Saturday, September 30, 2006

buried

just got back from maple guild outing.
feeling quite high and happy now actually.
i dunno eh, sometimes my sociablity drop like fuck, i find talking also difficult, like got glue cover my mouth very hard to talk, dun feel like talking. sometimes high liao feel nth can stop me from talking, i can say whatever i want, i am on top of the world! i am the star of the conversation! =)
today was such a day.
although it was a weird and quite a lousy day at the beginning but well =)
if you persevere, things gradually improve? or not? hahahaha.

quite fucked up at 1030am in the morning when i woke up from my 2.5hr nap. hahaha. actually it's a sleep, a 2.5hr slp. LoL. fainted. i told yw i was awoken by this 'ting ting ting' noise, like someone chinking something. omg la. then he keep saying is cos a blacksmith is haunting my room. =_= jiu ming.
but no la. but quite weird.
anyway it was gd, mental alarm. =D
i was still late altho i woke up on time larhs, cos i slacked in front of the comp until 1110am? hahaha die le die le.
i was late by 15min only actually.
BUT
my dad gave me a lift to tpy mrt station.
BUT
it was damn jammed up with cars
BUT
faster than bus
BUT
hen dao mei, reached mrt le, train left without me
NVM
got ppl later than me aka dav aka guild leader aka slutz nikita.
BUT
when i reached clementi, happy happy stand in front of the door,

THE DOOR NV OPEN
wait and wait and wait and wait
suddenly
THE TRAIN PULLED OUT OF THE STATION WTF
dear passengers, this train is unable to stop at the station, passengers alighting at clementi, please alight at jurong east interchange and cross over to the platform to take a train back to clementi. we apologize for the inconvenience caused.

OMG
WTF
BBQ

Lawl.
this is like the first time this shit has happened to me
suay si wo le but like so funny
the gal in front of mi called her friend and told her fren abt it. she said 'ya sounds v dramatic hor'

LOLOLOL

quite fed up cos raining and i late and must take a fuckup train back
but i made it. dav reached 10 or 15min after me. hmm actually quite fast, considering when i called him at raffles place, he was only at bedok, and he stays bedok so dunno if he was on mrt yet. LoL?
reached the restaurant quite late but yeah we had a good meal.
i was quite happy to see someone there
and quite surprised he called me by my shortform name and asked if i was gg back to clementi.
lol.
hmm, so funny, he keep asking if i gg back clementi.
in the first outing, i jus thought he was cute and spoke to him a bit cos u noe.. i not v sociable and dun like to be seen sticking to one guy throughout ma =X
but today more interaction with him.
=)
quite pampered today, being the only gal with 7 guys. hee. and all of them are older than me at least by 1 yr. hahahahhaa. i think so la, maybe cal is my age or also 1 yr older? hahaha. but most of them 23, 24..? no idea. one guy taking his masters le, dat cute guy.. but he is PR, i jus checked his msn, he is 23 cos got his birthyr. =X

yeah karu's is always good.
overdose of papadum today, fish roe, mutton..
gab (kelvin) is a very nice guy although he didn't really leave me a gd impression last time.
but today my impression of him is damn good.
cos it was raining ma, then he took out umbrella to shelter me.
he said come! then sheltered me while i was protesting.
he helped me take fish from the fish head curry.
he helped me take some food and stuff.
nice guy but totally not my type.
but i think i like him as a fren.
so i laughed at his jokes which are a bit hard to catch cos he also is a person who likes to draw analogies and link until quite far.
err sometimes i just laugh at ppl's jokes if they tell them and they laugh, i pei them laugh altho sometimes i cannot hear wtf they saying and i dun unds a fuck. hahaha =) laughing is gd ma. =) karada ni yoi. =D
dav as usual, is dav. damn late, damn lame, quite blur, paiseh himself but cool and oblivious about it, buay paiseh. hahaha. quite a female blur blur sort of guy in terms of character. but he is nice. nice to bully =D
then got true aka bernard.
i think he might be from hongkong, i hear he got accent, nice guy but totally not my type. but yeah nice guy. i feel bad though cos i sorta didn't give him equal attention. LOL oops =X
i'm such a person.
din talk to cal much. but i chatted to ivan and fred more. cos ivan and i got sch in common ma.. ntu. hee. then fred.. because i jus wanted to talk more to him. ;)
ivan was gg to attend his fren's wedding dinner. haha. he wore a shirt seh.

later after our makan, (and witnessing ber eat 2 fish eyeballs. yUckS). went our separate ways. haha i a bit catch no ball cos they talking abt maple stuff which i haven't touched for like MONTHS. all the new stuff all the dunno what, esp zakum, which i cannot even go because i am only 93, they are 120+ le wahahaha.

dav the angel today, he went back nus study with kelv. cal went back home, took bus to woodlands. actually f wanted to go home. (dith you going clementi? you want to go clementi? why? because i going clementi) but somehow me, him, ber, ivan shared a cab to orchard there. ivan's fren's wedding dinner is at the grand hyatt hotel as i blog now. haha cocktail reception over le, now is the dinner~ hee.

jus nice, the movie 445pm. chosen by f. how to analyse him. kiddish, boyish, fair, cute, older than me yet also not more mature than me, simple yet smart yet cute. speaks english. all this yet tall. got quirkiness, yet seems like having an only-child syndrome of wanting ppl to cater to him i feel. i dunno. haha. blurblur yet damn smart. and best of all, tall although he dun look like it. he stood up, was standing beside him. i think he is around 1.75+ or 1.8 de. not skinny kind, cheeks can pinch kind.

anyway he chose that new jackie chan movie la. the one with the baby. actually i dun like babies, but i reli admired how they filmed with a baby esp doing all those stunts la omg. pro pro. kowtow. pei fu. hmm he likes babies. well. good point: he likes cute things. but i do not think babies are cute. bad point: he likes babies. bad for future husband. LoL why do i think so far, i barely know him.

but it feels damn good to finally gush abt someone else you know.
after so long.
getting quite sian le u noe.
and i reli hope there will be developments although i doubt so.
maybe i shd try talking to him in msn or maple?
i shd login to maple hor, since i nv login for like AGES.
but can't bring myself to play that sian game.
altho i cannot uninstall cos i still feel very much attached to it,
like an ex that you had a long and trying relationship with. cannot break the bond leh, still holds fond memories and an emotional connection. but of course how could i compare, i didn't have any ex with a long and trying rship. and i dun reli care abt my ex's anyway. LoL. well, maybe only one i dun care abt. the other, i still think he is worthy. LoL.

well, to nya:
i think this is the turning pt. i'm gonna move on, you're gonna see less of me.
so cyas and good luck with everything.
when i got a new target, ur not in my eyes anymore, i wun be as close to u bahs.
you had so many chances
but hahaha.
=)
i think that guy wins you.
too bad.

now it's up to me to try to jio that guy.
LoL.
maybe i shd msg him on msn or smth.

maybe tall ppl have a complex.
his eyes dun seem to be looking at my face, that's my biggest concern today.
where was he looking?
does he have funny eyes or were they plain roving?
he looks so innocent boiboi kind lor.
pls dun tell me you were looking at my chest?
or maybe just at the design on my shirt.
it is nice and shiny afterall. hee.
nvm he is still cute.
and tall.
and boiboi.
and smart.
and fairskinned.
and quirky.

feel so excited and high with a new target.
WAHAHAHAHA.

i think this is a result of having not enuf slp.
LoL.
i was like quite damn noisy today.
=X
and carefree~

yeah man.
less slp is good for mi.
nya called my phone today while i was watching movie.
when i smsed him later, he said he wanted to ask me to watch movie.
too bad bahs.
i'm not always free and available for you.
=)
like i said, the space u occupy in my heart is gonna be replaced soon.
sigh i reli hope i can achieve it this time or shd i jus wait and see.
hee.

kaes time to slackz and chat on msn.
see so many ppl msned me but i nv reply.
wahahhahaa.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 7:59:00 PM

from sunset to sunrise

my upside down timing. haha.
today proves it man.
woke up at 1230pm after sleeping at 530am, ate breakfast around 1 or 2pm.
stoned stoned at home, moped around, felt i needed entertainment..
all of a sudden, dinner invitation!
although it's with the usual friday gang, quite happy to jus go out u noe.
pia out of house, but when i reached the station they never pick up my call.
quite pissed off at first.
grawr.
dun like those 2, always dao my sms or calls =(
nvm la.
in the end nya called me back but of course i nv pick up cos my phone no vibration ma. they direct me to pcbunk, then said they at plaza sing, wtf i quite pissed off and i was carrying laptop heavy heavy.
found them le, i was like quite pissed off lor. reli give them attitude face and was quiet for awhile.
but later improved.
u noe i reli nearly wanted to walk off and go straight to ntu when they didn't pick up my phonecall after i tried calling SO MANY TIMES. but i didn't.
took quite long to decide where to makan. settled on mos burger. this time it's the teriyaki chicken burger. not gonna risk it with beef teriyaki after waiting like 30min the prev time in tpy mos when they forgot my order. but i like the beef teriyaki. maybe shall order it when i have 30min extra to kill. LoL.
3 of us ate chicken teriyaki.
haa.
hmm i think he might be changing target le.
he's that sort of guy, i can sense it.
sculli next one is mi.
but well.
i think he's ok leh, if i see beyond the exterior.
actually after some improving is quite ok.
but i jus haven't cultivate any feeling cos i'm still stuck on the other.
move from one to the other in time if the other tries anything perhaps.
i'm a fricking flea or a head louse. LoL.
fucked up la me.
nth better to do, becoming despo liao oh wells.
(which reminds me, grace ur settler's gang only 1 guy is cute. hee. u guess which one? muahaha =X the rest, not my type le. only 1 vaguely not bad. sculli he got gf le. rawr.)
they couldn't decide what to do after dinner, anyway i reli had to go to ntu le, i waited till the end until i was 30min late on reaching ntu. hahaha =X late for proj meeting but nvm they didn't reli start yet. =)
i found out those 2 dumbdumbz went home in the end. diaoz.
ya anyway the proj meeting was productive, fruitful!
i like overnight proj meetings. they're fun.
see ppl slpy slpy after awhile, see ppl becoming siao le. it's fun! ahhaa and crappy. so fun. =) like mini camp or slpover. i love it.
and i'm more vocal and night also.
reli leh, daylight comes and i omg la diam diam le mouth taped by invisible scotchtape. i dunno why also. but i'm a bat. nocturnal. ya nya and yw have taken to calling me a bat. LoL. i think i shall stick with being a bat =X
meeting ended at 330am.
hitched a ride in ruth's car to one coffeeshop. sadly dun have food.
walked to find the other coffeeshop, walked wrong way, back to ntu side, nvm, walked back then walked to the other one. found it. wah my new slippers gimme blisters. haiz. quite pain but ok larhs. hahaha. long walk wor. but is nice. =)
reached le, i ate homemade noodles n dumplings, graceC ate bak chor mee, nawwar haish the bloody indian stallowner gib attitude sia, must be at 5am then etc etc. i made a racist comment cos quite fed up with him oso, since opposite got a construction site... well u noe wad racist comment i made =X
she finally had her food. prata also take so long to cook eh uncle.
zzz.
ppl fasting leh need to eat wor.
somemore the prata u make oso no nice.
later we walked to boonlay mrt, shag shiatz.
i din reli slp in mrt, not reli slpy. watched them slp, i still awake now wor.
my lunch become breakfast, dinner become lunch, breakfast become supper wor. lolz.
haha later got maple guild outing.
gonna be so damn stoned.
but nvm.
happy!
tail end of hols looks nice.
nice end to hols, hope chiong proj later will chiong it well.
i'm gonna be directing the onlocation shoot. wa stress.
dun trust myself, and no confidence,
but i will, and i MUST!
dith u can do it!
rah rah rah~
=)
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 7:23:00 AM

