind of an impulsive trip, running away from fyp and the country using a bunch of lies as her shield. then she saw a couple of people with white cards (in fact all) and she started panicking. but nvm la, small problem~
the sg immigration no baggage check, msia immigration too. but i had no white card! in the end i asked the guy on the bus if he had and he gave me a few which i hurriedly filled in. then the immigration officer told me to remember to fill in the departure section (cos i no time so i left it blank ma) else i cannot go back to sg. LOL. ok.
on the bus i think got a big group of friends going together. and one family. and 2 girls i think they were going home. then got some loners like me and 2 other people. the loners all sat same row sia. lol. row 6. the guy who sat near me actually asked me at one point if i was singaporean and if he could sms his dad on my phone. errr. kinda bad that i told him my phone no roaming cos i dun wan him to use my phone. detrimental though, cos i had to refrain from using my phone and i needed to update kaze when i would be reaching. oh teh noes.
i dislike taking bus to kl =x journey is long and kinda sickening. initially was fun because the 2nd link looks nice and i've never been there before. also, the long stretch over the causeway looks nice too. later was ok too, the plantations were interesting, in particular the banana plantations that i thought i would be sold to =x hehe.
but then the worst part was the traffic jam reaching kl. ugh. jam jam jam. when i saw kl coming into view, it was only 1245pm like that. then jam jam jam, reached jln imbi lrt there only about 230pm. ZOMG. vomit blood. later heard cos of the protests and stuff they closed the roads. so i didn't take to pudu which i was supposed to. and everyone got off at imbi too. so i got off too.
gomen ne, kaze had to run from pudu to imbi to look for me. dakedo arigatou. i was sitting on the steps of berjaya plaza stoning =x actually being all alone in a foreign country feels nice. kinda liberating. i didn't feel scared. ahaha.
i like kl, kinda miss it. maybe i was missing the company too. after spending 3 days with the same company, one kinda gets attached to it. but me being me, i recover quickly.
not gonna bore you guys with boring details.
day 1:
first experience of msia public transport
lunch at i forgot where but nice!
dinner at kaze's place
played the 300 board game with him and his bro. lol! die persians die!
and still can maple at night after checking email! haha.
day 2:
watched Ja-Pan on animax. LOL!
brunch of dim sum
pyramid~ and met felicity
went to look at sunway lagoon from the hotel
he sent her home and we went to her house too ^^
suanned her to hell =x
watched golden compass at summit
nearly fell asleep during the movie.
don't watch it, it sucks.
supper was A&W!!!!!!
i miss it. =) 15 years later i can eat it again! woots.
reached back, i was so damn tired i fell asleep and didn't know
day 3:
last day in kl =(
went with his mom, bro and sis for lunch at indian restaurant
so sia suay i forgot how to fold the leaf
dun laugh at me ok, i got go before these types of restaurants in sg too! just blur @_@
went midvalley/gardens. was drizzling.
kl public transport is quite fun.
went to petronas towers and it was drizzling so couldn't really walk around outside.
the gallery is nice. had fun walking around and discussing the exhibits.
couldn't go to klang =(
2.5 days is really not enough. sobs.
sy also too busy to meet up. lolz.
rush rush rush back to his house to pick up my stuff
luckily got a latte frap before that else i would have starved on the train.
NEARLY missed the train. HAHAHAHA.
had only 5 minutes or so to spare. phew.
damn hilarious, santa without a train ticket being where he shouldn't be.
what i regret abt the trip? not being gutsy enough to buy back chiong ps2 games.
thanks bunches for lodging and bringing me around and helping me find the train.
sorry if i'm a bad house guest (like a cockroach) and all.
=x this entry is like so lacking in detail. i'm too tired to blog all. hee.
but i really enjoyed myself.
:D
pictures to fill this entry up.
a&w chicken! it's nice~ but reminds me of kfc altho batter is different.
curly fries, straight fries and loads of sauce~ hee.
the one float to rule them all~
DON'T TELL ME YOU DON'T MISS THIS!!!!!
WAFFLE WAFFLE WAFFLE ROCKS
butter and syrup yum yum yums!
and this is my train ticket before it got punched by the conductor =x
lmao this entry really is a lot of fluff. but i really am too tired to blog properly. very sleepy. LOL. not enough energy to give a blow by blow detailed entry. i blame the evil rainy weather.
and i passed my japa exam! so i can continue to take japa advanced yr2. hee. registration 28 dec. registering with ki darling kamo.
when i came back on 14th, went for fyp meeting then kim n char's bdae party at char's house. lols. as usual drank. drank the 'pi pa gao' kahlua. omg i can't believe i actually used to like kahlua... eeeeee.
SEE LAH! 'tdahh' the cups of kahlua until turned so red ZOMG. LOL!!!!! but later seeing kim blowing up her gigantic inflatable pink hammer was worth it. HAHAHA. and martini and fruit punch is just gROSS. actually felt kinda sick, so went home and mapled a bit. lols. mapled until today slept like a log until 1pm when i think ed called then i woke up. dunno what he called me for. i didn't call him back.
met mu and went gai gai. damn the rain lol. her camera is cursed? hahaha. but intermittent rain very irritating. slippery too. makan cancelled cos of tight schedules so end up we both paktor as usual hee. lok kok paktor.
and so hilarious, later in mos burger suddenly i saw this familiar figure i was like *stare. stare. stare. stare. blank.*
then...
ZOMG!!!!!!
HUIMIN!!!!!!!!! WHY ARE YOU HERE? I THOUGHT U HAVEN'T BACK YET.
omg so qiao.
and hello kitty land is just weird.
it's so weird you should make a movie out of it.
weird japanese low budget movie hahaha.
with tons of copyright issues cos u use sanrio's hello kitty.
damn funny.
