Thursday, November 29, 2007

red

hmm, few days ago received some bad news. but seems things have more or less settled. me delivers hugs to the receivers of bad news.

but the year will be over soon, christmas is coming. hope things work out better for everyone.

gotta be frugal this year. fyp's sucking up my money and my life. how nice if i suddenly came into possession of a million dollars, or even a hundred thousand would be nice. or ten thousand. ill gotten gains would do fine too... just as long as i'm not incriminated by any circumstance or evidence. lalala.

ya so xmas presents, gonna try to make them. haha. which is not bad, because i do like making things with my hands =) but depends if i hv the time. fyp sucks time as well. but it will be over soon... aye.

let's see.. hmm. i lost my train of thought again. way too distracted nowadays. nothing much to blog about too. heh.

main things on my mind now:
1. fyp
2. money
3. 11th-13th dec
4. my laziness and escapism and procrastination problem
5. i'm just awkward, aint i.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:27:00 AM

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

eek. dust bunnies!

just finished tidying my computer table. not say totally tidied, but noticeably neater.

comp running slow, something wrong. -_- me suspects too much dvd watching. i'll give it a restart later to see how. *scared*

gtg for meeting later. shit. feel like ultimate lazy bum.

may the evil dust bunnies revolt from the floor and eat me up.

i never seem to give enough...
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:34:00 PM

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

queer

i took yesterday and today to watch The Great Gatsby.

procrastination really makes things take much longer than they should.

and i miss the green cup. the cup my sister broke today -_-
i was nodding off and falling asleep at the comp as usual after dinner, and the sudden sound of her smashing it accidentally shook me awake. anyway it's a good alarm clock. for i was shaken out of sleep and hence managed to play audi for a bit and finish watching the film.

well, it's not a bad movie. 1974 based on a famous novel. just pissed me to no end when i kept noticing the men had superfluous and perpetual beads of sweat on their faces. argh. and the women were nicely made up, soft and rosy and looked overpowdered. argh the sweaty faces. yucks! why did they not have kerchiefs at hand to dab at the sweat? or did they think sweat on men was sexy? OMG.

other than the sweat issue, the movie was good. could've been better if i didn't need to confront perspiration in close up. totally kept throwing me off.

frivolously... sad.

next in line is something starring Bogart called Dark Passage. hope that's good. will watch it tomorrow.

my blisters feel odd. oh but i haven't told you guys about me getting lost (as usual) and wearing new shoes, thus ending up with badly blistered backs of ankles and bloodstained shoe to boot. rocks. painful memories are made once again. never gonna clean the blood from my shoe. it's a marking of my possession and of my pain. HAHA.

feel so awesomely tired now. perhaps i will go to bed soon.

seeing a nick on msn kinda makes me think back of the past sometimes. a bit of nostalgia. but i don't feel much. just giving a wry smile, i minimize msn. it was only last year but it feels so distant, just like friendships that have grown over the course of a few months but feel like a few years or even a lifetime.

the xmas lights that adorn orchard road this christmas season look nice. like angel's hair of light purple and white with the occasional gold. it's simple, yet nice. not too gaudy, gentle... almost peaceful until you see the volume of people there and the immense facelifts the already re-revamped streets are getting, and then you stop to curse and swear. nice streets defaced by crowds and construction.

anyway i've got a new addiction. i suspect it was born out of the donut craze, but it's good! it's not oily and actually very nice and cheap. Chewy Junior, my latest obsession and discovery in tanjong pagar. the texture is like mochi, but there's a cream filling, and it's not like butter cream or cheap cream filling, it's a bit like the cream filling in beard papa. and the topping is actually quite nice. the apple topping is nice, even the chocolate topping isn't too heaty. and it's only $1. great deal.

now to see when i'll be returning to tanjong pagar again...

so fast things are coming today. the exams have come and gone, there's interim report submission, there's fyp to do, there's my escape to Somewhere that's in the works, subject registration is next monday, our 2 castings are over and one more in the works also on monday...

i'm sorry i'm not a good team member. but i will try to buck up.

itsumo, tomodachi no okage de dekiru mono da.

gone case, and gmail cannot connect.
i'm very tired, me goes sleep now and hopes to wakie early tomorrow to do workies. need to wake before crazy pouncing feline ambushes me tomorrow. heh. today managed to avoid being pounced on. lalala. in fact, telepathy's at work everywhere. message each other same time. lol.

quirky coincidences do not make a phenomenom.
anyway, bed.
night!
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:30:00 AM

Saturday, November 24, 2007

the moon fell

i was looking at the sky with my friends, admiring the evening mist that was beginning to gather when suddenly my friend shouted. and then i noticed it, the golden trail the followed the spherical form of the moon.

the moon was going lower and lower as i watched, leaving a golden trail in its wake.

=O! the moon, is it falling?!

suddenly it made sense to take out my phone cam. but it is laggy, so it took awhile to get to video mode. as i waited for it, the moon fell even faster, and got even lower. *shock* and it was falling behind some buildings.

would it bounce? all eyes were on the moon. and then my phone cam kicked into action.

i managed to record the moon disappearing behind some low grey builings on a grassy knoll in the distance, and then suddenly, just as i'd expected, it reappeared and then for a moment, was suspended before going earthbound again.

O_q! the moon did indeed bounce!

and i recorded it as it bounced and went higher and higher until it bounced back to where it had originally been. it hovered there for a moment and suddenly started to fall to the other side!

i gave chase with my friends, hoping we could see what the moon looked like.

and then i saw it coming down, the moon.

actually it was a speckled egg thing that was attached to the front of a futuristic looking vehicle, something like a rocket car. and it fell to the road nicely. i saw it then, for the first time. purplish pink rocket car with the speckled egg moon on the front.

it drove on the road then, and to a funny space-like structure.

ara. *_* the moon was going for servicing.

-.-"

and then i woke up @_@
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 9:26:00 AM

Thursday, November 22, 2007

my mental problems are surfacing again.
@_@
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:23:00 PM

my mental problems are surfacing again.
@_@
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:23:00 PM

.....

.....

.....

.....

.....

LOL

.....

$....

$$$$$

$$$$$$

$$$$$$$

WAHAHAHAHAHA

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

...

itsumo okane no koto ga fuita. hai, hai, wakatteirun.
ima kara dare mo renroku shinai.
bai bai minna san.

msn mo intanetto shika nai au.