Friday, September 29, 2006

hen na yume

lol stupid weird dreams.
romantic yet weird lahs.
and it's like, so many bloody ppl are involved.
there was this indian gal, quite big sized, she wants to be with me, she likes me a lot, wanted to ask me to go with her on a trip to msia, it was titled Can Winter Story (LoL audition song) and it was a winter time trip. i saw the preview in audition, the characters were wearing a thick fur coat and had big hair. i had big orange hair yucks. hers was curly big orange hair. but she said can change the hair de. i saw i had brown semi curly hair and hers became i forgot what. but the audition characters had a more mature and less cute, more sexy face. lol? but i rejected her request to go msia, i very busy with schwork and projects, how to go. somemore is with her only. 2 gals. and she wrote in the letter, she want to go msia with a gal and hold hands cos she feels it's very romantic and she never do it before but she wants to go with me and do so.
LoL, honored and flattered yet i dun want.
then somehow one of my frens came to mind, a gal whom i went out with then she hold my hand, so weird. LoL. i nv hold back but i just let her hold. weird eh. hahaha. den in my dream i was thinking eh i ask her go with u larhs.
then i remembered there were all these packets of biscuits my family bought back from the wholesale biscuit market at i forgot where. forgot the name le. i think it's like 400g for $2. haha. or 20c. damn i forgot.
got those biscuit finger sticks, got the flat round cracker colorful de, got interesting biscuits i nv see before, tiny de, big de, all in plastic bags. wah. so i keep eating and watching tv in my house.
but somehow the house like not my house, an auntie came by say got a lift from this uncle, but i think i know the uncle but i scared of him or something cos he is those se one. eh i forgot. so i didn't wanna go, i went to hide behind the wall there the hole.
den i also dreamt of nya. he keep telling me his woes about cannot jio this damn cute gal etc. then he keep sighing and that made me keep sighing. then i saw him looking through a window of a house. the house is a classroom i think. forgot. or the library. tiny house la. so weird hor. but many windows. then he stood outside on the grass patch in the garden.. those typical fairy tale garden. looking at her. then i was behind somewhere looking at him look at her. blah. so weird hor stupid dream.

grace says i think too much in the day then sleep at night dream too much.
LoL.
i reli wanted to go settlers lor. i miss that place. haiz.
too bad i woke up 1230 already and i have work undone. feel so shiatz.
ok time to do work.

z_z
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:15:00 PM

confidence through games?

not because i performed well, but there are the rare moments that i do.
still not consistent but i'm trying. i can be very good or very bad (my standard).
if only i am not hampered by lag issues.

anyway!

i was in audition just now.
played a few games.
wasted my Den by losing npc =(
but hmm then i went to this room where the creator didn't speak english. curious eh, so i went in. initially i thought they were french or something because i've seen french ppl in game before. so weird hor. but is japanese! actually is only one guy. hahaha. but he act so kawaii, although he used ore, so i noe is a guy but i suspected was a little boy.

ya he is indeed a young kid.
13 yrs old still awake at 5am playing audition. lmao.
but so cute eh even japanese boys.
they wwww and they ========YAT-TA======= and they ++++++gogogo+++++ and they *--*--**nice**--**--*
so cute.
i mean this boy =X
den i practised my cmi japanese on him.
LoL
den someone came in and said start start but got no one else, how to start npc game?
actually i din wan to play cos tired, i jus want to noe what language they speak instead of english and when i found out was japanese, i wanted to talk to the japanese guy =X
so i spoke to the person asking to start in english la of cos. hahaha he is singaporean de ma. den the japanese kid asked i can speak english?
i said i am singaporean. lol ano otoko wa chotto bikkurichatta.
watashi mo.
hanaseru yo! yatta~ ureshii na. =)

cannot chat much also cos playing game ma.
he also said muri (impossible) in game LoL
lol cute.

wonder why a japanese wan to play auditionsea. suxx0rs lor auditionsea. bleahs. he got his dance paradise liao leh.
hee is so funny. i can actually unds 90+% of wad he's saying and he can unds mine altho i make mistakes. lolz!
and i jus remembered my mistake. wanted to ask how old, i wanted to say politely (oikutsu) but i think came out as ikotsu (how many) LoL. den he huh? what thing? (in japanese). LoL. shit la. so i said chigau yo. gomen. nan sai?
hahaha so he said he is 13. den i said he is young (wakai). i said i old liao, 21. already adult. lol! den he agree with mi. kns!

but his agreeing dun mean anything. he is young ma. hahaha.
arrr cute cute.
i reli like japanese kids altho i hate kids.
smth is wrong with mi.
i think i just like the feeling of being able to unds =)
and hold a decent conv.
wwwwwwwwwww
=D

(btw i nv did figure out why they like to use wwww.)
oshiete?
i think is a smiley face.
but i dunno worx.

think his nick is velfarre.

whee.
mata sagasou to omotteiru yo.
tanoshikatta na~
=)
he said my japanese is not bad worx.
heehhe ego up up up~
yatta~``

jus now i quite bad mood.
i go scold ppl on msn lmao.
well, u noe who i scolded ba. not hard to guess.
den he seem quite sad wor.
LoL.
heck la.
shd i paste it here?

i said he take me for granted.
den he said he today call mi altho he so bz but i still not ok.
den he a bit T_T
he said i evtime listen to his troubles, he will listen to mine.
he said how can he help me not feel this way?
i said it dun matter what i feel anyway.
he said we are good friends, he feels i care abt him, so he cares abt me too.
i said i heck everyone le.

aiyah i also forgot the conversation le.
lazy to copy n paste here.
fucking keyboard got problem with the fuxxor keys.
want to type capital de words oso got problem.
hold down shift key oso like no response sometimes. fux,
must whack de.
damn sian.
if i reli cannot tahan i think i'll jus go buy a new keyboard larhs.
i already cannot type ascii symbols le haiz.
cannot do my diaoz face, cannot type my overscore, cannot type my superscript =(
sadded.

think tml i wun do anything except proj la.
reaching saturation point.
too hot n bothered to do anything now.
bloody hot night.
slowly go dream of ideas bahs.
going 4am le.

damn sad.

will i be missing out on chances?
or shd i say, let what will happen, happen.
if it's meant to be, the chance will come again no matter what.
do i believe in fate, or making things happen.
i believe in fate, but i also believe u shd make things happen else nth will happen.
fate comes after u make things happen.
you set the ball in motion, fate steers it.
u noe wad i mean?

but aye, starting to sound a bit despo here.
but nvm la.
i heck.
sleep pwns all.
imma slp.
get lost in dreams.
wake up.
try to think of ideas. haiz.
dammit reli feel like taking a cold shower now
but nearly 4am lor.
bathe le cfm hair damn wet how to slp.
fuck fucks.
slpy n cannot slp u noe that feeling.
tml i wake up n pom la bahs.
OR WAD.

pom i oso cannot agree on a decision with myself.
quite bad mood again lolz.
frustrated.

k nightz.

ki u better tc of urself.
shinkaishiteru yo.
(dunno spelling)
get a hold of urself bahs.
dun fall into the cracks, jump over them, stuff them with ants and cement, so others wun follow u and fall inside. make a pretty pavement, put ur footprints there to immortalize the SELF, and then maintain it nice nice. everyone who walks by there will see it and admire u.
life is a pavement. lol?

better than my nippon ants right =X

arrrr brush teeF.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 3:53:00 AM

Thursday, September 28, 2006

tsukareta

sianz today woke up 130 despite me having set my alarm for 1030am. rawr that was like 3 hrs oversleeping. heng i got nth on today. except to study. fucks. actually i finished all my readings le, but afraid got midterm test, fuckz better study again. esp for 301 i scare. ya den i woke up still no mood to do bloody essay. but i finished it around 530pm hehe not bad not bad. but no references de. wtf am i writing fuckz. is it alright if the whole thing is full of shit? aka my crapz?

nvm nvm.

weird shit.

ya then i got a bloody headache. despite that i was still chatting happily on msn. haiz. then got phonecall from kelv. 43min sia. wonder why i even bothered to entertain him. nvm i unds. cos he has a hole in his heart. the emptiness must be filled. and i also got similar emptiness only that mine is just a small pinprick. hahaha. but arr shows dat ppl actually bother to call me. proves my self worth. brownie points!

sianz.

i still not happy eh. despite last night i said funny things to nyanya den today he msned me asked if i ok or not, den after his lesson he called me to ask if i ok or not. lolz. stupid guys u must be so direct with them. you angry with them just say to their face, they stupid one don't catch hints. baka. but it seems he's quite afraid to lose me as a fren also. or not? i said we're gonna be nth but msn nicks in time, he said huh? i said nv talk much la bo bian i can feel us drifting i can feel it coming. i said he got his smu frens dunnid me le. LoL sounds like words of jealousy indeed but i doubt he caught it. he is a stupid guy ma. anyway i heck care le, too pek chek of being taken for granted. dun wish to censor my words from anyone le esp him. then he said different friends ma, he will cater to his good friends de. he said he got no time to meet up with me or what, he's too busy, how to? so i said nvm la dunnid to bother, doesn't matter anyway, hee. den i appear offline, but he still msned me and said why am i saying such weird things? den i said i weird mood ma, i go play audition bb. den he bb.

heck care him.

stupid guys.

anyway i am feeling quite contented with mom's spaghetti in my stomach.
don't wish to think about things that leave a bitter taste in my mouth haha.
well, ytd was dar di's bdae, today is dangao's bdae. happy bdae to both of them =)

i'm quite happy where i am now.
don't wish to move.
but of course, i need excitement.

life is so mundane~

gimme someone to play with~
=(

btw grats to peiting for getting her phase1 choice: MDA.
i hope i get my vhq. haiz.
pray pray pray.

oh and huimin, i hope u made it to ica in time.
sorry to hear abt ur ic, but u had a rave party.
measures out.
win some, lose some.
good times cannot be experienced again,
identification cards can be remade, but of course need money la.
maybe u can change your ic photo.