"ah, hikui desu. chotto matte kudasai."
(owner takes stairs)
"doozo"
.....LOL!!!!!
and thanks for the xmas card =)
update will be done soon. heh.
mintz might say she likes hot el, but i know she still loves me!
hahaha.
merry xmas mintz. =)
whee entry done?
not quite but too tired. hahaha.
-gone-
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 10:40:00 PM
@_@ i'm back. eyes kinda wonky now after mapling just now. maple makes vision go blurry. cos eyes go unfocused when stoning and hitting random monsters. -_-
think i'll blog later. a lot of things to do for fyp and i'm very sleepy. i go nap awhile first ba.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 4:27:00 PM
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 11:14:00 PM
every word i say to anyone in a similar predicament is about the predicament, which is FYP.
HAHAHAHAHA
but there's much variety to it.
1. actual work
2. complaining abt difficult preprod stuff
3. my own incompetencies
4. my accomplishments
5. meeting 1 'representative' from 4 other groups and bitching TOGETHER hahaha.
heh.
and. i nearly lost my bus ticket to KL today. in m3di@corpse. ugh. after i said i was contemplating cancelling cos so busy with fyp, then walked around with notebook. suddenly felt something amiss, flipped notebook.. OMG i think i'm missing something. retrace steps back, walk walk walk.. where where omg... AH I FOUND IT not too far away. and i nearly got stuck in the gantry there haha. i have gantry and lift phobia, sorry. lol.
scary stuff.
damn my body is procrastinating too, or is it waiting to sync to darling's cycle?
LOL.
i'm in somewhat deep shit if it procrastinates even more.....
OMG. i nearly signed off with my name here as if typing an email. too much email syndrome. HAHAHA.
still pondering over cause of phonecall. i will go ask. lmao.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 4:33:00 AM
irritated with fyp, irritated with lying, irritated with my body.
-.-
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 11:48:00 AM
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 9:26:00 PM
i dun like people.
LOL!
@_@ antisocial.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:53:00 AM
wtf. me and my vivid dreams. the only reason why i'm up at 545am is that i woke up livid and i still can't recall if i yelled "FUCKER!" out loud or not. but i sure screamed "FUCKER!" when i collapsed into a black sofa that was near the balcony of the house i shared with ki.
anyway. the whole thing started out with me at my fyp meeting. now, don't ask me why my dream image of 'fyp meeting' was underwater in a reinforced cardboard tank filled with gold. some idiots tried to infiltrate our base and steal our gold and they couldn't die! they were so hard to exterminate. so we did what we had to; we turned the vaccum that sucked gold into reverse and drowned them in gold pieces.
and our cardboard tank was leaking. the water pressure was too great at 6ft (lol?) a few sides had already given way and water was spouting in. think of a milk carton turned on its side with a table and chair at the far end, and the carton is super long, filled with gold and the walls are soggy and gonna give way any moment.
i went to the wall nearest us to inspect, and as i was prodding the wet area with my finger, the whole tank gave way and the water swept us all up. luckily it was only 6ft under sea level. somehow i could swim so i managed to steal breaths of air from the surface.
and then i dunno where i was transported to. some workshop thing or some basketball thing. also part of 'fyp meeting'. and then it was close to ending but didn't? this part isn't so clear. and i got a phonecall. it was close to night time.
guess who it was. apparently i had met him earlier in the day so i thought it odd that he called again, at night. and he sounded odd, like drunk? i dunno. dazed and drunk. and then suddenly he was like, "i love you so much". inside my mind i was already thinking "wtf?" but i was like, "huh?". and he continued to repeat himself and somehow i met him because he was downstairs the apartment i shared with ki? argh.
at first it was ok, just normal talk. then suddenly he kept pushing me to accept him, which i never will. then he said why didn't i pick up his earlier calls? so i said i was busy with fyp meeting and i really gave some real reasons as to what happened earlier in this dream of mine and he got more and more agitated claiming i lied and they're just excuses. but they really happened what! (at least, true in the dream sense) i also got fed up.
and then he became freaky again, telling me to accept him, when will i give him my answer, he will look for me every day, call me (OMG HE KNOWS WHERE I STAY IN THE DREAM LEH) and the moonlight lent him such a psychotic look. argh! so i was thinking, FUCK, time to cut off all contact with him and ignore him. and at that point in this dream, i really believed it. because it's all so vivid and the situation is stretching the truth but i dunno to what extent la.
omigosh. and he kept on pressing on and pressing on. walking closer to me. suddenly i stopped walking (reaching house le) and i was like, "i hate physical contact", delivered coldly with rage brimming beneath.and again, that statement is kinda true. because i do have physical contact phobia but it's not that bad. haha. again, stretching facts of reality into my skewed dream world.
and omg he wouldn't let me go home! i only got away cos i said 'i need time to think'. when obviously the answer is a flat NO!!!!!!! GO AWAY!!!!!! I DON'T WANNA SEE YOU AGAIN!!!!! OMG.
and then he stood there, under my window, at the circular train-track-like carpark and yelled "goooood-byeeeee!" in the voice of some psychotic stalker with false hopes of love. argh. and he kept shouting his goodbyes and waving.
i entered the apartment, muttering "wtf wtf wtf wtf" under my breath. dunno if he heard but at that point i was beyond caring already. i reached home, opened the door that led to the duplex apartment and went to the balcony. the sliding door (adorned with a bronzey embellishment of a flower in the middle that you needed to split in half when you slid the doors apart)
anyway she was sitting on one of the stone stools there, leaning against the table, staring at space. and still, those 'gooooooood-byeeee's echoed from below like some incessant siren. and i was in a dastardly bad mood by that time. i sank into the black soft leather sofa near the balcony and as she turned to look at me, i screamed in rage, "FUCKER!".
and then i woke up.
woke up disturbed and disgusted and angry at the same time.
