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You're strange and we like fur
Strange, walking down the avenue
You're strange just the way you are
Strange, always doing something new
© 2003 DEVILROBOTS
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signs of absence
good la you?
what's with you?
suddenly so direct and thick skinned.
you made your friend shocked and stunned by asking a stupid question.
but i have become such a person.
i will just ask.
especially since he is the sort who is more receptive.
so i just ask.
simple. easy.
a bit regret.
because there was an awkwardness for awhile.
but because he is a receptive friend, it faded off.
but i just felt like asking.
so what's happened to me?
suddenly like that.
it's ok to do this, to do that.
there are no more awkward feelings from me.
is this growing up or a sense of numbness after being exposed to people like that and hence i am following in their footsteps?
i don't like this me.
makes me feel number than ever.
and soon i won't see things in 3rd person, but instead i will see things from behind a crowd of people.
i will just see myself as a face in the crowd.
and then gradually, i will cease to see myself altogether.
i am disappearing
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 3:29:00 AM
i've steadily grown to detest work more and more.
add to the fact that i am a lowly (albeit 'SENIOR') intern who might be forced to extend internship for the sake of responsibility (fuck responsibility) of finishing up work.
i don't feel like doing anything right now, and i can't do anything either.
i go to work, and i am greeted by plaster dust, perpetual ceiling board reworking, painting, boxes strewn all over, white plaster dandruff on my table, a constant paint smell and so on and so forth.
not to mention that why didn't they do the ceiling works BEFORE we moved and why suddenly decide to change AFTER we moved? so last minute. and painting. why they suddenly just doing all the works AFTER we moved in? painting, ceiling board work, fixing glass doors, rewiring the office with power and internet.
is it so hard to fix glass doors?
please don't tell me you were so cheapskate that you RECYCLED the old glass fixtures from the old office? GAWD.
why decide to rework the ceiling the LAST minute? the fucking white plaster, ladders, and strange men with strange tools is fucking getting to me.
imagine you walk into your office and you are greeted by a lone saw in the middle of the carpeted floor.
what is this?
Saw 4?
seriously, i am beginning to see things worth mocking in this whole circus.
and why is it so hard to wire the office with lan connection and phone lines before we move in? it's not like we need anything.
you see they moved over the air conditioning from the old office, so quickly installed. the new office is FREEZING.
i get a fucking headache from inhaling toxic fumes, plaster dust, having the aircon blast at me, no proper place to go because they are doing work above my desk area and it is snowing plaster.
the bosses look at us migratory interns as if we are slacking off.
YAH RIGHT.
i couldn't shoot on the 18th because of your move.
my shoot on the 25th was postponed because talent sick.
well, i shouldn't complain if i have nothing to do.
but i am stressed about having nothing to do.
all i did today was come late to office, inhale fumes, hide in the edit suite area with a book, walk all the way to queensway alexandra mkt for lunch (btw the claypot laksa is goood), discover SY not feeling well, make our way back to office, develop headaches due to dunno what, realise a colleague is leaving because he dislikes the management (and so many before him have the same reason), sit around with an unplayed box of Taboo. go to mamashop/petrol kiosk to buy things to eat (because frankly, that's what we do best, we eat.) so later we are in edit4 eating choc, tacos, keropok and we still have headaches to go around.
then we finally cannot take it and go off.
the guys have built a fortress around their desks with boxes. on the other side, the girls have white dust all over our belongings.
i go to the fortress to hide, and then i am told if i walk a step closer, i will be shot. but i walk in anyway. fellow interns are no enemies.
altho initial plan is to go home, i end up chatting with edM about games and an impulsiveness brings us on a long journey on 855 to yishun to the gameshop.
he does remind me of ben. in some ways. his thoughts, maturity beyond his age, his emotional state and his talkativeness.
but i have accomplished some things today.
weight gain is one of them.
when will the 5 kg i shed back in the days of school and stress go away?
i ate good laksa.
i finished reading my novel.
and i have typed out this entry.
tomorrow will be a day of piracy exchange, probably a covert operation in some edit suite, in the company of friends.
definitely more renegade gossip will ricochet along the walls.
but it's fun, isn't it?
dunno why but people do believe me when i say silly things.
like how i remark that i have the hots for some girl or guy in the office.
it's cute, really.
but sometimes i get disgusted with myself for encouraging things i do not mean.
and i know what i am writing about at this point of time.
i'm watching my life in slideshow presentation from afar.
circle 3 row EE.
i am not anticipating the last remaining weeks of work.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:30:00 AM
another post about nothing. whoohoo.
yeah totally feeling moodless, don't feel like blogging properly. too tired too.
i feel totally disconnected.
my old friends are leaving and i'm out in a new environment suddenly.
new faces, new experiences.
everything's coming at me so fast, i got nth to hold on to.
perhaps that's why i am constantly in a bad mood.
feel sux every single day and it's a background niggling feeling.
maybe it's the weather at play too.
hmm, in pleasing others do i seek to please myself?
i can't understand anything suddenly.
please don't make me do a freudian analysis.
today was an alright day i suppose, in terms of events.
work, getting lost while looking for the new office, late, paint smell, choking feeling, after unpacking comp nth to do, makan at queensway area, ice cream at ikea, gameshop no more ps2 game, disappointed, took bus to tpy, impulsively decided to go yishun gameshop, bought 3 games on impulse, went esprit at yishun, stoned there 1hr+ hours trying on clothes, spent 60 bucks on jeans and a long sleeve top, went city hall, had to wait for 1hr for them to come, fuck i nearly lost my temper there and then, ira ira shiteiru, thank goodness i'm calm, watched them have yami yogurt, tried clothes for fun, sigh people don't believe when i say i cannot wear this cut or that is too small for me, believe me, i know my body better than you know mine, DOH, went durian see harmonica, went home, feet painful, ate like a pig when i got home, played audi, now i am here.
self gratification.
how does one attain it?
so many ways.
one of which is making people happy.
through that, can i truly make myself happy?
isn't it like 2nd hand smoke?
derivation of pleasure thru others?
or is it simply using others to attain self fulfilment?
man.
then isn't everyone everyone else's whore?
sheesh.
but i don't mind being a whore of happiness.
sex me up with a smile yea.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:12:00 AM
yeah i'm lazy i admit. so i shall just post pix that came from my trusty nokia 5300 $18 phone wahahaha. not bad sia can even take recce pix --" 1.3MP cam not bad not bad. ROARZ. and the music player is quite power. hohoho.
so i was packing my table and it's messy. so sue me. btw that was lychee ice blended bubble tea =P it's gd XD SIGH NO MORE BUBBLE TEA TOMORROW IN NEW OFFICE OH NOES T_T
woots my name on a box! inside there's me =X wahahhaha so who is taking the pic? =O
last look at the company logo at reception.
goodbye old office! T_T hello to new office on monday with paint smell X_X
boliao zilian pic with incorrect framing (see i cut off my chin) at lift lobby. ho hum.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:00:00 AM
off to bed.
goodnight.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 5:06:00 AMdith u fker.
suddenly bad mood overtakes u then u give everyone cb attitude is that it?
u reli sark. pls bang wall die.
ask urself.
are u irritated with urself or with ppl?
pls make up ur mind.
u noe deep inside who u are irritated with.
i suppose u are more irritated with urself for feeling irritated, no?
u always feel like that.
pls bang wall and die AGAIN.
i suppose i noe the ans la?
but i dun wan to say here.
well that's ok and not ok.
if u dun wan to admit then how do u come to terms with ur bad mood and how can u get rid of it?
u stupid shit dith.
HAH.
i can't reli explain my irritation oso lar.
but i think i noe what's causing it.
not just one factor but a few.
shall not talk abt it here.
bb all.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 3:35:00 AM
hohoho i caught potc3 today. but LOL it's nearly 3 hrs. so if you catch a 1030pm show like i did today, be prepared to reach home 2am. wahahahaa.
shan't review it because i know many haven't watched it. but will give it 4 out of 5. cinematography of course top notch. rocks. story. ahem. LOL "welcome to singapore" zomg sarK. kept laughing -.-
where have i been the past few days huh. packing stuff in office, eating swensen's ice cream after work, watched a movie, slept super early at 12+am, had my shoot cancelled on fri morning 7am, went to sls to see a friend blow 1.7+k on a new cpu, ate carl's jr, got a ride from a new friend home after potc3, squeezed with 3 guys in the back.
got much stuff to think about, but don't wanna blog about it.
maybe later will post up some pix i took, see mood.
kay oyasu.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 4:35:00 AM
FUCK NEH NEH
cleaning ear halfway i dropped the backing into the DRAIN!!!!!!!!!!
walaooooooooooooooooo
now using another earring's backing but i think tml it's time to go shopping for a new stud.
-.-
FUCKKKK SO CARELESS
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:29:00 AM
just when i was feeling so sian that work is gonna be piling up this week, i just remembered this fri going to watch Pirates with vin, anto, bao and two more of his friends. haha.
oh ya and i finished my report. whee.
freak office still got bad ventilation, my cough is still making an appearance and i'm bloody tired and the weather is fucking hot.
went to Manhattan Fish Market in Central Mall today for lunch. company lunch. woots free lunch. unbarred eating. gawd now i'm still so full. tomorrow got karaoke after work but i can't sing -_- wah quite waste money bah?
and i'm fucking irritated because activeboard won't let me login from home. but i already logged out from work what. LIEWWWWW..
sigh sigh
tomorrow must make phonecalls
borrow cam go recce
zzzzzzz
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 8:18:00 PM
waD?
i'm still loyal okAY. dunno why but having a strange phone in my hands feels funny, and i can just anyhow sms. anyway what is an sms? just some text on a screen.
you're my game friend only. people like to role play in real life too omg? even ed they all trying to role play it in real life when we all met for the first time (except for ed, the rest i nv meet before). don't say things like, oh, your audi dar, let them talk, help her leh, etc etc.
HAR HAR HARH ARHHHH SHSSHDH SHDKSHF DKSHFKSF SKHFKSNFKS
please lar.
then the poor guy also like to role play? omg la. you guys! audi is a corrupted game sia. what with all the chancing and couple mode and wedding party. LOL!!!!! teh ebilness of fake rships.
don't anyhow call people dar in game pls.
i won't anyhow call people nice names in game either.
feels weird.
i'm a person who says what i mean, and i mean what i say when i say it.
(well, 2nd part not set in stone. HAHAHA)
so, i said before. if you don't play in a game, then what else is there to do? play loR. if you decide to bring it to real life. fine. I PLAY ALSO LOR.
siao liao, and i was complaining how flirt people are in game.
but i admitted too that i am, because i believe that everyone at any point in time, especially in audi, has flirted with another willing party. HAHAHAHARH
i only have one person i call "dear", through sms, through game and through msn.
perhaps if we meet again, in real life too.
and you, whom i spent like 17k Den of audi game money to break up with, because i simply like to remain single in game, if you want to carry on in real life, fine.
you want to play a game, i qie you. i play with you.
don't say i never warn you.
what? i might like him too? don't say so soon?
my dear blog readers, i like guys with a mind of high calibre, of profound understanding, of linguistic ability, of wit. those who like the pursuit of books and all things quirky. i love a colorful imagination, unpredictable and incredibly bent out of shape, with weird interpretations and dreamscapes.
if you can find someone better than the one who stays so far away, then say. =P
kay, terribly hot night.
imma play some audi then SLEEP.
zomg work tomorrow.
tis week 21! HUR HUR HUR.