hahaha.
oh well.

i better wrap up my 323 report.
ciaoz.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 10:45:00 PM

beware beware.
the dith becomes strange when she is stressed by many things.
i've got 4 or 5 in mind now already.
heh
>D
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:04:00 PM

when the going gets tough

is it so hard?
all i ask for is a simple platonic friendship.
since it has been so long already i think this should end.
but why is it so hard?
i'm becoming weirder and weirder.
more and more hostile.
keep playing audition.
gonna destroy myself.
gonna hit thurs le and nth is done.

fuck?
this sem break wad fuck?
slack non stop man.

sianz.
i had better find the mood and inspiration to write my fucking 5 page report.

no mood to play audition also.
fucking lag.
keep lagging away my chains, my perfects, lag me until all i can do is press space bar and pray for a great or an occasional perfect.
argh.
but the funny thing is, when me, the lagger left and non laggers came in, everyone started losing npc.

weird si ren.
lagger zao le but ppl still lose to ez npc.
diao lai diao qu.
was chatting to hs and wondering why they keep losing sia.

maybe they need laggers like me?
ahhahahaa.
or maybe altho i lag i still perf enuf to tahan.
oh ya one game someone left even before the first move.
think she lag out?
i dunno.
4 of us including me this lagger tank the npc sia.
LoL?
we won.
damn diao la.
hahahahhaa.
=_=
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:47:00 AM

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

wa i'm stressed sia.
a lot of work to be done and i haven't even start cos i'm too lazy and too moodless to do any.
just now damn irritated, stupid comp hang cos of the keyboard.
anyway i changed the damn thing le. to that keyboard with the non-existent repeat rate wah fucked up. but audition dun nid repeat rate, i can cope i guess. better than nothing. this one the keys also easier to press.
if can save money, save money right?
blahs.

k la i go do 301 readings. ciaoz.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 9:52:00 PM

to-ki:

it's funny how 2 extremes can be so close to each other. such is the line between like and dislike, love and hate. the line can be crossed in a split second and crossed back again. this intangible thing, so different from that of the physical world. you can use instruments to measure 2 extremes in the physical world, and they will never change. something that is hot will always be hot and something that is cold will always be cold. but when you throw away the thermometer and use your hands to try to feel the difference between those 2 extremes, it's really quite hard to tell.

too cold and your hand hurts. too hot and your hand also hurts. burning from the cold, burning from the heat. sometimes you don't even know what is hot or cold anymore. the line.. always the line is unclear. but in the physical world, you can use the bloody thermometer. it is accurate. no confusion no causing pain to your hand. no frostbite, no scalding.

how about things that are intangible? funny how you can have positive feelings towards someone or something and then suddenly it takes a U-turn and spins 180 degrees around. and it happens all of a sudden. dunno what happened. even faster than staring at headlight of an incoming car or train before it is gonna hit you. even small things can trigger this flip.

and we all ask why.

but we dunno the answer.

overdo something and it becomes negative. overeating, overcooking, overtiming. even overpressing in audition is damn fooking irritating. X_X

sometimes you also know someone too long, too well.
the bond is too strong. the things the person does affects you much more then say, an acquaintance, a teacher, a project mate. small tiny things can be blown up, meaningless arguments, and it is always so much harder to detect negative feelings from the person and/or apologize.

i take my family for granted, yet this closeness and taking for granted sometimes resuts in negative feelings and/or guilt perhaps? even with friends.. if you're too close with them, would they take you for granted? would you take them for granted?

assume you will always be there beside them, be there when they need you, don't need to reciprocate, don't take their mood seriously, don't fill them emotionally, etc? this feeling of unpaisehness sometimes can be too over the top. for all that i am to you, if i even exist in your heart, even as a close friend, which you say i am, you don't seem to make time for me, reciprocate emotionally, don't really take my mood seriously, assume i am always there beside you, waiting to hear the troubles you share with me, to be your boredom killer, your destresser, your cheerleader.
yet i haven't seen you do much for me.
am i expecting too much? maybe i am. this relationship was unbalanced in the first place with you occupying a bigger space in my heart than me in yours. my heart is tiny you know. i am a selfish person. yet i lease you this space in my heart. i can push things aside, push people aside for you, push projects, push gaming push my bad mood away also. i can even wear a mask, act happy in front of you even when you unknowingly trashed your space in my heart. you confide in me, you call me your close friend, you say you feel we've known each other for a long time. i don't really feel all of that, yet i let you occupy this space in my heart. wtf. flood my phone with calls and smses ridden with complaints and your stress and your emotional state. ya like ki said, i think you're quite lonely cos you're an only child. and not to say anything bad, but i think you're quite immature also.
but if you take bits of me to fill your hole without giving anything back, what do i do to fill the hole you have gouged out in this space i leased to you? i'm sorry i don't have the skills or the looks to get a hole-filler also. i had one in mind but i think he won't lease any to me cos he has a tenant already. too bad for me, but heck i can't be bothered.
so i'm still standing here but slowly and surely i feel you moving your things out of the space you have rented out. i never charge you the rent, but i guess you found somewhere better.
new environment new things.
you will find a new hole-filler.
i was just a passerby unlucky enough to be approached.
so should i blame you for leading me on unknowingly? or myself for initiating this whole circus? indeed it is; i feel myself going in circles and laughing behind a painted face the whole time while trying to entertain a crowd of one: you.
don't expect me to linger around any longer while you SLOWWWLY pack your stuff. i don't know when you'll be leaving, but just get out. i want you out. you don't pay the rent, you don't clean the space, you trash it without knowing, you make holes in the walls, the toilet is clogged, the trash is overflowing.
lousy maintenance.
so i am tired of this.
i think i am just gonna throw you out onto the streets and have you fend for yourself until you find another kind passerby who is willing to take you in.
i know that kind passerby exists. you told me about her.
i think she will be the next one whose heart you're gonna occupy and make your filthy nest there and she will be the one who is gonna listen to you, gonna be your confidante, gonna wait and not be emotionally reciprocated.
my successor, i wish you all the best, hope the walls of your heart are as lasting as mine. it is okay, many things don't affect me, i'm too numb and my feelings are too fleeting. i can't stay angry or sad or happy for too long. my feelings are like snowflakes on a warm winter's day. they melt in your hand before you can make out their shape. in this way, i am quite lucky.
if i have an excuse to be sad, i will be sad.
if i have an excuse to be happy, i will be happy.
if i have an excuse for anything, i will do it.
even if i don't have an excuse to be sad, i will imagine it and make one up.
actually when i think about it, i don't even know why i am sad for sometimes.
same goes for happiness.
why am i even happy? very hard for me to be truly happy these days also.
i told you, i cannot experience strong emotions anymore.
i think my brain is defective.
or maybe the tolerance bar is damn high now.

life is like a green apple, a grape, a cherry, an orange.
sweet and sour, contained in the same fruit, changes when it ripens, or when it is cooked or even depends on its color or brand.
life is like a fruit, so bloody unpredictable.
you don't know if that apple has worms, is ripe, is sweet, is sour, is rotten, is crunchy, is soft, has a blemish under the sticker...
take a chance and bite into it.

quite sian now. sian of thinking, of pondering, of playing audition.

some things are so blatant yet so subjective like knowing the moment of the perfect in the song. you think you know, you think you see, yet you see wrongly sometimes. i can smell things but sometimes it's wrong. nose a bit oversensitive, can smell things neighbors are cooking and not what the person in front of me is. see a pot of stew boiling i smell bak gu teh but it's just chicken stew. cock up smell. sometimes is like that, i smell out something but is wrong. sometimes really don't like to say, say le make myself feel better? make ppl paranoid? confirm fears? allay them?
but i can smell it.. it's also partly female intuition and sensitivity.

stupid fuckers sometimes don't even know you're angry with them unless you say to their face (or msn) that you are pissed with them.
damn idiot.
ya take me for granted.
then i always cannot play the 168bpm song cos i fucking hate it. i always say fak song and i leave the game. damn rude i know but it has become a sort of ritual. hah.

when will i see you again?

i suspect soon.
but yeah i have an endless pile of masks and an endless supply of face paint and rubber smiles.
meanwhile, i contemplate your species.

feel so much more consistent when i'm with the fairer sex.
at least the feeling is consitent whether it is like or hate.
never toggle back and forth. not even toggle, is deflect like siao sometimes.

anata ga sutete mitai, demo doushite itsumo yumi ni au?

cursed si wo le.
like the irritating lag i keep getting in audition, make me fucking miss out on a chance to break my perf chain combo of x10. i could have hit a x11, i was feeling the point where the perfect hits, everything was so right, EXCEPT THE FUCKING LAG.
z_Z

at least i did another x10, and many other lower chains.
saw my non-chancing score fly to 490k or so.
damn shiok.

lag keeps me on my toes actually.
see myself at the bottom being stepped on by everyone, then i will try to focus and perfect and chain and try not to miss moves.
ya it works.
i can sort of work under self-inflicted stress i guess.
not sure what la.
i know i too kanchiong also cannot, i will fuck up and become confused like fuck.
damn sian.
but too slack i also fly to another world.

haiz damn sleepy now.
how to study?

fuckz.
fuxx0rz.

nvm tml MIA from msn and n try to study.
i think i will be appearing offline.
if you guys have msn live msngr, just msg 'lil offline 'ol me.
i will reply de if i appear offline.
shd be online unless i having jap lesson.

kk time to koonz.
night all.

ki take care.
jiayou in studies etc.

supposed to write this post to you,
in the end i write abt my fak self.
lol.
gomen na.
make u read this rubbishified postie.
guess to-ki also got double meaning.
means time.
time heals.. or does it not?
for me, time smoothens things like rough pavement and rough stone.
yet drag too long, will cause corrosion in walls and erosion of soil and rockfaces.

ho hum.
crapping again.
better cut it short.

night.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 4:19:00 AM

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

back to basics

i shd start blogging in english again hor.
ya i shd, still feel caged when it comes to expressing myself in japanese.
but i can't blog now, needa pom den go hub to go eat with mama and ntuc and then anne's house to bake.

cya all.

actually the emotional turmoil i feel is very little. it's just like a breeze blowing at me, a little bit too cold but negligible enough to be ignored if i try. i just think too much, and the thinking too much makes me seem as though i am in a very bad mood and that it's affecting me real bad o_o

actually i just feel normal but just that different thoughts enter my mind which i have been thinking of before but they came back all at once. lol, thought for the occasion; arrives right on time. i just think for the occasion. i think i'm too numb and stoic le. o_o and that's just me.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:33:00 PM

Monday, September 25, 2006

dare mo inai

mou SHORI-RU o dashita.
ato chichi to JE e itta, oji ni atta, kopitiam de koucha o nonda.
chichi to oji iroiro na koto o sou dan shita kedo, watashi wa sukoshi wakatta. cantonese de hanashite ita kara.

soshite, haha no tame ni mo prata o katte, mottekaetta.

ima watashi mo uchi de prata o tabeteiru. oishii saa.

kimeta! hoka nin mochiron sagasou. demo, motto ureshiku natta. yuube ano hito wa watashi ni 'onna no oli-san wa watashi ni suki da to itta' to itta. watashi no kimochi ureshiku natta. ano kanojo no kanashii koto wa watashi no ureshii koto yo. demo nyanya san wa chotto bikkurichatta, watashi ni itta. ore ga hansamu dewa nai to itta. doushite ore ga suki da to itta.

omoshiroi na, ano otoko no kotoba.

sore kara, watashi wa kesa ano otoko no tomodachi ni sms o okureta. watashi ni atte, isshoni benkyoushimasen ka. demo otoko wa chotto tsukareta to itta. kono ana wa chotto itai. hoka nin no kimochi ga iritai to omou.

totemo genki ja nai yo, benkyoushitakunai. hai, doushiyo kana... watashi no koto.
kangaenai. nani mo kangaenai.
yukkuri de yoku ni natta.