-_-
do i dream this as a form of retribution for what i have done to this person? do i dream this because i'm guilty? do i dream this because i really harbour unconscious fears. is this a culmination of my fears? rational and irrational. do i dream of another person but in this person's body? scapegoating in dreams? or do i dream it because of the events that were stretched way out of line from reality.
goodness me.
and apparently i didn't yell in my sleep. which is good. if not the neighbours would wonder why is there someone yelling 'FUCKER!' in the middle of the night AHHAHAHA. but the word rang in my head when i woke up with a start. although my mouth felt unused. haha. maybe it was a big mental projection that would surface as a hurricane or typhoon somewhere (now you know why they are all named female names) or i projected it into my friends' minds too. eeek.
620am. neither here neither there. supposed to wake at 8am but i slept at 2+am so i really should go back and sleep, right?
ya i will.
ugh.
thank goodness dreams are such gigantic exaggerations of truth. but which world do i really exist in? the dream world or the real world? the tangible or the intangible? sometimes i really wonder. perhaps it is my dreams that are my real world.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 5:48:00 AM
-_-
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:44:00 AM
gone case.
avoid contact at all costs.
lying with a straight face.
sian.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:36:00 AM
if who we are is defined by the things are own, i think by now most of us would be nothing but empty shells, much like the shops where our things came from.
thankfully, that is not the case... for most.
for the select few who really are what they buy, what they eat, what they wear, i pity you. not saying i have anything against totally brainless bimbotic/himbotic hedonistic people wasting their lives getting high at parties they are invited to every weekend without having to work to scrape together a single cent.
ok, so maybe a tinge of bitterness on my part lurks.
but seriously, that's not the point, is it?
what i'm trying to say is, a sudden realization hit me today as i was on my way to somerset for prop sourcing. more and more spangly glittery shopping malls are popping up left right and center like whack-a-crocs. and yes, i really feel like whacking them back into the rubble they rose from.
they rose from the rubble of quaint, old school shops where things were cheap yet good, simple yet fun. yes, i am resentful.
but what can we do? isn't it all part of "upgrading"? "progress"? "change for the better"? perhaps.
and then we lose a little part of ourselves
i'm so sad, standing in the middle of orchard road, looking at all the glitzy buildings (and more being built as i type), with the fancy restaurants, the high-ceilinged boutiques, the sparkle, the glamour.
but in the end, whenever a new shopping mall springs up, what do we truly gain from them? perhaps the rich and famous would gladly leave humble roots behind (because you must admit, some of them never came from the earth). but for people like me, when the thrill of the new and the sense of the unexplored dies down, all i'm left with is a sense of... loss.
and that is evident when the shops are closed, save for the cleaner who comes in to rid the floor of packaging and litter strewn carelessly by those who are so used to having people pick up after them; save for the security guard who will smile at you nicely and point you in the direction of the nearest macdonalds or anywhere you wanna go, who will say, "be careful and good night/morning" because it is 5am in the morning and it is raining heavily.
the lifeforms in the emptiness. that is the basic essence of the new. when you remove the avid window shoppers, the rich tai-tais and the well-heeled prisses, all you have left is a big echoey silence in a gigantic structure. so cold save for human warmth.
vivocity was a load of shit. a hive of nothingness. the only good things are the cinema, the nearby st james on ladies' night, the playground on the roof with the wading pools (especially for people who enjoy kiddy porn) and few other things.
the constructs they are building at orchard road too, the corridor filled with art in the middle of nowhere, the ugly blemish between wheelock and orchard mrt... somehow i feel they are bordering on "pretentious".
but aren't i a pretentious singaporean myself? i like to go to the esplanade to catch theatre productions (especially if there's student discount), i like to frequent shopping malls (because where they are is central and they are convenient meeting points), and once in awhile i like to engage in frivolous buying of things i don't really need.
this was made all the more evident when i re-acquainted myself with things from my childhood: the shops with the imitation toys, the things you thought were lost from your childhood forever... well, perhaps you'd refer to them as things you would think of as 'iconic' if you were born in the '80s.
i felt so happy to see those Old Maid/Donkey/Snap/Family playing cards, those plastic dolls that would otherwise cause a bomb at Toys R Us, the cute plastic hammer that squeaks when you hit someone on the head with it... fragments of my childhood.
wonder in the year 2010 will they still be around? perhaps.
wonder in the year 2020 will they still be around? rarity.
wonder in the year 2050 will they still be around? antiques and expensive collectibles.
wonder in the year 2100 will they still be around? museums most likely.
and i'll be long dead and gone.
perhaps by then you would have floating megamalls and people would be missing things like a simple key, or simple toys that didn't think for themselves... you'd never know.
thank goodness my family has a habit of being a junk collector. there's still so much old stuff i haven't thrown out. they make me who i am. so if they say you are who you are because of what you possess, well, i'm glad to say that i am not an empty shell.
sigh. stupid leh. even props recce makes one nostalgic. LOL.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:13:00 AM
just go away.
all of you.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:21:00 AM
happiness...
alas, it is shortlived. just like so many times before, it only takes a fleeting moment to kick me down to earth where i squirm uncomfortably and try to seek the rare shelter and solace from my warped and suffocating habitat.
yea, i was happy.
thanks to alf donating me ppcs, i managed to get maple calendars. but of course helped him get too. chatted awhile at the station also, it's nice seeing a face outside of school.
and there was this little girl, although somewhat annoying, and i do dislike kids, but it was quite funny. she kept poking me with her barney and her mom kept saying, 'jie jie orh orh, bu yao chao ta' and it's pretty obvious i'm smsing haha. then she kept turning to look at me, to see if my eyes were open or not. inquisitive naughty girl. but quite funny.