-_-

okane...
sonna ni hitsuyou koto da.
okanemochi ni shitai.
:(
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:37:00 PM

little dictator

what i like is influencing people to act according to my whim and desire, without even knowing i have caused them to act.
through the tiny subtleties i can shift and bend, i can slowly bend their will.

the best power is to influence without your subjects being in the know.

delusional as i am, i pride myself on being able to influence through subtleties, through thought signals, and i also have a knack of noticing detail (if i so desire to) and from there i can see if my subtleties do attach bits of puppet string on my marionettes.

let me live in my fantasy a bit longer.
XD
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:03:00 AM

find me a sailor and i'll find you the boat

tired. but not fatal. only run the risk of inhaling insects or dust mites when i yawn. e_e
2 exams today.
media law and japa.
-_-

frankly i'm getting quite sick of jap.
the anarchist within me says to hell with it.
yet the rational shards pipe up, reminding me of why i wanted to pursue the language.
i suppose it's my fault.
shan't blame the damn exams clashing.
as long as i pass, yeah. should be fine. the thing is, can i pass?
been raining these past couple of days. with the weather so cold and the sky so gloomy all the time, i can't help but feel the same.

perhaps pursuing jap would be easier next year because by the time the jap yr end exams come, i'll be working already. sigh. another headache to add. i dunno why i'm so work-phobic. a bad internship experience? i kinda liked my holiday job working as an IT assistant in the primary school. kids are easy to fool =) you tell them how to do something and they usually follow. you are their 'cheh cheh' (or their 'auntie' -_-) and they do go overboard playing with you. and the little girls like you because you have long hair and smile at them, and the young boys like you too, and they pull your hand or go looking for you. LOL.

eh don't get me wrong.
i don't like kids still.
but having a low-commitment working relationship with them is relatively stress free, hence i like it.
they won't scold you for doing something wrong, they won't judge you for being incompetent, they won't complain to your manager.
well, the younger ones anyway. the older ones are too damn rebellious -.-

but, the spirit of rebellion is good.
i miss that fire within me.
now i am old and jaded and i don't wish to fight anymore.
i have other pressing matters to worry about.

sighs.

i'm kinda stressed right now.
so many decisions to make.
weighing on me.
i hate the weight of intangible things.
because they weigh so much yet aren't really there, you can't really get rid of them and that's what i hate. the weight, the burden, on your shoulders.

i've actually got some dilemmas la.
dunno if i should blog them here in plain sight.
but then i think back and i really believe, that with money, we can solve most problems.
and it's true.

i can even effect culture change.
powerful lobbyists on my side, the media all looking to me, i can make or break an issue, i am a newsmaker, i am a shareholder...

so exciting if one has that power.
but so scary.
scary for me... but won't it be so exhilirating?
see, my problem is, i don't trust myself enough.
don't trust myself to make decisions and don't even trust my preferences.

actually, i've got some psychological problems too.
dunno.. am i schizoid?

anyway, i'm a very -phobic person.
what do we have...
decision-phobic
commitment-phobic
fear of heights
fear of strange places
fear of bugs
fear of needles
fear of troubling others
(is that a social phobia?)
paranoia

hmm.
and i can say one thing but do another.
i'm serious. it's quite scary, the disparity. -_-
who i am and who i say i am.
who i am? gotta see me in uninhibited state. like when i'm drunk. yeah, when i'm drunk i'm actually fun. or relaxed. or at night. or with people who are not connected to my 'normal' life.
who i say i am?
the good shy person who has so many phobias, even that of public eyes watching her every move... oh, she's paranoid and can't have fun because this is embarrassing, that is too raunchy... she doesn't like to be too loud... she thinks of how people see her and judge her.. SO MANY INHIBITIONS. GAWD.

so who should i be?

dunno.
there are so many "me"s.
recently there's the emo me.
goes around in baggy tee shirts and loose jeans, with hair barely combed, all over face, wearing either a stoned expression or a very irritated, dao and sian face. no smile. emits a dark scary aura and sits at the back of class away from everyone and everything else. stuck in her own dust cloud world, she is the queen dust bunny. and her thoughts are very dark.

actually you wouldn't wanna be around her.
you'll just get irritated -_-
hence best to leave her alone unless you think you can tahan being irritated by her unresponsiveness and morbidly pessimistic utterances.

......

disparity really makes it hard to come to a consensus.
i am still struggling between the disparity of smses and face to face communication.
if i am awkward, means i am trying to adjust.
the quiet lapses, the oddness, but it doesn't take much to feel comfortable again, i suppose...

although sometimes my brain doubts everything and everyone...
i even wonder if i am still alive sometimes.
but then again, being me, i wouldn't go to a mirror to check.
if someone bumps into me, then ok, it affirms my existence.
LOL reminds me of the shroedinger's cat thought experiment.
you don't exist until someone affirms your existence.
but once that happens, it affects another thing and sets it into motion.
....i think.
that concept is still pretty hard to grasp.
favorite theory is still about the communal ability of plants to experience emotions and telepathic communication, even when in different buildings.
awesomely cool, but i digress.

sighs.
screwed up jap.
half-here-half-there media law.
very tired.
jaded.
brain cells are failing me.
really lost my ability to cram.
too sian to go for jap compo tomorrow.
laigi sian to prepare for adv video production.
sighs.

still feel like lying on bed, pretending to be a corpse and rotting.
well, actually i can la.
but it sucks, when the next thing you notice, your eyes open and it's day.
another day, all over again! sent to torture you with those rays of light...... argh.

well anyway today i was late for my #666 seat number exam.
barely on time for jap.
rained rained rained.
luckily only caught in drizzle.

sighs.
i need a STOPwatch.
stop everything.
think if we could actually BUY time, i'd be damn broke now.
cos i'd be spending all my money on buying more time to do the things i like and to rest.

eyer.
today some noisy 10yr old kid in the bus talking on his handphone.
talk talk talk about maplestory.
talk talk talk.
suddenly said wanna give his friend his account to play and told his friend to take pencil to write down account details.

my ears twitched, and i tuned in to the conversation.
(which wasn't hard, because he was practically SHOUTING in the bus to his friend on his handphone)
yeah kids on their handphones, anyhow call people like free ah? crazy toot.

my account name is...
*my ears pricked up*

and then the bus pulled into the interchange and we all had to get off.
and i lost that boy -_-
i was also running late for jap exam so couldn't give chase.
anyway what would i do with his account details?
at most go in, throw all the items on ground, loot, etc.
or just don't bother since i have no time anyway.

----------
anyway am quite cheered up.
3-color nepolitan ice cream.
after scarfing dinner and 2 eggs and some mango and leftover coleslaw that didn't taste too good.....
ho hum.

and maybe meeting mu on fri afternoon to go esplanade lib and to hang out and maybe do a spot of shopping and go EATTTTTT.
:D

and not to mention, exams end on friday.

omigosh.
eat!!!!

excited.
that's all there is to do in sg anyway.
and walk.
and catch expensive movies.
and talk till wee hours.
and go shopping.
and eat some more.

feeling grounded again.
*jumps on mu who is napping*

XDDDD!!
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:22:00 AM

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

2 hrs to slp, woots~!
GOOD LUCK DITHA!!!!!!
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 5:07:00 AM

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

i know why! 2

Perceived Notions of:
1. time
2. currency
3. exclusiveness

these factors result in creating limitations on myself thus amounting to stress and not knowing what to do also. -_- i would also call into question the lack of information that occasionally pops up...

thus some examples of limitation:
(as well as other problems)
- feel odd to do everyday things like run errands
- dunno where and what to eat
- there's nothing special to do in singapore that is time effective
- wanna go have picnic or beach but also cannot
- always dunno if this and that too expensive
- working within limits is not my forte
- i was never meant for the tourism industry
- bad spatial ability and lack of initiative

.......random entries in lapses of my academic pursuit... just a little over 12hours left to study...............