***thEndisNear***
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:43:00 AM
the first person to take up residence in my new hp in the form of a morning sms at 7+am. jitsuwa, i'm happy ne. =)
maa kokoro ni irun kana? ^o^
after replying i went back to sleep and then woke up again quite early, pommed, did jap hw and stuff. went for jap lesson etc. just that i haven't touched my report at all today. sighYAz. neBerMind. i do report in office tomorrow.
ho hum.
<3
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 8:32:00 PM
AHHHHH GOMEN i just changed a new phone. i've left everyone behind in my old one. but the old one is still with me. <3 kaasan for helping me go paragon reserve n get the red phone ne! and for paying the $18 for me. ahhh my lovely $100 m1 voucher has been used to buy a $118 red phone sia. 5300 my new love. how long will i love this phone. maybe i'll buy a pouch for it na. it's too cute to anyhow throw and too big to fit in my pocket ne. wahahhahaa.
AHHHHHH gomen kaze i left all ur stuff in my phone demo if i put in a sim card into the old phone i can see back evthing. ahhhhhhhhhhhh gomen D i left ur NUMBER in my old phone LOL. later i think i borrow someone's sim card n transfer all the numbers to my new phone ne. no more worries of leaving anyone behind kamo. my new phone can connect usb ne. ahhhhhhhh no worries no worries AKAI is in this year. it's the akai season. today is akai day. red day sia. why?
ne. mafan obasan wa kyou kita. shinde kure. and keep playing 4k chance in aud. and my red phone. okay i think nothing le. perhaps the ribena i drank just now and the tomatoes i ate? no that's trying too hard to match with the theme ne.
lubu lubu lubu mo akai kamo.
i'm well well well i feel so much better now after being sick for so many stupid days. AHHHHHHHHHH unwell for so long and then the fever came and disrupted my working life. But i kept SLEEPING and RENEWED. AHHHHHH RENEWED MINUS NEWE is RED NE. MO AKAI JI neeeee.
i think i'm too high for my own sake. ho hum.
YAH. slp too much when ill is like that. sudd recover feel so happy wanna go out and DO THINGS demo. baka na obasan. pls gnd ne. xie xie.
new chapter in my life kamo.
instead of green things this season, imma go n buy red things to match my phone sia.
WAHAHAHAHHAHAAAHHAA.
takeachancetakeachancetakeaCHANCE on mE
if you change your mind
i'll be first in line
so take a chance, take a chance on me~
ahh. abba.
the song suddenly in my head.
too much chancing in audi.
RED!!!!!!!
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 11:24:00 PM
i just woke up from a beautifully horrific dream that i probably can't do any justice to, for it fails me to encapsulate all those dream images into something as plain as words. and it might seem garbled, because the dreamscape is such, but that's what makes a dream more beautiful and more horrific.
-~*~-
as it all began, i was a disciple in training. we used to train in the woods, or in our classrooms, just about anywhere. first job skills. you all know it. basic stuff. and then you can choose your class. we were in a school of magic, but you could choose to be sub-classes. i chose to be a ranger-mage-healer.
it happened when i saw the firemane / firebane in the forest where we trained. and i was there alone. it was splendid, a horse of fire. roaring neighs of fire. it was a force to be reckoned with, a galeforce of burning flame galloping. yet, substanceless as it was, you could feel the sheer heat when one galloped past you.
but to transform into it?
a level 12 wisdom skill.
but they do say, evil grows with wisdom. and such, a level 8 red skill is also attained.
we were still Habits in training. and everyone was saying how being a mage is wonderful, you can cast spells or heal people and transform into anything you like. but i merely smiled my secret smile and said, 'but you can't transform into something without substance right?'
and they were all perplexed.
the firemane in my mind whinnied. rearing to be let out.
i continued, 'a Ranger can form a pact with a Summon like a firebane to transform into it when the Ranger so wishes. i am going to be a Ranger-Mage.'
and they were all dumbfounded, like why didn't they think of that earlier before hastily deciding on their job path?
and it was also long ago that we were playing in the forest with some Seniors who had already advanced in their jobs. they liked to pick on me because i was the youngest and seemingly the weakest. but i had been receiving secret magic training from Merlin (who was a lego figurine?!?!) and an underground Wizard turned Ninja of the Dark Arts who was a refugee.
oooo powerful magic was brewing.
so they were trying to scare me but i saw it coming. i did the trick i had perfected while playing hide and seek with merlin. i POOFed there and then while bearing a frightened expression at the boy who had come charging at me. and then they all got worried and tried looking for me in the bushes, in the woods, in the moor.
at that moment they turned into mmorpg characters and i could see their nicks on top of them in white text on a gray highlight. what the o_o"
anyway, merlin turned up shortly after. and i conveniently reappeared under his robes and popped out at them. he patted my head fondly and told them it was a trick i was very good at and he himself didn't quite know how i had gotten the knack of it.
to Multitask in a way. instead of chanting the spell, i do something else while thinking of the chant and then the magic is cast without my chanting betraying what i am doing. SilentCasting.
i grinned. a very self-satisfied SlapHerBitch kind of grin. i had willed myself into the bushes when i had seen that Senior come charging at me. hurhurhur.
and then i had a knack of curing things, like plants and small animals. when i walked by the Nursery i liked to help out with the healing. the Botanists appreciated my help and would give me potted plants of my own to grow.
Ahh. The past. innocent. Cute.
The me now was Hermione (!?!??!! suddenly become Harry Potter dream.) all grown up. i was sitting in the Training Balcony. that to increase Wisdom (and Evil). most people stopped at level 8 because that's where the max magic was. but i was a Ranger-Mage, and i needed level 12 to attain my Pact with Firebane skill.
i was sitting in my Training Balcony, eyes closed, shutting off the nonsensical conversations around me. yet i could see and hear everything. although my eyes were closed. (dreaming is done in 3rd person, dith.....)
I was on a Tier on the Hogwart's Wall. my Tier. and i was focusing, concentrating.
the incessant babble continued. and then Hermione's Balcony Tier LED lights for level 8 Wisdom lit up. DING. it turned green. level 8 was achieved. and then DING. 9. DIng. 10. DING. 11. (and the Red levels were slowly rising too. DING 12.
and Hermione's Balcony Tier began to rise up the wall.
like an old creaky lift, unused to moving, it ascended. as did the Tier of Red. level 8 Evil.
and Hermione opened her eyes, elevated from the incessant babble. and she could see nothing, except for past Hogwart's scholars who had achieved beyond level 12, they were pinned to the spot their Tier had once been.
AND THEY ALL STARED AT HER.
ghosts. all of them.
STARING.
Hermione stared back. she had come this far. she was not afraid.
but their stares were not of malevolence. they were warning her, pleading her to stop.
because.
they all came this far and the Evil caused them to die.
Hermione looked at the whole stretched of those who had surpassed level 12.
she looked at the spot where Harry had occupied, when he had given his life to fight evil.
Level 6. and this Tier was down below, dusty and cracked.
Hagrid. who had done many great and good things.
CRACKED tier. SPIDERWEBBED.
all the Heroic Ancestors.
UGLY tiers.
CRACKED. SPIDERWEBBED.
BROKEN.
DUSTY.
and she looked above.
all those beyond level 12.
in the Tiers of 15 and beyond.
all hanging there.
some empty, meaning they were still alive.
she daren't look at Voldemort's...
hanging on an LED light......
horrific silent screams. twisted. turning....
and then when she opened her eyes, she had just stepped off her Tier and people were congratulating her for having attained her Ranger skill. and she smiled.
but things started going wrong.
when she healed, the magic wouldn't stop.
it would also backfire. and the thing she cast Heal on would eventually be zapped and would FRY.
but when she wanted to DESTROY,
she could.
and it frustrated her.
was this Evil's doing?
having attained level 12 Wisdom green magic and level 8 Evil red magic?
and then while she was still puzzling it out, the dreamer kept being disturbed by mom about noodles and breakfast, so it turned into a dream about a purple satin ribbon being exchanged between Hermione and an old Wizard. his gnarled hands...
and he told her to keep the magic safe there.
and to write the dream inside so she wouldn't forget it.
but i know i'll forget the dream so i'm writing it here because i think it's quite a good idea for a sequel of harry potter. LoL.
*faint*
okay time to do PI report n makan. cheerios.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:19:00 PM
naze da. kayoubi kara ima mo byouki ga aru. netsu mo agatta, oroshita suru. nani mo omoenai zo. nani mo kangaerarenai zo. chotto gakkari shita. mata ge-mu no sei da. itsumo yo.
dare? hontou? tte nani? kimochi wa nante? yarukoto? atashi mo wakannai. ima no atashi wa anata ga itsumo inai koto mou nareta. feels ok de yo ne.
yaru koto ne...
tanoshii ne. suki da yo. w
ge-mu ni mochiron yaru ne. w
moshi yaranakereba, tanoshikunai to omou?
hehehehe.
ge-mu to ienai mo. hehehe.
yuube wa D to hanashite ita. maa tanoshikatta.
D wa totemo suki daga, tomodachi no you dake da.
koibito wa dekinain. w
ha-i~
ima beddo e modotta.
maa netsu mo modotta. w
zzzzzzzzzzzzz
netsu agaru... KIETE KURE.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 3:43:00 AM
i hate falling sick!
i hate tossing and turning in bed with a headache and feverish sleep.
okie gonna pom den go see doc le.
sigh i forsee i'll fall sick again soon, what with the office shifting and the aircon uninstalled and the stuffy-ness and the leftover smoke smell in the office, the lack of ventilation and the big fans blowing at me. ugh...
how to do work like that?!?!?!!
argh......
