Thursday, May 22, 2008

limits

ah.. sleepy. i wanted to blog about limits but looks like i have my limits too. sleepy sleepy. yet... somehow apt aint it?

crossed my mind today while thinking of stuff that have transpired.

how long can you keep at something before reaching the limit?
how far can you go before pushing the limit and eventually breaking it and perhaps crossing the line into dangerous territory?
when will you know you have reached the limit?

mmm. is there a limit to physical activity? of course, we will feel tired.
even for mental activity, tiredness will kick in the the brain will begin to feel like cottonwool.
things you can't control? desire? love? lust? urges? depression? hate? contempt? jealousy?
pushing the limit. number of hours without sleep? running a marathon? asking for something? efficiency calculations?

and what keeps us going? hope? a drive? what drive? from where? defiance? challenge? endorphins? masochism? egoism? determination? stubbornness?

can you really control the mind and its emotions?
like take for example, the liking for someone.
i believe i can.
some people can't.
i think it's all in the mind.
some people have said they've tried and they still can't.
perhaps, everyone is different?

but some people, i don't understand how and why.
i would love to analyse their minds and how they work.
7years odd and duh, obviously it's a lost cause.
but why!? still?
even when the signs are all negative and the temperature is sub zero.
bringing more pain to the self. we humans are masochistic.

maybe it's like how magnets work.
the easier it is to magnetize, the easier it is to demagnetize too and vice versa.
but no leh... there are exceptions to the rule.
and gender? does it play a part?
are females more susceptible to their emotions getting wrung about?
or are males actually the more vulnerable ones?
because the armour over their emotions is thick.
while females carry only a thin shield.
but then again, no leh!

how long can you be hung up over someone?
especially if that person has caused you emotional pain.
and it's pretty obvious he or she is not reciprocating.
i don't understand. so many things. of what i see.
if she's blowing hot and cold, why don't you just give up.
if she is a two-faced bugger, why don't you just give up.
and
if she doesn't really bother to contact you, why don't you just give up.

oh no, now i sense this is bordering into a rant.

at least it's not some pervert from friendster looking for a sex partner in addition to already having a girlfriend. *shudders* evil place, friendster is. hence i changed my location and gender and pictures and status for awhile. yes i am still staying in the same place. and will be for a long time because the location is quite good. very central. bright streets. and homely. dunno if i should have called the police or told his gf or would that be overreacting. but it was freaky.

argh sleepy.

and isn't it silly to expect birthday wishes on the stroke of midnight?
even if you're waiting for -someone- to wish you, you won't message that person you are expecting to sms you a bare 17 minutes after midnight to exclaim how you are feeling that nothing was received? eh. nonsense man. i mean it's sweet to message people on the stroke of midnight, but it's not a need. i agree waiting too long sucks also, especially if you dunno if the person remembered or not. i dunno if i should deem this as pathetic or overemotional or just sad or impatient. don't expect me to sms you at midnight. we. are. just. friends. although i do like to reap the benefits of car rides. but i don't like to rely on people too much because i don't like to owe people. and the first thing you said today was 'where's my present'. there's nothing for you because there's nothing. you're not on my mind when i go out, so there's nothing. and there's always this awkward silence! you like the silence is it? or do you hate it that's why you turn the radio up? dunno why there's nothing to say. and i'm being nice and giving you face by agreeing to have dinner with you and your friends. i would jokingly say that i'm doing the person a favor. but isn't it true? if you ask someone out and obviously that person is free but rejects you... the feeling of being avoided sucks. even if it's just a normal friend. so i usually won't reject people nor lie. because i'm too lazy to lie and cook up stories. and have to remember them in case i make an error in recounting of my lied story, right?

ugh... i can see a good person there but contradictory behavior.