=)

minna san no tomodachi, shinpai shinai yo.
watashi wa mada heiki desu.
^^
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:19:00 PM

SHORI-RU ga kanzen datta~
ashita gakkou e itte, dasu.
graceC to isshoni iku.

demo sa, iro iro na takusan koto mada kanzen ja nai.

ashita kara, uchi e kaetta toki, shinakerebanaranai.
kyoukasho o yomu, kaisha ni denwa o kakeru, 5 peji no RIPO-TO o kaku, BIDEO 1 no kenkou mo suru.
zenbu shinakerebanaranai.
mo, atarashii KIBO-DO ga kaitai.
ima no o chotto...

ja, oyasumi!
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:58:00 AM

Sunday, September 24, 2006

hoka nin o sagasu tsumori da.
kokoro wa ana ga aru.
sabishikute kanashii.
demo koko no oni, zenbu de watashi ga taushitai.
totemo nemui.
mata.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 8:01:00 PM

nichiyoubi

kyou okita toki, yoku natta.
nerukoto ga itta to omou.
kyou mou atarashii hi yo~
^^

ashita kara, takusan purojekkuto o shinakerebanaranai sa.
demo ii yo.
tanoshimi.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:04:00 PM

shimatta...
hontou ni genki ja nai.
ima kangaeteiru...
ano hito no tomodachi ga tsudzukete asondeite mitai ka.
chotto omoshiroi na.
jishin o tsukutta tame ni kono ge-mu ga yaritai ka.
demo, doushite watashi ano hito no tomodachi ni chotto gomi no kimochi da?
gomi mo, mochitai ka.
watashi wa sonna ni mayouchatta?
shimatta yo..
nani ga dekiru kana. nani o shita hou ga ii?
wakannai mo.
kono goro wa chotto... kamo.
demo sa.
watashi wa itsumo itsumo wakatteiru...
mae no koto mochiron kita.
demo ima nani ga shita hou ga ii?
hoka nin ga sagasou?
onaji hito ga tsudzukete suki?
dare mo suki ja nai?
ano hito no tomodachi kana...
mo asoberushi, mo kantan to omou yo.
demo, mada gomi no you na to omou.
doushite konno kimochi ga aru.
mata waraitai yo.
X_X
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 5:05:00 AM

ima kara, nihongo de koko ni kaiteiru to omou.
riyuu ga ichiban shika nai, demo nihongo no hou ga kimochi ga yoku hanaseru to omou.
ano hito wa nani mo shiranai.

totemo okashi na.

waraitai yo.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 4:45:00 AM

shinji de shimatta

yoku shinji wa ichiban kitte shimatta koto. kokoro ga kowashite shimatta. chanto yamete mite mo nani mo dekinai. shinji wa konna ni aru.
kotaewase kudasai.
kotaete shimatta.
shinji mo konna ni itain da.

gakkou ni onna ga suki.
msn de oshieta.
kiite kara, chotto kanashiku natta.
demo, shinji wa shinji.

watashi wa hoka nin sagasou to omotteiru kana.
mou nani mo kakitakunai.

oyasumi minna.
ki-san ki o tsukete mo.
^^
anata ganbarou yo.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 4:15:00 AM

Saturday, September 23, 2006

of masking

consumed by hate, anger, jealousy, suspicion, paranoia and desire to dominate is the me i mask under the facade of happy, submissive, mild and blur.


just like after effects or flash, i can add a masking layer to conceal or show the areas i so desire. my inner self, i can make invisible too.

i think i'm schizoid.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 3:36:00 PM

anger

3pm on this day marks a time of anger for me.
been a few months since i've been this angry.
of course, i've been angrier before until buay tahan.
this one, still can tahan and control myself.
heng oso.
very angry dat time i will go destroy things one.
kowashite shimatta.
-_-

v angry will also go scold bad word.
heng i nv.

ugh ugh ugh.
ok cool it cool it.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 3:28:00 PM

misspellage

crap i can't spell.
just checked the pamphlet for the biEnnale. ok i finally know how to spell it, with an E, and 2 Ns and one L. -_-

woke up this morning staggered times. 10am to now keep waking up.
morning 10am+ woke up naturally then rolled back to sleep.
got some smses and a call.. i think i'm damn blur fuck but eh it's seriously ok if u call and wake me up. why everyone always so paiseh and apologize if they call, ask 'are you sleeping?' and i reply the affirmative, and then they suddenly 'oh sorry sorry'. lololol. seriously okay la. i is ok with phonecalls waking me up. if i didn't want to wake up or answer your call, i would have just silenced and ignored it. and usually i'm ok with answering calls.. just that sound stoned. hahaha.

morning phone had a weird ringtone. i woke up thinking eh what's that sia. then realised it was my phone o_O senile phone le, time to change it soon X_X
nokia pls release a nice model. i wan to change my phone ler haiz.

after i switched it off and back on again, the phone reverted back to the usual ringtone X_X if i dun recognize my ringtone i cannot answer my phone lol.

now i'm awake, but not high.

why are you high, nYa-nYa san? O_O

is it because too stressed then one day of fun makes u high?

the way you treat me, concerned if i'm bored, never bother to ask the other gal present ytd. is it because of the closeness? but if i'm bored i will show it. and there's always a wall. an invisible wall that carries an unspoken rule of no body contact whatsoever. talking about friendly body contact like tap on shoulder, piak for fun those kind. although i know him so long and so well, there's always this damn heavy wall. psychological block also.

with his friend yw and hs, is ok for me. the wall will dissolve over time. ytd i can pull hs' arm and stuff. but is ok cos hs is a gal.. a very cute gal =D but his friend yw.. maybe i allow myself to have less inhibitions with him cos he is not yandao or anything, kinda geeky type. so i'm not like trying to portray some image of myself and no barrier? but in a way he initiated it i guess, by tapping my shoulder at the mrt. but i observed and he also pulled hs' arm back cos she was blocking nYa-nYa san's view of the screen while he was playing his kof. and ya that was called-for cos i know the feeling when u are serious abt a game and ppl block u. damn pissed off altho is for fun only and a small matter. hmm. so he is just the sort of guy without many walls and thus makes ppl feel fewer walls blocking. but as for nYa-nYa san, he got walls, make me have more walls than usual.

ONE DAY THAT WALL SHALL BE BROKEN.

i cannot stand having walls.
but i have many walls with ppl, unless they break it first then i will follow.
i'm that sort of person.

as far as barriers and walls go, might be hard to break, but someone has to do it else whole life will be lived behind prison walls that grow thicker with each passing moment. very very hard to break. break it when it's thin like ice. breaking the ice they say, now i know what they mean. concrete and brick and cement and stone and mortar is so much harder to break.

ki i think u shd jus do wad u feel like doing. esp if ur situation allows it (ie the other person is receptive and positive). later regret feel quite shit also...
ki jiayou! it shd b a good thing, maybe the happiness found can motivate you in ur studies and there will be a shoulder to lean on and turn to for support.. and the shoulder is urs to lean on. rships are to me, mostly abt satisfying the emotional self. ki dun think abt other things ba.. but maybe u shd oso tell him.

hmm right now i'm jus floating between sch and sleep. endless shuttle ride devoid of many emotions. all the things i can possibly feel are, stressed, happy, sad, tired, sleepy, demoralized, energized.

cannot feel excited, no heartache, no exhilaration..

my stronger feelings are gone, unless you count the feeling of being demoralized, which is damn strong at times. can hurt quite bad.

but other than that.. i'm quite empty inside.
well i should make do, right?

is the glass half-empty or half-full
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:01:00 PM

tired but happy

quite tired today but also quite happy.
the satisfaction from having a good time, hanging out with ppl with the same mentality and playing game together. hee.

anyway this morning had 322 proj meeting. but it was good. got idea of what to do le. still no mood to do showreel. maybe i'll have some ideas tml. not so hard but why am i so lazy to do it? guess i'm jus putting it off cos it's sort of sch-related and i'm taking a semi break during my sem break now. sem break also no break larhs. blah.

meeting lasted 3hrs+
hoho went bugis with graceC to makan. she damn tired but can still tahan so long. pro seh i kowtow to her. the wanton mee was quite nice. i think i'm going back there to eat it again. and the ice cream la of cos. hahaha.

somehow ended up visiting some Binnale installations.

my favorite is still the airplane wreckage one at Sculpture Square.

we walked by the bugis temples.. the topic of binnale popped out, and we happened to see a binnale sign at the temple. had to take out shoes to enter. lol i was so fascinated at the first time i ascended and descended in a lift wearing socks. hahahaha. grace was barefooted. next time shd try barefooted. lolololz.

ok la the infinite ladder installation was also amazing.
i loved it, from the fibre optic lights to the sense of vertigo reflected back at me from heaven and hell through the mirror. nice. then saw the rooftop installation with drawings of many ppl yup.

i think next was the airplane wreckage at sculpture square. it's my fave cos it was damn poignant la. i love poignant stuff. meaningful shattered ceremic.

then there was the one at st joseph's church. din quite get it but fascinated the heck out of me. lines? marbles? arabic music? hmm. anything to do with the church itself?

national library next. 7 and 8 floor have the press photo exhibition. level 7's one damn dark and violent and depressing. i like it better than level 8's actually. but eh i like the one with the polar bear eating a seal on a floating ice berg the best. the color, the composition, the solitude, the bear eats seal life cycle and inevitably thing, well etc etc la. you know.
the breast cancer one also very interesting.

