Monday, June 18, 2007

heartbroken

it was never meant to be, wasn't it.
even after 3 years of waiting and trying and hoping.
3 years of hope and passion.

and you just left me like that.

i'm dangling.
dear STARS.
please let that be a mistake.
i didn't wait 3 years for nothing.
ever since i knew of your existence,
i have wanted to have you with me.

i wanted to see your name on my certificate.
to have said, that i have finished my last year with YOU.
oh my LJ85...
how i wanted you.
and yet, when i finally got through to the OAS,
all they told me was, sorry, if it clashes, you cannot take it.

fuck you media law, why did you get in our way.
you're the third party.
i cannot be with the subject i love.
tis is a love ne'er fulfilled.
shall live my whole life in regret.
why didn't i take jap lv6.
WHY.

because of you, 401,
because of a bureaucracy that is called STARS
because of the timetable planners.
maybe just dumb luck.

perhaps you would call me stupid,
and tell me to snap out of it.
but all this waiting.
amounting to nothing.
all this anticipation.
all this hope.
all this desire to make it happen.
and yes, it is able to happen.
i have fulfilled the requirements.
3 years i have trained long and hard so i can be worthy of you.

and finally today your sweet name pops out on the subject list.
BUT
it tells me in red that 2 subjects clash.
which two?
i look closer, and to my dismay,
you clash with a compul core.
my heart was smashed in that moment.
thousands of smithereens scattered virtually.
all over my STARS Planner page.

although i'm learning japanese outside
but i still do wanna take it.
is it wrong to take two of you in tandem?
but ntu japanese is surely somewhat different than that of jcs.
and ntu's is more comprehensive.
maybe i could take the course notes and self study.
perhaps that would be okay.

a compromise.
at least i won't see any chuugokujin which i hate.
no late timeslots like 530-730 which was a killer in LJ82
sigh.

but i so wanted to have you.
you were just within my grasp.
my world fell to pieces when you had to say goodbye
all this waiting and it amounts in a goodbye.
i guess i shouldn't fret anymore.

it's time to move on.
but my feet are heavy and they won't move.
after tomorrow, 401 will drag me away.
a painful marriage marred by dreams of what could have been if i could be with you,
my lj85.

perhaps this is an echo of future events to come.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 8:00:00 PM