PANIC MODE.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 8:38:00 PM

i know why!

after reading half the book called Free Culture, i finally know why things are what they are now. and i'm faced with a sudden depressing outlook on the future of copyright control and law.

the same (C) symbol that used to stand for Copyright in good stead now means another thing. it has become the (C) for Commercialization.

it's sad, but it's true.

companies become bigger and bigger. in the same sense they become richer and richer. they swallow up the small fishies of the market and take them under their wing only to have more control.

things have a wider, more international reach with their power and influence. yet at the same time, they become (C)entralized and increasingly (C)ommercialized. and of course, the rich get richer and the poor just get increasingly poorer and can only follow the crumbs and leftovers of what the rich have allocated for them.

although this would potentially get me in trouble, i'll say my theory. i think (C)apitalism has its roots in america and they are one of the drivers of this force. in another argument, their reach over the world is significant and influential.

when america says, we do this. the world listens. when america stocks drop, the world gets depressed. when america is attacked, the world helps.

why? i ask why?

and after watching Sicko, i am so disappointed that they are so cruel to their citizens. another c word, but they have no power of the (C), as the health insurance companies are so obsessed with the (C) in (C)ruel. everything is profit driven. (C)ash over comfort. Wealth over Health.

thus, the big companies there strive to maintain (C)ontrol over (C)opyright to secure profits. many cases that have been illustrated in the book i've been reading come across as absurd. totally discredits their intelligence. why do we let these (C)ompanies (C)ontrol us?!?!

but that's just in america right?

somehow the law has spread internationally. one reason is the influence and impact they hold. another is the increasing globalization of the world.

we should Champion for Creativity and not be (C)ontrolled by (C)apitalistic (C)ommercial (C)ompanies so obsessed with (C)ash.

bah! i'm so freaking disappointed.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 8:09:00 PM

hmm.

i went to sleep for 11 hours and it does help.

^ ^...

functional again.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 1:09:00 PM

hate

i'm coming to hate myself...
this indecisiveness, this lack of spatial orientation, this wastage of time...
such a disgusting flaw i feel like smashing my head with a brick. LOL.

am i stupid or what?

...i think i am.

argh............

stressed. depressed. troubled.

explosion's gonna be inevitable.....
in what form and when, i'm not sure....

:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

hate this depression.. it's getting to me.. interferring with my normal functions..... damn u la why'd u start on the issue that triggered it all. don't come stress me when i'm having exams right? i'm still bitter. bitter bitter bitter.

accusatory tones.

DAMMIT.

FUCK.

i dun care man.. altho mom said don't be angry at him, i did say i have a RIGHT to at least be ANGRY if he can limit my other rights. just because i am your daughter doesn't mean i cannot be ANGRY at you. just because you are my parent doesn't mean you have a RIGHT to be angry at me and i can't.

I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE ANGRY AND I'M EXERCISING IT.

FUCK.

DAMMIT.

MOUNT DITHA GONNA ERUPT SOON AND IT AINT GONNA BE PRETTY.

arghhhhh.

and now, EVERY SINGLE TINY ISSUE IS GETTING TO ME.

ALL MY FLAWS ARE POKING ME WITH THEIR STICKS, ALL MY SHORTCOMINGS ARE FLINGING STONES AT ME, ALL MY BLINDSPOTS ARE PUMPING BULLETS INTO ME...

ARGHHHHHH.
BULLETRIDDEN CORPSE.
I CANNOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME FOCUS ON MY STUPID MEDIA LAW ALREADY LA.
FUCK.
EVERY 2 OR 3 SENTENCES I WILL STOP AND SIGH.

............
.............
...............
.............
...............
.......

goodness me.

FUCK LA DITH.
SINCE WHEN A SIMPLE EXCHANGE OF WORDS WILL GET YOU INTO THIS STATE.
GET A HOLD OF YOUR STUPID SELF.

RENDERED INELOQUENT AND HAVING THOUGHTS ZIGZAGGING IN ALL DIRECTIONS AT ONCE...
IT'S A WONDER YOU COULD EVEN FIND YOUR WAY BACK HOME.

............

IDIOT LA YOU.
i'm giving up on you.

PLEASE.
just get a hold on yourself and study, la.
for fuck's sake.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:40:00 AM

Monday, November 19, 2007

argh...

i hate feeling depressed yet having a fairly nice day...
:(
:'(
:~(

sux feeling...

wanna just crawl into bed under the sheets and pretend i'm a corpse.
....

unfortunately for living responsibilities, i have to study for my exams and do my final year project.............

:(
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 11:09:00 PM

forget it.
the grudge i've borne from 3.5yrs back has returned to poke me cruelly in the eye.
you have a facade living in these premises.
the facade that wakes up every morning and pretends to be your nice daughter and sister.

.........

coupled with the exams, i've sensibly decided to be a conformist.
it goes against my beliefs, no doubt, but i need to be able to study and get through my final year in univ.
as if struggling through school wasn't bad enough.
i don't need any family conflicts.

.........

the facade is back again.
hatred flares.
then fades, concealed but not extinguished.

.........

asian values, asian values.
ok i will go along with harmony as it seems the wisest choice.
no time nor energy to go about my crazy rebel antics of the past.
i was 19, i had time and energy.
now i'm 22.
i'm jaded, old, tied down with responsibilities and i have no time.

........

no time to bother.
shan't care.
go away, shut up.

facadith is here to stay.

be warned when you talk to me next.
you never know if you're talking to me or my shell.

be warned.

...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:20:00 AM

Sunday, November 18, 2007

shove that thought up ur bum

initially i was thinking of being hokkien-style vulgar in this entry. on second thought, i think i will conduct this rant in a civilized manner like any law student.

i abhor closed-mindedness, especially on issues regarding me, or any agent of myself, be it well-being, welfare, happiness, philosophy and so on and so forth. sure, i can tolerate it if you mean nothing to me. if you're just a stranger or an acquaintance, i will wave you on dismissively like a passing fly that does not venture into my soup only to drown inside and spoil my day.

i hate it if the closed-mindedness stems from my own family members.

don't we share the same blood? the same family values? the same home? or is it because somehow i am such an anomaly, with my differing social circles of people who hail from a vast range of backgrounds and education? it's disgusting when something you would consider normal and reasonable for any rational semi-liberal as i deem myself to be is made out to be a 'no-no' or an atrocity in that of the same family this semi-liberal is born from.

if you're my mom or my dad, i understand. you guys come from a time and from a culture that deemed dating as going out with members of the opposite gender, one-on-one, but that didn't involve intimacy. hello? to me, that is just going out with friends. i have a right to go out with who i like and in any number i like. by the time i wait for a GROUP of people to be available, i might as well have just gone out ALONE. but alright, i give you credit for not turning a hair when i go out singly with a guy.

secondly, their ideals of 'serious relationship' coincides with my ideals of casual dating. to them, a serious relationship is one where you call the other your girlfriend or boyfriend - a result of a series of successful dates - and you go into a serious relationship with him or her with the intent to settle down. to me, dating means going out with a boyfriend or girlfriend. going out with someone you merely like but have not acknowledged is still called 'going out with a friend', or perhaps, in some cases, 'simply trying to see if he would like you' or in the case you know the guy likes you, 'simply trying to see if he would be a possible candidate'. such are the rules of dating and relationships in my realm

settling down is something a distant future would possibly bring; for i do need someone to wake me up so i would not miss work, to catch bugs for me and to keep the house occupied (because i am scared) as well as to be my companion in old age.

some people have the notion that when you declare someone is your boyfriend or girlfriend, you have the intent of marrying them and being wholly serious about them. i am not those people. but i think i still belong to a majority that have the mentality of 'try and see how it goes'. afterall, if you don't try, you don't know. if the time is right, you may settle down, or you may break off, who knows. but that is in the future. i live in the NOW, i don't live in the MIGHT BE.

