Saturday, March 31, 2007

teh stupidity of it all

reading the papers is damn entertaining.
didn't know this tiny country could spurn such engaging news.
yet, O the STUPIDITY!
LOL!!! MY EYES BLEED.

i read about the airport incident where a family was forced to forfeit their holiday just because of an innocent mention of the word "bomb". LOL!!!!!! friggin stupid. if you guys have read that article, you'd know what i'm talking about. i didn't know whether the correct response was to laugh or to cry; i laughed.

then i thought about internship and about all the stupidity i see. i have come to conclude that, the lower you are, the more stupidity from the top you will see. we interns are the lowest of the low. stupidity is boundless.

so disgusted yet so amused. LOL.

and i feel bad that my fren crawled awake at 7am to specially wake me up but i couldn't wake up. DAMN SHIPPAI. i suck.

later on i did do something fulfilling though. i went shopping with my mom! AWWWWW. retail therapy. fever of buying $39.90 things today. OH MY OKANE IS FLYING AWAY! OKANE WA TONDEIRU.

but i was happy.

4 new tops and nearly $150 spent later, my mood was in the clouds from being under a plank of rotting wood. crappy mood today. not the bad crappy, but crappy like talking crap mood. hahaha. tried on many clothes. complained about the cutting. AWWWWW STOP MAKING CLOTHES FOR FLAT CHESTED PEOPLE LAH! I WANT TO WEAR THAT CUTTING ALSO CANNOT!!! SHEESH! I WEAR LIAO THE FIT VERY NICE THE EVERYTHING VERY NICE THE PRICE ALSO CHEAP BUT OMG OMG OMG THE BAND SUPPOSED TO BE UNDER THE CHEST BUT STUPID LAH!!!!111111!!!!!!! GO AND DIE LA!!!!!!! $19 GREEN TOP SIBEI NICE SIBEI COMFY BUT NO NO NO THE STUPID CHEST OMG OMG OMG ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ i would love to be flatter pls thx.

SOMEONE GRANT ME MY WISH.

bought long tops. yum i like long tops. makes me look taller.

think tomorrow i should buy 4D. 3990.
SHIOK LA?.

maybe if i got mood then i wear out. must catch me on a good day!

TIME TO REVAMP WARDROBE AH!
TOO LOK COK!
SUXXXXXX.

next up: shoes, jeans.

feel in a particularly violent mood still. perhaps i should paint my nails CRIMSON in lieu of the blood i'm gonna make someone pay to me. RAWRRRRR.

come monday, and it will see me helping out in a shoot to choose cots. AWWWWWW I LOVE COTS. WHY CAN'T THEY MAKE BIGGER ONES FOR ME? hmm actually they do. they're called hospital beds. LOL SHEESH. why everything adult sized so UGLY. awwwww. i wanna be young and cute again. NO WORRIES. NO STRESS. anything just run to mommy daddy. wan to shit just shit. want to puke just puke. want to sleep just sleep, they will carry me. want to laugh just laugh. want to play just play. THREE YEARS OLD IS THE BEST. and everything fits you nicely.

pick me up dust me off and put me in your pocket.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 10:54:00 PM

NANDA?

YAKUSOKU GA ARU KA. SHINJI KA JODAN KA. MATA WAKANNAI. KONBAN NO WA, GEEMU NI HAITTA TOKI, BENBEN TO HANASHITEIRU. TOUZEN NI DARE KA ONAJI GEEMU NO HEYA NI HAITTA. BIKUTTA WA. DEMO NAZE DETA? HOKA HEYA E ITTE, YATTEITA. PM O SHITEMO, HENJI GA NAI SHI. DONNA IMI? NAZE DA.

KONO TOKI WA TOTEMO OKOTTEMO KANASHIKU NATTA. GANJI WA SONNA NI CHIGAU. DEMO. IMA NO WA OKOTTEIRU. UCHI NO HEYA MO CHOTTO ATSUKU NATTA. KARADA KARA MO ATSUI GANJI GA ARU.

ATASHI MO NINGEN DA. KIMOCHI GA ARU MONO DA.

SONNA NI MUZUKASHII? HI DEMO DEKINAI? NANI MO HANASERU. HI DAKE. HI SHIKA NAI.

ATASHI WA DARE?

KONO MONDAI WA, ANNTA GA YUKKURI KANGAETEIKOU.

JAMA DA. IMA NO ATASHI WA NERARENAI. DARE NO SEI DA?

...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 3:09:00 AM

Friday, March 30, 2007

extreme sports

LOL, hilarity ensued. it was guaranteed. a failsafe to amusement. and of course irritation.

didn't hear from source of irritation and amusement for quite some time, but today logged on msn in office (shh) and got a msg. it's like, whatever la. i'm logging boobs where got time to see msn. also scared if ppl walk behind me.

anyway, got to know this piece of good news while illegally using msn. even if caught, this piece of good news will be worth it. HAHA!

