Friday, February 14, 2003

listening to the song zs posted up on his board. couldn't find it on irc, so had to open my dusty dormant kazaa to search for it. found tons of results. it's reli not bad. just the type of song i like. =) thanks zs for introing the song~ lol...

saw a paragraph on pj's blog that irritated the shit outta mi. i did not hesitate to show my disgust. muahaha. i guess from now on i will not care about what others think and just blog shit on my blog. =) i wun be politically correct, but i will not be racist or go all out to insult those true frens of mine. =) yep.

everyone's stressing over vdae. getting pressies. rushing around like mad things. vdae. no one special to share it with but i can hardly be bothered. something i've been accustomed to these 17+ years. =P i loved my sec 4 vdae.. twas great.. i made hearts for some special frens of mine and used fabric paint so that they would remember me when they squished those hearts of mine. =) i hope they still have them. i remember cussing when i pricked my finger, not once not twice but three times.. haha.. sitting in the chair sewing continuously by hand, making faces for those hearts, the trip to spotlight to buy the materials.. heh.. and all the sweets i bought for them.. ^^

this yr i'm giving sweets and flowers. no time to make stuff. prob heading to the florist tml by miself. horrid stuff. i recall my sec1 days when i rushed to orchard nearly evday by mi sorry self after sch cos no one was free.. hehehe.. i guess i'll have to get used to that again.. heh.. just for a day tho. smsed owl just now but doubt she's still awake.. gotta wait till tml morn for her reply.. =) perhaps i'll check out the handphones too.. ^^

i read in kor's blog about what he said about his frenships and stuff. i guess sometimes it's nice to be left alone and unbothered. everything to be taken at ur own pace. no stress. no worries. however when you need someone, you realised they've all migrated to others; forgotten about you. it's true to a certain extent. i dunno if it's better to bond better with ppl in ur jc or ppl in ur sec sch. i guess i bond better with my sec school frens. i'm more suited to my sec sch's social environment too. i just can't stand most aj ppl. can't reli talk indepth with them. my laughter sounds hollow and fake. i feel left out. i can't bond. and everything just tires me out. i dunno why. sometimes this makes mi question my social integration ability. am i just a lousy introvert who can't mix well? or is this irc's doing? i thot that in jc i learnt to be more outspoken, more daring and friendlier; less blur, more social? how come this seems to work in the reverse direction? perhaps it's the people. yeah. perhaps.

sitting quiet in a corner listening to my frens crap about something i totally can't contribute to. and when the topic finally shifts, i utter some things, but they dun reli listen. it's like noticing that disgusting oily stain on the wall for a long time; remembering how it got there, den returning to that interesting task you were busy at just now. i feel like that. i am that unsightly oily stain. perhaps it's just my luck. the people in my class. ugh.

wow. goodie. i'm a loner.

..........................

yep yep. still dwelling on the stuff my classmate said about me. i am perceived thus. should i rejoice? fuck it.

reading tabbie's blog now.. the ending paragraph. i agree totally with that. it's like sometimes you just wish and wish and dream for something to happen. yet when it does, it's not the fairytale magical feeling you expect it to be. it's well.. either non-existent or negative. kinda sucks, doesn't it? i get more outta fantasizing or dreaming about it. (nothing dirty here. :P)

read about the marie claire mag in life! today.. feel like getting it. but i predict it will be snapped up like hotcakes.. a controversy's always best for spurring ppl to do sth or to boost sales. i bet it will all be sold out by this week or sth. perhaps even before the article was printed. but sucks. it's like 13 bucks i reckon. i dun intend to fork out 13 bucks for that 5 page article. (well, maybe somewhere inside of me i do.) it's just not practical, my mind tells me. it's too darn ex and a total waste of cash. the internet has stuff like this if you bother to search, my pocket tells me. my heart tells me: omg. that will be such a fucking (pun intended) good read! argh. decisions decisions.

everyone's lovelorn on vdae. it's just right around the corner. split loyalties. dunno whether to do mi chem or study phy on thurs. wondering how ppl would react if i turned up in sch with 10 wilting flowers. omg. guess i have to rush home to get them or stuff. still deciding on the kind of flowers i'll get. something.. lilac? i'm sick of red. cny was red. vdae will be red. i see red. it's like painting a whole town in blood. =) time for some nice eye-easing blue.. heh... irises might be good. but they're kinda ex, i guess. i'm not forking out more than 20 bucks for those 10 flowers.. i hope. $_$

i reli envy those ppl with cash. nice house. nice furniture. neat place. maids. breathing space. privacy. choices. possessions. no financial worries. nice clothes. transportation provided. grr... guess i'll keep envying them till my final breath.

gahs. tis late. sch tml. gotta distribute synapse! finally! it's out! yeahhhh~ reminds mi. my article with pj's kinda due by fri. =(((( phy remedial.. here i come............ how to pia 9 topics when i barely have time for my hw? fuck it. i'm sinking and i can't escape.

(aww. fuck it. blogger's down again. with a 500 internal server error. 2.09am on a thursday morning. another day of insanity. night~)
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:46:00 AM