Saturday, December 28, 2002

Isn't it funny how the tiniest of things can make one happy throughout the day? seemingly change your mood around.. either from feeling cursed and pissed to feeling blessed and energetically joyful? it could be receiving something you reli wanted or wished for.. a pleasant surprise.. a smattering of good news.. being with the person you love.. or just being high on sugar.. many tiny little things that somehow.. miraculously send these electrical impulses.. messages to that niche of your brain.. sparking off those happy feelings.. light and airy.. smiley and excitable.. and at the same time stretches the muscles around your mouth into a never-faltering smile.. you try to pretend to be indifferent.. but your lips unawarely pull themselves into that annoying yet ever-so-enjoyable smile.. the ticklish feeling of happiness.. warmth rising through you.. and you suddenly feel the urge to be nice and friendly to everyone.. to pass this on.. sure, i wouldn't mind if happiness were contagious.. being infected for life would be great!~ but it is. not entirely contagious.. but catching, for a while, at least... =)

when you see someone smiling back at you after a long tiring day.. or wishing you with a smile to close or start off your day.. doesn't it give you the tiniest bit of energy to carry on with whatever a little while longer? even if you're royally superbly extremely pissed or irritable.. it might have some effect on you.. ok, i admit.. on reli bad days the sight of people smiling just drives me further down into the depths of my misery.. "why do they have to be happy all the time?" now that i'm happy, i guess it's just jealousy.. but it transforms into a deeper, more profound and mysterious feeling when you're depressed.. sombrerity rules when you're writing something, say for example, blogging.. you can reli trash out your feelings.. and on reli good days (or should i say, bad.. ironically) they just come in torrents.. as if your fingertips are channels for the liquid thought and inspiration to come gushing out.. all settling neatly into place without much effort..

but yes, happiness does give one the energy.. the life.. the vivacity.. it shines through and catches everyone's eye.. be it a chuckle, a grin, a sparkle in the eye.. you exude energy.. this aura.. this glow.. and pure happiness is such a rare thing to most.. as is slight joy and meaning in life to those suffering from clinical depression..

So.. to what do i owe this to? hahah.. i deem it better to be made anonymous. some things are better left unsaid for it to last longer.. like memories.. they seem to fade faster and seem less memorable with each replay.. i tried it.. there was this time i acted in my sch's lit play.. for julius caesar.. i remember all the drudgery and frustration in the rehearsals.. how we re-decided on another act and scene.. all the criticism and feelings of uselessness when you can't seem to do it right.. yet it was all rewarded.. hard work pays off.. hard work and dedication.

ok. so i wasn't v dedicated.. sometimes i even felt like giving up or quitting. but i didn't.
(lesson here: dun give up.. it will pay off, eventually! ^^)

pardon me today.. i'm feeling unusually optimistic.. hehehe..

i kept reliving the scene in my head.. from how the orientation of the stage got switched around so we were lost, yet how smoothly certain parts went.. Brutus had to grab my shoulder at one point, and i was behind 'him'.. and 'he' couldn't see me.. but somehow.. 'his' hand found my shoulder and the scene looked convincingly real.. altho there were some goofups.. like the part where we took extra long spilling the blood from the plastic bag cos we couldn't see where it was and we were too close together and it got stuck.. haha.. that brought up some laughs from the audience.. and it was a serious scene.. lolx.. heey.. come on.. brutus was in the middle of committing suicide.. was supposed to be touching and sad, k.. hahahahah.... =P

ah... and the costumes! oh the costume.. cardboard shoes.. with string.. cloth draped over stained with blood.. shiny paper and foil for the armour.. and the helmets.. strings that went under my chin and choked me.. and me, strato, spending like 1/4 of the play sleeping at the corner until my cue.. ah.. fond memories.. =) and .. WAHEY! the kick in reminiscing about them has come back after not replaying it over and over and over in succession in my head.. cool.. =)

ahhh..... it's 2.30am and i'm frigging happy.. i'm actually looking forward to dragging myself outta bed damn early tml to meet my fren in tpy central at 1015am to do phy... aren't i mad.. i'm like so hyper and happy and energetic today.. that's sooooo unlike dith.... i'm delightful dith today.. not ranty depressed dith.. aint that good.... wanna haaaang onto thissss.... XD

I'm happy.. my blog is happy.. is the reader happy? i hope so. (^_____________^)
and i hope this feeling will last.
i like it. =)

sweet and happy dreams to me and to you and to everyone! lurrvee dith! XD
O[^_-]o yippeeeeeeeee!
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:39:00 AM