because if you don't live for the Now, you'd never know when the Might Be will come. and if the Might Be never comes, then what happens of the Now? the Now is always a past's Might Be. and a Might Be will be a future's Now.

of course, i am not like some people that i know, who just go around dating anyone who expresses an interest in them. at this point, i will stop and give a cynical laugh, and a smirk of disgust. i do have my standards and my concerns. i do have my PRIDE and my EGO and my IMAGE and my REPUTATION to take care of. i will not date any ugly bumbling doofus that shows up kissing my feet. neither will i date any handsome goodlooker whom i have no feelings for.

you see, although i express my semi-liberal views on the issue, i am not shallow. and i never will be. inspired by the continued disgust of my mom and my sis' narrow-mindedness, i have been spurred to write this entry.

oh yes, she is narrow-minded in this dimension too.

one would expect her to have more liberal views due to her younger age and social circle of good guy friends and a good rapport with them and the like. not to mention she attracts them thrice as well as i do, or even more. for someone young, socially active, slim, sporty and even attractive as her, why does she harbour such narrow views?

while i chew upon the curd of that question, oftentimes i also do wonder: is it intead myself whom i should look out for when it comes to matters like these? to adopt these views that my family has? perhaps it is time i re-examine my own views and thought-philosophy?

so perhaps i should consider having a relationship with people whom i only want to marry? but for a person who doesn't quite believe in love at first sight (because it's not reliable.. you'd never know if that guy is a bastard or a jerk until you know him long enough), but in chances, opportunities, fate and choice that emerges from the small voice of sensibility within yourself that dictates it as such... i cannot bring myself to conform, let alone subscribe to these philosophies.

i am not promiscuous. are you crazy? dear reader, please erase that thought from your evil head. i am simply a gut-relying human with a semi-liberal outlook on life and relationships, driven by the expression of my rights, to a reasonable extent, of course, for i am a rational person, although sometimes viewed as not very sane.

anyway, i am out of rants. until the next time, when i feel the indignition and disgust rising within my chest resulting from anti-dithian philosophies and am compelled to thus expel it.

right now i am just gonna go back to reading my copyright law.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 3:25:00 PM

Saturday, November 17, 2007

mish-mash

what have i gleaned from my 3-day stay-inside-house-do-nothing-but-try-to-mug marathon?

a big fat ZERO. NADA. NOTHING. NIL. ZILCH. NANI MO NAI.

not that i haven't tried. don't judge me on the basis of my non-progress that i've been slacking because i have sincerely, whole-heartedly been trying to study. and it's only 401. i haven't touched 422 nor jap, what say you?

nothing goes in. or it flashes past and makes no sense whatsoever. i read, yes, but i don't absorb. seeing words versus actual comprehension and digestion of them. yah, i need to be able to readily apply these facts and nuggets of knowledge gleaned on my impending exam on the 21st. not to mention it's coupled with my jap exam. please, i don't wish to fail. what a disgrace, wall of shame.

maybe i'm just stupid. i don't possess a brain that can deal with heavy yet important issues like law, politics and philosophy. neither do i have the ability to participate functionally in a debate about those issues. i feel like some dumb bimbo chick now argh.

what happened to softer issues like film, literature and psychology? somehow i can handle those. i'm not a born politician, please don't discriminate against the less logically able.

i think exams are a form of discrimination. yet another way to stereotype, cage, and to pack people into sardinecan-like proverbial boxes with the ugly labels written out with ugly handwriting akin to mine.

also, they are a form of incrimination. your employer sees your results slip, or your university cert. he looks at you, and looks back at your grades. oh, a C. C for carelessly poor. oh a D, D for disgusting results. why aren't the majority A for Able or B for Brilliant?

should i hire you? hmm hmm. ok, thank you, we'll call you later. insert fake smile here and a gentle boot out the door.

incriminating evidence against you for what abilities you might be able to salvage yet that's not quite enough.

paper paper, oh the paper chase, the paper trail.

one reason why i'd chosen not to print out many of the module's notes this semester. also partly because my printing credit has dwindled to something less than a dollar. so, rather than lambast the system for limiting my creative freedom in abusing the school's laser jet printer, i will employ the cloak of social responsibility (now, did i even remember this properly?) and righteously say, with an air of pompousness and pride, that i have nobly chosen not to print the notes because i had a moral responsibility to save the trees and hence the environment. which, of course, further implies that i am a citizen with high moral sensibilities... which of course is pure bullshit.

and that ends up getting my already disastrous concentration screwed because my right hand cannot help but move the mouse to the task bar, open up facebook, msn, gmail and some other random applications while my eyes are trying desperately to net those words on the screen which my brain has already shut off totally.

call it force-feeding and autonomy of the mouse-hand, but aren't those just excuses for my own lack of discipline and procrastination? even blogging here is an act of procrastination. ethically, i would be wrong in doing so. i should be devoting my time, my energies, my money and other precious resources in doing things deemed as moral goods. i should be helping the poor, helping some old lady to cross the road, buying tissue from that tissue lady down at the mrt station, i should be contributing to society.. hell, even studying for my upcoming exams would be more morally correct than ... horrors! slacking.

but the readings have argued that there has to be a balance. and thankful i am, for the moderate compromise that the readings have settled upon as opposed to the extremist view. phew.

don't even get me started on the law segments. for i cannot remember a single decree passed or one of the many similar terms with similar long-winded phrasing in that law book that i read, what seemed like an eternity ago, for my mid-term exam. argh.

distractions? yes, there are many. abovementioned computer procrastination. and then moving down a degree of connectivity, you have handphone procrastination. and thankfully today my handphone has been relatively tame and resigned to the corner except for a few smses in the morning which i didn't wish to reply but somehow i did. yeah. blame it on my moral obligation to respond? excuses, dith, excuses.

oh, sorry. correction. did i say morning? no, i meant afternoon. because i was supposed to embark upon my academic pursuit at 8am, but the body procrastinates as the mind does. and i woke up at 1pm. what the fuck to that. my timing is screwed once more. and again i give pathetic excuses about being unable to study in the day, when the sun is nigh and people are bustling about; but able to study in the night, when things slow down, cockroaches come visiting and sleep is a hazardous thing. but yes, concentration increases. damn you, phenomenom. i will counter your effects and i will not lose.

well, i may sound cranky, ranty and such, but actually am not quite.

dinner is staring at me as usual, while i pound out this entry with a hybrid of furor and elation coursing through my fingers and mind. suddenly i am quite lucid, and that is a good sign. pray, do not evaporate, else i am once again doomed. i attribute this sudden change in my writing style to too many academic texts. ah yes, i blame school.

but it's not a bad thing. it's just the exams getting to me, that's all. hope i will have a good time tomorrow and monday and retain enough energy to plow through more notes. the pursuit of academia is neverending, i will second that. and no, i'd received smses from 2 different entities today, one of which i'd replied without obligation, only by free will.

the differences in my tone get more stark as the hours tick by. soon i will run purely on adrenaline and a feeling of dread that will drive me past the breaking point for my exams. the second last leg of my official education. the road to release of my identity as a student. exams. they are the mark of students.

it's time to think of examinations as a missed memory, once treasured, while i think about my diminishing student status. what's worse than examinations? work. because now the onus is not on you, but on the entire company. oh i hate group work, i hate groupthink and i hate groups. but as an advanced civilised mammal born into a society and possessing natural instincts to make and seek communities for solace, this is something very much unavoidable.

