Sunday, November 04, 2007

what the hell

tmd... decided to forsake my japa lesson today. dunno why, maybe this is just the end... no mood to go. was debating the whole time with myself while having my bath. and that's a long time, because i take minimum 30min to bathe. argh.

came to the realization that next week i have japa oral.

that heralds the beginning of the exam season.
the crazy fyp submission deadlines.
the culmination of the module project deadlines.
argh.

not to mention i've been having weird dreams of me being angry, frustrated, etc etc. which isn't very abnormal, because my anger manifests itself in my subconscious or online state. venting anger and pent up frustration in my dreams and through gaming. but i haven't been gaming, so i guess it comes worse through my dreams.

i feel like my dreaming mind is a poltergiest.
always trashing out and screaming in rage. gah.

last night didn't have any 'rage' dreams but i dreamt i nursed a seething anger within me when denied a place that i had already occupied way before the person drove me out. i saw the MM and i dunno why i saw him. so odd. but he looked older than he is now. we stood around a car. 1 by 3. i stood in the middle of the long side, the middle of the 3. but i stood with some space in front of me. then some idiot took the spot in front of me and claimed he had the place and told me to go away.

i guess it's a dream manifestation of what happened ytd at the crowded cafeteria. there weren't any tables. so this group of people left the table i was stalking then this guy asked me if i wanted to sit and something like it was his table and dunno what kok. and he had a guai lan face to boot. actually i think maybe the guy in my dream resembled that guy.

anyway, in my dream, the anger seethed within me, a quiet rage. and i retreated behind to watch and scheme, sitting on the rocks on the beach while they took to the waters happily. and i was thinking how much i hated them, those fools, and i would kill them all later.

......

it's amazing how my perception of time is getting screwed.
i thought the dream lasted for ages, but when i woke up, i thought it would be approaching 2pm but it was only 11am. i couldn't believe my eyes.
throw in the fact that previously i had slept at 7am, no way i could have woken up of my own accord at 11am and not feel sleepy.

and stupid me.

upon realizing it was only 11 and not 1, i went back to sleep and before i knew it, i opened my eyes to 1245 on my handphone and still snoozed till 110pm. what the fuck.

anyway, enough about bad days.
yesterday was half decent =D
food-filled saturday again. happy stomach happy dith.
ate like a pig.
$6 mushroom pizza 7"
$2 cheese brownie drizzled with choc sauce
$2.50 tiramisu (geh no alcohol and the sponge was too coarse)
$0.70 teh peng
$23 juggie of strawberry frozen margarita shared 3+ ways so about $8

i'm such a pig!!!
but officially addicted to frozen margarita.

coincidentally while there, guess who i saw again!
T4 and his 2 other friends, one of which i met on thurs.
actually i didn't see them, T4 smsed me suddenly saying why i stand there looking so lost?
LOL!! cos i was looking for a seat.

anyway yayness, took over their table.
pasta stall's half decent and they do deliveries.
but there's better pasta elsewhere, according to anto.
but the pizza is not bad and quite cheap.
tiramisu disappointing, but next time i'll go eat their panna cotta.
dessert shop is fine, the brownie was quite nice although very small.
but i think the guy quite pushy to sell his stuff.
they have choc fondue too, but frankly i'm sick of fondue already.

we watched the manU vs arsenal match on the tv. 2 of us supporting arsenal, 2 supporting manu. in the end 2-all, with manu scoring middle of the first half with something that looked like an own goal bleah, arsenal evening out the score a few minutes before half-time, and then in the 2nd half, manu returned to bring it back to 2-1 but then arsenal had some weird kicking ball into goal many times thing going on that was hilarious. thus the game ended with a draw.

watching football while drinking strawberry frozen margarita. cheers!

anto's whole head turned bright red like a traffic light. seriously quite cute and damn funny. sure enough like he said, he had turned the color of the drink.
i turned red as usual, across my cheeks.

hmm.
yappari.
shuumatsu no nichiyoubi wa sms o okutta.
i've been shutting everything off to make myself numb.
demo, yokatta.
i was afraid i would be forgotten and abandoned like the places i've been visiting for recce.
i don't want to be a haunted house.

chotto bikutta mo.
tochuu ni atashi ni dare ka denwa o kaketa.
i thought it was him, kedo it was alf who said he was under my void deck with his friend o_o"
even no mood to go movie with him.

me shoos almost everything and everybody out of my life.
i have no extra time,
no extra money,
no extra energy.

just shoo-ed an irritant out of my life on friday night.
good riddance.
even cannot be bothered to play with him.
feeling no remorse.

you open the door for two reasons:
to welcome people
and to boot the unwelcomed out.

if your door is never open, you cannot do either.
keep your door open, they say.
yes, my door is always open and i've been kicking many people out.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 3:46:00 PM