THE NATIONAL LIB LIFT OSO DAMN FREAKY.

first time i damn damn scared in a lift. HAHAHAHA. wtf LOL.
but i wan go again.
lol thrill ride. cheap thrill sia. diao.

later waited with grace for her bus at bras basah thr.
thanks to her, i now know of another way to walk from bugis to dhoby ghaut and back again. =D
walk str8 down, follow the smu buildings all the way back to dhoby. ez ez. can even cut to cityhall halfway.
need to investigate the path of selegie. i hope i can work at sunshine plaza next time. haiz.

quite happy to see the binnale exhibits.
=D
i am damn blur n dumb la. i thot binnale all along is a running race. cos it sounds damn much like bialathon ma. binnale gives me the connotation of a race to be run as a sport and stuff.

cool sia it's actually art, hahaha.

later went to see smu's installation.
wa i din like it at all!
wasted the time i spent waiting at the fooking faulty traffic light opp the sch of IS and risking my safety by running across the road after waiting for half an hour for the traffic light to change and got fed up.

sia suay myself in front of a sec sch gal. she asked them whr the other exhibits are i think. so i go talk to her and say national lib got.. cos it's the nearest ma i think. den she gimme a damn HUH look like i'm a weirdo and like i not speaking english. so i jus eh. close mouth. walk away. pretend nth happened.
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

went dhoby ghaut, stoned thr for 20+ min finally ah gong and hs came. roar.
met nyanya san at parklane then ate and then as usual played lan. wa i reli like hs. hahaha. so cute so so cute. =D i broke my audition perf combo record. i got a x9! one up from a x8 hahaha hope i can do it more often ^_^

ah gong was like yelling beside me.
HORRIBLE! STOP IT! SCARY! STOP PERFECTING. etc etc.
haahaha it pushed me harder to perfect leh =X

x9 not bad not bad at all.
means i hit 10 perfects.
waaa. =D

score leapt by 200k. shiok si wo.

social facillitation hahaha.

damn slpy now.,, how to blog sia.

anyway after lan 7pm - 10pm, went to arcade.
fire some bullets in HotD2, blast some goons on TC2 timed story mode, played some drummania.

k damn tired.
jus thinking abt the different vibes diff ppl gimme.
but it was fun la today.
happy =D

kaes slp. NIGHT.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 3:33:00 AM

Friday, September 22, 2006

ni jikan no koto

konban ne o shita. demo yume o shita toki, denwa ga urusakatta. dare ga watashi ni denwa o kakeru? aaaa.. sou sou. nYa-nYa san da. chotto omoshirokatta ne. watashi wa ima neteiru to ittara, nYa-nYa san wa taihen! gomen! nerukoto o hayaku tsudzukete kudasai to itta. demo, watashi wa okinakerebanaranai kara, nya-nya san to denwa o kaketa.

hontou da, watashi wa hanbun hanbun de, nemui toki no hou ga omoshiroi. ano koto ga wakkanai mo. demo ii koto sou omou?

hmm, ashita mo gakkou e ikanakerebanaranai saa. ima nenakerebanaranai mo.
oyasumi ^^
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:17:00 AM

Thursday, September 21, 2006

weekend, baby!

found another closet techno lovin' ah lian in huimin today on the way home. first song on playlist: fave ddr song Joga - Dam Dari Ram =D

so glad sem break is finally here. a breather much needed, much sought after.

didn't slp last night, but quite happy and awake now.
adrenaline's back.

i'm more sociable when extremely tired o_O

the female mind is indeed fatal and amazing.
breakthrough in experimental film, Maya Deren was, and oh so deep until i dunno wtf is going on. and so freaking fooky. (fucking spooky)
females are amazing.
guys will never rival females when it comes to depth and volume of thought.

shiok.
feel like playing audition all night long..
ahhhhhhhhh.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 5:54:00 PM

grindith

back to the grind back to the grind~
but playing with after effects not very stressful hoho.
settle PI stuff then i'm free for the week already. ho hum.
next week sem break I CANNOT WAIT.
but then again confirm flooded with proj proj proj.
ROARs.
wahahaha my toopid 325.
added my name at the end, and put a stupid bird to shit on the car.
bwahahahaha.
actually is quite ok. am amazed at how innovative i am.
=X
trade secret i dunch wan to reveal bwahahaha.

haish. time to write cover letter and maybe edit showreel.
if tml they show Memento for 323 lecture, i am going home sia.
cos i got the video and i watched it already long ago.
at most i watch again.. cos it's damn damn good!
hahaha.
but if they show Irreversible, i'll stay la =X
R21 who dun wan to watch?
hohoho now 21 le, last time no 21. whahahaha whowoowwow wheeee waaaa hoo~

ow ow ow
neglected ears for those days i was doing work.
die la pain.
._.

kaes work to do~
*flies off*

oh btw i can open photoshop + after effects + msn + a video at the same time without lagging.
after effects eats about 600mb of ram.
ho hum.
or more.
blah.

I LOVE MY RAMMIE.

1) 325 due thurs kanzen hOo~
2) cover letter due 22nd LATEST doing now
3) PI Showreel DVD
4) 323 Report due during sem break
5) 322 final proj
6) 325 final proj need to get smth CONCRETE
7) 301 proj .... stressified
8) readings readings readings because most prob after sem break is TEST TEST TEST POP QUIZ ARGH
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:30:00 AM

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

otoko ga daikirai

jitsu wa, mae kara otoko ga kirai datta. itsumo kirai datta. demo kono goro, otoko ga motto kirai ni natta. daikirai da.
doushite?
mite yo.
firumu no tsukaikata o oshieru sensei wa otoko da. otoko no ojiisan da.
kyou no jyugyou wa totemo warukatta. watashi no sei to omou.
demo sensei mo kowakatta. totemo totemo.
itsumo nandemo watashi no sei to omotta.
kowain da.
kowai kowai kowai.

demo...
motto watashi wa baka ni naru to omou.
motto watashi wa osoku ni naru to omou.
motto watashi wa heta da to omou.

ano ojiisan..
atashi no jishin o kowashita.
zenbu de kowatta.
doko e tonda?
wakannai.
sagasenai yo..

ja, hoka no otoko wa dou?
mochiron, sensei no hou ga kowai.
demo hoka no otoko mo kirai.

soudan o shitakunai.
kore wa watashi no blog.
jibun no koto, jibun de wakaru, jibun de kaku.

ahhhh totemo nemui.
ima nemui!
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 3:54:00 AM

lousy PoS

1) 325 due thurs
2) cover letter for PI resume due 22nd LATEST
3) gotta wake up n reach sch tml by 9am on time.
4) being presenter/interviewer i sucked.
5) PI Showreel DVD
6) 323 Report due during sem break
7) 322 final proj
8) 325 final proj need to get smth CONCRETE
9) 301 proj OMIGOSH i am STRESSED le but not doing anything o_o i'm useless.
10) readings readings readings because most prob after sem break is TEST TEST TEST POP QUIZ ARGH
11) do japanese compo due wed just.

in addition?
fucked up at nearly almost everything.
am i destined to be useless, fat and ugly for the rest of my life?
haiz.
ok time for a new career change.
work as shop assistant... but ahhhhh i dunno how to use cash register.
work as waitress? dunno how to carry tray.
zzzzzzzz.

i go bang wall die le la.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 3:26:00 AM

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

amendment:

item #12,
do japanese compo due wed.

HOW COULD I FORGET IT?
-_-

ok sleep time. nightz.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:48:00 AM

ram dreams

this morning i had a horrid dream.
i dreamt 2 ppl came to my house and it was exactly the same as it is now, except much much messier. they sat in the hall and the rest of the house was in semi darkness. i remember my laptop was on afk mode in the study room. i wanted to go use it but i didn't. they sat in the living room and i dunno where i sat cos there aren't anymore chairs. damn weird. akin to those weird camera angles where you're not psychologically disturbed yet upon further analysis you realise that THERE SHOULD BE A WALL there and it is not physically possible to put the camera there o_O ya one of those 'it's alright until you REALLY sit down to think about it' moments.
and then i dreamt the person nearer to me started itching o_o
wah this is a sign that i'm troubled by my messy house.
anyway it wasn't a good experience, and i nearly thought it was real when i was dreaming yet aware in the dream but thinking.. hey is this happening for real or is it just a dream? sheeeesh.

was assigned final proj for 322. golly! sweet wee wee of peterpan! so much work to do!!!!!!! X_X

aieee tomorrow i'm pretend presenter. but even so i'm quite stressed. i cannot adlib i cannot speak properly i cannot present i got nothing pastel to wear i need to wear my fricking specs ahhh should i tie hair like teacher? fooook. pukeeee. haix. nvm. wing it~ i can do it~

today after sch went SLS with grace. hee. felt quite happy in the isle of geek's paradise. at home with the tech stuff and the hardware. just not at home with the prices. tomorrow i shall buy a 1 gig ddr rammie for my lappie toppie. dear lappie toppie you're finally gonna get an upgrade.. hope you can move faster ^_^
maybe i can even play audition properly, but i haven't touched it for 2 whole days hmm. not even tempted to do so. had my overdose, now it's back to the grind for moi.
grace bought her 300gig samsung 3.5" SATA ext hdd for $209. i think is not bad. u think the casing for ext hdd ex or not? hmm not sure. seems quite ok though. she also bought some DVDRs and a firewire 6p to mini dv 4p cable. hohum. i think tomorrow i'll bring my lappie toppie to sch and then to SLS. hope nth will go wrong. dun like to be overly paranoid but my mom's so paranoid. but you see ar, the service centre will charge like $380 just to get the same bloody ram fixed. SLS i do only $205.. might as well buy 2 right? but nah just one is enough. really broke and waiting for my pay which i think i won't see for another month or so sigh.

ya anyway i think i might need to get some DVD-Rs tomorrow too or smth. gotta check with mu see if i can xfer stuff from my comp to her comp to make a DVD showreel.. oh ya haven't checked out if i can do the software interface to make a simple showreel thingy instead of importing all into FCP as one big video file so yucks. hmm.

fook how come i feel like got so many things to do..
ahhhhhhh i'm kinda stressed without knowing why i am stressed.
okay let me see what's in store:

1) 325 due thurs
2) cover letter for PI resume due 22nd LATEST
3) gotta wake up n reach sch tml by 9am (before 930am actually, but need to be safe)
4) being presenter/interviewer tml OMIGOSH tEh PANIC
5) PI Showreel DVD
6) 323 Report due during sem break
7) 322 final proj
8) 325 final proj need to get smth CONCRETE
9) 301 proj OMIGOSH i am STRESSED le but not doing anything o_o i'm useless.
10) readings readings readings because most prob after sem break is TEST TEST TEST POP QUIZ ARGH
11) ok i shall sleep in 15min so i can wake up by 7am tomorrow

OMIGOSH OMIGOSH.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:38:00 AM

Sunday, September 17, 2006

nani ga harau kana

mikka kan mo nani mo shinai. mikka kan mo uchi ni iru. mikka kan mo baka na koto o kangaeru. mikka kan...

demo sa, ii koto mo. takusan nerareta. takusan geemu o yareta. shikashi, takusan taberareta. konna ni warukatta na! >_< fubenkyou sugite shimatta mo.

yuube Home to iu basho e ikanakatta. tomodachi wa hashi ga itain da. soshite watashi mo kimochi ga warukatta. mata ikanai. demo ii koto mo. uchi ni iru, okane ga moteru, harawanai sa. takushii wa takai no.

purojekkuto takusan aru.. nihongo no sakubun mo, 325 no animeshon mo, 323 no tishisu mo... demo demo.. watashi wa fubenkyou..... nani mo shitakunai. doushitan da? ja! kyou shinakerebanaranai sa. kanarazu!

mada haraukoto o matsu. email mo okurenai. doushitan da.. watashi no koto dou kana.. kawaisou. raishuu denwa o kakeru tsumori da. kamoshirenai? wakannai.

hmm. kimochi to kokoro. futatsu wa muzukashikute kantan na mayoeta koto da. demo, sutereba, hito wa kara ni natta to omou. moteba mo itai desu ga ureshii. doushite sonna ni chigau? hantai keyoushi da.

dewa, doushite watashitachi 'suki' to 'kirai' sonno kimochi ga arun? atama no koto ka, kokoro no koto ka. suki ka dou ka dou wakatte? hen na koto sa. ima, watashi wa mayouchatta. dou kana. doko ka iku ka, doko e mo ikanai ka. michi no naka ni tatsu? eien ni tatsu? mou tsukareta!!! tachitakunai! suwaritai na.. doko e demo suwaru.

arrr. mata gomi o kaita!
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 3:42:00 PM

Saturday, September 16, 2006

lag

lagging in all aspects.
let me count the ways...