then again, a few of my friends behave like assholes but i can see underneath they are good people. i play mmos not just to kill monsters nor do quests. not just to talk and interact with people. i also take it as an opportunity to analyse people and do comparisons between real life and online. through speech and little nuances, you can pick out many little things. and the discrepancies are so... entertaining. especially if someone decides to act OOC. lmao!

and the weird number that called me and also called my groupmate is bugging me.
because i called back today and it was either engaged, or no one picked up.
but i managed to get it ringing just after i heard it was engaged. so odd.
suspect it was just ringing off the hook or call-waiting to the extreme.

nehmind. i will try again tomorrow. gah!

anyway, other then random disturbances that have been resolved;
or continuous disturbances that ought to have been resolved but aren't - background processes;
life is just the same~
time moves, and so do i.
i wake, i cabal, i eat, i sleep.
i go out with the same groups of friends, with family.
mundane...
but steady.
no job yet. =_=

got my card though... the membership card WITHOUT a laminated fly. ugh.
at least! and to think, this morning i was thinking they have forgotten about me.
*wails!* woe is me, i am never gonna receive a fly-less card! but i did. =D in the evening.
let things come as they will, move with the ebb and the flow, live for the day~ don't look back! except to learn~ or remember the nice things. keep your heart and your mind open~ live and breathe the world.

oh gosh now i sound like a teletubby.
or a barney.
only less gay... omg les-gay. geddit? wth so lame.

hot HOT night.
i can't sleep.
argh!!!!!
*does a domo-kun*
RawR!!!!!!
flap arms flap!

alright... seeing that i'm quite awake i will now go on to blog about my jb adventures~!

mad fred and his impulsiveness. we decided to meet up with a jb friend from game in where else but jb! but then i had to head to school to do some submission stuff too. so let's rewind to the night i went to mu's house.

i only wanted to stay for 2hours. BUT.
the temptation of the ps2 is difficult to refuse.
and so while helping me with my stuff (ari mu~ T_T once again) and waiting around, we went to play dyn warriors.
and even after stuff was done, and a few more "last round"s later, i decided, HECK IT. JUST PLAY! and thus another overnight session of ps2 when the next day we both have something on! omgggggggggggggggg.

and this was how i ended up not sleeping. @_@

went to school to do stuff, took longer than expected. but submitted! and i had a power nap on the way to school. for 5-10minutes. and that made me alert for the next 12hours -_- waw.

gosh i dread going back to school to gao dim the other stuffs. because it's only ME who can do it. wtffffff. i wanna be LAZY and hide in my SHELL. pl0X!

a terribly HOT and HUMID and SCORCHING day. melted on the way to jb because had to go a couple of randomized places in the hot sun before that. oh but the scanner at the immigration is FUN. omg that's the sweetest thing i played with that day. LOL. there are like 2 gantries. so basically you scan your passport. and then when the first gate opens, you are sandwiched between two. until you scan your thumb and are authorized to go through.

OH.
CAN I BACKTRACK FOR A BIT?
i promise i'll be quick.

while going to mu's house, i stupidly went to the wrong floor because i don't really bother with her block number. and her block number and floor are very close to each other. LOL. so i went to the wrong floor, thought it was good her door was open since i didn't need to ring doorbell. cause i also thought she was waiting for me. but then! i saw an old man, and a little girl. and i thought, eh? she has visitors? and since when is there a little girl in her house? i was going to approach the door when DINGGGGGGG. some lightbulb crackled to life in my head albeit dimly.

inches from the gate i was like OMGGGGGGG WRONG HOUSE WRONG FLOOR.
and i ducked back into the lift before i was seen. XD

GOSH.

another stupid thing i did, or rather had a stupid needless paranoid thought, was during the scanning of my passport. when they asked me to put my thumb there i thought OMGGGGGGG I CAN'T RECALL IF I EVER REGISTERED MY THUMBPRINT FOR THE PASSPORT AND AM I AT THE RIGHT COUNTER COS I DUNNO IF MY PASSPORT HAS THIS CAPABILITY. but LOL! worries unfounded when i managed to get through. DING!