i could rant on for ages. but with the readings you guys are already trying to navigate, i will not burden your brains any further with needless information and drivel.

my food is getting cold. there's a time for study, there's a time for rant, and there's a time for nourishment.

good luck for exams all!
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 10:55:00 PM

Monday, November 12, 2007

falling curses

today as i walked home i saw an old man sorting out his stuff outside his house. he stays on the ground level. think he was perhaps hanging his clothes out to dry.
suddenly i heard a crash and i saw something had fallen and it was beside the old man. i thought he had dropped something and i wondered what it was.

he looked at me looking at him.
then he looked at the thing that had dropped.
then he looked up.

it was then that i realised it had fallen from above and what a close shave he just had.

thus the old man shouted to his inconsiderately careless upstairs neighbor:
KANINA CCB!

i stifled my amused laughter as i walked away.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 5:10:00 AM

hand in hand


(pls ignore taylor waving like an idiot =/ LOL)
(sound quality not gd e_e)
(kenot hear uber guitar)

listening to my fave hanson song again. =)
it's the best of all their songs.
pity they never released it as a single.
the live version rocks banana socks too. omg.

anyway. the japa oral nightmare is over.
screwed it. BLAH. tio qn 1, keigo. OMG. KEIGO GA DAIKIRAI.
kusooooooooooo.
HAHAHAHA MY KEIGO OMG I FORGOT HOW TO CHANGE THE FORMS LIAO.
jiu ming ah..
and i prepared too.
shd have jus prepared for keigo dake.
a very strong feeling i would tio keigo. zomg.

quite disgusting ditha today.
in the first place i woke up late. 12+
ate, slacked, 1+ still slacking WTFFFFFFFFF.
slacked till 2pm. den i was like OMG WTF BBQ PIT.
i need to study else i will be dead banana shit.

haiya.
in the end study until running out of time, cos oral for my class was scheduled at 345 to 4pm. heng i've taken exams at jcs before, so i knew can go earlier (or possibly later). wah i really pushed it today. and luckily my dad was kind enuf to come home to fetch me to japa sch.
m(_ _)m

finally left the house at 4+pm. think 415 like that.
damn late right? my japa oral at 345pm leh!!!!
omg i was so scared i go there no one left to take me oral.
ROARRRRRR. lolz.
and you know what? studied until no time to shower zomg.
LOL YUCKS.
ok la not stinky but still feels gross u noe.
LOL insecure. but really ma, nv pom sure feel gross.
and i'm so used to going out after i pom.
even pom at night den next day go out i also cannot leh. LoL.
smelly girl smelly girl.
but think roy said before that he thinks no matter how smelly a girl is, still smell nicer than a smelly guy LOL.
damn funny.
wonder if it's true.

my skin also not thick enough for me to make myself so smelly and ask guys to smell HAHAHA YUCKS.
my reputation HELLO.
LOL!!!!!

hmm..
oh this is long overdue. my dream on the 6th of nov.

i had an action superstar in my house.
beefed up guy, looked like straight out of a rambo movie or a die hard movie.
or perhaps that plastic box from the toy department.

i had to do makeup for him because my mom said so. she left him at the house and left to do some errands. geez my makeup skills are bad. but i had to draw a red line on his back, around his right arm. to make it look like his arm had been severed off. or rather, torn out and then sewn back. lolz.

drew a really ugly red line. looked damn fake LOL.

actually i was supposed to go to sch but i had to go crystal jade with my family. but this stupid rude man didn't allow the vodka. because once you keep it and take it out again, you gotta pay the charge all over again. stupid inflexible ppl, and extra charges.

in the end i didn't go to sch. i had to take care of the action star. but then an evil sweeping force appeared and he had to take care of me. he became my personal action hero bodyguard (with that ugly red line still)

i saw a girl at the window growing up.
she is a witch and she's being watched by this old lady who pretends to be an innocent looking wooden doll.

and still the evil black force swept around.

we were in the tunnel where it spiraled below. a guy jumped from the cage into the swirl and he was consumed. the force grew stronger, and swept up, consuming the other guy who was hanging on to the cage-like tunnel.

my mom was bathing when the force came.

it swept into the kitchen and into the bathroom, and behind the door the yellow light suddenly turned a shade of horrendous black and still the usual bathing sounds continued. so freaky.

i pretended not to notice so the force wouldn't notice me.

mom came out and seemed normal, but she became a bad witch. she made a recipe on the stove for hypnosis and to catch the croc hunter. i had to keep test tasting it. actually it was quite nice. she was so delighted that her first spell tasted so nice. one of the ingredients included a "cascade of sand" and other weird items.

odd that the cascade of sand tasted like ground peanut powder lolz. when we put inside it tasted like sugar water. so it became peanut tangyuan without the glutinous rice coating is it?

gradually, the mixture formed into peanut shells which popped into fluffy lychees when it cooled. luckily the cookbook had remedies too and i was safe from the poisons.

what was on my mind ultimately was that i still didn't go to sch for my 1030am maths lesson! ahhh shimatta~~~~~ (but i dun take maths. ara)

........

anyway, i think i hv nothing to say anymore.
toodles =D
time to study tomorrow! OMG.....
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 4:07:00 AM

Sunday, November 11, 2007

weak-week

in the end i still turned in a slip shod 1.7k word essay for my film studies final assignment. and it was already 2 days late. but i shan't make excuses; i will simply admit that i have been lazy and gave in to the temptation of procrastination.

hmm, i think the previous time i blogged here was a week ago. tsk tsk backlog to clear. LOL. anyway i think i owe my readers something. let me try to recount my week slowly. will probably leave out many details because my memory has holes.

oh monday. i was damn tired. i have no idea why. 2 hours of sleep only? actually, no big deal leh. but still. sat at the corner of the editing suite and snuggled into the crook of the wall and slept because i couldn't bear staying awake any longer. a super unglam picture of me sleeping was snapped. i do hope it has been deleted. D:

no one should be subject to the unglam horrific grey lump in the corner that was me! geh! D:

YOUR EYES WILL GROW WARTS I SWEAR.

well. did nothing much. dunno why. super inefficient when all i wanna do is to curl up in a ball on my bed and sleep, hugging my pillow and cow under my nice green woollie blankie. somehow managed to stay for 401 lecture but i fell asleep halfway and i DIDN'T EVEN REALISE until i awoke from my slumber. eeeee.

got a lift from mintz after the massive camwhoring session in the lecture theatre which i didn't partake in. (but she did. AHA!) mooxiu developed cold feet from paiseh syndrome and ran away to take mrt, leaving me alone with mintz. of course i didn't mind la, had a good laugh cos it was so damn funny, but felt kinda sad because i envisioned a car of the paiseh ones united.

you know, the whole "WITH OUR POWER, WE ARE THE PAISEH ONES".

blehs. but this communion never happened. *cries*

concussed at 1030pm. super early, considering my bedtime ranges from 2am to 5am usually. stayed comatose until 930am the next day. eek. but after my resurrection, i was ready to face the world once again!

this time, armed with a VO script, a sound recording device, and fcp, recorded VO for script class then laid the track. blehs. didn't quite match but bleh whatever. should have exported to video so can post at some random site but heck. my voice just sounds bad when recorded. T_T and i can't speak properly. LOL. whatever.