1) brain lag
2) studies lag
3) finger lag
4) computer lag
5) social life lag

and also feeling very detached.
fingers seem to be detached from my brain. they can move by themselves when i play audition and sometimes don't behave themselves purposely hit wrong key.
but sometimes when i'm not looking, they make the arrows by themselves and i get a perfect. omg la. but suddenly if i look halfway, i see 7 out of 9 arrows completed then somehow they stop and i miss. gosh gosh.

my life also feeling somewhat like that now.
detached from everything.

someone, help me rediscover life and reinject the passion of living back into my soul. help me become hyper and laugh like siao again, help me communicate confidently cos it seems i have lost all of my social skills once more.

psychological suicide.
i'm dead.

i think it's the lag.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 8:21:00 PM

Friday, September 15, 2006

zzz everytime i see his nick in msn i feel irritated. ok nvm. onwards to the quiz..
ki tagged mi de. i shall try to answer to the best of my ability. haha. ki's name is huimin also.. so I TAG the other huimin and grace! wahahas.

1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling them how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel?

- err looking into eyes is just weird for me. but i think i'll go with the second one, looking into someone's eyes when they are telling me how they feel. of course those kind where their feeling is 'ehh dith i got stomachache' LOL also a feeling, that one of cos can look into eyes but then might laugh =X

2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry.WHY were you angry?

- pissed off maybe. i'm hardly angry nowadays. very hard to experience intense emotions these days i feel. only sometimes. think i like not enough energy to experience emotions. anyway i think i was really angry maybe in game or something. i also cannot remember. pissed off, of course tuesday night. and i'm constantly pissed when i feel broke (ie WHERE'S MY PAY) or smth. maybe even pissed with myself.

3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phonecall. Who do you call?

- call my family la of course. maybe tell them my friend's contact numbers so they can tell my friends. or maybe i call newspaper run my own obituary LOL isn't that the best? my message to everyone.. then i put the tab on my family to pay.. ooPS.

4. You are at the doctor's office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid?

- i think i will pack all my bags go on a one month tour or something. try to take away all my barriers and fears and limits, try to fulfil my wishes, eat whatever i want (unless it will further shortern my lifespan but arrr nvm la lol. eat all those on the last week) but nah i won't tell ppl i am gonna die. maybe write a note somewhr. afraid, maybe. see the way i die. if in my sleep i don't mind. peaceful.

5. You can have one of the following two things.Which do you choose? Why? Love or Trust.

- how to love if you don't trust?

6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on theside of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not?

- fuck work, but i can't swim leh. either way also useless. if canal i can save the dog without drowning MYSELF, then fuck work and save the dog. if i really cannot and no one in sight then eh it's to work asap cos i dun want to witness the tragedy. if i save the dog i'll bring it and give my boss lol.

7. You are unfaithful to your spouse/significant other. Do you tell him/her? Why or Why not?

- unfaithful as in? liking someone else? or something more? prob i will tell. significant other not as bad as spouse. spouse maybe i don't tell LOL. reasons for doing so should be able to be inferred.

8. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you do/say?

- doesn't matter if gal or guy. i don't mind. let's be together~~~ LOL. actually i think i'd be quite happy but still go through the 'erhh...' response. hahaha.

9. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or Why not?

- ppl resting in peace le why you want them to die again? siao ar.

10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?

- of course not. i'm depressing, boring, ugly, fat.. lol. want me for what? too similar also too boring leh.

11. Does love = sex?

- love has many components. emotional, physical and spiritual. in a way, sex is part of love but not equivalent.

12. When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it?

- maybe said subtly. one or two months ago.

13. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a friend, you love them or that you do not love them back?

- of course i love my friends! what talking you o_o

14. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?

- the self. if i didn't have my self identity, my experiences, my emotions, my friends, everything that comprises and forms the self, i think i would be so detached i wouldn't even want to live.

15. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them?

- it's hardest to tell people who really matter you love them. so i don't. but can infer i love them... right? right? lol

16. Imagine. It is a dark night, you are alone, itis raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you?

- i think i will go audition to try to block it out. you know why? my house in 9th storey.. ppl walking directly outside is not walking le.. is floating or flying le. kaoz. but sometimes the street noises of ppl walking can sound quite loud at night, so they want to walk there then walk lor. i am nice and dry at home. if i bth i will wake my sis and mom LoL. most likely mom.

17. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not?

- i dunno how to give CPR but i prob wld? later go wash mouth lor at most. who cares abt such details in an emergency?

18. You are holding onto your grandmother hand and the hand of a newborn that you don't know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your reason for making the decision?

- my grandmother is in heaven le. if i let go of her she can fly herself cos she is a spirit le. lol. and wtf am i doing holding a baby on a cliff? weird qn.. ok next!

19. Are you old fashioned?

- tradition and routine can be comforting.

20. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it?

- i thought i'm always nice to ppl. the thing i get in return is that ppl think i'm nice lor. hahaha. isn't that an expectation too?

21. Which would you choose: true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why?

- lol. i get over heartache quite fast. ok gimme the true love. i also wanna see how it's like and who it will be LoL. curious.

22. If you could do anything or wish anything,what would it be?

- i wan to be slim.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:40:00 PM

rain, sirens and chills

slept with fitful dreams.
so messed up i forgot what i was dreaming about also, but related to what i did ytd and what i was thinking of and my interactions and stuff i'd encountered or heard.
woke up with the sounding of the emergency warning siren exercise. and shortly after grace also smsed me so i decided to wake up.

arrr.

seems like the pain in my leg is gone already. was painful ytd i dunno why, maybe sat in a weird position throughout the entire mrt ride so became weird. the part where my thigh joined with my hip was pain la.. the joint. LoL am i getting old?

ytd i also tried to remove my earrings but in the end didn't dare to. wa was quite pain because i think my earlobe too thick, when they pierced then too tight, so ytd i tried to loosen it at least, wa pain pain. think i shall leave it in for another month until i feel no pain at all.

recap of thurs ar.. usual day but i ponned my first lecture. nice to sleep and the lecture waste time somemore it's an elective so nvm. went for 301, grace saved me a seat =D peiting again never show face there o.o saw sk and kl also. 325 lesson was ok. passed quite quickly. lunch.. i ate. damn i'm eating again. fook. ate baked rice and i think it quite sucks. aesthetically looks WEIRD looks like tomato sauce rice. yucks. gross gross. but the only merit was the cheese. zzz dunno what i was eating also. 3 bucks also. spend a bit more, eat quad's baked rice nicer lor. or spend a bit more even, eat pizza hut de or nydc or swensen's de or if my mom gets the oven out, i go MAKE MY OWN. confirm nice. HAHAHAHAHA. should be nice la, i have confidence in my baking.

=X

then mom said she read review in Posh Nosh in urban. lmao. she said they recommended bakin' boys until like so nice. but that time we tried. ok la it looks DAMN DAMN APPETITISING. but raise the bar for wad, first bite taste so weird. so unlike its glossy appetising look. taste quite cheena and bleah. i rather buy from mrs fields or four leaves or... MAKE MY OWN. ahhaa. cookies should taste like what they look like. i rather buy those similar looking cookies in a packet from the supermarket. that one so delicious lor. -_- sis said maybe they've improved la. haha how i noe. anyone go try le den tell me.

but i'm still gonna stick to the bakeries i trust.
craving for a good creme brulee and my koufu cuttlefish porridge. z_Z

the movie shown in film studies was damn good. All About My Mother. wa damn touching and damn nice. got one scene especially there was this shot in a mirror. the ppl are facing each other and talking but you see their reflection as singular. each is talking facing the edge of the opposite mirror. you know those foldable stage mirror? ya one at each corner, reflection is facing the edge of the mirror and talking. so nice. shows separation perhaps, alienation, divide, miscomm? hmm i dunno. ya anyway i am gonna download the movie. anyone wan just get from me.

later sleeping in mrt, mu smsed me. so went to meet her at hub.. then waited for auyong bro also. we ate at kfc. wahaha never play plastic surgery =X 2 pc chix and mu tried chix chop.

arrr i gonna eat breakfast. quiz next entry!
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:46:00 PM

cheapo substitute

515am and the cleaners are washing the hawker center floor now.
can hear.
moment i hear i know it's 5am le.

yes i am sleepy but i want to blog before i sleep.
neglected blog for quite long except for minimal substanceless posts.
if so, then why blog at all?

saw a long long post in ki's blog.
i also dunno if i should analyse, but it's only natural that i auto-analyse and form preconceived notions before understanding the situation first. the mind is hard to analyse already as such. bring in the issue of brain.... chemistry and your analysis is gonna span reams and reams of paper.

from the amount ki wrote.. lol.
i suppose she knows it herself although it's shaky and not solidly stuck yet.
but happening.
sometimes maybe it's fate or inevitable.
dunnid to bother brushing off or not thinking about it or convincing yourself otherwise.
likewise, it is useless indulging in it.
because either way, the result is determined by preset values.
the dice is rigged.
the game was already set in motion and the outcome known the moment you sit down to play it.

what will be will be lor.
just go along with the flow.

ya anyway the gunpowder she mentioned.
it has a strong smell of sulphur.
inhale too much and it is bad for you.
stings the eyes, makes you choke.
a suffocating, thick, clogging smell.

actually i was thinking of lemons which is common to use.
but suddenly she can think of gunpowder.
ki why you think of gunpowder?
got a war coming?
face off? quick draw?
shot to the heart?

hmm. can interpret so many ways.
wah i think too much even at this low level of mental functioning.

i also feeling somewhat like that.
so i'm also trying to run away cos i'm not happy.
but why am i not happy?
it shouldn't bother me.
but then i keep thinking over and over about substitute goods as a cheaper alternative or replacement item to satisfy some tiny level of that satisfaction craved from the big ticket item perceived as the goal or the 'real' product.
when the earnings increase through promotion, getting lucky in a lottery, higher perceived spending power, anticipatory pay rise on their part and thus able to fork out more money and get rid of the lousy cheaper alternative which is gonna die anyway once and for all right..

argh just feel asleep again.
ok very very bad i am nodding.

tml:
blog quiz from ki
my thursday escapades
random stuff,]]
ear pin..

wa super slpy nigt.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 5:39:00 AM

Thursday, September 14, 2006

eh damn it la why do i always look like fuck in photos?