GRATS MU ON GETTING DWM!!

diploma with merit
aka
dith whacks mu

lolllll. am happy. =)

as usual, i have a million things to complain about work. PI report is also due in a couple of days. i had better get down to writing it. guess i have to be politically correct yet subtle in truth-telling if the bosses are gonna read it. lol oh wells.

stupid weather today too.
and stupid people with no logic.
and stupid producers getting priority over us.
awwww can't help that we're the lowest of the low.
wouldn't even be surprised if the office housefly or dustmite gets paid more than we do. LOL.

anyway, here's helping to plug:
http://www.metrobmxjam.com --> anyone wanna go? get tix from me. while stocks last.

quick tell me. else i'm just gonna go with mu.

today heard some good news and bad news. and also a joke.
sigh, maybe it would have been better not knowing anything at all?
won't get excitedly hopeful for nothing.
but the joke was funny. LOL.
saw kaze in aud today. rare occurence.
and my perfects are coming back.
pwned quite a bit in game today.
feel like a big bully. lol.
felt bad that my main had another listed in couple.
well, he was ok with it.
let's just hope he really is ok with it.
i wouldn't give a second thought to paying den to remove that person actually.
=X

amused.

who the hell smses you to call them.
and reminds you again with an mms picture of themselves.
CRAZY.

i'm so sorry your personality sucks.
and your mindset,
your ideologies.
maybe i gave you the wrong idea.

and then give me 2 missed calls and an sms to ask me to call back.

persistent?
irritating?

crazy person. keeps telling me to exercise.
like HELLO?
it's NOYB.
NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
telling me to find a motivation in life.
again. HELLO? noyb much?
stick your nose elsewhere la.
i ask why u care.
you said fren ma.
i said frens only wad.
zzzzz.
must be obsessed with sports or obsessed with having control over making people do their bidding.
think it's a combination of the two.
interesting specimen, i shall analyse your actions.
scrutiny.
i'm tingling with excitement. new test subject to conduct my societal dissection upon. yum.

went maple to chat to nisu while on the phone. LOL.
later put down.
am so appalled.
40+kg for 1.6+m is not normal weight.
it's freaking skinny even for people with a normal frame and bone structure and density.
for my bone density and frame, at 55kg i'd be hell thin.
my sis is like 1.67 and 50+kg and she's slim. but muscular la.
and her frame is smaller than mine u noe.
LOL
no logic one.
always the topic reverts back to exercise, motivation, sleeping early, eating healthily.
why do i feel like i'm in ajc pe dept once more, listening to people tell me things i already know?
PLS.
tell me something i don't already know.

NAGGING is so last century and doesn't work with a person like me.

and it's so hell funny.
after i put down, he smses, i sms back then he said i sounded angry and he apologized in this act cute manner. yucks? of course i don't want reply liao. another sms after awhile, asking if i'm angry.
LOL

this pattern so typical one, tell me why am i not surprised.
hello, you got gf le albeit in maple but still u count her as real one.
don't be so irritating can?

had to remind you of my status.

oh, and i'm irritated that there might be OT tomorrow and over the weekend.
DAMN YOU WORK!

but i feel, new hair cut, less hair covering eyes, feel lighter on my head.
works wonders.
am less tired.
just that my fringe is too short... again!
ROARRRRRRRS.

okie tomorrow got sale.
am excited.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:08:00 AM

Thursday, March 29, 2007

mushiATSUI ban

feel so hot now. stupid humid nights. stupid cold office. rawr.

luckily today wasn't so dead, walked around a lot. happy. lovely downpour became an excuse to soothe my shopping itch. an errand became a leisurely walk to the library, being fascinated all over again by the little cam in the bookdrop, and then watching sy carry the roll of fragile calligraphy paper in the indestructible plastic case. ooo and the drizzle decided to stop for us.

unhappy with the topdown decision to make the whole company do extra duty this weekend. my plans to go (learn) swimming are possibly foiled. if only there is a way to weasel myself out of it. but then again, i need to help with the distribution of flyers for bmx, so what's the difference huh. at least i can make myself useful distributing flyers as opposed to being one of the 24 extras during the roadshow for the website launch.

IMM 2nd floor is damn small, don't make us squeeze there doing nothing. i rather go there visit ki and go daiso to buy random 2 dollar items. i rather crawl there to do nothing and it really is doing nothing, compared with doing nothing for something that i don't wanna do anything for. can you see the difference?

logged boobs in office until my eyes have become 2 nipples on my face. who knows, they might start spurting milk. actually my vision has deproved even more. every day in office i face the computer. it's worse than if i stone at home in front of the computer. dunno why office computer has a more detrimental effect on me than my darling laptop. maybe it's the CRT versus LCD issue.

after work i went to cut my hair.

aww kelly is on maternity leave. i'm sad. but i got my hair cut. it's not too bad. think it's the same stylist that killed my hair last time and made me too unhappy to go back there to cut, but i did, and i got kelly. this one was cynthia i think. my fringe looks similar to last time but not so zao gao i suppose. i still prefer kelly. KELLY I MISS YOU, GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR BABY (hurhur can use for our channel -_- as talent? -_-!). heard she will be coming back in 2 months' time. by then it should be time for my next trim. ^^ awww i like cutting hair. makes me feel lighter.

saw fren's father at lift lobby. kinda awkward because i never know what to say to him, just smile. went home, took some stupid pictures of myself acting emo and then photoshopped it until i look omigoshweird. hohoho. random fun on random work day.

reached home, chatted in msn, heard some confusing news from ben, was heading into audi when i got that ever-elusive sms. say sy online, we played together, me, sy, ben, mal, ki. eh lol, i pwned at c4 No Space. but just lucky, fingers started moving fast. i was quite shocked also. think ben 8k until his 4k deproved. i need to improve 8k else i think i can't pass my next license. my pride and ego does not allow me to ask someone else to take it for me. sigh.

the lag is on and off.

my chain comes suddenly and then suddenly it's all cools. it's sad. what if i were totally lag free? think 37+ is not the limit, think that is the standard. think i can hit 50+? hahaha i'm dreaming.

kaze told me he got 800k on a song i can't pf today. the notorious 6min30s song. La Da Da De Da Da Da, La Da Da De Da Da~ Be My Lover, won't you be my lover~~~~ be my lover, won't you be my lover~ ah yes, it's that song by la bouche.

