Sunday, June 03, 2007

beebeeQUEUE

and so ytd was the day of my XD guild bbq. was it eventful? perhaps. but not as much as i would have liked it to be. never mind, it's best that my wild days are gone. and guys i meet nowadays are more of a cmi pattern. altho they are nice guys but there's just many things lacking. ok fine. perhaps the image i portray is that of a typical chinese speaking girl, who speaks a lot of singlish, is a bit blur and tizzy at times. sure, can talk. but there's no connection. it's empty. even if i have empty talk, i would love wacky insane creative talk, if you know what i mean. randomness that spawns randomness. like the person i was chatting to on maple last night. better not talk to him so much again. his mind is attractive. and he's attached. so better not go talk to him else i'm only looking for trouble. not enough talk with kaze, but he just smsed me this morning. hmm. last time i would wake up and reply, but now i can't do so. perhaps i'm too tired and am losing my energy to do many things i could do just 6 months ago. yeah, i'm attributing all of this exhaustion to stupid internship. lousy pay lousy lousy lousy tiring and i'm getting influenced by my pay, the sum of my worth in the company each month is compensated by my energy and hence i always end up exhausted and lethargic. perpetual jet lag perhaps, although i've never taken a plane. but maybe i 'live' in so many worlds of mine, virtual, real and imaginery, that i zone in and out in and out until i have no idea which cloud my head is stuck in. and not to mention my sleeping times are forever wonky. so that could be one of the culprits too.

oh. i was supposed to talk about the bbq and it became a rant. sheesh. i'd better get on with this because i have only 15min left before i need to shower and head for japanese class. arGh!!!! sometimes feel like quitting. too tired to go and it's weird timing and it's so hard x_x SIGH

anyway i had slept at 6am the prev night/morning. ed gave me a wake up call at 10am, and i was so freaking tired zzzz. but ok la, after 1/2hr of stoning i crawled out of bed (yeah it was a war well fought) and showered. but later on my sis commented how weird i looked. zzzzz. you say my jeans weird but i like it -.- you say my tee weird but i got nothing else to wear. change the bottoms change the tops? hello? change to what? i got nothing to wear. was damn pissed off and of course it made many dents and holes in my self esteem. wasted 45min thinking and thinking and agonizing over what was left in my cupboard to wear zzzzzz. fucking hell. i got nothing to wear. clothe this beast please. before the world goes blind. sigh sigh.
luckily dad sent me to bedok else i would have been freaking late. in the end i also wore the clothes i chose myself in the first place that my sis said was weird. aiyah fuck it la. you think i got things to wear meh? in the first place i look weird in clothes because my figure SUX do you GEDDIT?

hogawd another rant.

ya i'm in a bad mood now and there are 10mins left to blog. erGH.
anyway i wrapped up the chicken and went out, wasn't so late. just 10mins. met them, ate kfc for lunch, some people just happily living on favours but aiyah whatever la? realized many of us are just living on favors, and me too, on my parents.

WE ARE ALL LIVING ON FAVORS.

ok. so during lunch with ed, sy, mal came. haha my chicken looks like a bomb cos i wrapped until so round. so chicken bomb is ji zha dan aka ji dan aka egg? hmm. mal is funny and interesting. ed is beginning to scare me. and sy is ... she's sy? sort of watching myself in 3rd person again. perhaps from a dream, cos i was still very sleepy. and then wendy smsed me, so i asked her to come. and she did! haha =) i do like her, but she's not someone i can really connect with if you know what i mean. arghh my brain feels deprived and undernourished -.- i swear i can feel it shrinking.

oh noes 6min left.
so we went to ntuc to buy hotdogs and stuff, bbq wholesale to buy drumlets, otah, satay. ed has a nice house. but it's so far in. and his dog laifa is cute too. she's quite old, about 9yrs old. so never bark never run around. i do like her. and she doesn't shed much so i never really cough too much. haha. wen said sy and ed look like sibs. haha =X fuqi lian? who noes. then they were singing karaoke at his house, he does like to pair me and mal tgt. well whatever, i jus play along. was beginning to scare mal too. wahahaha so i went outside to sit and watch them start the fire and stuff. i did try to help by buttering wahahah but in the end 2 guys ended up cooking for all of us. hmm, thanks to the both of them =D
oh and the chix wings my mom helped me marinate were good. i never know what she puts inside and she also dunno, anyhow put. wahaha. i ate like 3 or 4? but it was good with the bbq marg and the honey. honeyyyyy.

the people started coming around 6pm actually. one gal studying in NP mcm first yr. hmm. can tell the way she speaks is different. but i've already developed the airs of a chinese gal so i was with the others in singlishing. haiz terrigible i use a lot of lah, even on the phone -.-" which reminds me to call Taman Jurong CC on monday regarding the permission to shoot ahhhhhhhh ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

after bbq, we went to play lan. xiang drove. whee i love transport! and it was a mini bus so we all could fit in without squeezing hohoho. played for 3 hours at bedok princess lanshop. damn shag at the end. kept missing fm and Cfm and i was just spamming crap, typing in caps and banging my head on the keyboard at the end. -.- i'm nuts. kill me.

and i thought i would just go home and crash. but i didn't. ho hum.
well, thanks to xiang i didn't have to pay cab fare. he drove all of us home. =)
hmm, tried to converse with him. was scraping the surface of his ideals and i dunno what. aiyah scraping the surface stuff zzzzz where have the deep discussions gone? i need some philosophy --" discussions with kaze abt msian and sgrean politics and systems was quite interesting. sighz

yar. anyway reached home, sis still awake -.- she just went to pom. then i wanted to toh but somehow i stayed awake. was planning to sleep by 3am but somehow i slept at 5+am. why? mistake of logging into maple to add xiang to BL. but somehow ended up chatting and chatting to random guild member until so late. and he had to continue on msn -.- i really wonder what he looks like. what houses such an interesting brain? shit dith stop drooling over his brain.

anyway i have kanji test later and i'm damn tired, still wondering if i should go join D at ashton later and have steak. am i in the mood? perhaps it's not the distance nor travelling there. maybe i just don't want to meet him. and i dunno if i want steak. well, i am tempted to eat, but it feels like a heavy rich meal. argh i am craving plain food nowadays -.- think i need to have a meal of fruits and veg before i will be back to craving normal food. argHHHH.

feels so shrouded by a funny feeling and feels like i am stuck in a viscous liquid that is clear and feels like it aint there but is. arghhhhhh manifestations of my brain. well. at least kaze smsed me today. had a chat spanning abt 5 smses and then as usual he stops replying. shrug. sigh.

get out of my slump -.- even my blog is so depressing no one tags it anymore -.- sheesh.
arghhhhhhh need to shower and go for class. 8min overtime now. ARGH.

hmm if vin goes ashton too, i will go with D. but vin nv reply me. AUGHhhhh.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:07:00 PM