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:05:00 PM
kyou shigoto wa nani mo atta. ichi nichi jyuu kaisha ni nani mo shiteinai zo. totemo tsumaranai. kimochi mo kibun mo warukatta. douyatte ikiteiru ka.
ne, ea- kon mo keshite, kaisha kara atarashii kaisha made totte tsurete ikareta. totemo stuffy no ganji ga aru. maa, hoka no kaishain mo tabako o sutta, atashi wa totemo totemo kibun ga warukatta kimochi ga atta. ugh.
ima mo hana dashi, nodo ga totemo uncomfortable da. haiz. kono chotto byouki no kimochi ga daikirain da. hmm. shigoto ga owatte kara, atashi wa totsuzen atarashii audi no tomodachi ni atta. ano otoko mo atta. haha. nani mo hanasenai =X
haiz.
motto motto fukusatsu ni naru. kono hito, ano hito, sono hito mo... bleh. audi dake ja nain mo. hmm, ima fukai yume ni hairitai. maa oyasu. baibai mata ashita~
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:23:00 AM
yet another morning filled with weird dreams of familiar faces and people and situations. wonder if my dreams are food of the chaos from my turmoiled mind or twisted thoughts. whatever the case, the dreams that visited me this morning (and thus making me an additional half hour late for work) were yet another episodic trailer of my mind's eye.
and so. i was at home, visiting this person. and she kept demanding that she didn't want to go out, but if she had to, she would choose the mental institute. hysterically insistent. there was a big board like that you see before the expressway with red numbers in LED. and the options were 3 different places. one of which was a mental institute.
but somehow after talking to her some, she calmed down and i realised that it was just a facade in front of her doctor. when the doctor left, she had visibly calmed down and became a totally different person altogether. she said we had to escape, and then i asked her if she really wanted to go to the mental hospital, even if for a day, for show. after much hesistation, she nodded and i wheeled her in her wheelchair.
and then there was this frightening feeling that something would get us, come back to kill us. she said she would meet me at the train platform and take mrt away together. but why huh the mrt station is like those railway station type. with a very low roof and no barricades nor signs. i found it so hard to find the sign for South bound or North bound.
i ran onto the tracks, which were just laid on the grassy patch. grassy patch of dried grass. confusing tracks. and i had to wait for trains to pass before running across. yeah no barricades. saw a lot of people waiting at the line, so much so that they spilled out onto the tracks.
as a result, when the train came, it had to stop and the people had to be asked to move back. a little boy with a loud voice shouted for all to sit and stand back. so the train slowly moved forward and we got on.
somehow when i called benben he told me he was on his way to town too. at that moment i was at cityhall, but what a different cityhall it was. i told you right? about the railway-esque mrt station and non-barricaded tracks and a low ceiling-ed station on dry grass. it's like those country areas with a station there. so quaint. i like.
ya and then i met him. he was wearing an olive green pullover. similar color to my jacket that i'm wearing now. hmm. his pullover had a hood and pockets. actually it looks like the one pu zhexiu wears in foxy lady. lolllllll. yea i watched that last night.
ben said he would be going to town to buy a present for dunno who. think his gf or mom or what. somehow we got separated in the train. i forgot why. anyway it was a very spacious train. more modern than our current mrt system. dunno why so weird one. the station so old fashioned, the train itself so mod. haha. dreams. they aren't supposed to be logical right?
later called ben to ask him where he was stopping. haha. really, it was dbg he was getting off. but before i could get off, my mom woke me up and said.
EH. 930 ALREADY!
zomg late for work. imagine i bathed in 20min today. hohoho. i rocks.
shouldn't have played audition and chatted on phone until so late last night. sighs.
why is it so interesting to watch the drama of my own life like a stranger looking at a television set?
why is it so easy to do so?
i live out my life in 3rd person
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 11:56:00 AM
oh ya. forgot to mention on sat i caught phantom of the opera, aka phantom of the orjian, orluak, orbisai, oven, orlulu, orbakak.
okok. enuf with the lame O's.
anyway phantom was good. =D but i am not raving about it because i dunno why also. it's nice but not soul-consuming nice. which was sad. initially felt Christine sang off beat. but then gradually she went back to the tempo. of cos the phantom was good. the last scene was the best. that was the best bit. before the intermission was so-so. after the intermission it really picked up.
i sat beside 2 japanese ladies. hahaha. they kept chattering but i failed to hear much and i only picked out words like ookii (big). and dunno what. lol.
after that i went to bunk to meet wen and ki came shortly after. played some audi. then went old airport rd to meet vin and den. ate spag. okie i dun like the bacon n sausage. but still i think it's not bad for its price, which is $4. i still prefer pasta mania. hmm but i will go back and try their other bases like tomato or olive garlic panfried pasta. yeah. but no more sausage and bacon. altho the cream base is not bad. but could have done with more cheese, more herbs. good that they used linguine. my fave pasta noodles. hehe.
later took bus to this coffee place in katong. but waiting for vin's bro. so we went parkway parade arcade. then D took so long with kof. hmm but he not bad. but i think cat is better. think one day i shd ask cat n D to challenge.
chotto kowai kimochi. sometimes. kangaeteiru koto wa nantte? naze sonna ni shiteiruno? hen da yo.
later wen n ki came katong to join us. haiz zannen the place close so early. i still nv eat thr before. actually supposed to go today demo since they went ytd they dun wan to go le. and today mothers' day also. will b crowded. and i didn't get to drink the coffee at black canyon either. =(
later stayed out with ki n wen. chatted until 130am ba. wen went home first. den i had to go when my dad smsed me and said "it's getting late. it's time you should make your way home". LOL!!!!!!!
cracks me up each time. hehe.
and ever since that night the roach came to attack me, i have had no word from kaze. but nvm la. dad scared me with a tale of a guy surrounded by 7 guys in JB and had 150 RM extorted from him in broad daylight in a public place. eek.
hmm garang roach, shy roach. garang roach was scary. it flew at me with a vengeance. freak. and so big somemore. shy roach i walk near it then it hid under the boxes. think shy roach quite caring. i came home late on sat. 2am. it peeked out from under the fan there to see if i was home safely, then 230 it came out to see if i was going to bed. bleh.
hate kazua.
reminds me of 28 weeks later, kazua style. this one is 28 min later, kazua come out look at me. RAWR.
ar. sudd vin msned me "dear ditha, i finished d/l pans lol"
wahahaha!!!!!
NEW MOVIE.
woots.
k i play aud. bb.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 8:50:00 PM
oh ya. forgot to mention on sat i caught phantom of the opera, aka phantom of the orjian, orluak, orbisai, oven, orlulu, orbakak.
okok. enuf with the lame O's.
anyway phantom was good. =D but i am not raving about it because i dunno why also. it's nice but not soul-consuming nice. which was sad. initially felt Christine sang off beat. but then gradually she went back to the tempo. of cos the phantom was good. the last scene was the best. that was the best bit. before the intermission was so-so. after the intermission it really picked up.
i sat beside 2 japanese ladies. hahaha. they kept chattering but i failed to hear much and i only picked out words like ookii (big). and dunno what. lol.
after that i went to bunk to meet wen. played some audi. then went old airport rd to meet vin and den. ate spag. okie i dun like the bacon n sausage. but still i think it's not bad for its price, which is $4. i still prefer pasta mania. hmm but i will go back and try their other bases like tomato or olive garlic panfried pasta. yeah. but no more sausage and bacon. altho the cream base is not bad. but could have done with more cheese, more herbs. good that they used linguine. my fave pasta noodles. hehe.
later took bus to this coffee place in katong. but waiting for vin's bro. so we went parkway parade arcade. then D took so long with kof. hmm but he not bad. but i think cat is better. think one day i shd ask cat n D to challenge.
chotto kowai kimochi. sometimes. kangaeteiru koto wa nantte? naze sonna ni shiteiruno? hen da yo.
ever since that night the roach came to attack me, i have had no word from kaze. but nvm la. dad scared me with a tale of a guy surrounded by 7 guys in JB and had 150 RM extorted from him in broad daylight in a public place. eek.
hmm garang roach, shy roach. garang roach was scary. it flew at me with a vengeance. freak. and so big somemore. shy roach i walk near it then it hid under the boxes. think shy roach quite caring. i came home late on sat. 2am. it peeked out from under the fan there to see if i was home safely, then 230 it came out to see if i was going to bed. bleh.
hate kazua.
reminds me of 28 weeks later, kazua style. this one is 28 min later, kazua come out look at me. RAWR.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 8:37:00 PM
this morning i was having some dream. i dreamt this guy friend of mine was with this indian girl but then she suddenly went missing. then we were standing at some L shaped table, shell pink, reminiscent of the desks in offices and staffrooms and hospitals. and he was like, nooo.. why don't she like me? i'm not racist... even though she's not chinese it's still love..
wahahha. weird dream.
then i had a phonecall so i woke up i think. can't rmb dream first or phonecall first. i picked it up then this weird voice on the other end of the line asked me.
Me: Hello.
Voice: Hello, do you want to be my friend?
Me: Who are you?
Voice: eh.. eh...
Me: *kup*
wahahhaa. siang lai. scary. and no i wasn't dreaming. i can show you the caller's number. sounded like an indian guy or something. but accent not very strong. i also dunno is what. and like his english not good because he dunno how to phrase what he want to say.
LOL!!!!!!!!!
and then i had japanese lesson and then had dinner with mom n sis at sakae because ichiban boshi too many people. woots. jump on the bandwagon. mothers' day flood. hehe. of cos me and sis paid. haha.
and i still feel guilty, maybe i should disappear
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 8:27:00 PM
i think i frightened off everyone from my blog alr.
nvm i'm still alive n kicking =D
wheeeee.
half day tml n den sat gg to see PotO.
=)
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:40:00 AM
i burn with the rage of one consumed by hate.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 9:23:00 PM
i burn with the rage of one consumed by hate.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 9:23:00 PM
this is what i forgot to mention about the previous dream.
the two people who got shot i think, either that or is the praying guy and one head honcho, because the plane ticket (which of course i booked and i kept with me) was Qantas airlines, seat 1 and 2 but different wing (different wing!?!? -_-) very coincidential. but one is TO and one is FROM. weird. i also blur. dunno what meaning it held. just rmbed shuffling the tickets in my hands (yah. CU hands with tickets) before i woke up, contemplating the meaning of my 'job'. hmm. (imagine, run a VO over or contemplative music).
alright.
hope i didn't leave out anything else.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:04:00 AM
i'm freaking groggy right now. but i had better blog because i just woke up from my dream and i better blog before i forget about it.
so. it was a terrorist dream. happening in some random terrorist country. you know the kind with the sheesha smoking balconies and the terraces and the masked men who pop their bodies open for you, and the shooters with clips, don't care fake or what, and the rich guys with big bellies smoking sheesha upon the said terraces and balconies.
there were about 2 or 3 attacks. i can't remember much of what happened in the first one. just that the warning went wrong. i think it was meant to not be a warning and be more of a turning against your own kind i suppose. either that or the person gabra do wrong thing. do stunt, try to be hero. lololz.
weird tho. i was running about filming the whole thing and trying to coordinate the whole thing (like a true-blue PRODUCER) and i didn't even get one clip up my ass. LOL.
hmm. i also dreamt about magic and sorcery. like dunno who in this cave knew this ancient magic and incantations and weird powders and spells. it was somewhat related to the terrorist incident. portends and potions. actually i can't rmb already.
so the first time many people got shot. (but i have no idea why it wasn't mentioned how many people died. LOL) later i can still happily seek out the head honchos on the balconies. yeah they were walking about socializing and drinking wine with fellow businessmen with equally big bellies.
funny though. a blur head honcho approached me about the mineral water. yeah it was mineral water. one for 10 cents in the vending machine. and it was something like miniature bearbrick. i remember that because i was with someone and he or she muttered something like "bearbear" and i kept correcting the person, no no, it's "bearbrick". corrected until got irritated. wtf is bearbrick doing in a dream so far removed from its country. tis weird.