i set a new record for myself. played Beatup, didn't miss "You" at all. =)
then for flying duck, only got 37 miss. what a big improvement. and long ago, i thought 97 under 100 was damn good already. because i used to have 500+ or 400+ misses. hehe.

played 170 song. did pretty well, only missed 8 times. did 1 fm, shocked myself. the fastest proper fm. although i did 188 but it was by mistake.

hmm, why am i going on and on about audi? guess i have no other life. can't help it, work is sapping my social life away. sapping my weekend plans, sapping my weekday plans, sapping me dry dry dry.

well.
benben take care.
hugz.

ki take care.
see doc on sat okay.
muacks.

mu let's go out again soon.
=D

i just realised i haven't seen the LMAOS for AGES.
oh man.

oh ya, if anyone wants to help me record my aud replays using fraps and then putting it on youtube or something, i'd be happy =D got quite a lot of video replays i wanna... hao lian *bhb*
hehehehe

yeah, bed beckons.
night all.
^^
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:25:00 AM

Monday, March 26, 2007

dunkin' delight

what a calorie-laden day.

so this is the secret behind eskimos and polar bears and surviving in the wild!

sounds strange, but i never did say i was sane.

to liberate you, my dear reader, from this carousel of madness, i shall cut the long story short. i left home with neither jacket nor tissue paper nor office security pass. what a way to start the day. and to boot, i was late (as usual).

oh crap, so how was i gonna survive? the cold-prone me would just be a cryogenated mess in the office today. and i would have to resort to knocking on office door which would further underline the fact that i was late to office. and no tissues! woe is me, my nose will drip like a thousand taps and i would flood the office with mucus...

mmmhmm.

but this day is done, i am here at home, blogging!

how did i adapt to my environment in such a short period of time? pray tell, you beg. okay, thus i shall reveal my secrets.

the stretch before lunch was fine. a mere 2.5 hours before i could once meet the sunshine again. ate at random indian stall at sls foodcourt. mmm. fish briyani. second round was yam ice cream wafer from streetside uncle. yumyum. round 3 came later in the office, around 4pm. sy bought donuts from jb! ooo i shall remember larkin from now on! they have dunkin' donuts and quite possibly A&W! ooooooo teh lurve! shall hop on 170 from sls one of these days. meh. so convenient for me. heh heh heh.

so. as i was saying. round 3. two donuts. yummers. downed! and i thought i couldn't possibly eat anymore. to top it all off, i made myself a glass of ovaltine and downed it too. meh. then went to buy materials with sy and then went back office. whee. and guess what, i'm having dinner now. grilled salmon and melon soup.

did i mention my sleeping habits are getting more and more disgusting?
was sleeping in the office today.
who the HELL does logging with eyes closed.

and then on mrt home, was sleeping while standing up. geez it's hellish. kept almost falling forward everytime i dozed off. zzz.

guess i should sleep earlier huh.
but not before i convert NW to audi too.
MUAHAHAHAHHAHAA.

ps: conclusion of the story is, eating a lot will make you less prone to cold. ^^
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 8:17:00 PM

zzz

dammit la, it's too fucking humid to sleep.
mushiatsui

ne, sometimes i really dunno what i'm doing.
*shrug*

whatever right?

and so fucking irritated at the lag in aud.
keep great great great
WHERE'S MY CHAIN.

damn la.
the lag didn't use to be this bad.

audition not fun anymore.
can't pf
can't whack ppl to death.
i'm sad.
and too hot to sleep.
argh.
and work in 7hrs.
argh!

kaoz.

=(

sleeping unhappily again.
hahahahahahahahahaha.

waDevA.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 3:14:00 AM

Sunday, March 25, 2007

initial laughter

just now i was laughing like crazy.
like HAHA? what's this. why all the company employees cmi? den even the TCMI (priv joke) is more can make it than them. should change to totally CAN make it. must tell the rest tomorrow. hahaa. FREAK FUNNY. 12+ they're not around yet. HELLO? no one is manning the booth. HELLO? hahahahaha. no one knows anything. HELLO? even the supervisor for today is late. HELLO? i want to laugh and cry liao. nvm la as long as they pay me it's alright. people dress nicely put make up, personality nice, sweet, pretty, smell nice. also nv do work properly so what's the point. hahahaha.

then i'm also feeling pek.
maybe pek with myself and pek with people and of course pek that tomorrow it's work again. but tomorrow is beyond the halfway mark of internship. feeling slightly happier. 50% tnl. i can do it!

lol. what am i doing. zzz. say one thing do another. aiya. and i always get taken to voicemail. damn you voicemail! haiz. moment i hear the voicemail it contributes to my bad mood. decided to disturb the night shift worker. but aiyah i also don't want to have much contact with him le. he is beginning to scare me. don't call me princess. don't keep nagging me to jog. don't keep nagging me to sleep. and don't keep smsing or calling me. sudd ytd 11+pm he call me cos i nv reply his sms for a long time. i slp liao le lo. actually i was napping cos still wanted to wake up to see if can call kaze or not. but that one also tio voicemail when i tried. really ah, dunno where i should walk. left or right or up or down or middle or crooked. i'm blur le.

feel that i'm blindfolded with regards to what is happening so far away...

speaking of our neighboring country, tomorrow sy is back from jb. WHEE. DUNKIN' DONUTS!!!!!! HAHAHAHA. eh i wonder how she carried it. =o woots. tomorrow eat donut in office until explode. EH I DON'T MIND LA. gosh gosh gosh.

imagine 2 donuts person. omg omg dunnid to eat lunch le. but that's alright. i can skip lunch.

eh i like lydia more and more. she's so cute. and she also has the robot habit. don't torture yourself for the company, they're not worth it.

think i've become too easygoing. disturb people i anyhow disturb. maybe give them wrong idea. but that's what you taught me, innit? or am i making excuses once again?

aiyah heck care, i'm going audi to see who's online while waiting for mom to bring lunch back.

so sorry grace, always no time on sunday to go out with people. even if go out le it's damn rush. haiz. lunch should be done by 130pm, seeing what time mom comes back. then i bathe etc 2+ go out le 3. there's no time.