the e-life place quite confusing to go. but it's the place i always avoid. haha, my first time going there. surprising it's quite big. didn't know. got 6 posters yay! 3 for alf, 2 for me, 1 for ecchi. then i walked back to mrt, took train to dbg, went to pcbunk and got 30k a cash cos the 4th job one v nice and the 10k designs i only like the YnP so no point right? hee.
didn't manage to meet wen cos she came too late. i went upstairs plaza sing to tabao ayam panggang rice and went back tpy meet mom and went home.
simple things like a maplestory calendar poster, a nice Acash card, delicious food make my day. of course, i left out other things like a cup of teh, and the people who make my life brighter. haha.
oh and, i'm getting stronger! today i actually felt it was easier to carry the tripod, camera and set them up with relative ease. omfg. gonna become a hulk soon. to boot, i wore green today. haha. my evil bunnies tee~! lol.
alright. shoot tml. needa wakie 5am. catch up with u guys another time ba, hopefully before new year peeks its head =p
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 5:00:00 PM
x-mass
crowd not that massive today actually. cos in paragon like boh lang one. but i think they were either concussed from mad midnight parties or out on the streets cos when i ventured out, there were barricades. actually never even moved from paragon cos i'm scared of crowds. heh. think they were gonna have some procession / float / parade thingamajig. baH. who gives a damn. heh. just keep the people away!
look at the barricades and the people gathered and the police officers. i don't even wanna know how it looks like from the street. this was taken while on the road. actually i think the "Merry Christmas" being in focus while people are blurred gives the pic a rather (unintentional) ironic although subtle effect. hurhur.
Sp@g3dd*3s food standard really dropped to hell. i mean, wtf? the pasta was too salty and the set my mom and sis shared was wtf. measley. and the fruity panna cotta? LOL mango pudding. my sis kept exclaiming how cheated she felt. me, i was beyond caring cos was very sian cos supposed to have fyp meeting after lunch but somehow cancelled. which i think is good la. cos we all deserve a little break right? *trying to make things sound better*
aiyah. then somehow everyone kept having little accidents. quite hilarious. mom dipped her sleeve into her cup of cappucino. actually i didn't know also. but the way she told us (i felt my sleeve wet wet, then smelt coffee) and my aunt dropping sauce on her blouse.. but the most hilarious thing happened when my sis was saying something then POW! she knocked over the cup of ice water on the table over to my aunt's side. LOL wtf. shd have seen my aunt's face. priceless. so hilarious. and the conversation was quite funny. well, not that it was intentionally funny, but everything came out weird so it ended up being funny. i was bored la, so was making things sound funny with my sis while my mom and her sis (my aunt) chatted.
bleah.
sleepy day~ was taking some pix with sis in dad's taxi while on the way to fetch aunt. do we look like sisters? actually many people dunno we're sisters LOL. funniest incident was last CNY where my dad's side aunt's friend thought we were friends. lmao?
haiya. terribly boring day. service all terrible. food all not nice and too expensive. felt very sleepy. even when we went to bakerzin to sit down for tea/coffee also very sleepy. ordered something called cafe affagato. it's this concoction with a scoop of ice cream (chose sumatra white choc but i *think* they didn't give us that flavor D:) and a shot of hot coffee poured onto it. i think it was hot la, but by the time it hit the ice cream, felt like room temperature leh.
not bad, but made my sis, mom and aunt go wide-eyed. apparently it was damn strong coffee. but eh, i felt nothing. actually i liked it. but freak expensive for that tiny concoction. $6.80. SIAO!!!!!!!! felt cheated again. cos the pic look so nice. but shiok eh, the shot of coffee. nice and super thick and super strong. hohoho. but bad for throat. feeling heaty. blah. -.-
guess what la, it's confirmed my handphone alarm is sot. it will activate, yes, but the sound is damn soft (or non-existent) and vibrates little while only. zzzz. no wonder i cannot wake up. i thought it was something to do with me, instead it's my alarm malfunction. boo. and all along i thought i was having serious waking up problems. sigh. nearly wanted to get my head checked lol. say, if they have sleeping pills to help you sleep, do they have wakie pills to make you wake up at a pre-programmed time? I NEED!!!!!
so sleepy. nothing to do. ok la, got fyp but...... haiz. i wanna do something relaxing. and gaming is boring. cos my good friends aint online. and audition, my fingers are going nuts and rebelling against me. can't press can't chance. maple so boring too. ps2 lazy to play, and dusty in that room too. aiyah. and too early to sleep although i feel like sleeping, but i will feel like the next day will come too fast and i don't want that!!!!! wanna stone wanna stone.
find i have nothing to blog too. blah.
just sad today at alexandra market, the claypot laksa was CLOSED! omfg. so instead i had za yu mian xian jia niu nai. fried fish mee sua with milk. boo. but the avacado drink was open. haha. sad case. 27th is dad's bdae (and also pb's dad's bdae, tong nian tong yue tong ri sheng! hehehe truly PF! pb i hope ur having a good time in batam and that weird stare-y lady aint following you) so prob going old airport road eat random stuff. feel like trying their crab or the more expensive stuff. but i know go there i sure wanna eat the lau fu zi char kuay teow! CONFIRM. and the durian cakes and cream puffs there! hohoho. it's cheap and good. i love cheap and good food!!!!!
alright, back to stone. enjoy the rest of ur xmas guys. heh.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 10:12:00 PM
lay egg old man season!
merry xmas all!
some pictures because i'm too lazy to post =P
town was flooded today. with people. started getting jammed around 6pm. good thing i left when the crowd came :D went shopping with mom and sis after recce. couldn't resist, so shared with her a double scoop cup of haato ice cream. green tea red bean + milk tea flavour =D two chops on my card! whee. and then saw this omfg cute gashapon thing selling. was scraping together 3x$1 coins to turn the machine with. rawr. sis had one coin, i had 1 coin. went to buy haato ice cream, $4.50 for dbl cup, gave the person $5.50 she kept not wanting to accept -_- eeeeeee. until the ice cream scooper auntie told her we wanted a $1 coin rawr. then she was like so konfused. bleah. but in the end, got 3x$1 and got my cute gashapon. my sis is like so appalled at its face. guess what it is?