anyway i was freaking thirsty. i bought a bottle. later bumped into this south african. he asked me if i could help him buy somemore. i said sure, how many? he said 9. he looked freaking hot and thirsty altho we were in the shade of the compound. i said 9 huh. we had both better go. my hands can't carry all. you have plastic bag i suppose? and he nodded and i saw it was those kind of red plastic bag. ya not the orange one la, the darker red one you usually get when you dabao stuff from shop. ya. it was 2 plastic bags, tied up, inside got i think remnants of what used to be a styrofoam box tabaoed lunch. suspected chap chye peng. lololz.
the freaking thirsty thing hor. is true. because i am freaking thirsty now.
dreams are a reflection of your current mental or physical state i suppose.
while walking with him, i bumped into one head honcho. he helped me locate the other one who was sipping wine at a table on my right, ontop a raised platform behind a white carved rail.
we were walking and then suddenly the thing sprung into motion. i forgot how and what happened, but i was hiding behind some stairs but i could get the view of closed glass door and the small flight of steps connecting this enclosed room to the outside sheesha and balconies. basically where i had come from. and then behind me it was some room i suppose. i can't remember. think back facing them. but main action was happening there. the ringleaders ran there and the door was closed. i thought it would be like the last time where many people died because of misfiring and false signals.
so i saw the masked guys raise their guns to fire. i really thought they were gonna kill some people. but they pointed their rifles down and shot outside the glass door and the bullets ricocheted off the white marble polished stairs just outside the glass door. weird. no scratches at all. hmm just a warning spray of clips, not even bullets. to keep the people running toward the glass door out. and buy the ringleaders time to run to get their stuff done i suppose?
afterall, i was only a PRODUCER, and in cases like these, HOW TO DIRECT sia? i wasn't taught anything about filming terrorism documentaries leh.
later the real firing came. but it was already planned very meticulously. only those who were supposed to die and/or get hurt did. 2 people in total. yah i planned this very properly in comparison to the first one, where there were many casualties. how did i do it? let me explain what my dream explained what i had done.
you know sometimes a documentary about this thing that happens, usually an event or contest i suppose, has pre-packaged segments were you see VTs with the people involved in the event or ongoings prior to the event? but usually applies to events like contests and stuff leh. this was a freaking TERRORIST movement LOL.
no one plans a terrorist movement with VTs of the victims. how? you tell the person, okay you're gonna die right? i need to do a story about you, like follow you about 1 day of your daily life or how you are before you die.
HOW DO YOU TELL SOMEONE,
hey you gotta die or get shot.
let me do a VT on you for my docu on terrorism. LOL!!!!!!!!
i woke up pondering that detail. wacked up and screwed up like LOL!!!!! i woke up, because my sis woke me up and asked me to use the comp. ya i had a nap just now, freaking tired and was in somewhat of a bad mood. so i woke up and asked my sis, isn't it weird? you know usually docus got these clips of the people involved, how do you do one on terrorism with those clips of people involved? what do you tell them? LOL!
i guess i've been thinking of work too much unconciously. hohum. until i dream i am dispatched to do a terrorism docu and i need to organize it also. -_- aren't i, then, counted as part of the team? LOL!
anyway the two people who died/got wounded was this guy who was kneeling and praying at the time of the shooting. we called him the guy praying for kidney failure, and we selected him because he was already a goner sooner or later and that he was praying in some sand when he died. and the other one i forgot what. think a bank of sand got shot. that was to avoid more casualties? actually i can't rmb already.
and while i was thinking how their VTs were constructed, i got ricocheted back to reality. but damn groggy, because woken up in the middle of a dream la. still feel half here half there.
producer in dream also must plan this thing la. maybe my brain is mocking my job. hAHAHA! or questioning it. or likening some things to this. perhaps because of what is involved. nice brain. nice work. love the sheesha touting head honchos and the balconies man. hahaha. creative, vivid. altho storyline incomplete because of usual unregretable disturbances that no one can control and no way to record it on tape, but kudos brain. haven't had such a thoughtful dream in such a long time.
4.5 sheeps out of 5
you should watch it too.
think it's better than spiderman.
but it has it's cheesy bits too.
LoL gachapon bearbrick mineral water drink 10c vending machine lololol.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:32:00 AM
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 8:52:00 PM
i think i woke up at 3 or 4am. actually my gut told me it felt like 5am but couldn't be, because i felt like i had slept when i woke up, but later when i woke up at 6am, it didn't feel like i didn't sleep. bleah. so what time did i wake up? i have no idea. guessing middle, like 4am, because i slept 230am, wokeup 620am. i think should be 4am ba?
so why did i wake up hUh?
i think i woke up because i felt a twinge of pain. i can only remember that i woke up and my hand automatically reached for my earlobe. and... horror of horrors.. my earring was missing!!!!!!
shock. horror. fright.
i shot up straight in bed, but after sweeping my hand around my pillow area, i retrieved the stud and the backing. phew~ but then i had another problem: how to put it back huh? oh noes.
geh. i totally am freaked out by the process of putting stud back into ear. because the last time i took it out and put it back in, it was like november? december? 4 months+ ago. because when i tried to put it back in, i couldn't find the exit hole. my earlobe very thick. freak. so the more i couldn't find the exit hole, the more my nerves got frazzled. and then my hand was shaking and that increased the difficulty -_- damn it, am i playing jenga or something?
anyway last night i tried quite a few times also cannot poke in.
didn't want to find mirror also because later see liao harder to poke in and hand will shake. besides i was very tired, i wanted to just asap poke back in and SLEEP.
and miracles of miracles.
it went in without much pain and resistance. then i put the backing on tighter and went back to sleep. haha. feels alright la. can never get used to ear piercing. bleah.
still, it is worth a mention here. because ear piercing is a big issue to me, because i was so freaked scared yet i went to pierce my ears and then this healing of the piercing is taking me freak long. think i should wait another 6 months to a year before i can take out and wash it every day instead of just removing the backing to drop alcohol. ya. it has been 8 months+ and my ear is cmi. =X lol.
very sleepy suddenly.
had a shoot this morning. 8am. geh. quite a difficult shoot. not in terms of what we shot, but minor things like fecking annoying mrt near the house, construction work being done and such. gross. at least there was a lift landing on the floor. but every 5min the mrt would go past. and every now and then (just when we were going to interview) the construction would start, as if mocking us and playing with us. ROAR.
okie. very shag.
more boobs to be shot on saturday, this and next, and then the monday after the next saturday.
alright.
i suppose i have to start planning for my 1/2hr cupcake thingy.
XD
tiredddd.( . )( . ) (' )_( ,) ( ,)_(' )
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 9:37:00 PM
maybe i've been playing too much of audition. but i feel quite ill now. maybe i overate at the buffet courtesy of office-organized seminar leftovers. but yeah it was rather good. i miss the clam chowder with croutons and the mango mousse cake and the dory with lemon cream sauce and Oh!
but i feel feverish. lolz. and i have a shoot tomorrow and saturday. fuck i am just gonna die. actually i felt feverish since sunday. persistent creeping onset of fever. i am scared. can't fall ill! got work to do! besides the feeling of falling ill sucks sucks sucks especially fever.
okay it's porridge for you from tomorrow onwards. sianz.
no more gorging on chocs and free hotel buffet food.
geh.
no more (too) late nights and no more wild outings.
you're getting too sick and too broke to sustain a lifestyle like that.
EAT WELL SLEEP WELL LIVE WELL AND YOU'LL BE WELL.
alright alright.
i geddit.
inner voice chiding me.
fingers fueling it by typing what my inner voice is telling me.
am i a chronic sufferer of schizophrenia too?
actually it's not.
the actual term is split personality disorder.
schizophrenia is different.
lololol old psychology class lectures.
i do miss my psychology 101 tb.
OKAY 145AM
STOP LINGERING HERE LA.
boring day it was.
reached work 1hr15min late.
had meeting.
went gallery hotel for free buffet.
ate and ate and ate and ate.
went back office.
did shotlist.
did and did and did.
then stoned and stoned.
went bugis J walk and walk.
blah.
came home stoned and stoned and stoned.
then played ffxii.
giruvegan! i am in your citadel walls!
no ffxii for me tomorrow.
else gonna feel sicker.
ho hum.
KAY TIME TO SLEEP.
OYASU.
8am shoot wtfwtfwtfomgomgomg wee tah ded.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:38:00 AM
i hate the word maybe. it's a terrible word, giving false hopes.
it's the kind of word that leaves you immobile, you dunno if you should walk forward or stand still to wait.
maybe maybe maybe
it's the kind that makes you cancel your plans or put plans on hold for some distant promise.
it's a word that means 50% possiblity but almost always ends up 99% failure.
maybe maybe maybe
can i stab you to death?
stick my chopstick in and POKE your innards out?
pick out the M, A, Y, B, and E and toss them about?
dissection of a word.
well, but that was totally random. i suppose not related to anything i am feeling right now. am thinking about what May has in store for me. ayeeee May. MayBE something good, MayBE something bad? maybe maybe maybe XD
dislike the feeling that i am being made use of.
feeling violent as i type.
today narrowly avoided a disaster, but turns out i needn't have worried at all.
after all, if boss says GO AHEAD
i "go ahead".
if anyone asks, BOSS TOLD ME IT'S OKAY.
oh well.
boring day of sorts.
couldn't even speak coherently to vin on the phone.
couldn't even play ffxii properly.
no idea what i am doing.
perhaps it is time to embark on a new reading adventure!
oh and i shall try to be early to work.
2nd may.
actually it's Vesak or Wesak day.
wonder why you celebrated it today.
know zilch about neighbor's cultures and traditions.
thought it was a persistent spelling error until my good friend, google tapped me on the shoulder and told me otherwise.
maybe i should have gone out today huh.
i did say i would join my friend for dinner.
but am tired.
and only one other person was going.
and guy with lip piercing wasn't gonna be there.
neither was guy who works in comic book store.
awww.
they're entertaining guys. haha.
mind is wandering.
should think about the pile of work i have to do tomorrow.