THERE'S NO TIME TO FUCKING DO ANYTHING.
I WANT TO PLAY PS2 I WANT TO PLAY COMP GAME I WANT TO READ BOOK I WANT TO STUDY JAPANESE PROPERLY I WANT TO SLEEP I WANT TO GO OUT I WANT TO DO NOTHING I WANT TO WATCH TV BUT THERE'S NO TIME I CAN'T I CAN'T I CAN'T DO A SHIT FUCK LA.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:20:00 PM

Saturday, March 24, 2007

temp-penis

rawrrrr.
guess what la, on fri i OT until 11pm. high liao i tell you, cutting flyers to promote bmx metro jam. if u guys are interested, i'll put the details here. help them promote promote a bit ba. since their publicity is so pathetic. i shan't elaborate why.

next day (today) had MOD website launch at Century Square. meh. that's in Tampines. so freak east. and i was the first one to arrive =_=" and i thought i was freak late. blahhhhh.

event was ok la, think the name got some funny connotation, saw a group of teenage boys pointing and laughing at the back of my event tee. it was like www.mom-on-demand.com arggg i'm not a mom! you can't demand me either =_= omg la. LOL. wan to faint. then was running around with a HDV hc3 camcorder and a canon stillcam. woot man. quite busy. but busy then time passes faster, ne?

so happy when saw an unexpected visitor.

actually fri night when i was running around bugis looking desperately for blu tack, i saw another friend in watsons. also quite happy to see him. see friends other than colleagues, feel happier. he is working at watsons. haha. cute didi la. =X

today the one is also cute but older. cute korkor? haha. he stays around tamp, told him about today's event, said come visit cos i damn sian. ya at that time i was gonna die liao. super sian and stoned. surprised to see him though, didn't expect to see him.

hmm.
u know, some people get damn irritating after awhile. i know, nag for my sake right? nag me to exercise, nag me to sleep, nag me to wake up so i won't be late for work. concerned perhaps, i can feel that. but LOL! happened before. i know what's next. please ah, don't torture yourself -_- shit man, i had better hide in a hole somewhere. when in friendly mode it's weird.
*tada!* *takes out portable hidey hole*
(just wan to clarify if you read this that this person's name is R__ ____ and not E-_____ =X won't get irritated with the latter. XD)


today after event went to pass out flyers for bmx. irritating fuck la, one shop they say they call liao, in the end the bishan park branch dunno. rightttt. i take 53 and walk there leh!!!! kns. nvm it's good exercise for me. ok then went to another shop, ooo now i know where race course road is, dunnid to even take cab. mrt can liao. then went the last place, the one near my house. of cos that one must walk, but it's like on the way home... so happy and overjoyed to see my house looming into view! AHHHHHHHHH teh lurve.

ehhh. think i saw a shrouded cadaver on a stretcher being taken to the funeral at the same block as the tpy bike shop. ne. may his or her god rest his or her soul.

tired man, got home already 720pm. it's the same as though i'm working a full day today. think next week i will take more self induced off days to go shopping. ROAR!!!!! NO ONE MUST KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!! and so happy to come home to a warm dinner. yum. was freaking hungry because i ate at 930am in the morning and lasted until now. wonders of wonders no indigestion for this delay.

hmm.
maybe it was never meant to be in the first place.
it's like, turn left turn right?
cos i come home, he go out.
i online he not online.
he online i not online.
i in game he not in game.
he in game i not in game.

even when we're both in game,
i perfect, he great.
he perfect chain, i can't chain.
SIAN!!!!!!!!!

so should i let doubt clarify or should i let instinct lead me?
blahhhh.
but actually, now i'm thinking of playing a nice long game of audi, finishing up my dinner, reading my book and sleepingggg.

OOOOO SLEEP.
today i slept in mrt and overshot my stop by 1.
OMG LAH.

sleep disease getting worse.
T__T

k time to eat.
sibei hungry.
maybe blog later XD
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 7:51:00 PM

Friday, March 23, 2007

ooo new music on blog not working.
T__T
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:45:00 AM

hours trickle past

funny how much time can be wasted stoning in front of home comp versus office comp. think i've been a bad girl today. skipped out 1.5hrs of work to go shopping with mu. dammit, saw this nice green top. can't buy it. first of all, it's $69.90 which is expensive. and the second thing is, fuck you designers who make clothes for airport people -_- make some for ppl who got a little more meat in front can or not!

sadded.

but saw this DAMN CUTE giraffe tee in OG. ooo mu spotted it. maomao senses are keen. WHEE! DAMN CUTE. and bought some pants.

ok that's about all.

very tired now, but don't wish to sleep, cos when i wake up i know it's back to work again. ahahaha.

well, i could talk about 300, or i could talk about going home in the alien after-hours landscape of suntec. that of paint and plaster and construction. or i could talk about today in the office when i ran about barefoot, playing with paper planes and office stationery.

actually i'm very sleepy already.
night!