BANANA!!! hohoho. banana handphone keychain. rocks.
sorry my phone cam focal length is like so cui. cannot focus on the face =x
but my sis is so DISGUSTED with the face. HAHAHAHA. is it so disgusting? sheesh. she said she regretted donating $1 to me. LOL!
from the web:
and some more:
description:
SKU 19180
Item Elite Banana Air Bubble Keychain [JPN]
Banpresto
-NCSX- Add one more human attribution victim to the list - Elite Banana which is a sentient piece of fruit with anthropomorphic facial features who enjoys the good life. Elite Banana products sell well in Japan but are unknown in pretty much the rest of the world. NCS stocked the Elite Banana Motion Plush last week and today, we import the Elite Banana Air Bubble Keychain which features a banana encased inside a plastic air bubble. Four styles are in stock today which all look alike but each one has subtle nuances that distinguish one from the other as follows (from the upper left and moving in Z formation:
(A) Elite Banana with Beverage
(B) Elite Banana with Clenched Teeth
(C) Elite Banana with Sunglasses
(D) Elite Banana with Rosy Cheeks
mine is suit elite banana.
hohoho. it gives that sweaty face and at the side is holding a red keitaidenwa (handphone). hohoho. and it gives my sis the creeps. and my sis has gooey rubber phobia. no idea what scientific name it might have =p she is scared of kush balls and those rubber jelly spiderman flip flip toys that u throw on surfaces and watch them flip down XP
and then wonder of wonders i actually ended up buying something. bought a skirt from FOX. as usual. sale! $43 cut down to $23. plus this skirt i saw previously but didn't have my size last time. now have =D
oh and i have 5% left to level 55 in maple. rawr. i wanna use my thorns. was trying to level earlier but had to do stuff like decorate xmas tree and check some game item auction for hellgate for a friend =_= well, it's xmas, i do ocassionally do favors =p
maple xmas quests are quite fun but my tree simply refuses to grow! rawrr.
thank goodness for melon ice cream XP
result of xmas tree deco plus addition of the tiny lights i bought at ikea?
with all the lights off. freaky alien bloody midget xmas tree XD
with as much house lighting as possible:
sorry the table got loads of junk. my house is like that. damn messy. hohoho.
plans for the coming new year / chinese new year / next few months?
1. fyp planning + shoots + start editing fyp
2. 28th dec exam results out + register for japa adv2
3. 7th jan sch starts plus GE allocation results out
4. CNY! hong bao hong bao hong bao $_$
5. highlight hair green. muahaha i dun care what ppl say!
rawrrrr.
new year resolutions? nada.
because i break them every year.
i shall only strive to be happy.
selfish but always works.
:D
merry xmas all~ and a happy new year~
pls avoid town, crowded streets with sweaty ppl sharing perspiration sux!
stay safe~
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:52:00 AM
while i wait
for the damn scripts and shotlists to print, i shall update you guys briefly about the past week.
basically it has been fyp meeting after fyp meeting after i got back from KL hahaha.
and in between, things have happened~
14th dec - met np guys (basically fyp stuff) + kim's birthday + party + kahlua overdose
15th dec - went out with mu (supposedly makan outing that got cancelled) and got dvcpro tapes, bumped into mintz at mos burger hehe.
16th dec - fyp stuff? recce for props? cannot rmb lol think stoned at home.
17th dec - mintz's bdae =D plus cast rehearsal at yck area
18th dec - fyp stuff, think went look at jib arm with xiu n np guys then went sch studio see lights, then went causeway point met alf cos his bdae =P for dinner at sakae + watched warlords whc we ran off towards the end to catch last mrt lololol
19th dec - went location recce, i was fucking late, 1hr+ cos got lost wtf i nearly walked onto incoming cars cos of disastrous mood and inner blaming lol, luckily mood cleared up, didn't get too much of an earful, did storyboarding at np, ran off to find pb at 9pm, noodle stall closed :( but got pb =) think he is back in batam tml. awww.
20th dec - fyp meeting to further discuss storyboards + 2nd round after dinner till 12mn LOL
21st dec - fyp meeting again~ collected equipment, bought the PJs for 'patients', now printing the shotlists LOL tml gotta wakie at 6am -.- tml cameragirl one eye big one eye small o_@
still printing altho i blogged finish and stopped halfway to eat cake and biscuits and drink hot milk and type email somemore LOL
hdx900 pray bless my DoP soul~
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:00:00 AM
good luck to me and fyp groupmates.
first day of shoot commences tomorrow.