SHEESH.
the facades we build about our real selves to appear like we're someone we're not. what are you trying to deny? because what i see and what i sense and what try to portray to me all contradict each other.
i wish i knew you better.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:14:00 AM
good la you?
what's with you?
suddenly so direct and thick skinned.
you made your friend shocked and stunned by asking a stupid question.
but i have become such a person.
i will just ask.
especially since he is the sort who is more receptive.
so i just ask.
simple. easy.
a bit regret.
because there was an awkwardness for awhile.
but because he is a receptive friend, it faded off.
but i just felt like asking.
so what's happened to me?
suddenly like that.
it's ok to do this, to do that.
there are no more awkward feelings from me.
is this growing up or a sense of numbness after being exposed to people like that and hence i am following in their footsteps?
i don't like this me.
makes me feel number than ever.
and soon i won't see things in 3rd person, but instead i will see things from behind a crowd of people.
i will just see myself as a face in the crowd.
and then gradually, i will cease to see myself altogether.
i am disappearing
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 3:29:00 AM
witch
i've steadily grown to detest work more and more.
add to the fact that i am a lowly (albeit 'SENIOR') intern who might be forced to extend internship for the sake of responsibility (fuck responsibility) of finishing up work.
i don't feel like doing anything right now, and i can't do anything either.
i go to work, and i am greeted by plaster dust, perpetual ceiling board reworking, painting, boxes strewn all over, white plaster dandruff on my table, a constant paint smell and so on and so forth.
not to mention that why didn't they do the ceiling works BEFORE we moved and why suddenly decide to change AFTER we moved? so last minute. and painting. why they suddenly just doing all the works AFTER we moved in? painting, ceiling board work, fixing glass doors, rewiring the office with power and internet.
is it so hard to fix glass doors?
please don't tell me you were so cheapskate that you RECYCLED the old glass fixtures from the old office? GAWD.
why decide to rework the ceiling the LAST minute? the fucking white plaster, ladders, and strange men with strange tools is fucking getting to me.
imagine you walk into your office and you are greeted by a lone saw in the middle of the carpeted floor.
what is this?
Saw 4?
seriously, i am beginning to see things worth mocking in this whole circus.
and why is it so hard to wire the office with lan connection and phone lines before we move in? it's not like we need anything.
you see they moved over the air conditioning from the old office, so quickly installed. the new office is FREEZING.
i get a fucking headache from inhaling toxic fumes, plaster dust, having the aircon blast at me, no proper place to go because they are doing work above my desk area and it is snowing plaster.
the bosses look at us migratory interns as if we are slacking off.
YAH RIGHT.
i couldn't shoot on the 18th because of your move.
my shoot on the 25th was postponed because talent sick.
well, i shouldn't complain if i have nothing to do.
but i am stressed about having nothing to do.
all i did today was come late to office, inhale fumes, hide in the edit suite area with a book, walk all the way to queensway alexandra mkt for lunch (btw the claypot laksa is goood), discover SY not feeling well, make our way back to office, develop headaches due to dunno what, realise a colleague is leaving because he dislikes the management (and so many before him have the same reason), sit around with an unplayed box of Taboo. go to mamashop/petrol kiosk to buy things to eat (because frankly, that's what we do best, we eat.) so later we are in edit4 eating choc, tacos, keropok and we still have headaches to go around.
then we finally cannot take it and go off.
the guys have built a fortress around their desks with boxes. on the other side, the girls have white dust all over our belongings.
i go to the fortress to hide, and then i am told if i walk a step closer, i will be shot. but i walk in anyway. fellow interns are no enemies.
altho initial plan is to go home, i end up chatting with edM about games and an impulsiveness brings us on a long journey on 855 to yishun to the gameshop.
he does remind me of ben. in some ways. his thoughts, maturity beyond his age, his emotional state and his talkativeness.
but i have accomplished some things today.
weight gain is one of them.
when will the 5 kg i shed back in the days of school and stress go away?
i ate good laksa.
i finished reading my novel.
and i have typed out this entry.
tomorrow will be a day of piracy exchange, probably a covert operation in some edit suite, in the company of friends.
definitely more renegade gossip will ricochet along the walls.
but it's fun, isn't it?
dunno why but people do believe me when i say silly things.
like how i remark that i have the hots for some girl or guy in the office.
it's cute, really.
but sometimes i get disgusted with myself for encouraging things i do not mean.
and i know what i am writing about at this point of time.
i'm watching my life in slideshow presentation from afar.
circle 3 row EE.
i am not anticipating the last remaining weeks of work.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:30:00 AM
ramble*
another post about nothing. whoohoo.
yeah totally feeling moodless, don't feel like blogging properly. too tired too.
i feel totally disconnected.
my old friends are leaving and i'm out in a new environment suddenly.
new faces, new experiences.
everything's coming at me so fast, i got nth to hold on to.
perhaps that's why i am constantly in a bad mood.
feel sux every single day and it's a background niggling feeling.
maybe it's the weather at play too.
hmm, in pleasing others do i seek to please myself?
i can't understand anything suddenly.
please don't make me do a freudian analysis.
today was an alright day i suppose, in terms of events.
work, getting lost while looking for the new office, late, paint smell, choking feeling, after unpacking comp nth to do, makan at queensway area, ice cream at ikea, gameshop no more ps2 game, disappointed, took bus to tpy, impulsively decided to go yishun gameshop, bought 3 games on impulse, went esprit at yishun, stoned there 1hr+ hours trying on clothes, spent 60 bucks on jeans and a long sleeve top, went city hall, had to wait for 1hr for them to come, fuck i nearly lost my temper there and then, ira ira shiteiru, thank goodness i'm calm, watched them have yami yogurt, tried clothes for fun, sigh people don't believe when i say i cannot wear this cut or that is too small for me, believe me, i know my body better than you know mine, DOH, went durian see harmonica, went home, feet painful, ate like a pig when i got home, played audi, now i am here.
self gratification.
how does one attain it?
so many ways.
one of which is making people happy.
through that, can i truly make myself happy?
isn't it like 2nd hand smoke?
derivation of pleasure thru others?
or is it simply using others to attain self fulfilment?
man.
then isn't everyone everyone else's whore?
sheesh.
but i don't mind being a whore of happiness.
sex me up with a smile yea.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:12:00 AM
warning: picture post
yeah i'm lazy i admit. so i shall just post pix that came from my trusty nokia 5300 $18 phone wahahaha. not bad sia can even take recce pix --" 1.3MP cam not bad not bad. ROARZ. and the music player is quite power. hohoho.
so i was packing my table and it's messy. so sue me. btw that was lychee ice blended bubble tea =P it's gd XD SIGH NO MORE BUBBLE TEA TOMORROW IN NEW OFFICE OH NOES T_T
woots my name on a box! inside there's me =X wahahhaha so who is taking the pic? =O
last look at the company logo at reception.
goodbye old office! T_T hello to new office on monday with paint smell X_X
boliao zilian pic with incorrect framing (see i cut off my chin) at lift lobby. ho hum.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:00:00 AM
well it took 1hr+ of kdrama viewing to revert to normal state -.-
off to bed.
goodnight.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 5:06:00 AM
suddenly bad mood overtakes u then u give everyone cb attitude is that it?
u reli sark. pls bang wall die.
ask urself.
are u irritated with urself or with ppl?
pls make up ur mind.
u noe deep inside who u are irritated with.
i suppose u are more irritated with urself for feeling irritated, no?
u always feel like that.
pls bang wall and die AGAIN.
i suppose i noe the ans la?
but i dun wan to say here.
well that's ok and not ok.
if u dun wan to admit then how do u come to terms with ur bad mood and how can u get rid of it?
u stupid shit dith.
HAH.
i can't reli explain my irritation oso lar.
but i think i noe what's causing it.
not just one factor but a few.
shall not talk abt it here.
bb all.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 3:35:00 AM
arr mateys!
hohoho i caught potc3 today. but LOL it's nearly 3 hrs. so if you catch a 1030pm show like i did today, be prepared to reach home 2am. wahahahaa.
shan't review it because i know many haven't watched it. but will give it 4 out of 5. cinematography of course top notch. rocks. story. ahem. LOL "welcome to singapore" zomg sarK. kept laughing -.-
where have i been the past few days huh. packing stuff in office, eating swensen's ice cream after work, watched a movie, slept super early at 12+am, had my shoot cancelled on fri morning 7am, went to sls to see a friend blow 1.7+k on a new cpu, ate carl's jr, got a ride from a new friend home after potc3, squeezed with 3 guys in the back.
got much stuff to think about, but don't wanna blog about it.
maybe later will post up some pix i took, see mood.
kay oyasu.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 4:35:00 AM
ASJFHSJFHJSHDA
FUCK NEH NEH
cleaning ear halfway i dropped the backing into the DRAIN!!!!!!!!!!
walaooooooooooooooooo
now using another earring's backing but i think tml it's time to go shopping for a new stud.
-.-
FUCKKKK SO CARELESS
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:29:00 AM
pirates are coming...
just when i was feeling so sian that work is gonna be piling up this week, i just remembered this fri going to watch Pirates with vin, anto, bao and two more of his friends. haha.
oh ya and i finished my report. whee.
freak office still got bad ventilation, my cough is still making an appearance and i'm bloody tired and the weather is fucking hot.
went to Manhattan Fish Market in Central Mall today for lunch. company lunch. woots free lunch. unbarred eating. gawd now i'm still so full. tomorrow got karaoke after work but i can't sing -_- wah quite waste money bah?
and i'm fucking irritated because activeboard won't let me login from home. but i already logged out from work what. LIEWWWWW..
sigh sigh
tomorrow must make phonecalls
borrow cam go recce
zzzzzzz
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 8:18:00 PM
chuui suru
waD?
i'm still loyal okAY. dunno why but having a strange phone in my hands feels funny, and i can just anyhow sms. anyway what is an sms? just some text on a screen.
you're my game friend only. people like to role play in real life too omg? even ed they all trying to role play it in real life when we all met for the first time (except for ed, the rest i nv meet before). don't say things like, oh, your audi dar, let them talk, help her leh, etc etc.
HAR HAR HARH ARHHHH SHSSHDH SHDKSHF DKSHFKSF SKHFKSNFKS
please lar.
then the poor guy also like to role play? omg la. you guys! audi is a corrupted game sia. what with all the chancing and couple mode and wedding party. LOL!!!!! teh ebilness of fake rships.
don't anyhow call people dar in game pls.
i won't anyhow call people nice names in game either.
feels weird.
i'm a person who says what i mean, and i mean what i say when i say it.
(well, 2nd part not set in stone. HAHAHA)
so, i said before. if you don't play in a game, then what else is there to do? play loR. if you decide to bring it to real life. fine. I PLAY ALSO LOR.
siao liao, and i was complaining how flirt people are in game.
but i admitted too that i am, because i believe that everyone at any point in time, especially in audi, has flirted with another willing party. HAHAHAHARH
i only have one person i call "dear", through sms, through game and through msn.
perhaps if we meet again, in real life too.
and you, whom i spent like 17k Den of audi game money to break up with, because i simply like to remain single in game, if you want to carry on in real life, fine.
you want to play a game, i qie you. i play with you.
don't say i never warn you.
what? i might like him too? don't say so soon?
my dear blog readers, i like guys with a mind of high calibre, of profound understanding, of linguistic ability, of wit. those who like the pursuit of books and all things quirky. i love a colorful imagination, unpredictable and incredibly bent out of shape, with weird interpretations and dreamscapes.
if you can find someone better than the one who stays so far away, then say. =P
kay, terribly hot night.
imma play some audi then SLEEP.
zomg work tomorrow.
tis week 21! HUR HUR HUR.