TGIF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but then sat got launch at tampines -_- freak far.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:04:00 AM

Thursday, March 22, 2007

4:00am

it's 4am and i'm staring at the computer monitor feeling the urge the write yet the content eludes me. should i write about how my week has been? or how i feel as of now? or some philosophical thing that suddenly chances upon my mind to be pondered and dissected here?

well.

guess i think too much. it's true. people who think less are better. take for example release forms and talents. too wordy and they question the content. they become unsure. take back agreement. if they don't think so much then they will just sign it according to your explaination and without reading it. well i don't blame them. if it were me i would also be hesistant. understandable especially since they don't work in the media industry, they dunno how we operate and the protocol.

speaking of which, many years of experience doesn't guarantee you know everything. give you the benefit of the doubt, that's really pushing it, but you don't know when you film somewhere must sign location release? you must be kidding me. anyway i have no comments for this case. say until dry already.

feel like a total bitch if i bad mouth my friend. but really, today could have been spent more efficiently. too many cutaways for a 5 minuter, babe. how many variations can you have for a bunch of unmoving things anyway?

take care of talent first than inanimate objects. talent need to go off ontime also hard. sigh. but it was ok la. did catch the movie, seating was not bad for last minute tickets, dinner was tasty, although fish drowned in lemon sauce and soup high-tailed it somewhere.

but very rush. felt very rush after entire 8 hours of sitting around. think it was the pent up energy. very weird also. was sitting at the bottom rung of the metal rail. then one man walked past and waved to me asking if i was alright. did i really look that terrible? i was stoning. then a security guard asked NW if her friend was alright (me). oh crap. i guess i really look that bad. he said i looked very tired like want to die any moment. hahahahaha. sheesh.

erm.

i fell asleep.
quite long time also.

continue tomorrow.

btw 300 is a great movie. altho simpler movies wld grab me better, but the cinematography and ending sequence is pretty enough to admire, anaylse and learn.

bb,
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 3:57:00 AM

Took a right to the end of the line
Where no one ever goes.
Ended up on a broken train with nobody I know.
But the pain and the (longing's) the same.
(Where the dying
Now I’m lost and I’m screaming for help.)

Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can do.
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you.

It’s as if I’m scared.
It’s as if I’m terrified.
It’s as if I scared.
It’s as if I’m playing with fire.
Scared.
It’s as if I’m terrified.
Are you scared?
Are we playing with fire?

Relax
There is an answer to the darkest times.
It’s clear we don’t understand but the last thing on my mind
Is to leave you.
I believe that we’re in this together.
Don’t scream – there are so many roads left.

Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can do.
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you.

Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can do.
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you.

Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can do.
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you.

Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can do.
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you.

It’s as if I’m scared.
It’s as if I’m terrified.
It’s as if I scared.
It’s as if I’m playing with fire.
Scared.
It’s as if I’m terrified.
Are you scared?
Are we playing with fire?

Relax
Relax

- Mika:: Relax, Take it Easy

...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:39:00 AM

it's alright again.

be honored u spoiled my mood for 24hours.
actually it means a lot already.

but just as quickly my mood is back.
=)

awww thinking too much will kill me one day.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:14:00 AM

Saturday, March 17, 2007

polar bear

this is our private nickname for you from now on.
seriously, i think u resemble one. actually just a bear, but polar bear because of the 3 times i've met you, you always wear white color polo tee. lol.

just now finally patched maple. stupid 325 proj, the files sitting in my comp taking up 1.2gig of space. finally swept that clean. had to dl the patch 3 times because the first time it was corrupted, the 2nd time i was typing when it said it was transferring data so it got interrupted, and the 3rd time it was successful but took a fucking long time to patch and even my 1gig in main hdd was not enough, had to clear out 500mb and dump it into D. patch so freak slow.

when i logged in, was surprised to see so many people greeted me. flood. took awhile to reply. then i moved in for the kill. actually i also buay tahan, this thing has been going on for too long, it's time to knock some sense into u. lol. still needs a lot more training, this panda bear. it's cute when behind a glass, eat fish, stand up on 2 legs, swim and dive. but what the audience doesn't see is that this polar bear got no training. no self control at times, it will do things that affect the rest of the people. when angry it can knock itself against the glass perimeter causing hairline cracks to appear. this makes it hard for the zoo management, they need to bring in a repairman to conduct maintenance on the enclosure, move out the polar bear while the work is being done, close the attraction to visitors for that time period and pay the repairman. you see how mafan you sometimes cause people to be?

but after all you are actually a human. i should give you more dignity.

you do know some things that you cannot do, yet sometimes you just say things by accident or u think ur not doing anything yet it affects others. i think you need more contact with people. by right you should know already. 1982. by right... will forgive you because you do it without knowing, i give you the benefit of the doubt. you are also honest and do admit your mistakes. admirable. you attempted to write an apology letter, though not perfect but i feel it's a sincere effort.

i also understand where you are coming from. sabishii kamo? and endured a lot of hurt before. true. life is like that. the more blows you take, you either get stronger or more suceptible to elemental damage. the strength sometimes is also a fake wall. the person is numb. it's not a good thing to not be able to feel much. yet not good to feel too much.

striking a fine balance.

the people i know from games, my close friends from maple, they are all emotional. why is that so? maybe we are drawn to each other. or maybe we were all supposed to meet. perhaps it is the game that makes us like that. or was it this that drove us all to immerse ourselves in game? actually i dunno. speculation. assumptions. don't assume. it's easier to ask than to create a multitude of misunderstandings that get thicker and more brambly until you can't choP your way out of it.

blow the fog away with a fan, trim your weeds, comb your hair.
won't get lost.

i dislike myself at times. when i am bossy, when i am mean, when i am domineering, when i am angry for nothing. dislike myself for boasting, for being too extreme, for over-thinking and worrying. but everyone is fraught with flaws to show that we are but humans.

actually, the online world is good.
it's like the disassociation of your mind from your physical body. you are anywhere and can do anything. there are not many walls and you can be who you want to be. free atoms roaming the cyberspace. grouping into molecules, separating, regrouping.