*scared*
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:52:00 AM
when ditha poofed
she purchased a one-way ticket to KL and poofed on tuesday morning 745am.
actually she was there 1hr before the time and had to sit around and wait before she could check in. she expected them to give her some pamphlets and a white card etc for immigration but they only wrote the bus license plate on the ticket and sent me on my way. ara. dith didn't think much of it, and went to board the bus. number quite nice: 2121. hehe.
quite exciting cos first time dith is going overseas alone. kind of an impulsive trip, running away from fyp and the country using a bunch of lies as her shield. then she saw a couple of people with white cards (in fact all) and she started panicking. but nvm la, small problem~
the sg immigration no baggage check, msia immigration too. but i had no white card! in the end i asked the guy on the bus if he had and he gave me a few which i hurriedly filled in. then the immigration officer told me to remember to fill in the departure section (cos i no time so i left it blank ma) else i cannot go back to sg. LOL. ok.
on the bus i think got a big group of friends going together. and one family. and 2 girls i think they were going home. then got some loners like me and 2 other people. the loners all sat same row sia. lol. row 6. the guy who sat near me actually asked me at one point if i was singaporean and if he could sms his dad on my phone. errr. kinda bad that i told him my phone no roaming cos i dun wan him to use my phone. detrimental though, cos i had to refrain from using my phone and i needed to update kaze when i would be reaching. oh teh noes.
i dislike taking bus to kl =x journey is long and kinda sickening. initially was fun because the 2nd link looks nice and i've never been there before. also, the long stretch over the causeway looks nice too. later was ok too, the plantations were interesting, in particular the banana plantations that i thought i would be sold to =x hehe.
but then the worst part was the traffic jam reaching kl. ugh. jam jam jam. when i saw kl coming into view, it was only 1245pm like that. then jam jam jam, reached jln imbi lrt there only about 230pm. ZOMG. vomit blood. later heard cos of the protests and stuff they closed the roads. so i didn't take to pudu which i was supposed to. and everyone got off at imbi too. so i got off too.
gomen ne, kaze had to run from pudu to imbi to look for me. dakedo arigatou. i was sitting on the steps of berjaya plaza stoning =x actually being all alone in a foreign country feels nice. kinda liberating. i didn't feel scared. ahaha.
i like kl, kinda miss it. maybe i was missing the company too. after spending 3 days with the same company, one kinda gets attached to it. but me being me, i recover quickly.
not gonna bore you guys with boring details.
day 1:
first experience of msia public transport
lunch at i forgot where but nice!
dinner at kaze's place
played the 300 board game with him and his bro. lol! die persians die!
and still can maple at night after checking email! haha.
day 2:
watched Ja-Pan on animax. LOL!
brunch of dim sum
pyramid~ and met felicity
went to look at sunway lagoon from the hotel
he sent her home and we went to her house too ^^
suanned her to hell =x
watched golden compass at summit
nearly fell asleep during the movie.
don't watch it, it sucks.
supper was A&W!!!!!!
i miss it. =) 15 years later i can eat it again! woots.
reached back, i was so damn tired i fell asleep and didn't know
day 3:
last day in kl =(
went with his mom, bro and sis for lunch at indian restaurant
so sia suay i forgot how to fold the leaf
dun laugh at me ok, i got go before these types of restaurants in sg too! just blur @_@
went midvalley/gardens. was drizzling.
kl public transport is quite fun.
went to petronas towers and it was drizzling so couldn't really walk around outside.
the gallery is nice. had fun walking around and discussing the exhibits.
couldn't go to klang =(
2.5 days is really not enough. sobs.
sy also too busy to meet up. lolz.
rush rush rush back to his house to pick up my stuff
luckily got a latte frap before that else i would have starved on the train.
NEARLY missed the train. HAHAHAHA.
had only 5 minutes or so to spare. phew.
damn hilarious, santa without a train ticket being where he shouldn't be.
what i regret abt the trip? not being gutsy enough to buy back chiong ps2 games.
thanks bunches for lodging and bringing me around and helping me find the train.
sorry if i'm a bad house guest (like a cockroach) and all.
=x this entry is like so lacking in detail. i'm too tired to blog all. hee.
but i really enjoyed myself.
:D
pictures to fill this entry up.
a&w chicken! it's nice~ but reminds me of kfc altho batter is different.
curly fries, straight fries and loads of sauce~ hee.
the one float to rule them all~
DON'T TELL ME YOU DON'T MISS THIS!!!!!
WAFFLE WAFFLE WAFFLE ROCKS
butter and syrup yum yum yums!
and this is my train ticket before it got punched by the conductor =x
lmao this entry really is a lot of fluff. but i really am too tired to blog properly. very sleepy. LOL. not enough energy to give a blow by blow detailed entry. i blame the evil rainy weather.
and i passed my japa exam! so i can continue to take japa advanced yr2. hee. registration 28 dec. registering with ki darling kamo.
when i came back on 14th, went for fyp meeting then kim n char's bdae party at char's house. lols. as usual drank. drank the 'pi pa gao' kahlua. omg i can't believe i actually used to like kahlua... eeeeee.
SEE LAH! 'tdahh' the cups of kahlua until turned so red ZOMG. LOL!!!!! but later seeing kim blowing up her gigantic inflatable pink hammer was worth it. HAHAHA. and martini and fruit punch is just gROSS. actually felt kinda sick, so went home and mapled a bit. lols. mapled until today slept like a log until 1pm when i think ed called then i woke up. dunno what he called me for. i didn't call him back.
met mu and went gai gai. damn the rain lol. her camera is cursed? hahaha. but intermittent rain very irritating. slippery too. makan cancelled cos of tight schedules so end up we both paktor as usual hee. lok kok paktor.
and so hilarious, later in mos burger suddenly i saw this familiar figure i was like *stare. stare. stare. stare. blank.*
then...
ZOMG!!!!!!
HUIMIN!!!!!!!!! WHY ARE YOU HERE? I THOUGHT U HAVEN'T BACK YET.
omg so qiao.
and hello kitty land is just weird.
it's so weird you should make a movie out of it.
weird japanese low budget movie hahaha.
with tons of copyright issues cos u use sanrio's hello kitty.
damn funny.
"ah, hikui desu. chotto matte kudasai."
(owner takes stairs)
"doozo"
.....LOL!!!!!
and thanks for the xmas card =)
update will be done soon. heh.
mintz might say she likes hot el, but i know she still loves me!
hahaha.
merry xmas mintz. =)
whee entry done?
not quite but too tired. hahaha.