***thEndisNear***
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:43:00 AM
kaze wa...
the first person to take up residence in my new hp in the form of a morning sms at 7+am. jitsuwa, i'm happy ne. =)
maa kokoro ni irun kana? ^o^
after replying i went back to sleep and then woke up again quite early, pommed, did jap hw and stuff. went for jap lesson etc. just that i haven't touched my report at all today. sighYAz. neBerMind. i do report in office tomorrow.
ho hum.
<3
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 8:32:00 PM
ATARASHIIIIII AKAIIIII KIMOCHIIIII
AHHHHH GOMEN i just changed a new phone. i've left everyone behind in my old one. but the old one is still with me. <3 kaasan for helping me go paragon reserve n get the red phone ne! and for paying the $18 for me. ahhh my lovely $100 m1 voucher has been used to buy a $118 red phone sia. 5300 my new love. how long will i love this phone. maybe i'll buy a pouch for it na. it's too cute to anyhow throw and too big to fit in my pocket ne. wahahhahaa.
AHHHHHH gomen kaze i left all ur stuff in my phone demo if i put in a sim card into the old phone i can see back evthing. ahhhhhhhhhhhh gomen D i left ur NUMBER in my old phone LOL. later i think i borrow someone's sim card n transfer all the numbers to my new phone ne. no more worries of leaving anyone behind kamo. my new phone can connect usb ne. ahhhhhhhh no worries no worries AKAI is in this year. it's the akai season. today is akai day. red day sia. why?
ne. mafan obasan wa kyou kita. shinde kure. and keep playing 4k chance in aud. and my red phone. okay i think nothing le. perhaps the ribena i drank just now and the tomatoes i ate? no that's trying too hard to match with the theme ne.
lubu lubu lubu mo akai kamo.
i'm well well well i feel so much better now after being sick for so many stupid days. AHHHHHHHHHH unwell for so long and then the fever came and disrupted my working life. But i kept SLEEPING and RENEWED. AHHHHHH RENEWED MINUS NEWE is RED NE. MO AKAI JI neeeee.
i think i'm too high for my own sake. ho hum.
YAH. slp too much when ill is like that. sudd recover feel so happy wanna go out and DO THINGS demo. baka na obasan. pls gnd ne. xie xie.
new chapter in my life kamo.
instead of green things this season, imma go n buy red things to match my phone sia.
WAHAHAHAHHAHAAAHHAA.
takeachancetakeachancetakeaCHANCE on mE
if you change your mind
i'll be first in line
so take a chance, take a chance on me~
ahh. abba.
the song suddenly in my head.
too much chancing in audi.
RED!!!!!!!
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 11:24:00 PM
firebane
i just woke up from a beautifully horrific dream that i probably can't do any justice to, for it fails me to encapsulate all those dream images into something as plain as words. and it might seem garbled, because the dreamscape is such, but that's what makes a dream more beautiful and more horrific.
-~*~-
as it all began, i was a disciple in training. we used to train in the woods, or in our classrooms, just about anywhere. first job skills. you all know it. basic stuff. and then you can choose your class. we were in a school of magic, but you could choose to be sub-classes. i chose to be a ranger-mage-healer.
it happened when i saw the firemane / firebane in the forest where we trained. and i was there alone. it was splendid, a horse of fire. roaring neighs of fire. it was a force to be reckoned with, a galeforce of burning flame galloping. yet, substanceless as it was, you could feel the sheer heat when one galloped past you.
but to transform into it?
a level 12 wisdom skill.
but they do say, evil grows with wisdom. and such, a level 8 red skill is also attained.
we were still Habits in training. and everyone was saying how being a mage is wonderful, you can cast spells or heal people and transform into anything you like. but i merely smiled my secret smile and said, 'but you can't transform into something without substance right?'
and they were all perplexed.
the firemane in my mind whinnied. rearing to be let out.
i continued, 'a Ranger can form a pact with a Summon like a firebane to transform into it when the Ranger so wishes. i am going to be a Ranger-Mage.'
and they were all dumbfounded, like why didn't they think of that earlier before hastily deciding on their job path?
and it was also long ago that we were playing in the forest with some Seniors who had already advanced in their jobs. they liked to pick on me because i was the youngest and seemingly the weakest. but i had been receiving secret magic training from Merlin (who was a lego figurine?!?!) and an underground Wizard turned Ninja of the Dark Arts who was a refugee.
oooo powerful magic was brewing.
so they were trying to scare me but i saw it coming. i did the trick i had perfected while playing hide and seek with merlin. i POOFed there and then while bearing a frightened expression at the boy who had come charging at me. and then they all got worried and tried looking for me in the bushes, in the woods, in the moor.
at that moment they turned into mmorpg characters and i could see their nicks on top of them in white text on a gray highlight. what the o_o"
anyway, merlin turned up shortly after. and i conveniently reappeared under his robes and popped out at them. he patted my head fondly and told them it was a trick i was very good at and he himself didn't quite know how i had gotten the knack of it.
to Multitask in a way. instead of chanting the spell, i do something else while thinking of the chant and then the magic is cast without my chanting betraying what i am doing. SilentCasting.
i grinned. a very self-satisfied SlapHerBitch kind of grin. i had willed myself into the bushes when i had seen that Senior come charging at me. hurhurhur.
and then i had a knack of curing things, like plants and small animals. when i walked by the Nursery i liked to help out with the healing. the Botanists appreciated my help and would give me potted plants of my own to grow.
Ahh. The past. innocent. Cute.
The me now was Hermione (!?!??!! suddenly become Harry Potter dream.) all grown up. i was sitting in the Training Balcony. that to increase Wisdom (and Evil). most people stopped at level 8 because that's where the max magic was. but i was a Ranger-Mage, and i needed level 12 to attain my Pact with Firebane skill.
i was sitting in my Training Balcony, eyes closed, shutting off the nonsensical conversations around me. yet i could see and hear everything. although my eyes were closed. (dreaming is done in 3rd person, dith.....)
I was on a Tier on the Hogwart's Wall. my Tier. and i was focusing, concentrating.
the incessant babble continued. and then Hermione's Balcony Tier LED lights for level 8 Wisdom lit up. DING. it turned green. level 8 was achieved. and then DING. 9. DIng. 10. DING. 11. (and the Red levels were slowly rising too. DING 12.
and Hermione's Balcony Tier began to rise up the wall.
like an old creaky lift, unused to moving, it ascended. as did the Tier of Red. level 8 Evil.
and Hermione opened her eyes, elevated from the incessant babble. and she could see nothing, except for past Hogwart's scholars who had achieved beyond level 12, they were pinned to the spot their Tier had once been.
AND THEY ALL STARED AT HER.
ghosts. all of them.
STARING.
Hermione stared back. she had come this far. she was not afraid.
but their stares were not of malevolence. they were warning her, pleading her to stop.
because.
they all came this far and the Evil caused them to die.
Hermione looked at the whole stretched of those who had surpassed level 12.
she looked at the spot where Harry had occupied, when he had given his life to fight evil.
Level 6. and this Tier was down below, dusty and cracked.
Hagrid. who had done many great and good things.
CRACKED tier. SPIDERWEBBED.
all the Heroic Ancestors.
UGLY tiers.
CRACKED. SPIDERWEBBED.
BROKEN.
DUSTY.
and she looked above.
all those beyond level 12.
in the Tiers of 15 and beyond.
all hanging there.
some empty, meaning they were still alive.
she daren't look at Voldemort's...
hanging on an LED light......
horrific silent screams. twisted. turning....
and then when she opened her eyes, she had just stepped off her Tier and people were congratulating her for having attained her Ranger skill. and she smiled.
but things started going wrong.
when she healed, the magic wouldn't stop.
it would also backfire. and the thing she cast Heal on would eventually be zapped and would FRY.
but when she wanted to DESTROY,
she could.
and it frustrated her.
was this Evil's doing?
having attained level 12 Wisdom green magic and level 8 Evil red magic?
and then while she was still puzzling it out, the dreamer kept being disturbed by mom about noodles and breakfast, so it turned into a dream about a purple satin ribbon being exchanged between Hermione and an old Wizard. his gnarled hands...
and he told her to keep the magic safe there.
and to write the dream inside so she wouldn't forget it.
but i know i'll forget the dream so i'm writing it here because i think it's quite a good idea for a sequel of harry potter. LoL.
*faint*
okay time to do PI report n makan. cheerios.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:19:00 PM
netsu agaru
naze da. kayoubi kara ima mo byouki ga aru. netsu mo agatta, oroshita suru. nani mo omoenai zo. nani mo kangaerarenai zo. chotto gakkari shita. mata ge-mu no sei da. itsumo yo.
dare? hontou? tte nani? kimochi wa nante? yarukoto? atashi mo wakannai. ima no atashi wa anata ga itsumo inai koto mou nareta. feels ok de yo ne.
yaru koto ne...
tanoshii ne. suki da yo. w
ge-mu ni mochiron yaru ne. w
moshi yaranakereba, tanoshikunai to omou?
hehehehe.
ge-mu to ienai mo. hehehe.
yuube wa D to hanashite ita. maa tanoshikatta.
D wa totemo suki daga, tomodachi no you dake da.
koibito wa dekinain. w
ha-i~
ima beddo e modotta.
maa netsu mo modotta. w
zzzzzzzzzzzzz
netsu agaru... KIETE KURE.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 3:43:00 AM
sux.
i hate falling sick!
i hate tossing and turning in bed with a headache and feverish sleep.
okie gonna pom den go see doc le.
sigh i forsee i'll fall sick again soon, what with the office shifting and the aircon uninstalled and the stuffy-ness and the leftover smoke smell in the office, the lack of ventilation and the big fans blowing at me. ugh...
how to do work like that?!?!?!!
argh......