the interaction is different amongst those from the online world and the real world. i am more easygoing with my online friends, as if i've known them for eons.

actually i'm confused.

and my memory is only good to remember weird things like a long string of numbers and random project codes.

wonder if he got my friendster msg, and wonder what he made of it =X

quirkiness.
sometimes when i eat prata i miss that quirkiness of sharing prata.
ytd when i passed by kranji/marsiling/woodlands too.

the world is not a simple place as much as it seems to be.
as long as there are indefinite factors like the human element itself, many reams of data can be generated endlessly. human interaction in itself is a game on its own. when you complicate it with graphical manifestations of the online game, giving the human personality flesh and motives, you complicate things even further.

gawd this sounds so scientific.

lifeforms, there are so many levels of living. so what is life? what is the fundamental form of living? and how complex can it go? adding in so many factors, with the human element, things can go all over the map, go haywire, short circuit and then rearrange itself.

this is so interesting. but i'm too lazy to study psychology. sigh i really dunno what to do with my life in the future. what job to hold, what life to live. what drives me, what am i passionate about. the future is as uncertain as the next idunnowhat. so i live in the now, i do things to satisfy myself. of course must be sensible also. if you wait too long, it's also not good.

think i woke up too early today.
headache.
and sleepy.

1 wind 1 tree 1 polarbear 1 sparetyre 1 didi 1 onion
does my online life amount to that.
a mixed bag indeed.

give you a bag to pick, just pray you won't pick the shit altho 50% in the bag is constituted of shit. hawhawhaw.

my advice?
don't smell your hand after you've drawn your lot.
it will smell like shit anyway because it probably touched some shit.

shittyhand =D
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 7:45:00 PM

monday reeks

ooo. monday is hell stinky. it pongs. can you smell that rank odor? that of rotting red meat, that malodorous manifestation of molecules? it reeks. really. i can smell monday from a mile away, although it's barely noon on a saturday. i know that today will pass even before i know it. tomorrow will pass by me even quicker, and before i know it, monday is upon me, i will be another worrying wreck for monday's shoot, departing humble abode at 545am.

oh, the maggot infested talons of monday are at my throat, just waiting to grab my jugular vein. make it quick. kill me mercifully. do make haste. a tardy death would be most painful to the already chronic sufferer. make my last breath less miserable, i implore you, o great talons of work.

officially, i shall declare i have 3 months left. not quite halfway through, because the halfway mark would be at 2 months and 3 weeks. guess another week to go before i can say 50 percent down. the way i look at it, it still seems like a mountainous hurdle to surpass. can i last another 3 months here? my blog readers look on with bated breath. surmounting suspense. tune in 3 months' time to find out if i'm still alive, for the people who only watch final episodes.

i know my updates have been few and far between. but i won't apologize. i have nothing to talk about anyway. what do you want me to blog about? breasts? my project revolves around breasts. breasts, babies, toddlers, tots, parents, nappies... man it really sounds like a weird alien force has taken over me innit?

don't worry, nothing has happened. i'm still alive. well, the last time i checked anyway. i'm still breathing, that accounts for something. i'm not pregnant, i'm not married, i'm not suddenly a mother. i still remain unmarried and an intern. ooo the life of an intern. what a finicky business. i have grown to dislike kids more and more!

the past week saw endless shoots. wed thu fri. thank goodness i'm not the other group of interns. poor thing, she has to go on shoot continuously from wed till sat. and then again next mon and wed and no idea when.

i was so fucking tired by thurs. fell asleep at shoot and in taxi after shoot. later at home flew into a quiet rage (lol that sounds somewhat wrong), got mentally heated up when asked to do more saikang. but. it's no one's fault. i was just tired. exhaustion does funny things to people. my temper is explosive when i'm stressed or tired or pms-ing (yes, i'm female. i have the right to pms. LOL). aww but fri i was alright. i must admit the shoot was fun. thurs was not. wed was stressful. i hope monday's will be alright. another thing to be thankful for, i don't suffer from panic attacks nor migraines. i suppose if i did, that would compound my difficulties even further.

ok so where was i.

just told my dad about the event tomorrow. GLS. haha. insaneness. why do i crawl out of bed just for some lame event. actually it's because my good friends are going, and there are goodie bags for the taking, and it's free. oooo i just love sucking money out of that company. everyone's always in disbelief when i say i going for early event. but i'm weird. i cannot be early for scheduled things like work or class. every day around same time, i confirm late. yesterday even worse, was 1hr+ late for work. hope no one noticed. LOL. shit man. starting to chao keng liao. but i put in my hours. guess i can justify that by saying it's compensation for all the OT i have done so far. since i don't get paid OT also. anyway for unscheduled things like suddenly 7am or suddenly 8am. i won't be late. i'm not late for shoots. i'm not late for early events. perhaps it's the importance of the matter. but i was late meeting my friend the other time, partly because i was smsing while bathing and i couldn't find him at the meeting place.

i never know how to make overseas calls. nor key in overseas numbers on my phone. but there's always a first time. i still have many questions. i wanted to ask last night during the rare time he was even online, and even rarer time he was in game. somehow couldn't ask. i want to understand personalities, i want to understand behaviours and motivating factors. i want to understand and know the person more. but there's only so much you can say or do in the virtual environment. but i should know by now, guys are flirts. right? and i should know by now that i have to take everything with a pinch of salt. to me, the real world dissolves away as quickly as the virtual world. both are meshed into one for me. but it is infinitely more satisfying to meet up with friends in the real world. see real smiles, speak face to face, have reassuring and friendly gestures of the hands. to walk side by side or in a group, laughing about nothing. or going on and on and on about some random game or some wacky concept while people look on with eyebrow raised in mrt.