after that was done, helped do some foley. gah stupid mic. sensitive until can hear EVERYTHING. sl wondered what squeaky sound she kept hearing while she kept asking me to bend down and pick up things or walk around the room etc. errr. when i told her what it was she started to laugh. *red* thank goodness not a guy. heh heh. my stupid bra makes irritating noises like that of some sling bags. you know some sling bags squeak because of the friction between the plastic bits? something like that la. hahaha. quite funny la. dots.

landed up in bunk playing audi. ho hum. zombie alf as usual crazy de. had dinner, watched a movie and then went home. somehow i developed quite a bad headache at the left side of my head which warranted me taking some panadol. blehs. forgot why i took panadol for it, because usually i am drug free. oh, i think i had work to do and hence needed to stay relatively sane for it. @_@

oh ya. the work was shooting script for script class. and dunno what else. blur. oh, was doing research for auteur theory essay and 422. blehs. anyway next day didn't go for script class AGAIN. had fyp meeting at 11 so went for that. late late late i'm always late. I HATE IT. eeeeee.

turned in homework for script class then went to look at equipment for rental.

this was the day of dawning. the wool has been lifted from my eyes.
it's a farce i tell you!
WHAT 28MILLION, WHAT?
WHO ABSORBED ALL THE MOOLAH?
WE NEED BETTER CAMERAS, DAMMIT.
WE NEED A GIP.
WE NEED CAMERA MOUNTS.
WE NEED BETTER MONITORS WITH WAVEFORM MONITORING CAPABILITY.
WE NEED BETTER LENSES.

I DON'T BELIEVE 28 MILLION NOT ENOUGH OK.
all that i think maximum 10m.
spare a thought for your struggling ebm students.

to use a sch cam with half inch lens with low lux and we cannot even monitor correct exposure professionally. there's no 1/2 to 3/4 lens adapter either. we have no back focus cards, no color charts, no generators, HELL WE DON'T EVEN HAVE LENS CLEANER!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

ok i can rant for ages. but when i saw how lousy sch cam was and thought about the money that was raised and BOASTED about in 401 lecture but stupid lady trying to make us donate by selling us the idea of ugly pins who sounded like she was catching a train..... FELT SO SAD MAN.

felt like smashing sch cam. eeeeeee.

but i'm scared.
if we do rent out the pretty pro cams, I AM TOO CUI TO CARRY THEM LA WALAO. I RELI NEED CAM ASSIST AKA STRONG PPL LOL! I'M SUCH A SAD CASE OMG I NEED SUPER STRENGTH SUPERPOWER. DESIRE IT AHHHHHHHHH. ACTIVATION ONLY WHEN NEEDED TO CARRY HEAVY THINGS ROAR. BURNS UP TONS OF BODY FAT UPON USE. WOOTS.

YA RiTe.
stop dreaming, dith.

can't remember much already.. OH. wed. ya. now i rmb why i woke up 1pm on thurs.

on wed night, after i reached home, i went out again. met wen for a night out at st james. YAY ladies night on an eve of a public holiday. DEEPA DEEPA DEEPA VALI~

haha, typical singaporean style.
celebrated the ocassion by standing in non stop queues haha.
queued for entry to st james. that took about half hour to 45minutes.
after which, queued for drinks. awww. another halfish hour gone.
but i got my drinks! brandy coke and vodka orange jug. what else man? anyway drink orange juice better than soft drinks. initially wanted like 5 different ones but gah i saw the queue i no mood le =(

danced... until the club closed at 430am.
lol BANANA. legs and knees hurt after that. couldn't walk straight.
sat on steps of link leading to vivo with wen while i started to sneeze.
sure enough, it started to rain. the accurate barometer i am. you will know when the weather is changing once you hear me sneeze a certain way.

saw a guy collapse on the steps below and fall asleep.
heard a guy in smart business attire puke behind us.
and still the rain beat down until it became quite heavy so we left, looking for mcDs to have breakfast. nice security guards.
hotcakes meal! coffee and alcohol don't go well. constant smell of tequila wafted around mcDs. eee. i don't wanna drink tequila like forever, anymore. yucks! anyway i don't drink tequila also.

tried to do work when got home but failed!
fell asleep.
gave up trying to stay upright at the comp and crawled into bed with my hair still wet. woke up at 1pm later.

thus began the CHIONGING OF REPORTS UNTIL NO TIME TO SLPZ day.

from 1+pm to 7pm.
from 11pm to next day 2+pm.
you say leh?
6+15 = 21 stupid hours wasted.
even had to ask for extension for auteur theory assignment.
haiz.

spent 40 hours awake, and then finally slept for 6hours only.

oh but, before i slept and after submission of production volume, went to botak that side for dinner with mintz. whee dindin.

hmm. still wondering if our 'box' has been discovered by N at her door. blah. dunno how many ppl tompang their things inside also HAHA. so funny. our box. =D

so funny with mintz and the kfc guy.
interesting with sl, but u know whenever topics like religion pop in, i try to keep quiet unless the other person is also a freethinker. cos i bear a lot of grudges. hmm.
again, funny with mintz and the bubble tea guy who gave her extra change.
then mintz with the aunties and uncles and ah peks and ah sohs. HAHA.

well, surveys are part of your work for proj.
ppl do have such attitudes.
some old friends are joking when they say certain things.
but it's true la, gotta harded your skin yet hide your thorns.
flash your pearly whites while hiding your bared fangs with your hand.
daggers and knives, daggers and knives.
hide them under your belt.
a humbling experience or a lesson in superficiality and patience?

anyway, vin and anto joined us for dinner.
HAHA TEMPURA DON ROCKS!!!!!!
whoa so good even the table stole my crispy part to eat D:

no margaritas that day. too broke.
and it rained when we left.

oh tues i had better go round collecting moola else surely forget.
only lm has paid me.
hmm. efficient.
yet not quite. rawrrrr.
i wan my okane i want my okane roar roar.

couldn't tahan enough to finish my essay ytd (understandable cos never sleep ma).

1.5 hours late for fyp meeting today. OMG!!!!
i feel so dui bu qi them lor. all the time. yikes.
guilt guilt guilt.

and got lost too.

oh that was quite funny yet annoying.
i walked past this van while looking for mooxiu's house.
suddenly he called to me "hey girl, makan already?"
me as usual blur blur went huh? because so preoccupied trying to find my bearings.
damn confusing place.
look left look right look up look down all landed property OMG couldn't find the specific cluster i needed. eeks.

odd guy but seemed quite helpful when i asked him for directions.
also tried to say 'sorry ah, bored so go disturb you *cheeky laughter*"
-_-

he also asked for my name and he heard it as DAVE. LOL!!!!
so he asked "eh you girl or boy ah? *worried look*"
LOL!!!!!!! you shd have seen the look on his face LOL!!!!

DO I LOOK LIKE A BOY TO YOU?
EVEN IF I WANTED I COULDN'T.
*cries*

freak funny.

anyway later i walked off and i got lost again. wrong way LOL!!!!!
after calling mooxiu, suddenly this van drove up right beside me and it was him.
OMG!!!!!!! MALAY CATERING STALKER GUY LOL!!!!!!!
he asked if i wanted a lift.
wahahhaa no plz. later u dunno send me where, use my meat to supply catering to dunno where. WAHHAHA. oops hope he dun read this. but thought of this theory during the meeting. freaking funny.
anyway i refused the ride and then he said "no need to scared me".