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:05:00 PM
maa watashita getsuyoubi
kyou shigoto wa nani mo atta. ichi nichi jyuu kaisha ni nani mo shiteinai zo. totemo tsumaranai. kimochi mo kibun mo warukatta. douyatte ikiteiru ka.
ne, ea- kon mo keshite, kaisha kara atarashii kaisha made totte tsurete ikareta. totemo stuffy no ganji ga aru. maa, hoka no kaishain mo tabako o sutta, atashi wa totemo totemo kibun ga warukatta kimochi ga atta. ugh.
ima mo hana dashi, nodo ga totemo uncomfortable da. haiz. kono chotto byouki no kimochi ga daikirain da. hmm. shigoto ga owatte kara, atashi wa totsuzen atarashii audi no tomodachi ni atta. ano otoko mo atta. haha. nani mo hanasenai =X
haiz.
motto motto fukusatsu ni naru. kono hito, ano hito, sono hito mo... bleh. audi dake ja nain mo. hmm, ima fukai yume ni hairitai. maa oyasu. baibai mata ashita~
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:23:00 AM
incandescence
yet another morning filled with weird dreams of familiar faces and people and situations. wonder if my dreams are food of the chaos from my turmoiled mind or twisted thoughts. whatever the case, the dreams that visited me this morning (and thus making me an additional half hour late for work) were yet another episodic trailer of my mind's eye.
and so. i was at home, visiting this person. and she kept demanding that she didn't want to go out, but if she had to, she would choose the mental institute. hysterically insistent. there was a big board like that you see before the expressway with red numbers in LED. and the options were 3 different places. one of which was a mental institute.
but somehow after talking to her some, she calmed down and i realised that it was just a facade in front of her doctor. when the doctor left, she had visibly calmed down and became a totally different person altogether. she said we had to escape, and then i asked her if she really wanted to go to the mental hospital, even if for a day, for show. after much hesistation, she nodded and i wheeled her in her wheelchair.
and then there was this frightening feeling that something would get us, come back to kill us. she said she would meet me at the train platform and take mrt away together. but why huh the mrt station is like those railway station type. with a very low roof and no barricades nor signs. i found it so hard to find the sign for South bound or North bound.
i ran onto the tracks, which were just laid on the grassy patch. grassy patch of dried grass. confusing tracks. and i had to wait for trains to pass before running across. yeah no barricades. saw a lot of people waiting at the line, so much so that they spilled out onto the tracks.
as a result, when the train came, it had to stop and the people had to be asked to move back. a little boy with a loud voice shouted for all to sit and stand back. so the train slowly moved forward and we got on.
somehow when i called benben he told me he was on his way to town too. at that moment i was at cityhall, but what a different cityhall it was. i told you right? about the railway-esque mrt station and non-barricaded tracks and a low ceiling-ed station on dry grass. it's like those country areas with a station there. so quaint. i like.
ya and then i met him. he was wearing an olive green pullover. similar color to my jacket that i'm wearing now. hmm. his pullover had a hood and pockets. actually it looks like the one pu zhexiu wears in foxy lady. lolllllll. yea i watched that last night.
ben said he would be going to town to buy a present for dunno who. think his gf or mom or what. somehow we got separated in the train. i forgot why. anyway it was a very spacious train. more modern than our current mrt system. dunno why so weird one. the station so old fashioned, the train itself so mod. haha. dreams. they aren't supposed to be logical right?
later called ben to ask him where he was stopping. haha. really, it was dbg he was getting off. but before i could get off, my mom woke me up and said.
EH. 930 ALREADY!
zomg late for work. imagine i bathed in 20min today. hohoho. i rocks.
shouldn't have played audition and chatted on phone until so late last night. sighs.
why is it so interesting to watch the drama of my own life like a stranger looking at a television set?
why is it so easy to do so?
i live out my life in 3rd person
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 11:56:00 AM
still comatose
oh ya. forgot to mention on sat i caught phantom of the opera, aka phantom of the orjian, orluak, orbisai, oven, orlulu, orbakak.
okok. enuf with the lame O's.
anyway phantom was good. =D but i am not raving about it because i dunno why also. it's nice but not soul-consuming nice. which was sad. initially felt Christine sang off beat. but then gradually she went back to the tempo. of cos the phantom was good. the last scene was the best. that was the best bit. before the intermission was so-so. after the intermission it really picked up.
i sat beside 2 japanese ladies. hahaha. they kept chattering but i failed to hear much and i only picked out words like ookii (big). and dunno what. lol.
after that i went to bunk to meet wen and ki came shortly after. played some audi. then went old airport rd to meet vin and den. ate spag. okie i dun like the bacon n sausage. but still i think it's not bad for its price, which is $4. i still prefer pasta mania. hmm but i will go back and try their other bases like tomato or olive garlic panfried pasta. yeah. but no more sausage and bacon. altho the cream base is not bad. but could have done with more cheese, more herbs. good that they used linguine. my fave pasta noodles. hehe.
later took bus to this coffee place in katong. but waiting for vin's bro. so we went parkway parade arcade. then D took so long with kof. hmm but he not bad. but i think cat is better. think one day i shd ask cat n D to challenge.
chotto kowai kimochi. sometimes. kangaeteiru koto wa nantte? naze sonna ni shiteiruno? hen da yo.
later wen n ki came katong to join us. haiz zannen the place close so early. i still nv eat thr before. actually supposed to go today demo since they went ytd they dun wan to go le. and today mothers' day also. will b crowded. and i didn't get to drink the coffee at black canyon either. =(
later stayed out with ki n wen. chatted until 130am ba. wen went home first. den i had to go when my dad smsed me and said "it's getting late. it's time you should make your way home". LOL!!!!!!!
cracks me up each time. hehe.
and ever since that night the roach came to attack me, i have had no word from kaze. but nvm la. dad scared me with a tale of a guy surrounded by 7 guys in JB and had 150 RM extorted from him in broad daylight in a public place. eek.
hmm garang roach, shy roach. garang roach was scary. it flew at me with a vengeance. freak. and so big somemore. shy roach i walk near it then it hid under the boxes. think shy roach quite caring. i came home late on sat. 2am. it peeked out from under the fan there to see if i was home safely, then 230 it came out to see if i was going to bed. bleh.
hate kazua.
reminds me of 28 weeks later, kazua style. this one is 28 min later, kazua come out look at me. RAWR.
ar. sudd vin msned me "dear ditha, i finished d/l pans lol"
wahahaha!!!!!
NEW MOVIE.
woots.
k i play aud. bb.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 8:50:00 PM
still comatose
oh ya. forgot to mention on sat i caught phantom of the opera, aka phantom of the orjian, orluak, orbisai, oven, orlulu, orbakak.
okok. enuf with the lame O's.
anyway phantom was good. =D but i am not raving about it because i dunno why also. it's nice but not soul-consuming nice. which was sad. initially felt Christine sang off beat. but then gradually she went back to the tempo. of cos the phantom was good. the last scene was the best. that was the best bit. before the intermission was so-so. after the intermission it really picked up.
i sat beside 2 japanese ladies. hahaha. they kept chattering but i failed to hear much and i only picked out words like ookii (big). and dunno what. lol.
after that i went to bunk to meet wen. played some audi. then went old airport rd to meet vin and den. ate spag. okie i dun like the bacon n sausage. but still i think it's not bad for its price, which is $4. i still prefer pasta mania. hmm but i will go back and try their other bases like tomato or olive garlic panfried pasta. yeah. but no more sausage and bacon. altho the cream base is not bad. but could have done with more cheese, more herbs. good that they used linguine. my fave pasta noodles. hehe.
later took bus to this coffee place in katong. but waiting for vin's bro. so we went parkway parade arcade. then D took so long with kof. hmm but he not bad. but i think cat is better. think one day i shd ask cat n D to challenge.
chotto kowai kimochi. sometimes. kangaeteiru koto wa nantte? naze sonna ni shiteiruno? hen da yo.
ever since that night the roach came to attack me, i have had no word from kaze. but nvm la. dad scared me with a tale of a guy surrounded by 7 guys in JB and had 150 RM extorted from him in broad daylight in a public place. eek.
hmm garang roach, shy roach. garang roach was scary. it flew at me with a vengeance. freak. and so big somemore. shy roach i walk near it then it hid under the boxes. think shy roach quite caring. i came home late on sat. 2am. it peeked out from under the fan there to see if i was home safely, then 230 it came out to see if i was going to bed. bleh.
hate kazua.
reminds me of 28 weeks later, kazua style. this one is 28 min later, kazua come out look at me. RAWR.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 8:37:00 PM
comatose
this morning i was having some dream. i dreamt this guy friend of mine was with this indian girl but then she suddenly went missing. then we were standing at some L shaped table, shell pink, reminiscent of the desks in offices and staffrooms and hospitals. and he was like, nooo.. why don't she like me? i'm not racist... even though she's not chinese it's still love..
wahahha. weird dream.
then i had a phonecall so i woke up i think. can't rmb dream first or phonecall first. i picked it up then this weird voice on the other end of the line asked me.
Me: Hello.
Voice: Hello, do you want to be my friend?
Me: Who are you?
Voice: eh.. eh...
Me: *kup*
wahahhaa. siang lai. scary. and no i wasn't dreaming. i can show you the caller's number. sounded like an indian guy or something. but accent not very strong. i also dunno is what. and like his english not good because he dunno how to phrase what he want to say.
LOL!!!!!!!!!
and then i had japanese lesson and then had dinner with mom n sis at sakae because ichiban boshi too many people. woots. jump on the bandwagon. mothers' day flood. hehe. of cos me and sis paid. haha.
and i still feel guilty, maybe i should disappear
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 8:27:00 PM
waahahaha
i think i frightened off everyone from my blog alr.
nvm i'm still alive n kicking =D
wheeeee.
half day tml n den sat gg to see PotO.
=)
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:40:00 AM
fuck you.
i burn with the rage of one consumed by hate.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 9:23:00 PM
fuck you.
i burn with the rage of one consumed by hate.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 9:23:00 PM
addendum
this is what i forgot to mention about the previous dream.
the two people who got shot i think, either that or is the praying guy and one head honcho, because the plane ticket (which of course i booked and i kept with me) was Qantas airlines, seat 1 and 2 but different wing (different wing!?!? -_-) very coincidential. but one is TO and one is FROM. weird. i also blur. dunno what meaning it held. just rmbed shuffling the tickets in my hands (yah. CU hands with tickets) before i woke up, contemplating the meaning of my 'job'. hmm. (imagine, run a VO over or contemplative music).
alright.
hope i didn't leave out anything else.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:04:00 AM
fresh from the oven
i'm freaking groggy right now. but i had better blog because i just woke up from my dream and i better blog before i forget about it.
so. it was a terrorist dream. happening in some random terrorist country. you know the kind with the sheesha smoking balconies and the terraces and the masked men who pop their bodies open for you, and the shooters with clips, don't care fake or what, and the rich guys with big bellies smoking sheesha upon the said terraces and balconies.
there were about 2 or 3 attacks. i can't remember much of what happened in the first one. just that the warning went wrong. i think it was meant to not be a warning and be more of a turning against your own kind i suppose. either that or the person gabra do wrong thing. do stunt, try to be hero. lololz.
weird tho. i was running about filming the whole thing and trying to coordinate the whole thing (like a true-blue PRODUCER) and i didn't even get one clip up my ass. LOL.
hmm. i also dreamt about magic and sorcery. like dunno who in this cave knew this ancient magic and incantations and weird powders and spells. it was somewhat related to the terrorist incident. portends and potions. actually i can't rmb already.
so the first time many people got shot. (but i have no idea why it wasn't mentioned how many people died. LOL) later i can still happily seek out the head honchos on the balconies. yeah they were walking about socializing and drinking wine with fellow businessmen with equally big bellies.
funny though. a blur head honcho approached me about the mineral water. yeah it was mineral water. one for 10 cents in the vending machine. and it was something like miniature bearbrick. i remember that because i was with someone and he or she muttered something like "bearbear" and i kept correcting the person, no no, it's "bearbrick". corrected until got irritated. wtf is bearbrick doing in a dream so far removed from its country. tis weird.