so fun! can i just go out through the checkpoint and go in again just to play with the machines? LOLLLLLLLLL. wth.

and i think 170 is the best bus to jb le. like from kranji mrt it's just straight road. and so fast. 913 sucks, two big loops. ugh. and i have the intention to make jb as familiar to me as sg! another thing on my to do list! but of course i will go there with guys around. although i think i can go alone! but... at night of course not. even my jb friend says it's dangerous at night. like he said, you can get mugged in front of your own house! D: he say one and he's a citizen of that country so i am not being anti-mas!

zzz i realize i make a lot of neutral comments sometimes that sound very insulting. BAD HABIT. SMACKS SELF.

SIGH.

anyway citysquare is still boring. watched a movie there. narnia2. omg i thought since i've watched the first narnia i might as well. but i was quite impressed they did a better job of the second one although some bits are really... damn... omgiamspeechless. at least it didn't make me wanna throw my shoe at it. nor make my eyes bleed or brain explode. pity i read the series when i was 12 and can only faintly remember book3. caspian is just a title to me. damn. couldn't do any comparison. or maybe i went into the cinema with low expectations that the movie seemed quite good. felt they were trying to do a little Shrek with the cute mouse thing that seemed like the Cute Cat thing. with a sword too. gosh. and showcasing the stupidity of humans was rather hilarious. like, OVERKILL, much? insane. send a gigantic army to storm a small refuge? you must be kidding. i laughed so hard in the cinema i almost knocked over alf's popcorn. nah, i'm exaggerating. BUT, i did laugh. luckily the music and effects masked my bout of sniggers.

and the cues of attraction were so PAINFULLY CLICHE i cringed and twittered at the silliness of it all! OMG. but yes. definitely better than the first one. usually sequels suck but this is better. LMAO. because the first one was so AWFUL. even if the second one were BAD, it's still better that AWFULLY PAINFULLY BAD... right? lmao.

but i do feel like looking for the pdf of the series and reading the novels. hohoho.

oh the new checkpoint/ktm station they're building in jb resembles one of the dreams i had a long time ago. maybe a few years ago.
i think this is it:
the wiki

the model


imagine everything elevated on a sky-road connected to sg.






really looks similar to my dream.
i forgot most of it, but i know it had to do with traveling from one world or place to another. there was this building seemingly in the sky due to the high roads and rail lines leading to it. very futuristic. and my view in the dream was the view of the train driver as he peers out of his window and sees the tracks and the building before him.

it's gonna be open in jan 2009!

and the best thing is i had the dream before i saw the building. way before. omg.
so cool seeing something from a dream somehow exist.
LIKE
DID I TELL U
I SAW SOMETHING SIMILAR TO THE DREAM ABT JAPA FOOD I HAD?
the double egg udon i mentioned.
well that day i saw double egg sushi.
like the same black and orange eggs.
but on sushi.
and it's the small ebiko and the caviar.
but OMG. i saw it and i was like oMGGGG should i buy? but it was $1 each so i didn't.
WILL DO SO NEXT TIME JUST TO TRY.
omg.

randomness of dreams and similarities appearing and manifesting in real life.
it's like a feeling of dejavu mixed with surprise. not quite dejavu... yet. a sugoi feeling. because dejavu is a scary feeling. dunno how to describe -_-

what else was i gonna blog about?
OH.
i am gonna frequent kovan more because the arcade there is DESERTED enough to play my drummania and daytona and random games without being jeered at or embarrassing myself unnecessarily. woots. and the western food stall nearby rocks. good food, odd company, free transport. BUT! GOOD FOOD. ok i will go there again, with GOOD COMPANY. and then we can go bowling =p cos it's near the bowling alley. lalala.

k. crows are making noises, people are washing the hawker centre floor and the sky is gonna turn bright in a few hours.
TIME TO SLEEP.
BAIS.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:49:00 AM