LOL.
whatever.

anyway i know how to go her house already AND WHERE TO AVOID HAHAA.
zzzzz.

oh shit falling asleep again. haha nvm.

makanz again at PP side. penang style char kuay teow plus waffle promotional set and i'm all full.

seriously huh. i think i gained 3kg from all the eating. LOL!!!!!
OMG.

mos burger having this xmas keychain promo. guess what, the designers are Devilrobots OMG!!!!!!!!!!

ahh. fell aslp.
anyway came home anyhow do my essay and submitted it le.
gotta sleep now, else tml cannot wake up by 11 or 12.
need to prepare for japa oral.
sigh i wish i didn't need to go ARGH.

yux.

sleepiness increasing haha.
time to sleep.
BAIS!!!!!!!!
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 5:57:00 AM

Saturday, November 10, 2007

blur

too busy sia.
haven't broken my record of not sleeping but i don't intend to.
just did a 40-hour marathon. LOL.

no time to blog properly not much time to sleep!
HAHAHAHAHA.

later i'll pick up where i left off.
where to start? i suppose wed?
gotta check, gotta check.

quite happy.
weekend begets food.
I LOVE FOOD. takes my troubles away.
should have seen my face when i ate tempura don ytd HAHAHA
and gonna have WAFFLE today.
damn sinful and gluttony but HECK

if i am gonna be sold to a banana plantation, i might as well aim to be the queen there. =D
queen of the banana plantation dances around.
the banana dance.
not gonna fry no goreng pisang.
pimples gonna pop if i fry fry.
no kuali face.

shucks.
after so long i still keep fearing being sold to a banana plantation. (my silly example). LOL!!! actually i think it will be the first thing i ask him when i meet him.

=o

time to shower and head out.
I AM LATE.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 11:46:00 AM

Sunday, November 04, 2007

what the hell

tmd... decided to forsake my japa lesson today. dunno why, maybe this is just the end... no mood to go. was debating the whole time with myself while having my bath. and that's a long time, because i take minimum 30min to bathe. argh.

came to the realization that next week i have japa oral.

that heralds the beginning of the exam season.
the crazy fyp submission deadlines.
the culmination of the module project deadlines.
argh.

not to mention i've been having weird dreams of me being angry, frustrated, etc etc. which isn't very abnormal, because my anger manifests itself in my subconscious or online state. venting anger and pent up frustration in my dreams and through gaming. but i haven't been gaming, so i guess it comes worse through my dreams.

i feel like my dreaming mind is a poltergiest.
always trashing out and screaming in rage. gah.

last night didn't have any 'rage' dreams but i dreamt i nursed a seething anger within me when denied a place that i had already occupied way before the person drove me out. i saw the MM and i dunno why i saw him. so odd. but he looked older than he is now. we stood around a car. 1 by 3. i stood in the middle of the long side, the middle of the 3. but i stood with some space in front of me. then some idiot took the spot in front of me and claimed he had the place and told me to go away.

i guess it's a dream manifestation of what happened ytd at the crowded cafeteria. there weren't any tables. so this group of people left the table i was stalking then this guy asked me if i wanted to sit and something like it was his table and dunno what kok. and he had a guai lan face to boot. actually i think maybe the guy in my dream resembled that guy.

anyway, in my dream, the anger seethed within me, a quiet rage. and i retreated behind to watch and scheme, sitting on the rocks on the beach while they took to the waters happily. and i was thinking how much i hated them, those fools, and i would kill them all later.

......

it's amazing how my perception of time is getting screwed.
i thought the dream lasted for ages, but when i woke up, i thought it would be approaching 2pm but it was only 11am. i couldn't believe my eyes.
throw in the fact that previously i had slept at 7am, no way i could have woken up of my own accord at 11am and not feel sleepy.

and stupid me.

upon realizing it was only 11 and not 1, i went back to sleep and before i knew it, i opened my eyes to 1245 on my handphone and still snoozed till 110pm. what the fuck.

anyway, enough about bad days.
yesterday was half decent =D
food-filled saturday again. happy stomach happy dith.
ate like a pig.
$6 mushroom pizza 7"
$2 cheese brownie drizzled with choc sauce
$2.50 tiramisu (geh no alcohol and the sponge was too coarse)
$0.70 teh peng
$23 juggie of strawberry frozen margarita shared 3+ ways so about $8

i'm such a pig!!!
but officially addicted to frozen margarita.

coincidentally while there, guess who i saw again!
T4 and his 2 other friends, one of which i met on thurs.
actually i didn't see them, T4 smsed me suddenly saying why i stand there looking so lost?
LOL!! cos i was looking for a seat.

anyway yayness, took over their table.
pasta stall's half decent and they do deliveries.
but there's better pasta elsewhere, according to anto.
but the pizza is not bad and quite cheap.
tiramisu disappointing, but next time i'll go eat their panna cotta.
dessert shop is fine, the brownie was quite nice although very small.
but i think the guy quite pushy to sell his stuff.
they have choc fondue too, but frankly i'm sick of fondue already.

we watched the manU vs arsenal match on the tv. 2 of us supporting arsenal, 2 supporting manu. in the end 2-all, with manu scoring middle of the first half with something that looked like an own goal bleah, arsenal evening out the score a few minutes before half-time, and then in the 2nd half, manu returned to bring it back to 2-1 but then arsenal had some weird kicking ball into goal many times thing going on that was hilarious. thus the game ended with a draw.

watching football while drinking strawberry frozen margarita. cheers!

anto's whole head turned bright red like a traffic light. seriously quite cute and damn funny. sure enough like he said, he had turned the color of the drink.
i turned red as usual, across my cheeks.

hmm.
yappari.
shuumatsu no nichiyoubi wa sms o okutta.
i've been shutting everything off to make myself numb.
demo, yokatta.
i was afraid i would be forgotten and abandoned like the places i've been visiting for recce.
i don't want to be a haunted house.

chotto bikutta mo.
tochuu ni atashi ni dare ka denwa o kaketa.
i thought it was him, kedo it was alf who said he was under my void deck with his friend o_o"
even no mood to go movie with him.

me shoos almost everything and everybody out of my life.
i have no extra time,
no extra money,
no extra energy.

just shoo-ed an irritant out of my life on friday night.
good riddance.
even cannot be bothered to play with him.
feeling no remorse.

you open the door for two reasons:
to welcome people
and to boot the unwelcomed out.

if your door is never open, you cannot do either.
keep your door open, they say.
yes, my door is always open and i've been kicking many people out.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 3:46:00 PM

Saturday, November 03, 2007

skin crawling sensations

blah.
OCH.
TTSH.
then 2 random abandoned former army camps.

ditha shivers.

but then again, if you see lizards crawling about the facility, the place should be okay. if you see rats in the grass or chameleons on the trees and people sweeping the leaves and clearing the drains, that's alright too.

but still skin crawled at ttsh block 106, but i saw a couple of lizards so i felt alright.

och i totally didn't wanna go in, didn't see any insect at all. guess i chickened out but i hate the freaky feeling.

army camps were open and okay and i felt safer.

still, all those places aren't worth it to rent just for a few minutes in a few rooms.
if you wanna use it for $2k, use it to the max with the great big space, the open carparks, the corridors, the rooms. i love keat hong camp 2. suspect High Cost of Living was shot there. looks like it but not sure. nice feeling the place gives me, the best of the abandoned lots visited today, and one of the cleanest.

i'm still freaked out, i need a senseless movie to tide me through the weekend.