anyway i was freaking thirsty. i bought a bottle. later bumped into this south african. he asked me if i could help him buy somemore. i said sure, how many? he said 9. he looked freaking hot and thirsty altho we were in the shade of the compound. i said 9 huh. we had both better go. my hands can't carry all. you have plastic bag i suppose? and he nodded and i saw it was those kind of red plastic bag. ya not the orange one la, the darker red one you usually get when you dabao stuff from shop. ya. it was 2 plastic bags, tied up, inside got i think remnants of what used to be a styrofoam box tabaoed lunch. suspected chap chye peng. lololz.
the freaking thirsty thing hor. is true. because i am freaking thirsty now.
dreams are a reflection of your current mental or physical state i suppose.
while walking with him, i bumped into one head honcho. he helped me locate the other one who was sipping wine at a table on my right, ontop a raised platform behind a white carved rail.
we were walking and then suddenly the thing sprung into motion. i forgot how and what happened, but i was hiding behind some stairs but i could get the view of closed glass door and the small flight of steps connecting this enclosed room to the outside sheesha and balconies. basically where i had come from. and then behind me it was some room i suppose. i can't remember. think back facing them. but main action was happening there. the ringleaders ran there and the door was closed. i thought it would be like the last time where many people died because of misfiring and false signals.
so i saw the masked guys raise their guns to fire. i really thought they were gonna kill some people. but they pointed their rifles down and shot outside the glass door and the bullets ricocheted off the white marble polished stairs just outside the glass door. weird. no scratches at all. hmm just a warning spray of clips, not even bullets. to keep the people running toward the glass door out. and buy the ringleaders time to run to get their stuff done i suppose?
afterall, i was only a PRODUCER, and in cases like these, HOW TO DIRECT sia? i wasn't taught anything about filming terrorism documentaries leh.
later the real firing came. but it was already planned very meticulously. only those who were supposed to die and/or get hurt did. 2 people in total. yah i planned this very properly in comparison to the first one, where there were many casualties. how did i do it? let me explain what my dream explained what i had done.
you know sometimes a documentary about this thing that happens, usually an event or contest i suppose, has pre-packaged segments were you see VTs with the people involved in the event or ongoings prior to the event? but usually applies to events like contests and stuff leh. this was a freaking TERRORIST movement LOL.
no one plans a terrorist movement with VTs of the victims. how? you tell the person, okay you're gonna die right? i need to do a story about you, like follow you about 1 day of your daily life or how you are before you die.
HOW DO YOU TELL SOMEONE,
hey you gotta die or get shot.
let me do a VT on you for my docu on terrorism. LOL!!!!!!!!
i woke up pondering that detail. wacked up and screwed up like LOL!!!!! i woke up, because my sis woke me up and asked me to use the comp. ya i had a nap just now, freaking tired and was in somewhat of a bad mood. so i woke up and asked my sis, isn't it weird? you know usually docus got these clips of the people involved, how do you do one on terrorism with those clips of people involved? what do you tell them? LOL!
i guess i've been thinking of work too much unconciously. hohum. until i dream i am dispatched to do a terrorism docu and i need to organize it also. -_- aren't i, then, counted as part of the team? LOL!
anyway the two people who died/got wounded was this guy who was kneeling and praying at the time of the shooting. we called him the guy praying for kidney failure, and we selected him because he was already a goner sooner or later and that he was praying in some sand when he died. and the other one i forgot what. think a bank of sand got shot. that was to avoid more casualties? actually i can't rmb already.
and while i was thinking how their VTs were constructed, i got ricocheted back to reality. but damn groggy, because woken up in the middle of a dream la. still feel half here half there.
producer in dream also must plan this thing la. maybe my brain is mocking my job. hAHAHA! or questioning it. or likening some things to this. perhaps because of what is involved. nice brain. nice work. love the sheesha touting head honchos and the balconies man. hahaha. creative, vivid. altho storyline incomplete because of usual unregretable disturbances that no one can control and no way to record it on tape, but kudos brain. haven't had such a thoughtful dream in such a long time.
4.5 sheeps out of 5
you should watch it too.
think it's better than spiderman.
but it has it's cheesy bits too.
LoL gachapon bearbrick mineral water drink 10c vending machine lololol.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:32:00 AM
I'm not a good friend, but I am happy that there are people out there who are willing to be my friend.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 8:52:00 PM
ringringbananaphone
i think i woke up at 3 or 4am. actually my gut told me it felt like 5am but couldn't be, because i felt like i had slept when i woke up, but later when i woke up at 6am, it didn't feel like i didn't sleep. bleah. so what time did i wake up? i have no idea. guessing middle, like 4am, because i slept 230am, wokeup 620am. i think should be 4am ba?
so why did i wake up hUh?
i think i woke up because i felt a twinge of pain. i can only remember that i woke up and my hand automatically reached for my earlobe. and... horror of horrors.. my earring was missing!!!!!!
shock. horror. fright.
i shot up straight in bed, but after sweeping my hand around my pillow area, i retrieved the stud and the backing. phew~ but then i had another problem: how to put it back huh? oh noes.
geh. i totally am freaked out by the process of putting stud back into ear. because the last time i took it out and put it back in, it was like november? december? 4 months+ ago. because when i tried to put it back in, i couldn't find the exit hole. my earlobe very thick. freak. so the more i couldn't find the exit hole, the more my nerves got frazzled. and then my hand was shaking and that increased the difficulty -_- damn it, am i playing jenga or something?
anyway last night i tried quite a few times also cannot poke in.
didn't want to find mirror also because later see liao harder to poke in and hand will shake. besides i was very tired, i wanted to just asap poke back in and SLEEP.
and miracles of miracles.
it went in without much pain and resistance. then i put the backing on tighter and went back to sleep. haha. feels alright la. can never get used to ear piercing. bleah.
still, it is worth a mention here. because ear piercing is a big issue to me, because i was so freaked scared yet i went to pierce my ears and then this healing of the piercing is taking me freak long. think i should wait another 6 months to a year before i can take out and wash it every day instead of just removing the backing to drop alcohol. ya. it has been 8 months+ and my ear is cmi. =X lol.
very sleepy suddenly.
had a shoot this morning. 8am. geh. quite a difficult shoot. not in terms of what we shot, but minor things like fecking annoying mrt near the house, construction work being done and such. gross. at least there was a lift landing on the floor. but every 5min the mrt would go past. and every now and then (just when we were going to interview) the construction would start, as if mocking us and playing with us. ROAR.
okie. very shag.
more boobs to be shot on saturday, this and next, and then the monday after the next saturday.
alright.
i suppose i have to start planning for my 1/2hr cupcake thingy.
XD
tiredddd.( . )( . ) (' )_( ,) ( ,)_(' )
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 9:37:00 PM
kibun ga warui
maybe i've been playing too much of audition. but i feel quite ill now. maybe i overate at the buffet courtesy of office-organized seminar leftovers. but yeah it was rather good. i miss the clam chowder with croutons and the mango mousse cake and the dory with lemon cream sauce and Oh!
but i feel feverish. lolz. and i have a shoot tomorrow and saturday. fuck i am just gonna die. actually i felt feverish since sunday. persistent creeping onset of fever. i am scared. can't fall ill! got work to do! besides the feeling of falling ill sucks sucks sucks especially fever.
okay it's porridge for you from tomorrow onwards. sianz.
no more gorging on chocs and free hotel buffet food.
geh.
no more (too) late nights and no more wild outings.
you're getting too sick and too broke to sustain a lifestyle like that.
EAT WELL SLEEP WELL LIVE WELL AND YOU'LL BE WELL.
alright alright.
i geddit.
inner voice chiding me.
fingers fueling it by typing what my inner voice is telling me.
am i a chronic sufferer of schizophrenia too?
actually it's not.
the actual term is split personality disorder.
schizophrenia is different.
lololol old psychology class lectures.
i do miss my psychology 101 tb.
OKAY 145AM
STOP LINGERING HERE LA.
boring day it was.
reached work 1hr15min late.
had meeting.
went gallery hotel for free buffet.
ate and ate and ate and ate.
went back office.
did shotlist.
did and did and did.
then stoned and stoned.
went bugis J walk and walk.
blah.
came home stoned and stoned and stoned.
then played ffxii.
giruvegan! i am in your citadel walls!
no ffxii for me tomorrow.
else gonna feel sicker.
ho hum.
KAY TIME TO SLEEP.
OYASU.
8am shoot wtfwtfwtfomgomgomg wee tah ded.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:38:00 AM
m a Y - bee
i hate the word maybe. it's a terrible word, giving false hopes.
it's the kind of word that leaves you immobile, you dunno if you should walk forward or stand still to wait.
maybe maybe maybe
it's the kind that makes you cancel your plans or put plans on hold for some distant promise.
it's a word that means 50% possiblity but almost always ends up 99% failure.
maybe maybe maybe
can i stab you to death?
stick my chopstick in and POKE your innards out?
pick out the M, A, Y, B, and E and toss them about?
dissection of a word.
well, but that was totally random. i suppose not related to anything i am feeling right now. am thinking about what May has in store for me. ayeeee May. MayBE something good, MayBE something bad? maybe maybe maybe XD
dislike the feeling that i am being made use of.
feeling violent as i type.
today narrowly avoided a disaster, but turns out i needn't have worried at all.
after all, if boss says GO AHEAD
i "go ahead".
if anyone asks, BOSS TOLD ME IT'S OKAY.
oh well.
boring day of sorts.
couldn't even speak coherently to vin on the phone.
couldn't even play ffxii properly.
no idea what i am doing.
perhaps it is time to embark on a new reading adventure!
oh and i shall try to be early to work.
2nd may.
actually it's Vesak or Wesak day.
wonder why you celebrated it today.
know zilch about neighbor's cultures and traditions.
thought it was a persistent spelling error until my good friend, google tapped me on the shoulder and told me otherwise.
maybe i should have gone out today huh.
i did say i would join my friend for dinner.
but am tired.
and only one other person was going.
and guy with lip piercing wasn't gonna be there.
neither was guy who works in comic book store.
awww.
they're entertaining guys. haha.
mind is wandering.
should think about the pile of work i have to do tomorrow.
SHEESH.
the facades we build about our real selves to appear like we're someone we're not. what are you trying to deny? because what i see and what i sense and what try to portray to me all contradict each other.
i wish i knew you better.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:14:00 AM
This is my blogchalk:
(.. ) ( .. ) ( ..)
`/.tagGiE~.\'
To Do List - JAN
.devote&resolve
.stevie
.jog
.plan for poison
To Do List - FEB
.3rd MUSE
.13th - 16th: HCNY
.jog
.work x3
.plan for poison
To Do List - OTHERS
.make pyong the fox for my sis (bought materials)
.clean my ps2 lens
.read more thought-provoking books
.start writing again (poetry/songs/prose)
.study philo/random theories/psychology
.study business theories
.tidy the place
.actually BUY a swimsuit
.learn how to swim
.bake
.design wall mural for room
.learn how to knit/crochet properly
.print my grad photos
HOSHII MONO
.ryokou
.phD/masters behavioural psychology
.BANANA.BANAO
.shiawase
.yasetai