=(
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:16:00 AM

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

shiny exterior

hmm if all goes well, this weekend is poptart weekend.
one mad night to end it all.

just now was playing with photoshop and i managed to clone stamp away my eyebag for the msn picture i like cos of the colors in it. LOL. yeah.

then i just remembered yesterday why i bad mood.
fookanasai is the new buzzword.

arrr.
some people are retards and will always be retards no matter what they do in life.
you can be a rich retard, you can be a successful retard.

in the end, you're still fookanansai.

and that is all.
^^

btw i think my presentation skills are non-existent but oh well, hasn't that always been the case?

yet seems i'm breaking away from everything now.
that's good.
feeling a bit like Julie in Bleu.

mental suicide.
=D
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:57:00 PM

instant self-gratification

lol the dentist was saying ppl who wan to get rid of the gaps between their teeth want it done painlessly and immediately. aka instant self gratification, she said. hahas, but i like my gaps. =X

and i like my baby tooth which has no adult tooth below it.. so it's a solo baby tooth holding on to my gum =X but she said that it wun last as long as my adult teeth >_< wahs. the xray so cute. and omg la the roots of adult teeth are so freaking LONG as compared to the baby. i din know it's so long... now i don't feel so afraid my tooth will drop. actually i thought the roots are like one inch nia. in fact it's 2 inches plus.. right into my jaw.

i'll admit i nv go dentist outside of sch's de before. this is the first time ever since sch days.. sch days i was forced to go ma =X it's been like 6 yrs+ but i find the technology has improved so much.. or is it cos sch nurses use kns equipment?

-_-

kns last time the sch dentist do then my gum pain like hell.
wahahaha

ok la my teeth are fine.
i worried for nth =X

very slpy now..
maybe i go play audition.

wahahahaha.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:06:00 PM

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

headache
X_X

maybe it's cos audition too much,
or today use too much brain...

or dunno wad.
X_X
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 9:46:00 PM

Monday, September 11, 2006

gahs.

finally slept from 6pm - 10pm or so
i cannot remember

fitful sleep.

anyway i am STILL doing my presentation, i haben finish yet, tomorrow die die must wrap up, but it looks more or less complete now.
just need to compile my presentation notes and polish (LOL literally, cos the director was polish) up some slides.

audition addiction dying down.

i'm not thinking weird thoughts le ba.

stomach feels weird and unwell.

sigh sigh

ok imma sleep.
tired.

night.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:42:00 AM

Sunday, September 10, 2006

few thousand experience points to level 10...
improving >_<
but still lousy zomg..

n yes, i nv slp

LOL
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:31:00 PM

bth cmi kns

wahs.
improving in speed by a FRACTION
still cannot qie ki T_T
LOL

eh sidenote.

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME
IT'S SCARY
BACKFIRE
EH
HAIZ
=(

nvm la dith
what will be will be
now you just conc on proj
later conc on improving in audition

dun care externalities le okay?
ok dith
i'll heed ur advice
^_^

proj time now
=)
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 4:17:00 AM

Saturday, September 09, 2006

continuity editing

this is a continuation from ytd's post which was disrupted by the appearance of a disgusting cockroach.
seriously hor i dun understand why nowadays always encounter cockroach. usually baby ones at the foodcourt or fastfood restaurant. -_- home de dunnid say la.
ever since i stepped on that idiot cockroach that freaked me out, i seem to be damn attractive to cockroaches. tell me, WHAT PART OF MY NAME SPELLS COCKROACH AH?

.....

maybe i shd cut my hair. fringe long long machiam feelers -_-?

ya. anyway, back to post. cyn and her sis bought packet drinks and some cakes from bengawan solo. chiffon and choc swiss roll for the focus group participants. focus grp, focus grp. quite interesting, seeing that CR was my 2nd choice. or should i have made it my first? sigh.

anyway quite an interesting focus group session, albeit a bit too short. not much to comment actually haha.
later went to town.. so funny and coincidental. cyn's fren was on same mrt as grace. cyn was meeting her that friend, and i was meeting grace =_=
lmao?

aiyoh.. everytime i mention grace's name or see her name i still feel guilty.
._."
i am the pangseh kia.
X_X

hmm hung around orchard waiting for her arrival. looked around at stuff. nth much caught my eye. except maybe a pair of earrings or 2 and some clothes. but of course, all too expensive. you know the whole, the spirit is willing but the pocket is weak? lmao. adapted version.

got a bit lost going to the library again. quite expected larhs.
i always michi ni mayouchatta one ._.

quite interesting the library was, but nowadays books can't hold my attention and poetry leaves me high and dry. saw a book on barbie that grace was looking for, but she didn't borrow it.

isetan look at shoes.

fuck the variety sucks.

sigh shoe shopping with 3 different people always land in the same situation.
ALWAYS DUN HAVE WHAT YOU WANT.
sigh.

unless you go to Far East i guess.
i hope she found her shoes there.
else i go to gallows liao.

ya anyway we went to far east.
but.. wtfook la.
sigh

=_= phonecall.. too too early
thought i could balance out the day
but noo..

torn torn torn
i'm always torn
right decision? wrong?
right and wrong?
for myself for others?
who comes first?

i know la, many times i wanna be wei da i say ok ppl come first.
but we all know (and this is the ugly unavoidable truth) that inherently we are all selfish creeps, and fulfilment of the self comes first.

and for some people, at any cost.
eh i dun think i'm so extreme ba. haha.

ermz
guilt trip x1000000
gonna remain like that for a few wks.
=_=

met gt at ps. (quite symbolic you know. ps for plaza sing for paiseh AND for pangseh.)
-____-
(ok dith stop analysing in stupid ways)

sat in foodcourt. sigh why got baby roach.
knnccb
told u i attract them -_- haiz

thought maybe can watch movie. wa nth reli nice.
anyway it was a good thing we nv watch movie.
bo liao bo liao den i said
eh, we go pcbunk la. haha.
i was joking and being boliao.
surprisingly he said
eh, not a bad idea!

diao!!!

he suggested we play Audition thr.
wow since i nv play in pcbunk before and nv audition other than at home on my lappie which lags...
quite tempted.
can also see the famous chiobu counter gal.

then he suddenly was like, let's call yw along!
haha faint.
but guess WHAT
yw was just at cityhall on the way home from ntu.
super qiao.
so he joined us in a matter of minutes wow.

we trooped to pcbunk but wa fuck so crowded.
went to parklane cos apparently got a $1/hr lanshop.
haa.
parklane many lanshops. they all have dota, maplestory, some got WoW, counterstrike, even water margin. but eh audition leh?
finally found one with audition.
no one was playing inside except for 1 guy at the corner of row C. gt yw me at C2 to C4.
yeah man damn shiok no lag.
only problem is, the NOISE. ok la usual lan shop noises is ok, but then some guys came in and started playing ALSO. wa the music clash i a bit bth. and the keyboard i not used to it at first keep missing =X
but later drag and put on my lap (cos i always sit liddat at home n play) and i was rocking with the chair according to the beat wahaha hao shuang.
and i mostly win =X LoL

good news~

leveled to 9 and did my license test thr.
wow i thought initially would screw it up but managed to get like 20 perf and a score of 400+k whee whee.
BEST THING IS, i did 2 chain finishing moves.
the last one so fucking hard 3 red arrows i cmi le.
wow chain finishing moves *_*
i am amazed at my prowess also =X

about 12k more xp to get to lv 10 and then FREEDOM alr!!
so so excited.

ended lan session around 9+
fucking rainy weather.
ate at parklane foodcourt.
not bad the western food stall but cld be better.

rain cleared up but fooking muddy.
sheesh slippers and skirt.
nvm.

wow X_X
dun believe it.
ps arcade 2nd round.
play until 11+pm wtfook.
dunch believe it.
esp with the company i had.
dun believe they would actually stay so late.
HAHA?

caught the last train to JE home. (next one terminates at Kranji)
ho hum.
went home, prepared to blog, kajiao-ed by roach, crashed on bed.

oh ya today pkk enlisted for army.
pkk i will miss you T_T
although you so long nv online msn and chat.
altho didn't manage to meet you before you become fried tofu.
altho i haben pinch your cheeks yet.

wahahaha

BUT QUICK COME OUT SOON SO I CAN STILL
pinch your cheeks
and see fried tofu pkk.
^^

as for today, woke up late AGAIN
late for sch AGAIN
video review suxx0rs
C+
siGH
demoralized
came home
nth to say
ate lunchies
blogging
ok

stOp.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:31:00 PM

ode to grace

T_T
i'm seeking grace and forgiveness
i'm seeking grace's forgiveness
wa very scared she super angry with mi
X_X

dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi dun eat mi T__T

ok anyway today as usual, woke up late, sleeping like a damn pig as usual.
thot was gonna be late meeting cyn for her focus grp but i was early -_-
eh lol X_X
i was assistant moderator in the end.
erm lmao i suck X_X

cyn's sis' fren has a nice big house *_*
it's nice *_*

they bought packet drinks and ...

eH cockroach. tml blog..
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:47:00 AM

Friday, September 08, 2006

tgif? or not?

when i went to brush my teeth i noticed another "Tiny" had taken the previous Tiny's place. different species thankfully.

a baby lizard.
quite cute but wriggling renegade tails can get somewhat hazardous.

and i realised that people born on the 13th of Feb tend to be more critical and well, their personalities are similar, and intimidate me.
well, one of them at least.

the other, i know too well to be intimidated i guess.

ho hum.

and now it's really to bed for me.
hope i can meet grace tomorrow.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:10:00 AM

tiny rays

long long thursday jus came and went.
because of the remnants of wed i survived through today quite easily.
left quite high n sot sot from ytd.
as usual, late for 325. gosh melissa mimic my expression and the way i enter the class when i late for class is SO COMICAL and funnY!