can't watch those dvds i borrowed nearly 2 weeks ago, my skin would crawl easily at night. no mood to do work, very thirsty.

and i have a confession to make - i bought some article of clothing today. geh. haven't gone shopping in ages, next, to look for shorts. suddenly think shorts are great to wear. and i wanna buy that kind of halter bareback kind of jacket you can wear with a tee shirt. yeah looks stylish and can pep up my tees. wonder where have.. this fashion?

ok now time for movie research and clothes research on the web.
:D
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 12:23:00 AM

Friday, November 02, 2007

fly by night

quite disappointed these past few days, but won't say because of who or what.
i suppose no one will know, really.

been keeping to myself as of late.
antisocial moods taken me into custody.
but it's good, all this self-imposed isolation.
i can actually sit down and get my work done.
not to mention that deadlines are impending and fatally near.

well, halloween was a work-filled affair. 2 project meetings, 1 meeting with fyp supervisor, more things to be done, more work handed out. kinda sad missed out on the chocs of the afternoon tutorials because this time i chose to go in the morning. but it's alright. Invisible Milkshake Girl shared a choc with me... thx! =)

initially planned to go clubbing with wen but was bogged down with school and damn tired so it was cancelled. anyway the clubs will be there for many years to come, and there are about 54 wednesdays per year. no biggie i suppose, there are always other chances. more specifically 8 more chances till the end of the year. LoL. although i dunno if the wed before deepavali will be ladies night because it's the eve of a public holiday. i would imagine the clubs to be packed if that was the case too.

pickup shoot + audio pickups today.
422 lecture was a disappointment.
plus i was 20minutes late for class and after i reached, i only managed to catch 5 minutes of the lecture which wasn't about anything at all.
but i did get some queries and fears clarified/eased. so it's cool.
tiring day.
my tofu arms have no strength and i hate tripod bags.

me after a shoot:
chou tofu (fried).

why?
use your imagination.

i know the secret to tabao-ing milkshakes already. tie each up individually, no fear of spillage or the possiblity of the cover being eased off by the pressure of the neighbouring cup because of excessive jiggling brought about by the simple action of walking.

i'm so gonna have kiwi milkshake the next time i go.

still wondering if i should send lecturer an email... ok i just did so. better to do something rather than THINK about doing something and PROCRASTINATING and/or not doing it at all. yeps. proactiveness. must kick myself out of my semi-comatose, slow-reaction, lazy habits. bleahs.

hmm had a crazy impulse to buy donuts again. try my luck for the green tea and the latte flavors. well, they were there! and thank goodness by the time it got to my turn, one lonely latte and 4 green teas awaited me. whee. 2 green teas, 1 latte, 1 choc custard, 1 powerpop and 1 cream cheese.

well, i realized i haven't reviewed munchy donuts yet.
price-wise, alright. competitive pricing.
flavor-wise, perhaps one of the better ones. don't ask me about vinco nor the missy donut because i haven't tried those yet but probably will, soon.
dough a bit inconsistent textures but donut factory still wins in the dough department. munchy is still rather oily only doesn't taste rancid/weird so i guess it's ok.
complaint is, their 'custard' why do i find that it's merely cream? custard is not cream. at least the custard filling in the green tea was custard. but i was expecting red bean flavored custard with a firmer texture because they said it was red bean custard but instead i found a light custard with a miniscule amount of red beans hiding from me. hmm.

their chocolate is rather heaty, i don't quite like it. but their oreo typhoon is rather nice. so is their putting green flavor. cheese not so good, latte destroyed by the coffee flavored buttercream within. will try their other flavors soon.

i would still buy from munchy because:
they have green tea and oreo, which donut factory don't have.
it's super convenient for me and the queue is still sanely manageable.

donuts aside, got a call from MintZ who appeared at tpy's botak jones for dinner. couldn't resist the temptation of seeing her... (well actually i wanted a frozen margarita... but that's beside the point right? shhh don't tell her i told you)

botak is for the heaty and fried food lover who is humongously hungry.

anyway, so many new stalls have opened. italian, jap, dessert shop..... damn i can forsee myself stopping at braddell mrt and heading down to the cafeteria before i get on the bus to home....... eeeeee. fat fat fat times ahead ahaha.

tried a mango frozen margarita from the bar.
yum.
big big jar cup for $9.50 ($1 for the flavor).
i nearly died from fullness but it's nice.
and rather cheap.

somehow bumped into T4 and another guy, both of whom are pri sch classmates with MintZ. nice coincidence.

too bad one embarrassing fact has to be traded for another embarrassing event.

guess i might be remembered as the girl who had a fly in her eye.

yeah, stupid fly, dunno how it flew and dunno how i blinked, it went inside my eye. karma karma. don't say people will have a zoo in the future as opposed to a soccer team ahaha. just like the karma of saying the wrong thing and spilling peach vitagen on the kitchen floor near the new fridge, hence christianing it (in my mom's words) and being the first to spill things on it. wahahha. in MintZ words: i now have a momo fridge.

ya anyway, thx MintZ else lazy dith would never have bothered to get the stupid fly carcass out of eye.

eye kinda sore now. cleaned it again when i got home later, rather obsessively until i kinda rubbed it raw. lol.

wa shit.
craving for frozen margarita AGAIN.
OMG.... but strawberry flavor this time.

hmm, quite proud of myself.
been rather productive and less procrastinary these past few days.
yet quite relieved and kinda enjoying life and taking things a step at a time now.

it's no chance that my blog entry tonight has a double meaning.
i usually like to construct my titles in such a manner.

what, you ask?
this, i say.

fly-by-night /ˈflaɪbaɪˌnaɪt/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[flahy-bahy-nahyt] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–adjective 1. not reliable or responsible, esp. in business; untrustworthy: a fly-by-night operation.
2. not lasting; brief; impermanent; transitory: a fly-by-night theater.
–noun Also, fly-by-nighter. 3. a person or thing that is unreliable, esp. a debtor who evades or attempts to evade creditors.
4. a person regarded as a poor credit risk.

anyway i found the best seat on a bus!
although sitting there sure earned me some raised eyebrows and disapproving looks.

after school, i got on 179A. went to the upper deck and the person right in front of me got the LAST SEAT. pek chek can... stood swaying at the top until the bus stopped at a traffic light (cos 179A never stops after it leaves ntu). retreated to the stairs and saw below was filled with people too. gah.

hence i stood on the steps contemplating what to do and as i observed a guy trying to snooze with his head on one of the handbars, i looked at the steps and the handrails before me. never before have they looked so enticing.

so i did the logical thing as any dith would do.
i sat on the steps, and right in front of the sign that declared in red lettering:
Do Not Sit on the Steps.

aw. anyway the bus won't stop till the terminal so no one will get down anyway.
can't believe some fools pressed the bell thrice in total and of course the bus didn't stop at any bus stop because it's 179A duh, you don't read the sign when you get on the bus? which rabbit hole do you live in? ahahaha. smirking while i sat on the steps, while the girl facing me continued to sneak me disdainful looks with regards to my unsavory, barbaric, uncivilized and shameless behavior. without a doubt, she must have noticed how dishevelled i look with hair that hasn't been trimmed in... a few months now, my lok cok way of dressing and who knows what lol.

but i tell you, that seat is the damn best seat in the bus.

time to wrap up and sleep.
recce tomorrow, dith needs her energy.
...and dith babbled on at the insane hour of 2:46:00 AM