i've been missing my social life. that's what also puts me into a bad mood. which explains why i was happy to see nisu when he waited for me after his jap exam, even though i OTed for half an hour laughing with NW over some HPB ad we were thinking of doing, involving stress and depression. oh it was silly, what with her popping of bubblewrap. sounded psychotic. we're psychotic already. it was last last week's stress. apparently nisu finished around 530, he walked around kino until 615, then i think he went walk arcade and i dunno what. he's patient. actually he is a very good person, i do like him a lot, but as a friend. guess he is everyone's friend as he said before. everyone likes him loads as a friend because he is so nice. too bad he is not my type. i'm sorry i'm fussy, but there is a certain type that attracts me. lol! but even so, my standard is not very high.

eh.

i have so many things to do today but i can't do all of them i know. maybe i will have to forgo shopping again. T_T

haven't even had breakfast. first thing in the morning come online and blog a bit. let my readers have something to read before the week swallows me up again in its grind. ooooo the endless maize. wahahahaha. the windmill of fury and flurry~ spin spin spin whoosh! endless corn fields of real ears and corniness. GROWING EARS. to paste on walls. debug debug them. so many errors system overload.

clear comp to patch maple,
do jap hw,
study for kanji test,
go shopping,
wait around for a phonecall,
eat my breakfast of course.

it's been waiting for me for an hour.

I'M SORRY BREAKFAST.
MY POOR HERB CHEESE AND BUTTERED COUNTRY GRAHAM BREAD.
I'M COMING!
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 11:53:00 AM

beez

been buzzing about.

i feel like the beetles that fly in from time to time, mimicking the same action they always do; ramming their exoskeletal brown bodies against the light, the wall, the window.

tchik tchik tchik

work is terrible. nearly reduced me to a mess last week. i was dreading the monday that came and went. thankful for a presence that suddenly reappeared.

actually i have many presences to thank for my sanity.
it's strange, really. how i find solace in game.
but the solace i find, and my inability to exercise self-restraint, it inhibits my happiness in a sense.

so. you ask why.

it's a vicious cycle, really.
in my quest for solace and avoidance of the dawning of the next day (which of course, bodes work and more work. damn that four letter word) i hide myself in game and stay there for insanely long periods of time. for hours on end. and then i go to work the next day feeling terribly drained and no more happier than i did the previous day, which of course boils down to a big negative on my self-fulfilment scale. or i could call it maslow's hierarchy of needs.

and there are the missing people.
well, one actually.

and there are the holes and the pieces that fit somewhat. like how a circle is similar to an oval but is not, or how a rectangle is an unequal square.

but like the cube that that has enough corners added onto it, it can be shaped into a circle. a circle is a shape with infinite sides. reshaping kamo. it's funny really, replacements. or should i say, supplements? sounds like taking multivitamin to nourish beyond the standard 3-meal diet.

i can get angry at no one in particular when i'm tired.
i can sleep anywhere yet i can don't sleep.
i can don't miss yet i can miss.

do i make sense?
no i don't.
i don't intend to make sense anyway.

2 hour journey home gave me time to think and sleep.
weird, how i put think and sleep together.
can one think while sleeping?
perhaps.
they say memory improves while asleep.

i don't like to keep too many spare tyres, but i'm afraid the main tyre will puncture one day. but those spare tyres, i've never used them before, don't know how to change a tyre. don't even know what ulu brand, i might skid on the road. better stick with my original tyres.

ooo my eyes closed.
i am falling asleep.
i dreamt of work.
what else is new.

actually i forgot why i was blogging.
another post about nothing.

i fell asleep again.
a sign for me to climb into bed.
tata.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 6:08:00 AM

Thursday, March 08, 2007

feel ill.
-_-
tomorrow it's back to fish soup or mee hoon kuay from whichever place.
blah.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 8:52:00 PM

MU-hahaha

LOL what is this man! my full name sia!



okok dith go makan pillow and watch sheep jump over fence in erotic manner without wooly coats because they're naked. whee sheep porn! count the sheep puff weenies!

1...
2...
3...

MEH I LOST COUNT!

hypnotic effect you know...
like a pendulum...
swinging....
swinging....

z_z
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:15:00 AM

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

rocks

yay! artistic streak hits me when i'm stressed.
maybe i misunderstood. i think it's autism.

today's offering:



all who agree with me say aye!
all who disagree say nay!

i have a million things to complain about work.
but let's just leave it.
if i say again sure get angry again.
so just keep it away from here.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 10:39:00 PM

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

stress...



CAN YOU GUESS WHY?
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 11:51:00 PM

backdated-ness

tuesday. i think i'm going to die soon. in addition to feeling underpaid, i have come to feeling underappreciated and under-rested. ooo yes and did i mention that internship is overrated? oh wait. working in the media is overrated. shitload of work, shitload of crap you need to take from people, and shit pay. rocks. wonder if i'll be really working in this line in the future. i shudder at the thought.

speaking of shuddering, my office building felt the tremors from sumatra today. actually i quite liked the sensation, but then again, that doesn't negate the fact that the casualties are still climbing and that transport and communication has been disrupted.

feel so damn tired, i could sleep now and wake up next week still feeling like i need more sleep. whoohoo...

intern suffering from burn out. and not even halfway through the entire span. ahh yes, i have my whole working adult life to look forward to... not a cheery sight, i must say.

chocolate supplements my diet. gonna become super fat. saw more boob shots today. ooo people can be so cruel when it comes to criticizing other people. i kept my mouth shut, because i know i'm not any better than them, or the person they're criticizing. but that's just human, to criticize. it's how we make ourselves feel better.

words can make or break a spirit, eh?