DO I REALLY LOOK LIKE THAT?

like those kind open door slowly, look around with those guilty and ooo shit i'm late kind of paiseh face, creep into class, sit down slowly kind. LMAO.
eh u have to see it to noe
but LMAO

DO I REALLY LOOK LIKE THAT?

wahahaha so cute =X

sianzified. 325 another sian tut. 301 dun even nid to mention. if not for having grace and kamling i think i sure drop into snooze land le. anyway so distracted. X_X ARGH.

325 lecturer getting better at teaching but booooo la.
slacking at back of MML with J.
arguing with J, crapping with J..
actually he's one of the rare ppl i can feel at ease with.
but hmm.
i dunno larhs.
not weird anymore i guess.
hah.

323.. wa i SUPER PAID ATTENTION CAN.
copied notes furiously, paid extreme attention to the film screening..
arrr cos presentation on tue le.
die die liaoz.
but got stuff to talk abt.

now only nid to do more research and find an angle to focus on
^^

den went editing..
video is finally done.
went back 9pm or 10pm.
X_X
waited so long for the bus, heng got that illegal bus syndicate =X
lmao 80c.
but sure beats waiting for 179.
all so fooking crowded.
WTFook 10pm oso crowded
what is your fooking problem.

hmm.
turned out gt oso on way home.
met him halfway at marina bay.
^^
tiny rays in my life
help a lot
go a long long way.

hmm oh well
that's pretty much my day.
tml got cyn's focus grp thing to attend
hee.
hope i can speak sufficiently.
i am seriously v tired n brain dead now
can drop to bed soon.

i look more arty type, she looks more chiongster type?
chiongster type i unds, what u mean by arty type?
(lmao at first i thot he said 'auntie' type den i nearly wanna bish him. LOL)
but ahh he oso cannot define arty type. he say maybe cos he noe me quite long so think this way? i oso dun unds. thot i am more suited for auntie type den arty type.
is it a compliment? a generic statement? how i noe.
guess it's ok.
those 2-seater, black tee, jeans, black bag.
hao lang man wor~~ LOL fainted.

hmm neighbors burning incense again.
last day of 7th month or wad?
but v warm and slpy
mmmm.
bed soon.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:10:00 AM

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

massugu itte, zettai ushiro ni minai

move fwd, never look back.
guess many ppl have that motto in life, but the temptation to look back is always very strong.
anyway my title doesn't really mean anything.
i think it's fine if i wanna look back, remember, even those shards of piercing painful memories.

lala
today reached jap class 10min early, so did my homework. and yes i finished it. hahaha. =X
today diana nv come T_T
a bit lonely but ok.
the row of 4 only got 2 ppl today.
me at one side and john-san at the other end.
lmao.

feel weird eyes on me today.
maybe i'm just imagining stuff.
phone vibration came back and fled as quickly as it re-emerged. bloody hell nokia phone.

nvm la i love my phone anyway =)

during breaktime i found out 'jona-san' called me.
so i called him back.
turns out he wanted to noe how to go to jcs.
but he was already at jcs...
i kpo went to 5th floor.
i not v sure wad he looks like cos nv talk to him in ntu =X
but den nvm la i agar agar take a wild guess
den i called his name at the back of a person whom i thot is him
heng =X
nv sia suay myself XD
is him~

felt a bit weird cos he was with his fren
his fren is a chiobu sia
i get nervous in front of chiobus =X
LOL

later went bakery buy stuff back for family
wahaha they got new item.
tiny cakes
so kawaii n oishii.
=X

took mrt den stoning at cityhall mrt when suddenly someone said hi to me

you mei you gao cuo?

den i looked up and it was 'jona-san'!
hahaha
fainted.
but i quite tired so nv reli socialized
quite surprised to see him
but i sensed in class dat i would see him later de
=X LOL
my intuition =X

anyway we chatted until mrt reached tpy.
he was going sbw
haha first time i chat to him
realised he is taller den what i remembered.
i thot he was 1.6+
but he is actually 1.7+
waaa
and he's quite cute but cute guys usually got gf
hahaha

hmm.
i must do readings today
X_X
cannot audition...

A: my playful fren told me she finds it very easy to open up to me
B: =O
B: lol
B: hmm...
A: i guess this must be a strength that i have
B: quite
B: ahaha
A: lolz
B: i think maybe hor..
A: ?
B: some ppl also think of me as same way
B: *in the
A: YA
B: O_O
B: wa u caps
A: =X
B: =O
B: depends =X
A: at first didnt wana talk to u on fone
A: now everynite feel like toking to u
B: T__T cos [u] hate me =X
A: =_=
B: LOL
B: nah jk
A: no la coz itz very weird...i only talk to few few ppl on phone 1
B: i oso like talking to [u] on phone
B: ^^
A: and those few ppl are very very click 1
B: cousin ^^
A: now u have joined their ranks
B: =O
A: lolz
B: *promoted*
A: =O
B: i wan pay raise~~~
B: XD
A: *gib 1 donut*

lmao O_O

well, tiny things make your day.
=))
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 10:27:00 PM

uprooting

lol ki u shdn't think abt ur online flirting as bad =X
it's very good cos it's good to flirt online. no one can see also ma and everyone has fun =X good for the brain and ur feel-good factor. XD
but it's nice to think abt it cos it makes u feel good, does it not? hahahaa.

and even if u flirt in real life it's also ok.
flirt as in friendly flirt not anyhow touch touch those hardcore flirt damn disgusting. but those nice n friendly flirt is ok.
my sister likes to call it act cute flirt. =_=

hmm
ki i also guilty of the same thing =X
but nowadays focus on a few main ppl to do so
LOL

heh
i got nth to blog abt today
last night wanted to blog how Audition fills my days and makes me haPPy!
and that got a phonecall from someone unexpected. haa.
thought it was someone else cos it was a home number.
then i also half in game so i cannot hear properly. very deaf.
think it's an effect of auditioning too much at high levels of music.
and in sch i also hear audio so i something wrong.
ears sot sot le =X

he asked whr am i
den cos i thot is dat person i said "zai jia lor"
LOL
actually he asked whr in audition am i =X
si yw dat ah gong called me

a bit surprising

hmm den KI was in audition
ZOMG i was like ZOMG I SAW A COOKIES IN THE LIST
ZOMG
*quickly msg Cookies*
LOL!!!!!
den she played awhile with us den she go find her NPC
T_T
KI STOP PLAYING NPC
LOL

but it was fun..
but i must admit
i am getting a bit SICK of audition!!!
LOL!!!!
I DUNNO WHY
maybe play too much =X
brain dun like arrows le
>_<
lolz
then drop to bed at 1 or 2am +
very very tired

today i woke up at 2pm =X
wasted my day.
supposed to go pom now but too bz chatting lolz
addicted to msn
supposed to do jap hw also but arr nvm i go sch n do bahs O_O
die
LOL
faint.

had a weird dream..
i dreamt i had this GE, something about Statistics de
dunno why i taking dat
but anyway finally found the stupid classroom..
den so many ppl thr..
so hard to find a seat
and the classroom orientation so weird
2 whiteboards i dunno whr the front is.

the lecturer came in
an angmo.. looks like my 322+301 lecturer mixed tog
talk also similar pattern lolz!
den he pass around a basket of beer and choc
zomg everyone had 1
so we were drinking beer and eating choc n listening to his lecture
i also dun unds what he talking about
a lot of calculation and inferencing

and the funny thing is he draw on the blackboard (ya became a blackboard halfway.. dunno how and why oso X_X)
he illustrate with animals like camel and kangaroo
then they can move one
wow he use magic de
O_O
amazing

but halfway i found out the class is actually on Software.. short form is OSM.. i oso dunno what it means X_X
den actually my Stats class at dhoby ghaut mrt thr aka SMU
fainted

so i quickly rushed out of his class
den ran ran ran
i think met kamling on the way
then she chasing me for wad i oso dunno
she keep telling me to stop
den i keep running
ran past the loading bay
ran around marina square
ran ran ran
trying to run to smu

but dunno why i cannot arrive thr.

hmm. the kangaroo reminded me of another dream i think,
dreamt of many jumping shapes in an advertisement
finally figured out they are kangaroos advertising australia..
weird dreams la
k 420 le
i need to go pom pom

^^
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 3:31:00 PM

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

dance dance dance!

gosh...
i just earned like 4k+ or 5k experience points in audition.
played with gt, yw and yw's fren.
zomg.
eh i got an edge over them i guess =X
cos i mostly won...

but ahhhh SHIOK the experience points
the DEN more shiok if play NPC
but play NPC i v laggy.
and my brain dead very hard to play.

was struggling with 158/159 bpm songs just now
Heavy Metal Syndrome and SuperStar
shiok si wo le
nv thought i'd say those mad speed songs are shiok
but they are...
test my lousy skillz
hahaha

but i could do level 8 moves already
i remember last time i lv6 also can die
now not too bad
need to increase finger speed to get level 9
level 9 moves very rarely can hit
faint.
really press until fingers twisted
LOL
now i unds what ppl mean when they say they play until carpel tunnel or fingers in a knot or finger pain

my fingers became shaky
LOL

arm a bit cramp also

=X

den gt wanted to call me
well i warned him
i was SCREAMING and shouting during gameplay
cos miss miss miss
or nearly miss
or i heng heng can do the siao move

LOL

siao one

GUESS WAD LA

i came home from jap class ya.
den slack awhile
drink a bit of soup
was blogging halfway
SUDD he msn me and said
I HAVE 5min

den i HAR?

he said 5min to login to audition
zOMG

diao

end up i nv do anything since i got home
except play audition
from 930 play until 12+
he also..
he said he wan to stop at 10pm
end up super addicted play until nearly 12am
THEN SAID TOMORROW PLAY AGAIN

DIE DIE I ALSO DIE LA

oh ya today was rainy
thank goodness diana's papa gave mi a lift home
lol they're so friendly one
i like them!
met her sis and her sis' friend also
full house in the car sia

happy!

happy happy day!
also learnt many new things in japanese class.
and i think the picture sensei showed us very funny
actually the sentence is
the monkey looks like a human eating a banana
but if you put the particle wrong place
it becomes:
the monkey looks like it is eating a human banana

correct:
saru wa ningen no youNI banana o tabemasu
incorrect:
saru wa ningen no youNA banana o tabemasu

LOLZ
and she drew a picture of the incorrect sentence,
which after class, i took the liberty to stay back awhile
and ask her:
sensei, ano banana hito no e... shashin o toritai desu
she was like laughing la, when i said i wanted to take a picture of the banana man drawing =X
so i took it



ahhhhh she very cute wor
and someone wrote in her teachers' day card that
sensei wa himawari no you desu.
teacher looks like a sunflower.

^_^

oh ya i must do my readings.
WASTED TOO MUCH TIME IN AUDITION.

you rocked my world with your reptilian antics and damn good tv show.
in loving memory of the Crocodile Hunter,
the one and only.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:06:00 AM