-gone-
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 10:40:00 PM
return from banana plantation
@_@ i'm back. eyes kinda wonky now after mapling just now. maple makes vision go blurry. cos eyes go unfocused when stoning and hitting random monsters. -_-
think i'll blog later. a lot of things to do for fyp and i'm very sleepy. i go nap awhile first ba.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 4:27:00 PM
back on 14.12.07
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 11:14:00 PM
gonna be kinda bare for the moment.
every word i say to anyone in a similar predicament is about the predicament, which is FYP.
HAHAHAHAHA
but there's much variety to it.
1. actual work
2. complaining abt difficult preprod stuff
3. my own incompetencies
4. my accomplishments
5. meeting 1 'representative' from 4 other groups and bitching TOGETHER hahaha.
heh.
and. i nearly lost my bus ticket to KL today. in m3di@corpse. ugh. after i said i was contemplating cancelling cos so busy with fyp, then walked around with notebook. suddenly felt something amiss, flipped notebook.. OMG i think i'm missing something. retrace steps back, walk walk walk.. where where omg... AH I FOUND IT not too far away. and i nearly got stuck in the gantry there haha. i have gantry and lift phobia, sorry. lol.
scary stuff.
damn my body is procrastinating too, or is it waiting to sync to darling's cycle?
LOL.
i'm in somewhat deep shit if it procrastinates even more.....
OMG. i nearly signed off with my name here as if typing an email. too much email syndrome. HAHAHA.
still pondering over cause of phonecall. i will go ask. lmao.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 4:33:00 AM
gEh!
irritated with fyp, irritated with lying, irritated with my body.
-.-
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 11:48:00 AM
funny how i can sleep on bus until nearly roll off LOL
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 9:26:00 PM
eh.
i dun like people.
LOL!
@_@ antisocial.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:53:00 AM
and one thing led to another
wtf. me and my vivid dreams. the only reason why i'm up at 545am is that i woke up livid and i still can't recall if i yelled "FUCKER!" out loud or not. but i sure screamed "FUCKER!" when i collapsed into a black sofa that was near the balcony of the house i shared with ki.
anyway. the whole thing started out with me at my fyp meeting. now, don't ask me why my dream image of 'fyp meeting' was underwater in a reinforced cardboard tank filled with gold. some idiots tried to infiltrate our base and steal our gold and they couldn't die! they were so hard to exterminate. so we did what we had to; we turned the vaccum that sucked gold into reverse and drowned them in gold pieces.
and our cardboard tank was leaking. the water pressure was too great at 6ft (lol?) a few sides had already given way and water was spouting in. think of a milk carton turned on its side with a table and chair at the far end, and the carton is super long, filled with gold and the walls are soggy and gonna give way any moment.
i went to the wall nearest us to inspect, and as i was prodding the wet area with my finger, the whole tank gave way and the water swept us all up. luckily it was only 6ft under sea level. somehow i could swim so i managed to steal breaths of air from the surface.
and then i dunno where i was transported to. some workshop thing or some basketball thing. also part of 'fyp meeting'. and then it was close to ending but didn't? this part isn't so clear. and i got a phonecall. it was close to night time.
guess who it was. apparently i had met him earlier in the day so i thought it odd that he called again, at night. and he sounded odd, like drunk? i dunno. dazed and drunk. and then suddenly he was like, "i love you so much". inside my mind i was already thinking "wtf?" but i was like, "huh?". and he continued to repeat himself and somehow i met him because he was downstairs the apartment i shared with ki? argh.
at first it was ok, just normal talk. then suddenly he kept pushing me to accept him, which i never will. then he said why didn't i pick up his earlier calls? so i said i was busy with fyp meeting and i really gave some real reasons as to what happened earlier in this dream of mine and he got more and more agitated claiming i lied and they're just excuses. but they really happened what! (at least, true in the dream sense) i also got fed up.
and then he became freaky again, telling me to accept him, when will i give him my answer, he will look for me every day, call me (OMG HE KNOWS WHERE I STAY IN THE DREAM LEH) and the moonlight lent him such a psychotic look. argh! so i was thinking, FUCK, time to cut off all contact with him and ignore him. and at that point in this dream, i really believed it. because it's all so vivid and the situation is stretching the truth but i dunno to what extent la.
omigosh. and he kept on pressing on and pressing on. walking closer to me. suddenly i stopped walking (reaching house le) and i was like, "i hate physical contact", delivered coldly with rage brimming beneath.and again, that statement is kinda true. because i do have physical contact phobia but it's not that bad. haha. again, stretching facts of reality into my skewed dream world.
and omg he wouldn't let me go home! i only got away cos i said 'i need time to think'. when obviously the answer is a flat NO!!!!!!! GO AWAY!!!!!! I DON'T WANNA SEE YOU AGAIN!!!!! OMG.
and then he stood there, under my window, at the circular train-track-like carpark and yelled "goooood-byeeeee!" in the voice of some psychotic stalker with false hopes of love. argh. and he kept shouting his goodbyes and waving.
i entered the apartment, muttering "wtf wtf wtf wtf" under my breath. dunno if he heard but at that point i was beyond caring already. i reached home, opened the door that led to the duplex apartment and went to the balcony. the sliding door (adorned with a bronzey embellishment of a flower in the middle that you needed to split in half when you slid the doors apart)
anyway she was sitting on one of the stone stools there, leaning against the table, staring at space. and still, those 'gooooooood-byeeee's echoed from below like some incessant siren. and i was in a dastardly bad mood by that time. i sank into the black soft leather sofa near the balcony and as she turned to look at me, i screamed in rage, "FUCKER!".
and then i woke up.
woke up disturbed and disgusted and angry at the same time.