3 months 3 weeks 4 days to go. nothing can save me from slavery and servitude. i'm just dreading every single thing of the future.

((dreadlist))
1. back to school - fyp
2. prospective future career - burn out
3. dislike kids even more - yuck. will reject any guy who says he wants to have kids with me, unless he wants to be the one who has them and looks after them. i'm a nightmare parent. i will only agree to have a kid if i can install an artificial womb in my husband, inplant a kid in him, let him give birth, make him look after it with a maid or something, and then dump the kid to some far-off boarding school when it is old enough to fend for itself. oh, not to mention, the dad still has to work and earn money to support me. ooh yeah. ultimate.
4. know too much about motherhood - refer to point 3. and i think i'm ready to be a lactation consultant.
5. self image - can't face the world looking perpetually shagged, overweight, feeling tired, eye-baggy and sloppily dressed. doesn't help that i don't have money to doll myself up either.
6. fked up earlobes - damn you left ear, please heal you bastard. stop getting infected on me, stop bleeding, stop hurting. it's already been a fucking 7 months you whore.
7. whatever. i miss my bed.

----

broken umbrella, broken heart

1st of march.

it fucking rained. as usual. and umbrella fucking died on me. the spring mechanism exploded. well, no. but it snapped, i suppose. i think i'll be the next thing to snap. haha. just wait. push my buttons too much and i'll snap too. whee! useless umbrella!

i suppose i ate yong tau foo. ooo i like yong tau foo. douse it with 2 ladels of sweet sauce and dry yellow mee, gobble it up in double quick time and crawl back to office still feeling unsatiated. not because the food wasn't enough, but the release from office wasn't long enough. give me a 5 hour lunch anytime. then i can only work for 4 of those hours.

on that same day, news reached me that my favorite didi had a quarrel with his gf. was worried for him, and i had reason to be. anyway i guess he and her are alright now. met him again the following day for audi outing. expensive dinner at a chinese restaurant, but just glad to see him in a better mood. although his self inflicted injury pissed me off. needless. for what fuck? i scold him also no use, he would have done it anyway. really can't figure out kids these days. not that i'm an auntie yet, but seriously, the 90s kids are so much different from the 80s kids. and so on and so forth. i guess this is what u might call generation gap. but definitely imo, hate it when kids lose their innocence too early in life, what for? spoils your childhood. you should enjoy as long as possible. be lost in the state of mind of not knowing much about the world. ignorance is bliss. you know too much, you will think too much. sometimes even though you know more than the average kid your age knows, somehow the brain isn't mature enough or the person isn't experienced enough to make certain judgements. easier to make mistakes. please don't make stupid mistakes that will blow up into big matters especially if it flouts the law. now, legality issues are a totally different ball game altogether. it's not just slap you silly and send you to your room. it's cane you silly, dump you in boys home, put a black mark on your name and waste more of your childhood and your life. so please, don't anyhow before planning or asking someone for advice first.

pek chek.

and you, i already told you in 3 languages don't go disturb her. you can disturb anyone except her. i have my reasons, isn't it clear enough for you? i tell you plain and simple just don't go disturb her. the vibes you gave her were not the vibes you claimed to be giving. maybe you are misunderstood in your mind. please grow up a bit more, catch up those missing 5 years. sometimes you seem like my younger brother. ooo i do like you very much as a friend, wish you would grow to realise without a younger person telling you what to do. guess this is the result of self-reclusement in games. for the life you live in game, you trade the life you live in the world. the more self esteem you have in game, you trade the self esteem you ought to have in the world. like that how can you face anyone? i know you're not really like that, you do go out, you're not one of those egoistic gamers, but somehow you still don't understand. you are stubborn. you said it yourself. i'm glad you realise that simple fact. nvm, i already told you not to hurt yourself more. she herself told you that too. just hope you will realise it before you hurt yourself too much.

but i can't be the meat shield all the time. i have to serve as the meat shield for my own person. but i can't. it's like i have casted decoy on myself unintentionally and it won't go away, no matter how many esuna or dispel i have used. luckily there's no skill called arrow. haven't been arrowed much. maybe cos i'm incompetent. you know people tend to associate people's competency by their looks? well, it's just my theory. if anyone is free, you can see if my theory is a proven one or not. remember, google is your best friend.

i am so sick and tired of contacting people, of headaching over how to plan a shoot, how to plan shots, how to write my script and how to pacify my talents. but fuck it, you can't satisfy everyone at once. i said in maple last night, to survive, you must be thick skinned, you must be selfish. only the most thick skinned and selfish will survive man. yourself comes first. or rather, your job comes first. just take what people give. if there is a giver, there will be a recepient. don't feel guilty, the person wants to make you feel indebted to him or her and thus re-benefit that person. why re-benefit? because the first benefit to them was to make them feel good and that their hearts were made of gold. rubbish. hearts are but black pieces of rusted shit. no one has a golden heart. it's a hard black lump of charcoal that fuels the body. the organ we call the heart is just the motor that drives the furnace that ignites the charcoal. hence black hearted came about. the combustion of charcoal by the motor we call the heart muscle. that's why they say humans are made of carbon. charcoal is made of carbon. it's the result of combustion of that charcoal within us. black hearted humans. i'm no exception.

well. isn't this an exceptionally long rant since the previous time i posted? told you it's backdated. nothing else to add on. i just want to kill some people and hide under a rug until the world ends.

till then, i'm off.
hope my pillow bids me sweet dreams.
and my bed, a gentle floating vessel into the depths of murky work-related dreams.
oh the horror!

sheesh.
i'll be walking on hot coals until after internship.
you all have been warned.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 10:01:00 PM