Sunday, June 11, 2006

aha.
i just remembered to blog about the dream i had yesterday!
let me try to recall...

i was swinging alone in this dark place, hands shackled, hanging from what seemed to be the ceiling in an endless shaft below my feet. hands should have hurt.. really hurt. but they didn't. think i was numb from all the pain.

the torture chamber.
every night they did it to us.
our sleep was spent there, hanging from the ceiling by our hands, tied up in such a manner, we looked as if in prayer.

every morning we gathered at the grounds for assembly where they would check us.
this morning it was different.

they called our names and we separated into rows.
funny how we were clothed according to our destinies.

those classified under slow torture leading to eventual death were in the normal dark colors. yet they seemed happy to be able to breathe longer than those wearing cherry stripes and sentenced to RECON.

recon.
that was me.
i was the only one in cherry stripes standing at the back of my unit.
and those in front of me bore no sentence except the one we went through every day.
one person to the left was sentenced to slow torture but she was grinning. she seemed happy to live out her last days longer than us. her death was but delayed.

people pitied me yet envied me.
i would be taken away from the torture chamber totally.
however, i would be sent to the recon chamber.
the place where they severed all your ties.. literally.

i would be hung from my wrists while they took a surgical blade that would seamlessly and bloodlessly slice through my brainstem and reprogram it.
but before that, my mind would be wiped clean.

recon..
reconditioning.

it was horribly painful.
and even if you did survive, you wouldn't know who you were.
those who still retained fragmented memories would be trapped in a void of darkness i heard.
terrible terrible fate.

i heard those people went mad eventually.

i grinned to myself.
half grimace half cynical grin.
and then i was marched to the waiting room that led to the recon chamber.

i couldn't remember much that happened.
trussed up like a pig in the abbatoir and a great pain torched the back of my neck.
but that was it.
all i knew next...
was darkness.

i woke up.. or seemed to wake up.
all was black, and i felt i was blind. yet i could feel things around me. people bustling around. i was sitting upright at a table. or rather, i was slumped down on it. i couldn't tell the difference between up or down.

everything was fuzzy, but i remembered who i was, and what happened to me. but i couldn't see, couldn't hear properly.. like i was cut off from the world.
my brain.. the frontal region was still alive. the part where short term memories are kept. the part which is most developed in humans. that's why we are conscious, we have awareness.

seems my brain adapted and quickly shifted everything into that portion where it wouldn't be so affected by the recon process. the plasticity of the brain is such a wonder.

my senses told me i was sitting at a desk on a grass ledge. i sat there for days on end while different people came to test me, on what i do not know. i found an ally though. my ally would come often and supply me objects to strengthen and build my brain. building blocks, wooden figures, and even a jigsaw.

i didn't tell anyone i regained my sight.

and when the supervisor came round to check, i pretended not to look into her eyes but into empty space. somehow the people seemed friendly.

dark. very dark.
a forest.
rainforest.
shrouded by trees i was. me on my desk.
i heard barking.
a shadow.
a dog?
it turned and ran the opposite direction, around the big tree.
it came round, and i saw it had a panda's head and a dog's body..
how weird..
could it be coming to save me...?
i felt it was.

but before i could find out,
my mom yelled me awake into the real world, saying i was gonna be late for guild outing.
x_X

sigh.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:15:00 AM