-_-
do i dream this as a form of retribution for what i have done to this person? do i dream this because i'm guilty? do i dream this because i really harbour unconscious fears. is this a culmination of my fears? rational and irrational. do i dream of another person but in this person's body? scapegoating in dreams? or do i dream it because of the events that were stretched way out of line from reality.
goodness me.
and apparently i didn't yell in my sleep. which is good. if not the neighbours would wonder why is there someone yelling 'FUCKER!' in the middle of the night AHHAHAHA. but the word rang in my head when i woke up with a start. although my mouth felt unused. haha. maybe it was a big mental projection that would surface as a hurricane or typhoon somewhere (now you know why they are all named female names) or i projected it into my friends' minds too. eeek.
620am. neither here neither there. supposed to wake at 8am but i slept at 2+am so i really should go back and sleep, right?
ya i will.
ugh.
thank goodness dreams are such gigantic exaggerations of truth. but which world do i really exist in? the dream world or the real world? the tangible or the intangible? sometimes i really wonder. perhaps it is my dreams that are my real world.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 5:48:00 AM
...stressed.
-_-
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:44:00 AM
deadly spiral
gone case.
avoid contact at all costs.
lying with a straight face.
sian.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:36:00 AM
culture of things we don't need
if who we are is defined by the things are own, i think by now most of us would be nothing but empty shells, much like the shops where our things came from.
thankfully, that is not the case... for most.
for the select few who really are what they buy, what they eat, what they wear, i pity you. not saying i have anything against totally brainless bimbotic/himbotic hedonistic people wasting their lives getting high at parties they are invited to every weekend without having to work to scrape together a single cent.
ok, so maybe a tinge of bitterness on my part lurks.
but seriously, that's not the point, is it?
what i'm trying to say is, a sudden realization hit me today as i was on my way to somerset for prop sourcing. more and more spangly glittery shopping malls are popping up left right and center like whack-a-crocs. and yes, i really feel like whacking them back into the rubble they rose from.
they rose from the rubble of quaint, old school shops where things were cheap yet good, simple yet fun. yes, i am resentful.
but what can we do? isn't it all part of "upgrading"? "progress"? "change for the better"? perhaps.
and then we lose a little part of ourselves
i'm so sad, standing in the middle of orchard road, looking at all the glitzy buildings (and more being built as i type), with the fancy restaurants, the high-ceilinged boutiques, the sparkle, the glamour.
but in the end, whenever a new shopping mall springs up, what do we truly gain from them? perhaps the rich and famous would gladly leave humble roots behind (because you must admit, some of them never came from the earth). but for people like me, when the thrill of the new and the sense of the unexplored dies down, all i'm left with is a sense of... loss.
and that is evident when the shops are closed, save for the cleaner who comes in to rid the floor of packaging and litter strewn carelessly by those who are so used to having people pick up after them; save for the security guard who will smile at you nicely and point you in the direction of the nearest macdonalds or anywhere you wanna go, who will say, "be careful and good night/morning" because it is 5am in the morning and it is raining heavily.
the lifeforms in the emptiness. that is the basic essence of the new. when you remove the avid window shoppers, the rich tai-tais and the well-heeled prisses, all you have left is a big echoey silence in a gigantic structure. so cold save for human warmth.
vivocity was a load of shit. a hive of nothingness. the only good things are the cinema, the nearby st james on ladies' night, the playground on the roof with the wading pools (especially for people who enjoy kiddy porn) and few other things.
the constructs they are building at orchard road too, the corridor filled with art in the middle of nowhere, the ugly blemish between wheelock and orchard mrt... somehow i feel they are bordering on "pretentious".
but aren't i a pretentious singaporean myself? i like to go to the esplanade to catch theatre productions (especially if there's student discount), i like to frequent shopping malls (because where they are is central and they are convenient meeting points), and once in awhile i like to engage in frivolous buying of things i don't really need.
this was made all the more evident when i re-acquainted myself with things from my childhood: the shops with the imitation toys, the things you thought were lost from your childhood forever... well, perhaps you'd refer to them as things you would think of as 'iconic' if you were born in the '80s.
i felt so happy to see those Old Maid/Donkey/Snap/Family playing cards, those plastic dolls that would otherwise cause a bomb at Toys R Us, the cute plastic hammer that squeaks when you hit someone on the head with it... fragments of my childhood.
wonder in the year 2010 will they still be around? perhaps.
wonder in the year 2020 will they still be around? rarity.
wonder in the year 2050 will they still be around? antiques and expensive collectibles.
wonder in the year 2100 will they still be around? museums most likely.
and i'll be long dead and gone.
perhaps by then you would have floating megamalls and people would be missing things like a simple key, or simple toys that didn't think for themselves... you'd never know.
thank goodness my family has a habit of being a junk collector. there's still so much old stuff i haven't thrown out. they make me who i am. so if they say you are who you are because of what you possess, well, i'm glad to say that i am not an empty shell.
sigh. stupid leh. even props recce makes one nostalgic. LOL.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:13:00 AM
This is my blogchalk:
(.. ) ( .. ) ( ..)
`/.tagGiE~.\'
To Do List - JAN
.devote&resolve
.stevie
.jog
.plan for poison
To Do List - FEB
.3rd MUSE
.13th - 16th: HCNY
.jog
.work x3
.plan for poison
To Do List - OTHERS
.make pyong the fox for my sis (bought materials)
.clean my ps2 lens
.read more thought-provoking books
.start writing again (poetry/songs/prose)
.study philo/random theories/psychology
.study business theories
.tidy the place
.actually BUY a swimsuit
.learn how to swim
.bake
.design wall mural for room
.learn how to knit/crochet properly
.print my grad photos
HOSHII MONO
.ryokou
.phD/masters behavioural psychology
.BANANA.BANAO
.shiawase
.yasetai